Spice Up Your Dating Life in 2024 With These Enneagram Based Tips

Has your dating routine felt a little stale? Need a new dating strategy? Whether you’re in a committed relationship or still trying to find the best dating app for you, dating fatigue is real. Once the slump sets in, it's hard to feel excited about going out. But with the new year calling, it’s time to forget going through the motions and add some spice to your dating life! 

In this article, we’re turning to the Enneagram to help ignite that spark. More than just a personality test, the Enneagram gives some pretty big clues about what you want and need from a romantic partner, so you can be more intentional in your pursuit of love while having fun along the way.

Enneagram 1: Go with the flow

Enneagram Type Ones want everything to be pitch-perfect but guess what, nothing is ever perfect! Putting all that pressure on the date can lead to disappointment and you may give up on a potentially great relationship before it even begins. Instead, why not try something that requires you to let go a little bit? Rock climbing or salsa dancing perhaps. Once you get used to the idea that things can be messy and fun, it'll help lighten up your expectations in dating.

Other dating tips for Enneagram Type Ones:

  • When a date doesn’t work out, be kind to yourself. Sometimes a match just isn’t a match.
  • Rip up the checklist – it's okay to date someone who doesn't fit all your criteria and you may be pleasantly surprised!

Enneagram 2: Date yourself first  

Enneagram Type Twos get frustrated when they feel overlooked or under-appreciated, like when they're always the one taking the initiative to plan dates or frequently footing the bill. So, to make your dating life better, consider taking yourself out on dates! Solo dates (such as a candlelit dinner alone or a self-care spa day) can help you get to know yourself and your needs better, thus making it easier for you to communicate those needs when you’re with a prospective partner. These simple gestures will aid in your self-love and make you feel ready to share this love with someone else.

Pro tips for Enneagram Type Twos:

  • Set boundaries and communicate these to avoid feeling taken for granted.
  • Don't be self-deprecating – accept some pampering from a date who wants to show they care. 

Enneagram 3: Embrace your authentic you

You use your successes to make yourself attractive to prospective partners, Enneagram Three, but achievements aren’t everything. While your date might love what you’ve accomplished, they also want to get to know you for you, outside of achievements. That means you must embrace and show all aspects of yourself—not just career highlights.

More tips for Enneagram Threes:

  • Think about who you are outside of achievements. Make a personal inventory of your values and outlook on life and look for dates who share similar values. 
  • Try activities that focus on self-expression like pottery making or cooking classes. It will help you feel more comfortable sharing your authentic self with a date!

Enneagram 4: Find common ground

Enneagram Fours like to stand out and be as unique as possible. While being yourself is extremely important, you should also remember that dating isn't just about emphasizing your individuality, but also about finding shared interests and values. So challenge yourself to look for a commonality within the first 10 to 20 minutes of a date. If you’re in a relationship already, use dates to remind yourself how much you have in common rather than why you might not be compatible. Remember that differences don’t always equal incompatibility!

Bonus tips for Enneagram Type Fours:

  • View people as human and fallible, not ideal versions of themselves. 
  • Don't shut down or get upset if a date tries to communicate constructive criticism—it's an opportunity to learn and grow.

Enneagram 5: Open yourself up to novel experiences

Enneagram Type Fives struggle to branch outside their comfort zone, so it’s important to stretch yourself to avoid getting stuck in a dating rut. In fact, why not let the other person plan the date and say 'yes' to whatever they suggest, no matter how weird or different. The more you allow yourself some new experiences, the less you’ll feel the need to draw away. Bonus points if your new experiences can help quench your endless intellect!

A few more tips for Enneagram Fives:

  • Practice open communication for deeper connections.
  • Don't be afraid to make the first move—just because a date might not have initiated, doesn't mean they're not interested.  

Enneagram 6: Go for semi-planned spontaneity

For an Enneagram Six, there’s almost nothing more scary than being unprepared for life’s surprises. But you can learn to balance this fear and make dating more fun. To minimize your anxiety, keep a basic dating kit on hand, for example, you can figure out some nice restaurants, fun activities, conversation starters, and even outfits ahead of time. Beyond this, avoid planning every date to a “T.” The kit will give you structure, but the best dates tend to happen when you let go of the plan and go where life takes you.

A few more tips for Enneagram Sixes:

  • Choose activities that explore your adventurous side.
  • Practice mindfulness or stress-relieving activities before a date to feel more zen.

Enneagram 7: Give them your undivided attention

As a fun-loving Enneagram Type Seven who’s always looking for the next big adventure, practicing being present when dating is important. Don’t jump ahead and let your mind drift, and don’t always avoid uncomfortable moments of silence. If you allow yourself to engage in each moment of a date, you may have an easier time getting a true impression of who someone is. This still applies if you’re in a relationship, as your enthusiasm for pleasure-seeking activities can sometimes distract from bonding moments.

Extra tidbits for Enneagram Type Sevens:

  • Be honest with yourself and get into your feelings. This can help you discern how you feel about a person.
  • Be okay with quiet dates—they don't all have to be adventurous and exciting.

Enneagram 8: Step out of the driver's seat

You’re all about being assertive, Enneagram Eight, but an ideal dating scenario requires a more equal balance of power. Practice being less dominant on dates to give your date more space. You want to listen as much as you talk, compromise as much as you win, and support as much as you direct. Maybe even organize the date together. This will help your date feel important and appreciated, even if they love that your default is to be take-charge.

Further tips for Enneagram Eights:

  • Try fun activities that challenge you and your date but also allow for good, clean fun, such as competitive strategy games or a trivia quiz night.
  • Open up and make sure you communicate your feelings. 

Enneagram 9: Keep it low key

Enneagram Type Nines tend to be zen, undemanding and non-judgmental with their dates, which is great. The flip side is you can struggle with voicing your opinion because you want the other person to feel comfortable. Keeping things low key is a great way to set a mellow atmosphere so you'll feel more comfortable talking about important topics or asserting your own needs. Remember that true intimacy comes from being honest with each other, and it's important for your date to get a good feel for who you are.

Additional tips for Enneagram Nines:

  • Try creative dates related to your hobbies.
  • Space out your dates so you have plenty of time for yourself to recharge.

New year, new dating life 

With the Enneagram as your guide, you can approach dating in 2024 with a refreshed outlook and energy—and maybe some different results from what you've gotten in the past. Whatever your type, the number one tip is to have fun: avoid overthinking it, and don’t sweat it when you don’t connect with someone. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find your perfect match along the way!

Cianna Garrison
Cianna Garrison holds a B.A. in English from Arizona State University and works as a freelance writer. She fell in love with psychology and personality type theory back in 2011. Since then, she has enjoyed continually learning about the 16 personality types. As an INFJ, she lives for the creative arts, and even when she isn’t working, she’s probably still writing.