Enneagram 2 Wings
2w1: Enneagram Two wing One types are Twos who share many of the same traits as the Type One Perfectionist. These Twos may appear more quiet, studious and reserved. This type strives to serve others and can struggle with criticism. Common careers for this type include counselor, veterinarian, nurse and school psychologist.
2w3: The 2w3 type is a Two who shares several of the same characteristics as the Type Three. They tend to be more sociable and ambitious than other Type Twos. They tend to be strong communicators and focus on building deep relationships. They can also be competitive and self-critical like a Type Three. Common careers for 2w3 types include public relations, entertainment, customer service and non-profit leader.
Core Values of Enneagram 2s
- A strong sense of meaning, acknowledgment from loved ones, and emotional intimacy with others are Givers’ grounding principles.
- Altruism holds a strong place in their hearts and they readily go out of their way to volunteer their time and energy to bring others up.
- Kindness and reciprocity are the guiding values for their decisions. To improve someone else’s life or mood is immeasurably better than helping themselves.
- The shared experience of spending quality time with a loved one is among the best feelings in the world to Type Twos.
How to Recognize an Enneagram 2
In public, Givers are the people that strangers are naturally drawn to for directions or advice. They possess a strong aura of approachability. They’re highly attuned to the needs of others and can be seen as the ‘mother’ or ‘father’ figure of a group of friends.
At home or alone, they continually make an effort to keep in touch with loved ones. Whether that’s through homemade dishes, tender words, or surprise gifts, they’re attuned to others’ love languages and enjoy putting a smile on their faces.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Enneagram 2s
When they are healthy, Twos are selfless caregivers who are fulfilled by freely giving unconditional love. They’re comfortable with sharing their own needs to others and secure a healthy give-and-take balance. They acknowledge when others require distance and develop secure attachment styles. They’re able to practice mindfulness and understand the meaning of altruism. They recognize their own self-worth and can gently guide others towards theirs as well. Givers understand the meaning of empathy, and are able to have genuine, heart-to-heart connections with others.
When they are average, Twos assume the martyr role in relationships and constantly seek ways to feel important by attending to others’ needs. They feel fulfilled when others remind them how grateful they are to have them in their lives, and work hard to maintain this image of the constantly accessible friend. By continuously attending to others’ needs, Givers may burn out and overcompensate for their energy levels. They may use flattery or compliments in order to gain acceptance and appreciation within a community or relationship. They’re hypersensitive to the approval and appraisal of others, especially those they truly care about.
When they are unhealthy, Twos fall into a pit of self-despair and criticism — constantly looking for others’ faults and wrongdoings. They try to gain control over relationships and may become either overly clingy or overbearing. There’s now an excuse for their every action and they play the victim card in order to gain sympathy and reassurance. Finally, they unleash their manipulative side, and mindlessly blame other people for their suffering and misery. Givers base their self-worth on the opinions of those they’ve helped — and if received with criticism, they’ll wallow in despair and develop various forms of physical illness: aches, fevers and nausea.
Growth Tips for Enneatype 2s
- Practice mindfulness for personal growth. When Twos learn how to step outside of themselves and see their personality more objectively, they can observe patterns in their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By observing yourself from an outside perspective, you can better understand where you need to set boundaries and practice self-care.
- Take note of your own feelings about things. Twos often deny their own emotions and needs, while prioritizing those of other people. Growth for a Type Two lies in acknowledging and accepting your own emotions. Activities like journaling can help Twos get more in touch with their emotions.
- Practice self-love. Enneagram Twos often feel trapped in their need to please other people. If approval is not easy to gain, the Giver may feel unworthy because they are not appreciated. It’s essential for Twos to learn to love who they truly are.
- Learn how to set healthy boundaries. Type Twos are known for giving more energy to others than they may actually have to give. This leaves them feeling depleted and detached from their own identity. Twos flourish when they learn how to set healthy boundaries focused on their needs.
