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The ESTJ Personality Type

ESTJs are hardworking traditionalists, eager to take charge in organizing projects and people. Orderly, rule-abiding, and conscientious, ESTJs like to get things done, and tend to go about projects in a systematic, methodical way.

ESTJs are the consummate organizers, and want to bring structure to their surroundings. They value predictability and prefer things to proceed in a logical order. When they see a lack of organization, the ESTJ often takes the initiative to establish processes and guidelines, so that everyone knows what's expected.

Are you an ESTJ?

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What does ESTJ stand for?

ESTJ is an acronym used to describe one of the sixteen personality types created by Katharine Briggs and Isabel Myers. It stands for Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. ESTJ indicates a person who is energized by time spent with others (Extraverted), who focuses on facts and details rather than ideas and concepts (Sensing), who makes decisions based on logic and reason (Thinking) and who prefers to be planned and organized rather than spontaneous and flexible (Judging). ESTJs are sometimes referred to as Supervisor personalities because they tend to take charge and make sure things are done correctly.

ESTJ Values and Motivations

ESTJs are conventional, factual, and grounded in reality. For the ESTJ, the proof is in the past: what has worked and what has been done before. They value evidence over conjecture, and trust their personal experience. ESTJs look for rules to follow and standards to meet, and often take a leadership role in helping other people meet expectations as well. They concern themselves with maintaining the social order and keeping others in line.

ESTJs often take on a project manager role at home as well as at work, and excel at setting goals, making decisions, and organizing resources to accomplish a task. The ESTJ wants to achieve efficient productivity and typically believes this is best accomplished when people and systems are well organized.

How Others See the ESTJ

ESTJs command a situation, with the sense that they know how things should go and are ready to take charge to make sure that it happens. They are task-oriented and put work before play. Confident and tough-minded, the ESTJ appears almost always to be in control. ESTJs appreciate structure and often begin to organize as soon as they enter a room. They want to establish the ground rules and make sure everyone does what they’re supposed to.

ESTJs are often involved in institutions: clubs, associations, societies, and churches, where they usually take a leadership role. They typically connect with others through sharing ritual and routine. Social interaction for ESTJs often means following an established tradition to engage with others in a structured way. ESTJs tend to respect and seek out hierarchy. They want to know who’s in charge, and will assign levels of responsibility if none exist. Once a structure is in place, ESTJs typically trust authority figures and expect obedience from people of lower rank.

For more information: The Art of SpeedReading People

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How rare is the ESTJ personality type?

ESTJ is the fifth most common type in the population, and the second most common among men. ESTJs make up:

  • 9% of the general population
  • 11% of men
  • 6% of women

Famous ESTJs

Famous ESTJs include Colin Powell, Judge Judy Sheindlin, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, George Washington, Sandra Day O’Connor, Mike Wallace, and Vince Lombardi.

ESTJ Quotes

"The ESTJs solve problems by expertly applying and adapting past experience. They like work where they can achieve immediate, visible, and tangible results."

- Isabel Briggs Myers, Gifts Differing

"These Supervisors are eager to enforce the rules and procedures, and they can be serious about seeing to it that others toe the mark—or else face the consequences."

- David Keirsey, Please Understand Me II

"As a general rule ESTJs will rise to the top of almost any organization."

- Otto Kroeger, Type Talk at Work

Facts about ESTJs

Interesting facts about the ESTJ:

  • On personality trait measures, likely to score as Contented, Energetic, Prejudiced, Self-Satisfied, and Practical
  • More likely than other types to exhibit Type A behavior
  • Of all types, scored highest in coping resources (with ENFP)
  • Ranked 3rd highest in marital satisfaction among all types
  • Among top four types in college GPA
  • Least likely of all types to think about suicide in college
  • Among most likely to stay in college
  • Among types most satisfied with their work
  • High-ranking personal values include Health, Financial Security, Achievement, and Prestige
  • Overrepresented among bank officers, financial managers, and business owners

Source: MBTI Manual

ESTJ Hobbies and Interests

Popular hobbies for the ESTJ include building and repairing things around the home, gardening, volunteering, community service, and playing and watching sports.

