As an Intuitive Thinking type, you approach relationships a little differently than the average person. You have a lively mind and an appetite for ideas. More than any other type, you like to spend time with people who can keep up with you mentally and who expose you to new ideas and worldviews. Ultimately, what you are looking for in relationships is intellectual stimulation—although you also appreciate people who can draw out your softer side.
Are INTJ and ESFJ personality types compatible? See how INTJs and ESFJs get along in this guide to INTJ/ESFJ relationships. If you're an INTJ in a relationship with an ESFJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.
How INTJ and ESFJ Get Along
INTJs and ESFJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an INTJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an ESFJ.
Your first impression of this person is likely to be that they are traditional, literal, and by-the-book. They may remind you of a boss who micromanaged you or a teacher who enforced the most inane rules with inordinate gusto. This person's primary concern is following the rules, toeing the line, and making sure that procedures are followed. Since your primary concern is usually either breaking the rules or making up your own, you're not likely to feel this person has a lot to offer you.
There are a few reasons you might consider this person worth getting to know. The most obvious is that you have to, because they are a coworker, a family member, or someone else in your daily life. If this is the case, fear not: you do have potential to influence each other in a positive way.
First and foremost, this person can provide a needed reality check for you. While you are innovative and imaginative, you can also be impractical. You may neglect to attend to the details, or you may get very excited about ideas that turn out to be unworkable or unnecessary. Your counterpart does not suffer from this problem. They tend to be extremely suspicious of new ideas, and will absolutely refuse to get caught up in your enthusiasm. While this may feel like the world's largest wet blanket, in practice it's a tremendous asset to you. If you can get your counterpart interested in one of your ideas, it will be because you have truly thought through the details and identified a real need for something new. In other words, they will always make you do your homework—and that's a good thing.
In addition, this person can be a powerful stabilizing force for you. While you may tend to get absorbed in the abstract, they will focus on daily practicalities—making sure there is food to eat, the bills are paid, and everyone is properly dressed. This is not stuff you tend to want to worry about, so having someone on your side who doesn't mind taking care of such things can make for a great team. So long as they don't resent your disinterest in such matters, your partnership can allow you to each focus on what you are good at.
Moreover, this person can help you to tune into the valuable aspects of the past. Although you tend not to put much stock in the way things have always been done, sometimes the traditional way is actually the best way. Listening to this person's perspective can help you to understand what's working just fine as it is, and keep you from trying to reinvent the wheel.
This person likely has a higher energy level than you do, and you may find their enthusiasm overwhelming at times. You may find it important to set boundaries and let them know when you need space and quiet.