The Biggest Relationship Deal Breakers, According to Your Personality Type05 May 2023 / By Hannah Pisani Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on March 29, 2023
Whether you refer to them as deal breakers, red flags or icks, it's fair to say we all have traits we find completely off-putting in a potential partner.
While many deal breakers are universally shared, we also each have unique non-negotiables that we simply can't tolerate in a potential partner, yet other people might find totally inoffensive.
These personal deal breakers can have many root causes but, quite often, they stem from our personality wiring. You see, each personality type relies on four predominant cognitive functions to navigate the world around them.
These cognitive functions influence everything we do, think and feel: our values, communication styles and, of course, what we do and don't like in relationships.
Curious to learn what your or your partner's biggest turn-off is? Read on to discover.
ENFP: Change resistance
Life is one big, beautiful adventure for empathetic ENFPs. With their infectious enthusiasm and curiosity, these types love exploring infinite possibilities and feel stimulated by new situations, people and challenges.
Given their free-spirited nature, a big red flag for ENFPs is a partner that dislikes spontaneity. These types will steer clear of individuals who resist change and thrive on predictability.
Altruistic, generous and perceptive, ENFJs place immense value on nurturing lifelong relationships based on mutual love, encouragement and commitment. The ENFJ wants to feel like they really know their partner, and finds personal fulfillment in helping their other half reach for their dreams and pursue their goals.
With that in mind, the ENFJ will struggle to feel content in a relationship with someone who doesn't prize personal growth or place much value on sharing their emotions. The pair simply won't connect in the profound way an ENFJ craves.
The insightful and compassionate INFJ is a long-range thinker who takes matters of the heart very seriously. They are slow to open up and careful about who they share their innermost thoughts with.
Sensitive to their core, the INFJ knows that heartbreak is akin to physical pain, so they cautiously assess potential partners to determine whether they are in it for the long haul. If they establish that the person they're dating is untrustworthy or can't be relied upon, they're likely to end the relationship quickly.
Kind and open-minded INFPs long for deep, meaningful relationships built on shared values. Like the ENFP, these types live in a world of possibilities and enjoy spontaneity. Because of this, they will struggle to find common ground in a relationship with an individual that is overly stubborn, dogmatic or rigid.
Champions of the underdog, this type is also deeply troubled by cruelty and unfairness, so they will likely run for the hills if they perceive their partner to be characteristically selfish or spiteful.
ESFP: A buzzkill
ESFPs are true people-people. They are often the life of the party, with a wide circle of friends who appreciate their vibrant, generous, open-hearted nature. With community and friendship being so crucial to this type, they'll find it hard to gel with a partner that dislikes socializing.
While that's not to say the ESFP can't date an Introvert, they won't take kindly to a partner who tries to inhibit their social life or asks them to 'tone it down'. After all, they want someone who will live life to the fullest with them!
Empathetic and dutiful ESFJs seek out lifelong relationships with partners they can count on. They are custodians of tradition and believe in deep connections built on mutual respect, trust and appreciation.
With that in mind, a flaky partner who fails to keep their word will trigger an immense sense of anxiety in the ESFJ. They will quickly find themselves doubting the relationship, especially if the person they're dating also fails to deliver warmth and words of affirmation when they are together. In these scenarios, any spark the ESFJ feels will quickly die out.
Altruistic, down-to-earth ISFJs thrive on routine and order. They are naturally compassionate individuals with a strong sense of responsibility. Because loyalty and duty are so important to this type, unpredictable partners turn them off. They view tardiness and canceled plans as a sign of disrespect.
While they do enjoy embarking on new, fun experiences with their partners, they prefer to think ahead. They will struggle to build affinity with a partner that doesn't appreciate their careful planning and consideration.
ISFPs are gentle, creative types with a deep well of feeling. They value emotions greatly and naturally seek relationships with caring, compassionate individuals. If they perceive a potential partner as insensitive or callous, they will find it hard to see a future.
At the same time, this type is also known for being fiercely autonomous. They need a partner who appreciates their individuality and will find it challenging to remain in a relationship with someone who attempts to inhibit their freedom.
Enthusiastic, action-oriented ESTPs live for the here and now. With their no-nonsense attitude and hands-on approach to life, ESTPs will become easily bored of a partner that prefers to talk rather than actually do.
While this type enjoys discussing philosophy and politics to a certain extent, they thrive on putting their ideas into action and want a partner who will dive into life with them. Because of their rational nature, they will also find it challenging to build a life with a partner they perceive as highly emotional or sensitive.
ESTJs are pragmatic, conscientious individuals who take their responsibilities seriously - and their romantic lives are no exception. This type approaches dating with an eye for the long haul. Just as they are steadfast and dependable, they want a partner they can rely on.
With that in mind, the ESTJ will be turned off by a romantic interest they perceive as flighty or disorganized. After all, this type greatly emphasizes tradition and maintaining an orderly home. If the person they are dating can't meet these expectations, the relationship is unlikely to last.
The ISTJ is dedicated and hardworking with a wealth of integrity. Known for their reliability and practicality, this dutiful type often ends up playing a pivotal role in the community and wants a partner who will do the same.
Because ISTJs place such value on diligence and zeal, they will find it unattractive if a potential partner lacks motivation. This practical type wants to create a great life with their other half, and they expect the person they're dating to put just as much effort into building that future as they do.
ISTP: High drama
Inquisitive, practical ISTPs are courageously independent. They march to the beat of their own drum and their introverted nature means they need precious alone time. Freedom, naturally then, is of the utmost importance to this type. If they conclude their partner is trying to exert too much control over their lives, they may feel suffocated.
Moreover, because this type prides itself on rational decision-making, they may find a highly-emotional partner challenging to deal with. The easygoing, level-headed ISTP has a low threshold for drama, and they'll quickly end a relationship with someone who seems to thrive on it.
ENTP: Blinkered thinking
ENTPs are true ideas people. Audacious and curious, they are adept at seeing problems from all angles and even better at coming up with solutions. When it comes to dating, this intellectual type looks for a partner that can engage in the abstract, philosophical and sometimes even taboo discussions the ENTP so thoroughly enjoys.
But intellectual dialogue alone isn't enough to keep the ENTPs attention. They also yearn for someone who will challenge them and help them to grow. An individual content with the status quo or unwilling to try new things simply won't make the cut.
ENTJs are bold, strategic thinkers who are happy to take the lead in their romantic relationships - and they expect their enthusiasm to be met in kind. If the ENTJ suspects the person they are dating could be disloyal or untrustworthy, they will reassess their commitment.
As well as this, the analytical ENTJ is highly energized by intellectual conversations and mental sparring. If their partner thrives on small talk and pop culture trivia, the spark will quickly die out.
Complex, insightful INTJs are led by their future-gazing intuition. These rational individuals thoroughly enjoy abstract discussions and naturally see patterns and recurrences in the world around them.
Because of their analytical nature, INTJs crave intellectually stimulating relationships. They want a partner with imagination and ideas who will enjoy conjuring up the future with them. If the person they're dating prefers to focus on the present and concrete details, the INTJ will find it difficult to relate.
INTPs are natural problem solvers. They are driven by a thirst for knowledge and live in a world of abstract possibilities. Far from being an idealistic dreamer, though, the INTP is highly rational.
This type's inherently logical nature means INTPs can find overly-emotional partners overwhelming. Incoherent emotional reasoning and a continuous desire to discuss feelings will quickly drain the INTP, and they may find themselves debating the relationship's longevity.
What’s your biggest relationship deal breaker?
Did these relationship red flags ring true for your personality type, and are there any others that you think we should add to the list? We’d love to know in the comment section below!