INTJ
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How do INTJs communicate?

INTJs are direct and detached in their communication. They often naturally see how something could be done better and usually communicate their criticism in a straightforward, logical manner. They are typically independent and calm; they are not so much concerned about being liked or appreciated as they are with being competent and thoughtful. Their communications are typically well thought-out, insightful, and strategic. They often plan well into the future and offer big-picture analysis for improving systems.

What are INTJs like as partners?

In relationships, the INTJ is loyal but independent. INTJs can be almost scientific in choosing a mate and make devoted partners once they have found a match that fits their rigorous list of requirements. They often have clear ideas about what makes for a solid relationship and are unwavering in their pursuit of this ideal.

INTJs often have a passion for self-improvement and are encouraging of their partners' goals and intellectual pursuits. However, they do not usually see the need for frivolous affection or romance, feeling that their devotion should be evident. They are more focused on serving their partners with hard work and resourceful problem-solving than they are on showering them with attention.

INTJs' partners often find them difficult to read, and indeed they do not show emotion easily; they find the process of discussing emotions much too messy and disorganized. They enjoy solving difficult problems, but are often out of their depth when it comes to illogical, unpredictable personal issues.

INTJs value a partner that allows them the independence to achieve their goals, and one who appreciates their efficacy, insight, and ability to offer creative solutions to problems.

What are INTJs like as parents?

As parents, INTJs are devoted and supportive. They set firm limits and provide consistent reinforcement, but within that structure allow a lot of latitude for their children to explore their own interests and potential. They are encouraging of their childrens' intellectual pursuits and enthusiastic about sharing knowledge.

INTJs enjoy the process of developing a young mind, and get a lot of satisfaction from parenting. They want to develop productive, competent, and self-sufficient children who think for themselves.

INTJs and Other Personality Types

Kindred Spirits

People of the following types are more likely than most to share the INTJ's values, interests, and general approach to life. They won't necessarily agree on everything, and there's no guarantee they'll always get along, but they're more likely to feel an easy rapport and have plenty of things in common.

Intriguing Differences

People of the following types are likely to strike the INTJ as similar in character, but with some key differences which may make them seem especially intriguing. The INTJ may find people of these types particularly interesting and attractive to get to know. Relationships between INTJs and these types should have a good balance of commonalities and opportunities to challenge one another.

Potential Complements

INTJs may not feel an immediate connection with people of the following types, but on getting to know each other, they'll likely find they have some important things in common, as well as some things to teach one other. Although people of these types may not attract the INTJ initially, their relationships present a lot of potential to complement and learn from one other.

Challenging Opposites

People of the following types present the most potential for personality clash and conflict with the INTJ, but also the best opportunities for growth. Because people of these types have fundamentally different values and motivations from the INTJ's, initially, it may seem impossible to relate. But because they are so different, their strengths are the INTJ's weaknesses, and if they are able to develop a relationship, they can learn a tremendous amount from each other.

Are you an INTJ?

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Check out the INTJ Discussion Forum

Want to have a more in-depth conversation about being an INTJ? Head on over to our discussion forum and post your questions, comments, and/or general musings!

Comments

Guest (not verified) says...

Perfect!.. This describes me 100%! :)

Guest (not verified) says...

so true

Guest (not verified) says...

I agree.... I was scared when I saw how accurate this was

Guest (not verified) says...

Me too! I read this and thought: This person I've never met knows me better than I know myself. When I read INTJ stuff in general, I feel like I am reading my own biography, written by a psychologist who downloaded my brain to their own.

female intj (not verified) says...

Precisely this! I was reading this description and seeing things that I myself have written out in the past typed in the words of another.

I personally am an artist(music and traditional and digital art) as well as an aspiring fashion designer. It's rather interesting now studying how my INTJ personality handles this. None of these professions were on either list, well, graphic designer was but that's much more logo and less Van Gogh.

a 1% INTJ (not verified) says...

I am a writer and musician and even though I'm really successful in those fields, I am most definitely an INTJ, even though it doesn't entirely match up with my personality. I think sometimes it's just up to talent. If you're talented at something, you'll try your best to excel at it. Perhaps it feeds on the determination part of the personality.

Alpha Prime (not verified) says...

It is just logical to use your natural talents in the most efficient way! Cheers for the INTJ community!