- Share your authentic self with other people. Twos tend to alter their personalities to please the people around them. Make a conscious effort to be transparent and honest about how you think and feel. You will learn that people truly value the authentic side of you!
Famous Enneagram Type 2s
- Dolly Parton
- Mother Teresa
- Nancy Reagan
- Jimmy Carter
- Desmond Tutu
- Celine Dion
- Jennifer Garner
- Maya Angelou
- Lewis Carroll
- Jessica Alba
- “Hagrid” (Harry Potter)
- “Pam Beesly” (The Office)
- “Peeta Mellark” (Hunger Games)
- “Samwise Gamgee” (Lord of the Rings)
- “Emma Woodhouse” (Emma)
Type 2s in Relationships
Enneagram Type Twos truly elevate and focus on romantic relationships - they love to give their huge hearts to someone special. Because of this, finding a partner is so important to them, as is gaining approval. Twos are intuitive and can actively “read” the people around them, aligning with their perceived moods and preferences in order to maximize the possibility of connection. However, sometimes they go to great lengths to give to others through helpfulness in order to get their own needs met.
Twos bring positive and often bubbly energy to important situations, such as when a partner is grieving a personal loss with work or extended family, and will work hard to please their partner. However, sometimes the partner doesn’t want or require the help of the Two, so they find themselves unappreciated, unnoticed, or unwanted.
Emotionally, Twos have trouble moving from this posture, even when their spouse or others have tried to set a loving boundary. This is often because they fear rejection and may have faced abandonment issues growing up.
In addition, Twos frequently repress their own anger, sadness, anxiety or hurt feelings to please others. However, when their feelings are hidden, they come out in ways that can feel manipulative, prideful and controlling to those around them, even if on the surface the Two maintains a happy facade. This overcompensating behavior can mask depression and create marriage struggles. This happens when, instead of balance and self care, a Two turns toward hedonism or self-inflation to get their needs met or puts on a false generosity.
If you love a Two, remind them to use their thought life to guide them into a time of quiet each morning, so they can prioritize their day with what is truly needed versus what seems to be needed. Remind them not to let their feelings be their only guide as they invite these thoughts in - and encourage them to take care of themselves (including mental and physical self-care). Remind them to revisit the past for cues and look to the future for their plans, make active plans and learn from the past and let go more - instead of manipulating.
Remember that Twos feel that in order to receive love, they must be giving. It isn’t out of cruelty but a desire to genuinely find love. Encourage your Two in their chosen love language (not just yours) and try to help them to feel safe by regularly assuring them that they are the most special person in your heart, especially if you happen to be someone who does not show it outwardly all the time. Click here to find the Enneagram and Marriage Glow Pairing Guides so you can find tips for a type Two with each of the individual types!
Enneagram Relationship content was co-developed with marital therapist turned relationship coach Christa Hardin (MA).
Enneagram Type 2 Compatibility
Type Twos with Type Ones: Tend to be both caring and fair. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 1 couple pairing guide for this match.
- Type Twos with Type Twos: Tend to be both extroverted and giving. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 2 couple pairing guide for this match.
- Type Twos with Type Threes: Tend to be both people-oriented and goal focused. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 3 couple pairing guide for this match.
- Type Twos with Type Fours: Tend to be both caring and romantic. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 4 couple pairing guide for this match.
- Type Twos with Type Fives: Tend to be both caring and focused. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 5 couple pairing guide for this match.
- Type Twos with Type Sixes: Tend to be both loving and loyal. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 6 couple pairing guide for this match.
- Type Twos with Type Sevens: Tend to be both exuberant and fun. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 7 couple pairing guide for this match.
- Type Twos with Type Eights: Tend to be both helpful and passionate. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 8 couple pairing guide for this match.
- Type Twos with Type Nines: Tend to be both considerate and mindful of others. Click here to find the Type 2 & Type 9 couple pairing guide for this match.