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Ahmad A (not verified) says...

After taking the test and seeing what my given options were, I would say that I agree with my personality being an ESTJ. I participate in physical activity often so I would like to consider myself athletic. I also like to take control of groups to prove things in their most logical way possible to avoid bias. Therefore, after reading that I was recommended jobs such as a stockbroker, real estate agent, and restaurant owner, I was glad to see that potential careers that I am interested in were already listed. Jobs that were not in my favor were jobs such as being an artist, musician, and restaurant host. Music and art aren't two things I am too fond of, therefore I am not shocked to see that those were jobs I should avoid, however, I was recommended to work as a restaurant owner but not as a restaurant host, which I find a little interesting since they are in the same field of work. However, as being the owner of the restaurant, you hold much more control over the things being done rather than being the host. 

joefso (not verified) says...

What is the best romantic type for us estjs?

EN effing P! (not verified) says...

Just wanting to throw my two cents in as an ENFP who has been married to an ESTJ for over a decade. We do best when we have some space from each other, which is one reason why COVID lockdowns have been so difficult. I am typically home with our preschool age kiddo and now that he is home too, my days have become filled with avoiding conversations about how disorganized the kitchen is, how the desk needs to be reorganized, etc. I'm actually pretty organized and clean for an ENFP, and it frustrates me that during a time of major stress/crisis and our lives being in major transition, he continues to harp on things like this. Now that we are both home, I'm realizing how much I have hid things from him in order to avoid arguments....for example, I recently threw out a reusable bag we had been using for our recycling because it got gross. He found out and got upset, saying he would have just cleaned it. I responded by saying "Well, I made an executive decision." LOL. I said it in a way that was both funny and assertive.

It's the extreme focus on things like this that really shouldn't matter (at least to me, the ENFP) that drives me crazy, and frankly, makes me feel incompetent. Again this is coming from an ENFP and there is always the other side of the story! But from an ENFP perspective, love and relationship (especially during a stressful time) should always trump "efficiency" and "orderliness".

Syrope (not verified) says...

I had a good laugh reading this. You are so right! I am in love with a estj and omg, the things he nags me on and which I fear being nagged at, are ard the same stuff as you described. And when you tell them to do it themselves, on good days they will do positive demonstration. On other days they go into supervisor mode and say, "no, it's your job, you do it". LOL

katiefanatic (not verified) says...

i agree with a lot of what goes with being an ESTJ. what i struggle with is in the last few years i'm not as resilient as i used to be and i don't tolerate what i used to tolerate. i used to be tougher. i could take what i dished. i can't anymore. i'm more sensitive. there are some life factors this could be attributed to. i have a birth defect that has gotten worse in the last three years, which has lead to severe depression. this has also caused me to see how harsh i can be to others and dial down behavior because i don't like when its done to me. also, i have never been organized and i don't know if to attribute that to my disability (learning disability comes with it) or i'm just not THAT estj. i also am a screenwriter/video editor. yes, had my health not gotten complicated, i wanted to be a lawyer to have a secure job, but that would have taken WAY too much school. is being in the arts at all associated with being ESTJ?

Jennylol (not verified) says...

You dished it out as you say, and now you've got it coming back to you when you are sick and vulnerable - and now you are experiencing all the upset you gave others.   Now you know why ESTJ's don't have a nice reputation.  Good that you learned some empathy through your suffering!

pikamoo says...

My wife is an ESTJ.  She loves to do crafts.  She doesnt see her self as being an artistic type but she has a good Eye for it.  She would tell me she is not organized but she likes things done a specific way.  Maybe its a matter of perception and just researching and learning more about ESTJ.  Maybe looking for an ESTJ group on Facebook to interact with.  I know their is an INFP one.  Kind Regards from an INFP

Mel Homan (not verified) says...

I'm looking for other ESTJ's because I feel strongly disliked most of all by my INFP partner. It's breaking my heart but ppl seem to think I'm made of stone.  When I look up ESTJ I feel even more hated and disliked as is full of ppl writing horrible things about us. I don't know why ppl constantly assume negative things about my motives or reasons or think it is okay to say such horrid things. I am looking for other ESTJs because I'm struggling with it alla nd feel really confused.

pikamoo says...