Melissa Ann Lambert (not verified) says...

I'm a female INTJ too - former computer programmer now artist specializing in digital art. Feel free to email me!

brewall131 says...

Hi Melissa, I'm also a female INTJ currently working on teaching myself programming and trying to figure out how to turn this into a position that I would enjoy. I would love to talk to you if you'd be open to it! 

Regine Arnold (not verified) says...

Brewall and Melissa, 

Would love to connect. I am also a woman INTJ. I have a past in corporate marketing/ digital marketing. I also have my own small business health coaching. And working on going back to school for human systems engineering, which is largely about computer engineering and psychology. Plus, I'm a video game nerd. I literally felt like the only female INTJ left in the world until I saw your comments. Haha Only a handful of us out there. Let's get to know each other! :)

Frank Wang (not verified) says...

Would love to connect with all of you as well! A male INTJ here. Graduated with a Master of Molecular Biology, studying Software Engineering, and learning game development on the side. All the other comments were at least 1-year old so it's nice to see recent people who are still trying to connect.

Olivia_K (not verified) says...

Hi Regine, 

I'm an Intj female currently in an undergraduate BBA program. I'd love to connect with you to hear about your experiences in the corporate world as an INTJ as I'm having doubts about whether Business is the right fit for me!  

ClaireK (not verified) says...

Hello, fellow INTJ women. Typing with a sleeping baby in my lap, so have mercy on my spelling and punctuation 😉

Knowing about these types has changed my life! I wish I had been able to experience the validation when I was a younger woman. I am def an INTJ, but feel I am an odd one because I am religious and care a lot about home and family life. I love to learn constantly and I share that with my children; I homeschool them because I am sure I can do a better job, and I like to be with my kids. I use my drive to improve systems and to fulfill potential in my home and family life. This works well, because my husband is an ENTP and is so extraverted, fast moving and big picture, he lets me run things the way I want! My struggle is to keep pursuing order and to get alone time in my large family. I also tend to pursue things I am interested in and gain a level of expretise, but I don't turn any of this into anything income building, because I don't like to promote myself, and I  don't want to feel awkward about promoting myself in my social network. INTJs, any thoughts for me?

Ann Red (not verified) says...

Fellow INTJ woman and we are in our first year of homeschooling as we felt we could also do a better job (grades 5/7).  So interesting reading your comment as my husband has typed as INTP (although he thinks he's on the line as an ENTP).

I googled career types for INTJ's and landed on this site as I'm feeling the push to do more with myself but am not sure which field is best suited for me as past experiences have landed me in toxic work environments with unmotivated co-workers.  I really want to work with driven people who want to collaborate instead of compete so I figured I'd look where the INTJ's are and narrow down my options from there.  My passion lies with analyzing processes/procedures and then streamlining/organizing to increase productivity.

Self promotion isn't my thing either although I feel that's the way of our world now.  How old are your kids?  Have you homeschooled from the beginning?

ClaireK (not verified) says...

Hi Ann,

Hope you are enjoying homeschooling. It is super challenging to balance, and there is a temptation to over plan and to over critique ourselves. But I find it so very rewarding. My oldest is sixteen, I homeschooled her through sixth grade. Now we send her to a 7-12 school in our town that is excellent. I still have five children at home, so I will be doing this for a while! My main goal is to cover the basics, while giving as much freedom as I can and keeping the kids' natural sense of wonder alive. They also do a lot of helping with siblings and helping around the house and yard. In terms of employment, it would be so wonderful for you to find the right fit, in an employer who wants someone with your skills, in a positive work environmant. It is crazy how often I hear about supervisors who are threatened by competent people! I would think a fast-changing industry would be a good place to look for an attitude of growth? I learned a lot when I was listening to a podcast called Radical Candor, about communication in the workplace and how to be a good manager. Best wishes!

ElisaC (not verified) says...

Hi Claire,

You remind me of my younger self, when my priority was raising my two daughters.  Being a mother, investing and shaping two lives has been a most rewarding experience and privilege, despite all the challenges of raising children and grind of daily living.  My role has evolved over the past few years into friend, coach and mentor, as we share from the trivial to deep questions of life.  I encourage you to keep on investing into your children, as you appear to be filled with love and passion for your current purpose in motherhood!

ClaireK (not verified) says...

