Best Dating Strategies, By Personality Type05 October 2022 / By Cianna Garrison Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on July 27, 2022
It’s easy to get burned out when going through the motions of dates that don’t meet your expectations. Each personality type has a different ideal partner, so it makes sense that dating strategies should not be one-size-fits-all.
Whether you’re casually dating or have just gone through a breakup, brush up on the best dating strategies for your personality type to experience more meaningful connections.
INFP: Don’t let your nerves (or judgments) take over
INFPs should stop and take a second to ensure they aren’t anxious about how they’re perceived. To get over those pre-date nerves, you may want to practice a calming ritual before going out. Reflect on everything you have to offer and why you’re a great catch. You should also refrain from making snap judgments about a person’s authenticity or depth. Not everyone puts all their cards on the table right away.
ENFP: Avoid revealing too much too soon
When dating, ENFPs may need to curb their vivaciousness a bit and make room for the other person to talk. Odds are, you love to chat about your life story. Your flirty attitude and openness may scare off someone if you come on too strong. You should also remember your particular brand of uniqueness isn’t for everyone, so if someone declines another date, don’t take it to heart.
INTJ: Learn to accept a little romance
INTJs should learn to accept a bit of romance—even in the earliest dating stages. Because you’re focused on logical topics, you may feel uncomfortable displaying affection. However, your cool exterior could leave your date feeling rejected (even if you’ve told them you like them, actions speak louder than words). You should also refrain from pushing a date to improve themselves, as this could seem like criticism until they understand how you operate.
ENTJ: Give up control
The ENTJ personality type must learn to give up some control and expectations in the early dating stages (and beyond). Compromise is key to successful relationships, so you should go into your earliest dates knowing you can’t always control the situation. Give someone else the reins for a change. Set your expectations aside. You might be glad you did.
INFJ: Try not to overthink it
Dating is hard enough without overthinking everything someone says on a date. INFJs must learn to tone down their racing minds pre- and post-date because otherwise, they’ll drive themselves bonkers. It also doesn’t do the INFJ any service when they ask their dates to elaborate on small comments or actions that meant nothing. Instead, you should listen to your strong iNtuitive nature and avoid involving your date in your overthinking process unless there’s a good reason for it.
ENFJ: Don’t come on too strong
ENFJs should try to curb their enthusiasm for someone new. Tone it down to a safe level of genuine excitement to avoid appearing desperate or clingy. Remember to share your feelings in small, digestible doses if your date wants to continue seeing you.
INTP: Don’t be too uncommunicative
Because INTPs are often stuck in their heads, they aren’t the most communicative personality types. However, in dating, you should learn to try to communicate more—even if it feels mundane to you. So get out of your head to see if you can connect with your date, and make sure not to let them do all the talking.
ENTP: Balance planning and spontaneity
If you’re an ENTP, you’re an intense, enthusiastic person who loves to debate, develop new ideas, and find fresh solutions to problems. In dating, your spontaneous spirit is both an asset and a hindrance. When getting to know someone, your intensity may overwhelm them, and your desire to keep things spontaneous may turn some people off. Sometimes you must plan for events to avoid scheduling problems or other hitches.
ISFJ: Be more open about your feelings
So you’re an ISFJ in the dating game and don’t know how to improve your chances at love? The most healthy thing you can do as you navigate the dating world is to realize your quiet, compassionate loyalty is a huge plus. Because you aren’t called “The Protector” for nothing, you have so much love to give—but you don’t always express your feelings. You tend to bottle up your emotions, which leaves your date clueless about your feelings. Strive to convey your emotions. If something bothers you, let them know.
ESFJ: Try not to take criticism to heart
When you’re an ESFJ, you give your whole heart and attention to those around you, providing the love and devotion others need. Because you’re a Feeling type, you’re also quite sensitive and lead with your heart. In dating, criticism from others happens—even in the early stages. Stay true to yourself and listen to your date’s point of view, but remember, you shouldn’t take most criticism seriously. You need to be happy with yourself; if someone can’t see your strong points, it’s time to move on.
ISFP: Be more decisive
ISFPs are fun-loving, romantic partners in dating. As a creative, easy-going person, you can forget the importance of making firm decisions in relationships. You may leave decisions up to your date instead of taking charge, which can be exhausting for them. Try to practice making decisions to avoid leaving your date feeling burned out and tired. If it’s a first date, you may still want to display take-charge energy to make them feel secure with you. Balance is the key. You should both be making decisions as you build a rapport.
ESFP: Don’t shy away from conflict
Yes, ESFP, you are one of the most non confrontational personality types, but your sympathetic nature and affectionate devotion to loved ones make up for it. Although you pursue fun, spontaneity, and the experiences life offers, in dating, you may need to buckle up and prepare for some serious (if not confrontational) discussions. Of course, you won’t want to go there, but whether you’re dating someone new or in an established relationship, sometimes conflict has to occur to keep you and your date happy.
ISTJ: Watch what you say and how you say it
If you’re an ISTJ, you’re uber loyal once you’ve established a solid relationship. But before then, you may find yourself saying things without thinking about how your words will affect your date. This habit of word vomit can lead to poor outcomes on dates if you aren’t careful. Remember, you’re a Thinking type and might be on a date with a Feeling type. You should choose your words carefully, so think before you speak.
ESTJ: Don’t be too stringent
As an ESTJ, you’re looking for a dependable, fulfilling, traditional relationship. You do best when you can work hard, organize, and schedule everything to a ‘T.’ However, when dating, you might want to throw some of your stringent nature aside. Being too stubborn in your ideals and expectations can make your date feel insecure. Or worse, they might assume you have too high an opinion of yourself to compromise on minute details. So let your hair down a little, and don’t stress about time constraints or other minutiae. You might find your expectations were all wrong.
ISTP: Recognize the importance of others’ emotions
You’re a dependable, fun partner, but as an ISTP, you struggle to recognize the importance of your date’s emotions. As a Thinking type, you may be insensitive when your date is leaning on you for emotional support or advice. You are blunt in delivering your opinion and don’t try to understand where your date is coming from. To prevent hurting their feelings (or losing them altogether), work on listening more and speaking less. Let them know that, even if you don’t understand, you see the importance of their feelings.
ESTP: Work on your patience
You might feel like conflict or negative emotions are a waste of time, but if you’re an ESTP, you must work on your patience around your date. Whether you’re seeing a Feeler or a Thinker, your fun-loving, nonchalant approach might turn someone off because you don’t seem capable of being serious or patient. Try to recognize that you must wait and listen when a date is leaning on you or trying to hash out an argument. Don’t jump in with a response or run out on the conversation.
Summing it up
Each personality type has a different weak spot in dating, but overcoming it is a perfect dating strategy. It isn’t easy to find love, but by working on your approach, you may find your ideal partner quicker. Most importantly, stay true to yourself. You’ll find someone who understands and accepts you for you.
Dr Austin Vernon (not verified) says...
Phenomenally authentic, and stupendously voluminous.
Cianna Garrison says...
Thanks for commenting, Dr. Vernon!