Hi Mel,

I am an INFP married to an ESTJ.  We have been together for 15 years and have two children. The problem is not with you.  There is nothing wrong with either personality.  Think of this as a challenge.  It takes time and a lot more effort to work out the differences and understanding between these two personalities. It took me and my wife about 10 years to compromise and agree with eachother on everything.  We each have our own way of completing tasks.  I usually let me wife make the plans.  She listens when I see a problem she usually goes with my suggestion.  This makes it easy for me because I dont like deciding things.  I really dont like planning a lot or organizing everything.  But when I see something wrong she listens and follows.  That means a lot to me.

I am very sensitive to body language, grammar and tone of voice.  Sometimes I took things the wrong way easily.  It was hard for me to read my wifes expressions or understand some of the things she says.  I used to have to ask her if she was serious or teasing.  So she started telling me her mood.  If she was teasing with me she would let me know after a momement if I didnt catch on.  Otherwise I would take her serious and get all emotional.  It happened so many times.  But when she started telling me I started to learn her behavior until I no longer needed her to tell me anymore.  

Also understanding your strengths and weaknesses.  When my wife is correcting our kids, I would sometimes need to leave the room.  I know she wants my support and to correct the kids as well.  It hurts me a lot to correct my kids in a strict manner.  So I might be seen as very weak and useless in these situations.  The most I do is ask the kids to listen to their mother because she means the best for them.  My wife is great at teaching them discipline and following instructions.  My wife really keeps the kids organized on schedules and they do what they are told.  I am not good at doing that.  I on the other hand connect with the kids through their feelings and compassion.   I help them understand my wife's behavior and she loves them.  I explain their mistakes and how mom and I know they can do better if they correct their actions.  

Its hard for me to share my deepest feelings with me wife.  They might seem unrealistic goals or thoughts.  I have shared them before.  I understand she is helping and might think something I say wont work.  So if you want to have deep discussions and really get to know an INFP you might want to start with this book. The book is called "Just Listen" by Mark Goulston.  I listened to the audio version.  It seemed very helpful and is a great way to get people to talk.  It teaches the listener how to express their ideas while building a trust between the two people.  It does start out by you listening.  Their is a method you follow that teaches you how to open a person up.  Its kinda like a game where you keep asking questions until they ask you their first question.

Kind Regards

vannifromthechi says...

Pikamoo, this is absolutely amazing! I am dating this wonderful woman right now and had an extraordinarily tough time reading her at the beginning. Although we aren't married, a lot of what you described fits my girlfriend's personality. Learning about ESTJ personality types has been a tremendous help and seeing your comment about you and your wife has given me a tremendous amount of relief.

Leighton G. Rose (not verified) says...

Do not feel bad. I am an INFP male, married to an ESTJ female for over 10 years. Of course, there are times, when communication and objective may differ, but once you are grounded in the fact that both types, although literally polar opposites, are seriously committed to causes and justice, it is workable. When everyone understands the others' personalities, whether in marriage, family, small group or large group, the communication becomes better as long as there is commitment to communication and progress. The mindset and approach may be different, the strengths of each can and should be leveraged depending on the task. Above all, maintain respect. The challenge will be that the INFP may be reluctant to share if he feels unsafe. Just make sure that emotional safety is not sacrificed. Other than personality, love/respect languages are also important. Wish you well.

Nicole (not verified) says...

Hi Mel, 

I definitely understand your feelings, as a female ESTJ it feels like I’ve always had a lot of friends but never a best friend, always feel arms distance away from people and always intimidating them without meaning to. It’s great at work, and in life In general I’m proud of who I am. But have found it really hard to make girlfriends as effortlessly as others and feel like I have to fake “fluffiness” a lot. ESTJs have feelings, we feel deeply about things, we cry (sometimes over nothing) but because we don’t like other people seeing that side, they think we are stone. 