Elisa, Thank you for that very encouraging message! It occasionally seems funny to me to be the "criminal mastermind" type and spending all my talents at home. But nothing seems more crucial to me than teaching, training, mentoring and loving other human beings. I love getting to know them and trying to help them grapple with life and learn what their talents and passions are. I hope to support them in a way that enables them to find their purpose. Thanks again.

ElisaC (not verified) says...

Hi Claire,

You are welcome!  I have a suggestion... while you're at home, you can expand your mastermind (dropped the "crimminal" :)) in your areas of interest.  Over the past couple of years, I have become interested in the Financial Independence Retire Early (FIRE) community and have been reading a lot of blogs, such as Mr. Money Mustache.  This past year, it extended into investing and I followed a blog investment workshop (Millenial Revolution) and have been reading a lot on this subject.  Lately, I have been immersed in Dr. Jordan Peterson's youtube channel on The Psychological Significance of the Biblical Stories, having been interested in psychology since my university days and currently attend Bible studies.  There is so much to learn and free resources available online; my education is just starting!  What are your areas of interest and thoughts on this?  I encourage you to also invest in yourself!

Discovery13 (not verified) says...

Hmmm. What can I say that hasn't already been said. Shocked is an understatement when I did the test, emphatically accurate!🤔

Autocorrect description of mua!

I wonder what more?

Cristal (not verified) says...

Hi Elisa and INTJ Girls,

( please forgive my grammar , my first language is not english ) I related to your comment because as a mom in my 30's I am finding myself struggling between been the best mom ever and figuring out my career life - and I mean Struggling. As you evolved with time, did you find happiness and a feeling of accomplishment?  It is nice reading to all your comments and realizing I am not the only one. Best Wishes!

 

ElisaC (not verified) says...

Hi Cristal,

I am sorry to hear that you are really struggling.  If I may, I'd like to pose some questions for you to ponder - What is your most important goal in life?  What gives you meaning?  When my first child was 7 months old, I had a full time nanny take care of her, while I worked full time for 3 months.  It was a most difficult time, knowing that I wanted to be the person raising her, but the nanny spent the majority of  the day with her.  Therefore, I took on a part time position that effectively was a demotion.  This also wasn't easy at first; I had to ask myself what my higher priority was throughout the past 20 years.  I have had to chose over and over again.  Fast forward to today, I am still working part time.  Looking back, I would choose the same course, because the relationships I have with my 2 children are rewarding and most meaningful in my life thus far.  Also, what has given me more clarity is to think about what would matter at the end of my life, what more would I have wished for, any regrets?  Hope this helps!

NatD says...

The ladies in this thread who are homeschooling and/or mothering, all with INTJ personalities... Hi there. I just breathed a sigh of relief to find you all, as I'm relating with almost all of what has been said here. My husband and I homeschool our 4 children, and I can say honestly it has been a big challenge for me. I have often felt so alone in how I view or carry out our homeschool due to my personality that it makes for some dark days and doubting. Some days there is fulfillment in knowing we're giving them the best we can. But, there are days when I feel the opposite for all parties invovled (myself included!). It has been helpful to read the last comment from Elisa about keeping things into perspective... will we regret keeping them home, fulfilling what they need to learn, but giving them that extra time to be free in and of themselves, all within the maximum time as a family together? We all must evaluate such weighty questions with our own lives and families, and they are worth pondering. Thank you all for being open and honest. I wish we could all have a facebook group together. Know that this thread has been an answer to prayer from frustration as I'm contemplating whether to continue homeschooling next year or not. Best wishes to you all in your endeavors, fellow INTJ women. (*flexes arm with peace sign*)

ElisaC (not verified) says...

Hello,

I have set up "Fellow INTJ Women" in FB Group and invite you gals to connect, just message and say from Truity.  Thanks for your suggestion NatD!

Bakerp (not verified) says...

Aren’t we all odd though? Based on our personality types and the rarity of finding one of us in the general population it is safe to say that we believe ourselves to be odd because we do not encounter many people like ourselves. Thus based on our understanding of regular society we consider ourselves to be odd.

Cheers, Bakerp

Donna Violet (not verified) says...

