With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, this is the time to start planning that perfect celebration with your partner.  A good relationship is made up of a lot of day-to-day routine sprinkled with meaningful moments, and February 14th provides a great opportunity to strengthen your bond with your partner by doing something really special for them. 

And the trick to getting it just right? You have to know what makes your partner tick. When it comes to romance, we all have deep desires, but sometimes it can be hard to know exactly what our partner really longs for. Using the Enneagram as a guide, we unlock the secrets to launching Cupid’s arrow straight into the heart of your Valentine.


Multiple locations, perfectly timed transitions with well-executed music, their favorite meal, and dessert delivered when they least expect it—these are the things that capture the attention of your Enneagram Type 1. If you can come up with an elegant, intricate date with lots of finer points and subtle perfections, your partner will remember it FOREVER. Pay attention to the details, they will notice. Your Type 1 spends a lot of time trying to get things perfect, and they appreciate it when they see you do too. 

Your Type 2 longs for a handwritten note listing all the things you LOVE AND APPRECIATE about them.

The longer, the better because this is the note they’ll pull out when you need their forgiveness, so make it good. Start at the beginning of your relationship and remember all the wonderful things they’ve said and done over the years. After you’ve delivered your heart-felt love note, give them a full body massage. Appreciation is like oxygen to Enneagram Type 2s, so give your partner a full tank’s worth.

Your Type 3 dreams of dining at the BEST TABLE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT (complete with a picture of the two of you looking happy and in love). 

Let's be honest, your Enneagram Type 3 loves to see and be seen, and a picture is worth a thousand words. If you want to deliver a night your partner will never forget, make sure you’ve got pictures to prove it. Your Type 3 fuses love with a sense of looking good to the outside world. They can’t separate the two so don’t ask them to. Work with them and deliver the photo opportunity of the year. You will be rewarded...

Your Type 4 is hoping for A GRAND GESTURE of love. 

The grander, the better, but it has to be sincere so you’re walking a fine line. Roses, chocolates and Hallmark love notes aren’t going to do it. Get original. Maybe you need to spring naked from a giant hand constructed cake, perform an elaborately choreographed pole dance or create and deliver an experimental ballad for your Enneagram Type 4. You’ll find the answer, just make sure it's grand, original, and inspired. Your partner wants something unique and from your heart.

Your Type 5 wants to be ALONE WITH YOU. 

Your partner hates surprises so let them know of your plan to go away, just the two of you, deep into the mountains where you can relax together. You can camp in a tent or rent a luxury cabin but make sure no one else is around to spoil the fun. Involve your partner in the planning for this one. They think about scarcity in a way you and I don’t, and you don’t want them to feel anxious about the plan. After you get to your destination, the goal is solitude. Your Enneagram Type 5 wants you all to themselves with no distractions.

Your Type 6 is MORE SENTIMENTAL than even you realize. 

Your partner loves to remember your shared history so to create a night they’ll treasure, take them to where you had your first date.  A walk down memory lane lights them up and reminds them of the solid bond you share. If you can’t go to the actual location, create a photo album of your past together. Reassurance is like foreplay for your partner, and the more secure your Enneagram Type 6 feels, the better your night is going to go…

Your Type 7 can’t resist AN ADVENTURE. 

Get the blindfold out, place it over their eyes and take them somewhere they’ve never been! Use your imagination here, a little fantasy goes a long way and with your Enneagram Type 7's taste for the exciting and the unknown, as long as it is a new experience, you’re probably on solid ground. If they are still talking about it ten years from now, you’ll know you nailed it.


You already know your partner tries to control everything, but the dirty secret is that sometimes, they want to relinquish the reins and take the back seat. No need to pull out whips and chains and go full BDSM, but let this be the night you take control. Possessed by you is what Enneagram Type 8s want to feel. So for this one night, be the boss.

Your Type 9 wants you to READ THEIR MIND.

Your Enneagram Type 9 is so indirect, they might actually ask for something they don’t really want, so your job is to read between the lines, listen to their murmurs and interpret their true desires. Be sleuthy. You might need to ask their best friend, but to deliver a night they’ll never forget, you’ll need to find out what they really, truly want. Tickets to a sports game, a road trip down the coast, that expensive bottle of French wine with that forbidden chocolate mousse, it might be something modest but if you can read their mind, they will love you for it.

With these secrets, you can crack the code of what your partner really wants this Valentine’s Day. So get creative, make it a good one, and watch those sparks fly! 

Lynn Roulo
Lynn Roulo is an Enneagram instructor and Kundalini Yoga teacher who teaches a unique combination of the two systems, combining the physical benefits of Kundalini Yoga with the psychological growth tools of the Enneagram. She has written two books combining the two systems. Headstart for Happiness, her first book is an introduction to the systems. The Nine Keys, her second book, focuses on the two systems in intimate relationships. Learn more about Lynn and her work here at LynnRoulo.com.