Adding an ESTJ page on Facebook make me feel horrible as it was all so negative I struggled a bit with it. Hold your head high though and be proud of who you are as so many of them would love to have half your confidence and knowledge of self! 

Steve Davenport (not verified) says...

My suggestion:  Make friends with other female ESTJs.

JoeH (not verified) says...

Hello. I am an E(I)STJ married to an ENFP for 25 years with 2 kids of INFJ and ESFP.  My wife and I realize and admit that we are complete opposites.  We get along by taking long drives in the country and watching shows. Sometimes hers. Sometimes mine.  We binge the whole thing if we both like. She say "why is he such a robot?"  I say "why does she care so much?"  We recognize that we are good at opposite things.  She is a cook, cleaner, creator, caregiver, and teacher.  I am a programmer, builder, repairman, anything detail oriented.  We are both independent but I am too independent.  I need to find ways to let her take care of me.  I need to not take over everything.  Not everything requires a solution.  I have learned to shut my mouth and listen.  And actively listen even when I stopped caring.  When it comes to your polar opposites, you have to learn to care.  They want to talk and care and never start and never finish.  We want to get right on it, get it done well, on time, on budget.  None of these things are the primary concern of your opposites. I suggest determining what each of you are good at and letting the other person do what they want to do when they want to do it however they want to do it and for however long it takes them.  They don't need or want your help or explanations.  Best of luck.  Opposites do attract.  We find them loving, caring and passionate.  Everything we are not.  

Shahmeer Zaman (not verified) says...

Same is the case with me. People think I am stone hearted.

Jennylol (not verified) says...

well, it is more that you don't have deep sophisticated feelings, and because you don't have these deep and sophisticated, feelings, you can't relate to others who do have those feelings.

Oregano says...

Hi Mel, 

I am an ENFP (which is the most introverted of the extroverted types, so I very much connect to the INFP type). I understand I am not a fellow ESTJ but I do hope that I can try to give an outward viewpoint from an xNFP type, like your partner. 

I am so sorry to hear that this is breaking your heart and that the internet isn't helping in your research of trying to understand the "why" to your plight. From my personal experience with ESTJ/ESTP's, they can be very easily judgemental and aggressive quickly. As a feeling type, this is very hard for us to deal with. We are much more sensitive and the ESTx types seem to speak at other people's expense often, at least in my case. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells with my friend because I don't want them to be mad at me and I don't want to say the wrong thing and spark judgment or an outburst. INFP's like to daydream, as well as ENFP's. We procrastinate. We see future possibilities over logical and more rational ones. We are known to long for what we do not have. 

I would recommend slowing down in speech before rushing to come to a conclusion when talking to your INFP. I also recommend trying to be more soft-hearted and understanding, emotionally. I am frankly afraid of my ESTJ/ESTP friends in some ways because they can be kind of gossipy and I never want to unintentionally give someone the wrong impression of me and then have them overexaggerate it to others, which then leads me to not be able to defend myself. 

I love the passion of your type. I love how brilliant you guys can be when you put your mind to something. You get stuff done. I wish I could better, haha. I appreciate it when your type takes the time to see things from a more emotional standpoint. I am definitely not perfect by any means. 

Just remember that your INFP partner is probably a romantic at heart and wants the daydreams to be a reality, but your partner might not know how to express that to you because you are more logical and about the here and now. I really recommend looking into the enneagram and love languages. They can really be beneficial in learning communication styles and how the other person feels and accepts love. 

I hope this gives some insight. I am sorry you are hurting through this. Sending love and prayers. 

TM (not verified) says...