Hi Claire - I'm INTJ, small business owner.  I fit all the INTJ descriptions, but I too am Christian and have valued raising my family and spending time with my kids.  I also volunteer at church and in my community.  Your pursuit of order is admirable, but don't take yourself too seriously!  Order and lots of kids is close to impossible.  Your best bet might be controlled chaos.  It is very difficult to find alone time with kids and family commitments - I found that to be the most exhausting part of raising a family.  Use your drive to raise your kids to be the people you want them to be, then give it over to God.

kerri (not verified) says...

Me too!!!! Knowing my personalitiy would have been such a confidence booster as a younger woman! I'm 33 now. Had a ton of kids. Homeschooling. Had a sleeping baby on me as I read your comments. Learning constantly. I have no income, which is a constant source of discouragement for me! I don't mean to be proud but looking back I know I could have been a doctor, scientist, anything. I love science and learning. My brother is an electrical engineer, mom a teacher, dad an engineer at Space Center. Sometimes I think I've failed to become qualified to make money and sometimes I wonder if God has me exactly where I am because he values my time with my children more than a second income would benefit my family. Alone. Time. Oh my goodness. I constantly live sleep deprived because I MUST be alone to think/plan/read/learn. I've kind of fallen into hippie medicine. Herbs/natural remedies, love biology. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with my life still. haha. I guess I'm doing it but feeling like I've got some fire burning to accomplish something more than educate my kids. Honestly, I feel like that's wildly important but much easier than people make it and that there's more I could be doing. No adivce for you Claire, but awesome to meet someone else with same passions and personality.

 

Sahar (not verified) says...

Hey , I'm a female INTJ too!

Kate108 (not verified) says...

I am an INTJ and have always had artistic and musical gifts (drawing, graphic design, piano, etc) - I think it goes with the territory. However, I have not developed those talents to any significant degree. I also wanted to be a fashion designer for a time. For practical reasons, I pursued computer programming and was a natural at it. I love complex systems and organization and this career was a good match for me. However, because I despise working within organizations and institutions, I left the IT world and became a freelance writer. I've been much happier working on my own, but I find writing a bit tedious at times. While rewarding in its own way, I don't find it mentally stimulating. For fun, I've decided to take up FOREX trading. So you see, INTJs are complex people who are interested in a wide range of stuff.

Logos (not verified) says...

It took years for this INTJ to figure out FOREX. Countless nights. Such an inordinate amount of time and energy! Good luck.

Kris Chamblee (not verified) says...

I'm an INTJ female and cross dresser by necessity.

Should you decide to return to the idea of fashion design, please fix the women's clothing. Functional pockets, comfort, and easy to care for are lacking in women's clothes. Keep me posted.

Rachael K (not verified) says...

I'm a female INTJ that loves creating garments, sewing, and graphic design also 

Guest (not verified) says...

Hey Me, it turns out all these comments are actually you just as we suspected, or us rather. Heck I don't understand it all exactly either but that's besides the point. We keep returning to this website and agreeing with ourselves on how much we are like us. -Just a friendly reminder:)

INTJ and proud (not verified) says...

Your right it's like my 5th time to a site like this

INTJ and proud (not verified) says...

So true I've been to 5 sites about intj personality types and been to this one 3 times.

kmignano says...

Ditto. Scary yet ditto.

Guest (not verified) says...

omg this changed my life

Fellow INTJ Male (not verified) says...

I agree. Knowledge of the various types has changed my life as well. Personality Types was (one of) the missing puzzle piece(s) I've been looking for. Additionally, there is some debate on whether or not personalities are developed or if it is something we are all born with. I believe the latter. If personalities could be changed or edited, the world would be out of balance. Understanding personalities is especially valuable for me in understanding why people behave the way they do; especially with the knowledge of and acceptance that most won't understand me. This is okay; this is not his or her choice or mine and I don't need everyone to understand me. With best intentions in mind, I am learning what and when something should be shared and with who and most importantly who not to share with. Some people are not capable of understanding and I do not mean this in a negative way. Due to the fact that ‘others’ actually can't understand I feel the reasoning for the lack of understanding is really not relevant. What is relevant is I know my role, whether others understand or not, and continue to edit the world around me, to my liking.

