Finding the One means discovering someone who understands you, loves you for your flaws and always stands by your side. While that looks different for everyone, your Enneagram type can have a big impact on your dating life, shaping who you’re attracted to, who’s attracted to you and who you might prefer to steer clear of.
In this article, we’re taking a closer look at what each Enneagram type looks for when dating.
Type One: The ‘Perfect Partner’
The type most likely to have a checklist of attributes they’re looking for in a partner, Type Ones can be quite picky when it comes to dating. They are hardworking, honest, reliable and responsible and are drawn to people who match those ideals. As perfectionists, Type Ones might have a rigorous list of requirements for every date – from what they wear to how they act – and might struggle to find someone who meets their standards.
What Ones look for when dating:
- A partner who can meet and uphold their high standards
- Someone who respects their needs in a relationship
- Someone with a strong work ethic and discipline
- A moral partner who strives to do the right thing
Things to watch out for: Be aware that seeking perfection may leave you unsatisfied – no one is perfect and it can take time to get to know someone fully.
Type Two: Emotional intimacy
Type Twos want to feel like they belong and they are often social butterflies, drawing people to them with their warm, approachable and supportive personality. For Twos, their biggest fear is being seen as unlovable by others. Unsurprisingly, this has a pretty big impact on their dating life.
What Twos look for when dating:
- Emotional intimacy
- A partner who will give themselves over to the relationship
- Closeness and quality time
- A partner who is kind above all else
Things to watch out for: Twos are often altruistic and can put their partners’ needs above their own. Remember that it’s ok to set boundaries – all giving and no taking will lead to dissatisfaction in the long run.
Type Three: Admiration
At the core of the Type Three personality is the desire to be admired by other people. When it comes to dating, Type Threes want their partner to be impressed by them. They’re the type who loves to wine and dine their dates with nice dinners, getaways and gifts. Image is extremely important to them.
What Threes look for when dating:
- Someone who will validate their status as a successful and accomplished individual
- Admiration – they want to feel like the prize in their relationships
- Someone who will support them in their pursuits
- A partner with status who looks good
Things to watch out for: Threes will usually look to date someone who enhances their image and helps them to seem even more impressive to the outside world. This type is always looking for ways to enhance their status, but that’s not necessarily the path to a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Type Four: Quirkiness and creativity
When it comes to dating, Type Fours look for someone who will make them feel special and unique. As every Four’s biggest fear is being flawed, they’ll often look for validation from their partner in the form of compliments, emotional openness and regular displays of love and affection.
What Fours look for when dating:
- A partner who supports them to express themselves
- Someone who is equally creative and quirky
- A relationship that will make them feel special and unique
- Someone who is sensitive and willing to show their emotions
Things to watch out for: Fours often identify with people who are more flawed than others and this can run over into their dating life. They may lean towards partners who are struggling with their own search for identity and self-expression. This can lead to difficult and sometimes toxic partnerships.
Type Five: Boundaries
For the Enneagram Type Five, dating can be a challenge. This type is more comfortable in their own heads than in the outside world and they avoid most interactions with people. When Fives do date, they’re usually looking for someone who is calm, conscientious and respects their boundaries.
What Fives look for when dating:
- Someone who is independent and has their own personal projects
- A partner who values their own freedom as much as the Five does
- Someone who respects their need for space and privacy
- A partner who is interesting and intellectually stimulating
Things to watch out for: Fives prefer to remain detached so anyone dating a Five needs to be secure enough to deal with that and embrace it.
Type Six: Security
One of the most nervous Enneagram types, Type Sixes are extremely cautious when it comes to dating. They’ll imagine the worst possible outcome for every date and spend a lot of their time worrying about their partner in relationships. Thanks to their need for preparedness and security, Sixes look for people who make them feel safe.
What Sixes look for when dating:
- A sense of being cared for
- A planned and predictable relationship where they feel in control
- Someone who is dependable and will be there when they need them
Things to watch out for: Sixes don’t want drama or surprises in their relationships, so they probably won’t be compatible with risk-takers.
Type Seven: Fun and flirtation
Hedonistic and fun-loving, Type Sevens love dating. What they look for is variety and newness and they rarely stay with the same person for long. You can expect Sevens to date multiple people at the same time or to have a different partner every month until they find “the One.” Thanks to their outgoing and energetic personality, Sevens don’t usually have problems attracting people and finding easygoing dating partners to hang out with.
What Sevens look for when dating:
- Someone who shares their enthusiasm for life
- Someone who is fun and spontaneous
- A great sense of humor
- A partner who can keep up with them.
Things to watch out for: Sevens never stay still for too long so any partner either needs to match their vibe or risk being left behind.
Type Eight: A sparring partner
Characterized by a powerful and single-minded personality, Type Eights are demanding when it comes to dating. They don’t have a lot of patience for people who they don’t feel are worth their time and they get bored easily. If you go on a date with a Type Eight, be prepared to be judged! But if you measure up to their strict standards, Eights will be fiercely loyal, protective and loving in return.
What Eights look for when dating:
- Discussion and debates
- A strong and independent partner who can stand up to them
- Someone who will challenge their opinions and ideas
- A partner who isn’t afraid to take risks and make bold moves
Things to watch out for: As Eights can be stubborn and assertive, they need someone who can match up to them without trying to change them or shrink them.
Type Nine: Wants the one they can trust
Easygoing and calm, Enneagram Nines generally don’t have any problems with their dating life. People warm to them easily and so Nines are never short of people keen to spend time with them. Where Nines struggle is in asserting their needs. They need someone they can trust, who will prioritize and make space for them and help them feel secure and supported.
What Nines look for when dating:
- Deep discussions
- Emotional openness
- A partner who is low-drama, kind and communicative
- Someone who is sympathetic and understanding
Things to watch out for: When Nines are dating, they can come across as overly submissive or passive. They have problems trusting their partners, especially in the early days of a relationship, as they fear that any wrong move could push that person away. As a result, Nines can often be overly cautious and compliant, leading to problems down the line as their own needs take a back seat in their relationships.