Oh my goodness, yes!  I'm an enfp dating an estj and that's exactly how I'm feeling! I didn't realize it was a type thing. He is quick to tell me how I am or why I did something but he's wrong every time and then I'm concerned he tells others how I am or talks to them and it's not accurate of me at all!! We have argued through the first two months of dating and are finally ok now. The first two months are supposed to be the honeymoon but we were busy figuring out one another and working out how to talk to one another. His jabs and sarcasm humor directed at me made me cry. And I'm a tough enfp! We are both older...late 30s and never married. We are both head over heels for one another. But I want to be able to share my deepest stuff with him. The times I have, I've told him what I want from him and he has surprised the heck out of me. Listening and taking my hand in his or just listening and holding me. It was magical. But when I'm relaying stories or things that happened that made me smile or upset, he rarely asks questions and shows interest. In fact lately, he just says uh huh or says I learned not to engage because we will fight. I tell him no way, I want to hear your opinion. Last night, he told me I confuse him politically because I'm all over the place. My entj best guy friend is the king of conversation and showing interest and our values are the same. I'm concerned I won't have this with my estj but hopeful we will. For now, we know we want to be with each other and his strengths and weaknesses are my opposites. He hates mbti and doesn't want me to box him in with it. Lol. I want him to love my best parts. We will see where this journey takes us. We've both come SO far and grown a lot in such a short time! 

Isa (not verified) says...

ESTJ is a broad spectrum, I'm definitely one of the more emotional ones, trying to play it more cool which is hard especially when I get impatient. From what you are writing you are definitely not made of stone, and also this would not fit to the description above. 

Comments that have been made here are usually based on subjective individual interaction with one person that had this letter combination (or thought they had it), don't put too much weight on it.

Dann Cg (not verified) says...

Find a Facebook group called ESTJ. You can share your situation there. Goo luck

abd123 (not verified) says...

this is german mentality described over here. i want to mention that estj are not only practical but also tend to perfectionism naturally. they usually are very cold, serious and unemotional, but if you find the key, they can turn to one of the friendlest&caring persons you can find.

Vihaan Thakkar (not verified) says...

These are the traits you need in a functional group, we (ESTJs) are meant to be cold and effective. We are institutionalists because we know that without institutions and order society is doomed.

sam (not verified) says...

I agree totally. I am dating one and yes. VERY COLD.

Jennylol (not verified) says...

please give us an update on your relationship!

Hope (not verified) says...

You are so right I'm German n Native mix but I'm a estj I'm everything and more 

ESTJ Female (not verified) says...

I think the breakdown is mostly accurate but you can tell by some of the word choices there is a bit of bias. Motivation was attributed that I don't think it's entirely accurate. An ESTJ definitely didn't write this. My ISFP husband and I have been married for 10 years. We are very loyal and devoted to one another. He feels loved and respected by me. I think the person who wrote this rightly recognize that people with this personality can be rigid but achieving their goals and maintaining successful relationships is a major intrinsic motivator to improve their interpersonal communication. I don't think it's right to say they want to control others as much as we want the people we care for to be successful based on how we Define that. 

Mel Homan (not verified) says...

How do you manage to be married to an IFNP as an ESTJfemale? My husband seems t hates me. He thinks I'm rude abrasive etc. He doesn't like who I am. It's all deeply upsetting. I have no idea how you make the combo work. I'm really looking for advice and help because I feel very broken right now and upset

Ari (not verified) says...

There's much more going on than personality typing in a relationship. I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so awful about yourself based on the judgment of your partner. I think it would be a relief for you to maybe talk to a therapist, there may be something you're missing. External expert advice that is suitable for you as an individual can do wonders. Please know there's nothing wrong with you. Perhaps you would be able to work on the marriage but you can't do it alone. It takes two to tango so to speak, so don't take this all on you. I am an INFP and am able to empathize and get along with almost every type, but I can also disagree and be incompatible with every type. The key here is maturity, respect, and learning to let go when needed, it depends on the person, not their typing. I do hope you're able to have counseling and improve your relationship, but if you do everything you can and it still doesn't work, you may not be compatible with one another and your typing has nothing to do with it. I wish you luck and always remember there's nothing wrong with you, simply difficult matches. 

panda141 (not verified) says...

Excuse me, Truity!  Your page is incomplete.  You have not provided all of the necessary information.  I would like to know what the average income level is for the ESTJ personality group.  Please add this!  I am thinking of a funeral director or a dentist.  Thank you very much!

Zack CA (not verified) says...

That's Very ESTJ of you :) (I can smell my own)

I recommend going to better source of income for career choice and location. I would use, and

You got this!