In regards to the INTJ descriptions, I fit perfectly. When thinking about INTJ's in leadership roles, again I agree, I realize not everyone can be good at everything and I prefer to be controlling all things relevant and have to issues allowing someone else to present my ideas as their own. My motivations in life seem to be entirely different than most other peoples; I ‘do’ because I ‘must’ and this isn't up to me. Hopefully some will relate to this 'gift' we've been given. Kind of an inside joke of the perceived genius relative to the outside perspective, it's a "gift" alright...haha. I also seem quite sensitive to being controlled; this is not something that I don't like or prefer, this is something that I cannot allow, if I believe I can control it anyway. I want to be #2, but I can't allow anyone or anything to control me. What does that make me ... hmm ... a leader? Whether I want to accept this or not, this is not up to me. I can not change. Yes, I expect everyone else to change... haha… any they will as they always have; this is a constant. I very well agree that there is possible that I may have lost my damn mind, but again ... this is also irrelevant and until I can measure an actual problem, I have no problem, it doesn't exist. On this ‘crazy’ topic, I recently watched the trailer of 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' when Jack Nicolson was being interviewed by the physiologist. Doc said (equivelant), ‘do you think something is wrong with your mind, really?’ Jack replies, ‘Not a thing, Doc’. I can relate!

On another relatively similar note, I believe our existance-life-equation is actually quite balanced, regardless of all the drama, doom and gloom crap I see, read and hear. "People do not know what they do", wow, how true. I find quite interesting to ponder the needs we all have. This leads me to believe all things are perfect, from a cause and effect perspective, and it helps me to justify why things are they way they are and this is very comforting. I believe things are the way they are, because they have to be, otherwise they wouldn't be. I believe we are all equally important and all are required, even the perceivable 'crap of society'. With out them, we would be out of balance. I'm regularly impressed with how our physical laws apply to seemingly everything and I try to understand the 'net force' for all things. Nothing happens without force and it's a bit of a trigger for me when I hear someone try to convince me that something they said or did was for no apparent reason. I immediately think, “nothing is without reason, nothing happens without force”. And the ever-ongoing follow up question of 'Why?' presents itself. Why are you trying to convince me of this? Why? Why? Etc.

With this, now I can appreciate the lives some (all) people are required to live. I feel as if I should thank them, for playing the card they were dealt, because I'm happy I don't have to, but more importantly so my kids don't have to. All people contribute equally to the required net force of life. I remind my kids and myself of this nearly each time we pass a homeless person begging for money. Historically, I almost never give, but now feel I should. I’m not contributing to their problems. I want to make their live easier, because I get to live a great life of abundance and I realize I can improve theirs in their perspective, which is most important to them, regardless of my opinion of how I /we / others think they should live. Drink on, my people; be happy, if you think it’s best. This is what we all do and have in common. I need to admit that I am not much different and perfectly capable of making wrong choices that can lead me to undesirable places in life. For now, I learn from everyone around me and say my thanks for setting an example of how not to live for anyone who will look their way.

I often push people away from me for various reasons. However, when I analyze this as a problem in a system, I'm quite amazed on how non-random all events are and how I maybe missing the luster of life when I push people away. The unimaginable number of required events in history combined with an unfathomable duration of time required for any given moment in my (our/all) day is infinitely impressive. Everything that has ever happened was required to allow you to read my ramblings. I try to think about this when someone doesn't quite fit in my life, which is quite often. We as a species are possibly very immature and have only scratched the surface of a very small scratch on the surface of a very small scratch on the surface of the unknown. I can easily imagine our understanding of anything is really an illusion, we understand pretty much nothing, we only compare. Up to any point in life regardless to how meaningless is appears, I like to reflect and realize that this moment is what everything that has ever happened in the past has lead to, thus far.

On the topic of wealth, it is fascinating to me to realize how insignificant most things are. Wealth seems to be, understandably, a worldwide goal common amongst the population, but it seems to be imaginary and potentially created to provide a net force for society to strive or improve (or be controlled). In reality life has nothing to do with money and possessions and statuses and so one. Wealth is entirely to do with life's experiences and emotions, even for us robots. At any given moment, the richest person in the world may quite possibly be a child sharing an actual dirt/mud pie, made by his/her mother, with a sibling. In that moment, this person may have several ‘real’ problems in their lives' that seem imaginable to cope with, but I believe it is a possible that no one at that moment may be any richer.

