How You React to Being Ghosted, By Enneagram Type

You meet someone amazing and feel like magic is in the air – until they reveal their favorite magic trick is disappearing. Ghosting is a passive-aggressive way for someone to end a relationship without having to actually make things official.

When your texts get left on “read” and you’re left to wonder what happened, how do you deal? Well, we have the answer – just look to your Enneagram type! Here’s how each one reacts to ghosting and how you can get over it.

Type 1: You block them 

As a Type One perfectionist, you have a strong sense of right and wrong. You like to live by the rules and you don't take kindly to those who break them! After being ghosted, you immediately want to block the person and delete their number from your phone. Although this is a good way to protect yourself from further hurt, take care that you're not repressing your anger, which can lead to resentment and other issues.

Healthy ways to deal with being ghosted:

  • Take time to sort through your feelings. While blocking someone cuts them out of your life, they might still rent some space in your mind. Deal with your feelings so you leave your emotional baggage behind. You can do this by journaling or venting to friends.
  • Avoid falling into the self-blame trap. Ones can be critical of themselves, so try to remember that the person who ghosted you chose to walk away instead of dealing with the relationship issues. That’s on them! 

Type 2: You give them one more chance 

Since Type Twos are supportive and empathetic, you might be tempted to contact the ghoster to learn why they disappeared and try to fix the issue. But before you send that text, think hard about whether you should give them one more chance. Twos want others to see them as valuable, but striving to make things work with someone who’s hurt you can cause you more significant pain.  

Healthy ways to deal with being ghosted: 

  • Set healthy boundaries. Giving too much is never healthy in relationships as it makes you neglect your own needs. Ask yourself, “Would I tolerate this behavior from a friend?”
  • Fall in love with yourself first. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one of all! Don’t let ghosting make you doubt who you are and what you deserve. Keep reminding yourself that you don't need others to make you feel worthy.

Type 3: You find someone new to date 

Type Threes are ambitious go-getters. Nothing stands in your way, not even a ghoster. The phrase "the best way of getting over someone is to get under someone else" might be your motto! To others, you look like you're on top of everything. But take care that you're not seeking external validation from a new date to feel valued. While moving on is good, avoiding processing your feelings is unhealthy.

Healthy ways to deal with being ghosted:

  • Before jumping into another relationship, take some time to think. Although Threes might assume their feelings aren’t as important as their actions and achievements, it’s essential to take time to explore your complicated feelings. This encourages personal growth and gives you a better chance of finding someone who will treat you with respect.
  • Remind yourself of your resilience. Threes are determined and can achieve amazing things. Use these qualities to get through this setback – because you will.  

Type 4: You hold a grudge  

Type Fours are romantics. You are sensitive and expressive – keen to connect with people who see you for who you are and able to face your feelings head-on. But it’s not always easy for you to move past situations that hurt you. Chances are, you'll hold a grudge against the person who ghosted you, and this could keep you stuck in the pain and even intensify it.

Healthier ways to deal with being ghosted: 

  • Reach out to your support system. When your thought patterns become negative, speaking to people you can trust gives you a new perspective and helps you move forward. 
  • Use positive affirmations. These statements remind you of your worth and what you have to offer so you won’t get stuck in a situation that makes you feel unworthy. Examples of affirmations include, “I am confident in who I am” and “I deserve unconditional love.”

Type 5: You take a dating sabbatical 

 As a Type Five, one of your fears is being overwhelmed by others' needs. Although you’re a devoted partner in relationships, this fear can cause you to lose interest in the person you’re dating if things become too stressful. This means that, to you, being ghosted is an opportunity to leave the dating game. While taking a break from others can be healthy, be mindful of isolating yourself. 

Healthy ways to deal with being ghosted:

  • Stay in the present: Stressed Fives may resort to alcohol or other substances to numb the pain, but this is only a temporary fix. Instead, focus on what’s happening right now – not what happened in the past or what might happen in the future. 
  • Take time to explore your emotions. While your tendency might be to repress or ignore them, you should try to sit with them to gain closure the ghoster never gave you.

Type 6: You scrutinize their social media for clues

As the Type Six “skeptic” of the Enneagram, you prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario - which is why being ghosted out of the blue can be so devastating for you. The person who ghosted you hasn’t given you any closure. So, you might try to learn what happened by stalking their social media profiles for signs that they’re not lying in a gutter or dating someone else. While this might give you answers, it can cause your anxiety to spiral.

Healthy ways to deal with being ghosted: 

  • Try new things to boost your confidence. Avoid self-doubt by engaging in hobbies that make you feel good and remind you of your strengths.
  • Trust yourself. Type Sixes are known to be loyal and trustworthy, so believe in yourself if the ghoster can’t or won’t. Remind yourself that you deserve someone who will treat you with respect.

Type 7: You plan a wild trip to move on

When you’re ghosted, your knee-jerk reaction is to do something wild in response. Sevens are always looking for new experiences to avoid feeling pain - even if that means running away from difficult emotions. Although it’s good to move forward and find your spark again, avoiding your sadness and anger is unhealthy, especially if the person who ghosted you was someone you had real feelings for.

Healthy ways to deal with being ghosted: 

  •  Schedule regular me-time. Although you thrive on interpersonal relationships, you need time to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings and work through them to move forward.
  • Reframe your emotions. It’s easy to assume that anger, sadness, and frustration are “bad” feelings to avoid, but they aren’t good or bad – they’re opportunities to learn more about your authentic self.

Type 8: You send a confrontational text 

Type Eights are the “Challengers” of the Enneagram - strong, resilient and a little bit intimidating. You like to have control over your environment so if someone ghosts you, you're not going to take it lying down! You might send a confrontational text to try and catch the ghoster out and let them know exactly how you feel. But, as the saying goes, “anger is sadness’s bodyguard.” It's important to move beyond the anger and explore your vulnerable feelings, as these can help you to grow. 

Healthy ways to deal with being ghosted:  

  • Do breathing exercises. When your anger threatens to spill over, deep breathing can help you avoid lashing out and saying or doing something you regret. 
  • Reframe your vulnerability as a strength. You may be feeling vulnerable right now and that's uncomfortable for you. But, vulnerability is key to establishing meaningful relationships. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and use this experience as an opportunity to become more self-aware.

Type 9: You avoid dealing with it 

Type Nine peacemakers are all about keeping the peace, so you won’t lash out at the person who ghosted you. The problem is that you might go the other way and ignore the situation completely. Sometimes, your desire to “not make waves” gets in the way of you facing your emotions and moving forward.

Healthy ways to deal with being ghosted: 

  • Look for growth in hardships. While you don’t want to face the truth of what happened because it’s painful, see the beauty and potential for change in that stressful time. Remember, pressure makes diamonds! 
  • Reclaim yourself. Dealing with the stress of what happened to you can be difficult if you’ve gone along with what the other person wanted in your relationship and lost yourself. Now’s the time to focus on you and what excites you about the future. 
Giulia Thompson

Giulia Thompson is an Italian-South African freelance writer and editor with several years of experience in print and online media. She lives in a small town in South Africa with her husband and three cats. She loves reading, writing, and watching thrillers. As an Enneagram Type 4, she’s creative and loves surrounding herself with beauty.