Michele Fawcett-Long says...

Hello Panda141. You can find income by type in Truity blog post "How Your Personality Type Impacts Your Income" here:

lozinho (not verified) says...

Thanks for the answer Jdawg! Its always been something ive been thinking about, but since i didn’t find any of it written on truity,  or any estj mechanics on the internet, i was afraid i wouldn’t like it after trying it. Did you work as an electircian? And if you changed job, could i ask you why? :) Was there any difficulties with the personality in this area? Im just curious 💁‍♂️ 

Lozinho (not verified) says...

Is anybody here an ESTJ mechanic or electrician? I was just wondering if  ESTJ's do any good with mechanical stuff since im thinking about studying one of these professions. 

Jdawg (not verified) says...

I love doing mechanical work and have done some electrical work as well.  I think those are great jobs for an ESTJ. 

Think and Do (not verified) says...

I have known that I am an ESTJ for a long time.  Most of the sites online hit it right on the head with their descriptions of my type.  Over the last six years I have learned to add empathy and emotion to my character type, and when I took the profile test again I was stunned to find out that I am an even stronger ESTJ now.  I agree with most on this thread that being an ESTJ rocks.  Unfortantely, while we appreciate who we are, it can be very challenging for non-thinkers, non-doers and non-traditionalists to understand and put up with us.  I have dated quite a bit and women love me because I am smart, organized, have my life completely in order, have been in a great job for a long time and generally have my stuff together.  What often happens is that this means the initial months of dating are great, then the woman comes to rely on me more like daddy than their partner.  I would love to meet a self aware, intelligent, action oriented, communicationally up front, high integrity woman who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her.  We value our time alone, and cherish our time together.  Like all ESTJ's, I am very social, love to engage strangers as much as life long friends and would love to meet a woman who is a compliment to me - not a carbon copy.  Thanks for reading.  

ESTJ (not verified) says...

Be careful what you wish for. I tried dating other ESTJs when I was younger and it was a nightmare! We would just battle for control constantly and both want to be the dominant one in the relationship. And as a woman, it is usually (not always, but as a general rule) expected that you act cute, submissive and at least a bit needy at times. The stereotypical idea of a woman is not the ESTJ. I think it's considered a bit more attractive in men, since ESTJ traits tend to be quite 'masculine' ('can do' attitude, very logical, not very emotional, etc). A lot of men, especially ESTJ types, seem to dislike those traits in a woman. The ESTJ men I dated all had the same complaints... they didn't feel like I needed them (I didn't, I wanted them), they didn't like the fact that I was so independent, and they found me too coldly logical for a woman if we ever disagreed (I think they were used to non-ESTJ types and hated dealing with someone who wouldn't just give in). An ESTJ dating an ESTJ sounds like a great idea on paper, but in reality you just have the exact same problems but now doubled. I do much better with someone who compliments me. The only thing I would really struggle with is a very emotional and sensitive person. I need a logical 'thinker'.

Myra (not verified) says...

ESTJ Friend,

I love your independent, logic and pragmatic, non-feminine traits!!! You're so cool and please don't be conformed to the men who don't know how to love, respect and cherish a very brilliant you. I know a sister at church who is ESTJ, she's married to a INFJ who is somewhat sensitive and emotional (thanks to I and F) and yet still a highly logical thinker (thanks to the N and J). They seem doing pretty fine! It may make a complimentary pair. 

INTJ Friend

Michael Keith Helms (not verified) says...

You need an INFP...we've been married for 16 years with few problems after the inital few years

ND (not verified) says...

Totally agree with your comments.  I'm ESTJ and was married to an ESTJ.  Many things you mentioned played out in our marriage and caused major problems.  We are now divorced.  Hope to find a personality type that naturally fits best w/ ESTJ.

Alli (not verified) says...

Would suggest you try xNTx types. The best relationships (partners, family and friends) I've had have all been with those. xxFx types are far too emotional for ESTJs and the N is a good compliment to the S as a team (one ideas person, one practical 'concrete results' person). But the T means you will be on a similar intellectual wavelength. I'd also say find an introvert as a partner, as I personally only find introverts attractive. Another extrovert just leads to fighting over attention. But that's just my preference.