Happiness is relative; it has a variable span, determined by the minimum and maximum happiness previously experienced, specific to the person. Sometimes it really is the small things that make the biggest improvements in someone’s life.
Life and all things are relative, infinite and nothing is random. In legal terms, those reading this now have ‘willful knowledge’ of my perspective. Do with it what you may, whether I am right or wrong, you now know a fraction of my perspective.

Guest (not verified) says...

Typical reply you'd expect from an INTJ...

Guest Female INTJ (not verified) says...

Yes so true a very typical response. I enjoyed your thoughts/perspective and I thank you for sharing. One never truly knows/understands the consequences of each and every single action one makes to string a linking chain of cause and effect.
Sharing is caring :)

Guest (not verified) says...

Well said.

Guest (not verified) says...

100% agree

Guest (not verified) says...

you have too much free time to type all this out

Guest (not verified) says...

Maybe not meant for you to understand, no offense.  I, on the other hand, completely agree. Remember,  we are a group of individuals who aren't meant to be understood.

Karen Elmer (not verified) says...

piercingly (as close to) perfect a description of how we feel and see. Thanks to my decision to read this in its entirety, I'm going to carry a smile around in my pocket today because I feel like I made a true connection with someone, instead of just a meaningless acquaintance. I truly appreciate your writing ability-powerful-thank you so much for sharing!

Guest (not verified) says...

I have to admit, in this lonely world, it feels great to have someone relate! Thank you for the thoughtful complement and meaningful feedback!

Froggy Noddy (not verified) says...

man, the spelling... c'mon you're better than this. double/triple check. 

Guest (not verified) says...

I rarely share my true "great truth" ideas with others too. They'd probably just stare at me mouth agape and I would have to spend the remainder of the day explaining why I'm not a nutter and it really is all very logical and correct. The truth, as I've come to realize it, is so very very obvious. I literally cannot understand why others behave the way they do. An individual must intimately understand their own motivations, why do you lie? Cheat? Steal? Hurt those you supposedly love? Do you want to be that person for the rest of your life? We are not animals, not for several millennia anyway, stop behaving as though you are. Logic cannot survive in chaos, eliminate fractured thought and ill motivation from yourself. It may sound a bit dogmatic but religion has nothing to do with it.

Being an INTJ female can be quite difficult in the workplace. Those who "know" me value my friendship and advice. Those who feel threatened by me look for every reason to call me out. I have to choose my battles carefully. In the healthcare industry, the old guard do not like to be told they are wrong, thankfully there are govt guidelines I can fall back on for most things. In a black and white world I cannot understand why some insist on skirting around in the gray and spend so much energy justifying that decision. It only serves to perpetuate the chaos and inefficiency hindering oneself.

Guest (not verified) says...

But we ARE animals. My cat is a better person than I am; at least she's honest about what she wants.

One may understand one's motivations (or think they do; I rather suspect that amounts to the same thing) but we cannot know what we do to other people. Nobody understands every possible consequence of any decision and the probabilities thereof. We also do not know how other people are going to feel/react to those consequences. Sure, I might statistically "know" the probability of something happening, but how do I know how a given policy decision is going to impact the life of a housewife in Devon, whose family I have never met? I am also in the healthcare industry, and have yet to encounter anything I can see as black and white. (Then again, I am a - female - INTP, and I'm told we specialise in shades of grey.)

I agree with you that I can't understand why some people spend so much energy justifying their decisions. It seems to me that the intentions behind things do not matter very much, at least not in influencing the outcome. Perhaps the only reason people do it is for their own peace of mind. It certainly doesn't appear to be a very efficient or meaningful thing to do. Well, unless you're in mortal fear of being sued, in which case we're told it is in our best interests to "justify" almost everything!

Guest (not verified) says...

I get what you are saying but for me what I feel the largest problem with being an INTJ is thinking. I think a larger amount than anyone else I know. I spend all my time processing what I think and it's most likely outcome. I can't understand others as well as some do so I process in order to look as though I do when for some people it is just natural. I understand what you are saying but if I were you I'd ignore them. If you are truly and INTJ you don't waste your time so in your free time, and everyone has some, use it to surpass them. When you get high enough all below won't be able to influence you at all. Work as hard as you possibly can now so you won't in the future.

First comer (not verified) says...

Chaos Theory written at her personal level. All understood.

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