Sanjay Gore (not verified) says...

I am happy to know my personality is ESTJ though need help to develop as ENFpinspiring & ENTp visionary 

That would shape up my character 

Any thoughts...

MrKiemura (not verified) says...

Start dating ENFP as ESTJ. Challenging opposite, you probably do not have anybody in your social circle as these two types avoid each other. But if you happen to dat one ENFP...and will have learnt something a lot. The idea is that either you can associate with people compatible with you and not being challenged as you are or you can associate yourself with somebody who is absolutely challenging to you as person...which is tough, painful....but it gives to you an opportunity to grow.

RachaelC (not verified) says...

Hi all... I have been trying to research myself for once... I usually get deep into details and pickup on the slightest things... most of what I read says that we estj hold jobs for long time... I have a problem with that... once I work somewhere I am very determined to do my part and people tend to feel like I am showing them up or something or even the male bosses seem intimidated... I am currently an admin assitant running the office on my own no help literally... while they are training me same time to be operations support assistant... it is too much I know I can do it all but not as fast as they would like... so the other isue is once I don't feel appreciated for the effort and time I put in... I just want to leave I don't want to stay where not respected... like I usually come in an hour early and stay over by an hour to get the work done... any suggestions for high paying career without having to go back to college... please and thank you!

ESTJ (not verified) says...

Have you considered setting up as a contractor or starting your own company? You can hire people to fill in the skills you lack, while retaining control over managing and structuring everything.

Morgan Ward (not verified) says...

After taking the test, and reviewing what the studies have described me to be, I would agree strongly with all of this. I am an athlete, and I love to take control and know that the situation is in control and structured. I love to know what is expected, and for everyone to have the same idea and guidelines for the assignment/project.

brianhatcher31 says...

Hmm . I am am ESTJ, but years ago I thought I was an INFJ. My tests almost always show a balance from 45% to 52% str8 across the board with All the types. But I am at 58% at ESTJ these days. My Dad was strict so I was forced to play the introvert and be quiet and more perceptive. Anyway... my wife is an INFJ.....maddening! Lol.

Deano (not verified) says...

Im an estj and my wife an infj and all i can say is i wish i was more caring about not only her feelings but empathetic in general. It hurts to see our relationship in disarray.  I do love her but i have hurt her too much to believe me. Are there any words of wisdom / advice from you since you are married to the same personality type as mine? Thanks. Shes a good woman. Too good for me.

Alli (not verified) says...

I don't think this is just an ESTJ/INFP problem, but a wider issue with some types that just aren't compatible. I've dated two INFPs and an ENFP and while they said I was too cold and unemotional, I found them very emotionally draining and like kids where I had to do most of the work or nothing would ever get done. It was exhausting. I don't think either of us were right or wrong, just different. Too different for it to work. They viewed words as communicating feelings. Whereas I viewed actions as communicating feelings. They would say they felt 'abused' because I didn't say the right words to them at the right time in the right way. I felt 'abused' because they were financial and energy parasites towards me and I felt like my hard work was never really appreciated. But in hindsight, I don't think either of us meant to hurt the other. We just had opposing values and needs in a relationship. 

The key is finding someone who has matching values and needs. I now realise I need someone else who has a strong work ethic, appreciates actions and gifts rather than pretty words and will judge me on behaviour rather than the way I speak. I no longer date xxFx types for that reason.

barry badp (not verified) says...

change your personality. Nobody voluntarily wants to be around an estj. Stop judging, let people live their own lives, work on yourself before you turn to others. Or just leave your poor wife aline. 

Guest (not verified) says...

I don't know if this is still useful to you, but my parents had this paring and similar problems. My dad would try and try to fix it by trying to make her spend time together like he thought people 'should',  always missing the point that all my mother needed was a bit of space to do her own thing and a genuine appreciation for her own differences and cintributions. If you want to fix it, give her the time and freedom to be herself, and don't tell yourself that you already do that, because you probably don' just think you do and that's the problem. 

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