Are You a Possessive or a Pajama Parent? Here’s What the Enneagram Says About Your Parenting Style

The Enneagram system types personalities in terms of how they move in the emotional arena. Some people face emotions and fears head-on, while others try to avoid them. Every personality has its own way of dealing with emotions—and that has a huge impact on your parenting style. 

Since children are guaranteed to put you through the wringer on any given Tuesday, checking your triggers before you react is where being a better parent begins.

Here's what your Enneagram type says about your parenting style.

Type One: The Level-up Parent

Ones strive to follow the rules and do things right. They channel their feelings of anger into a focus on self-control, and it manifests in high standards for themselves and others. As parents, Ones can be extremely strict and expect more from their children. They prioritize discipline, order, and structure in the family environment and provide tireless encouragement for the goals in their children’s lives.

Growth tip: Ones shouldn’t forget to include relaxation and fun in their family goals! Children thrive from play, so take a break from the endless list of tasks and make time for laughter.

Type Two: The Possessive Parent

Twos want to be liked and often help others to feel a sense of belonging. They fear being unlovable and may project that onto their children—going to great lengths to ensure their children feel loved and cared for, perhaps to the point of smothering them in love. As parents, they are nurturing and selfless, always putting their children’s needs before their own.

Growth tip: It’s wise to balance out this parenting style by teaching children to be independent and self-reliant. This will help them develop a sense of autonomy as they grow up.

Type Three: The Social Media Parent

Threes strive to appear successful and like to be admired, often focusing on their public image. They fear failure and not being valued by others and success is a way toward personal recognition. As parents, these motivated Threes have a planned mental roadmap for where their family is headed, and they're going to shout about those accomplishments from the rooftops.

Growth tip: Threes should remember to take pauses in between their success-driven mindset and focus on the relationship with their children. Break away from the public image and embrace private moments together to show that family is still a priority—avoid living vicariously through the kids.

Type Four: The Non-conformist Parent

Fours desire to be unique and experience deep, authentic emotions. They fear they are flawed and often struggle with self-doubt, which drives them to embrace their individuality. As parents, Fours may overly focus on how their children are different from others and encourage creative self-expression. Their children likely will feel safe being vulnerable and honest with their Type Four parent.

Growth tip: Fours must be cautious about over-sharing their adult issues with children who aren’t yet able to manage them. Allow your children to experience pain and struggle in safe ways, so they can develop age-appropriate ways of coping.

Type Five: The Innovative Parent

Fives are more comfortable with data than people. They seek understanding and knowledge, often diving deep into their areas of interest. These parents will always have the latest tools and info for raising kids. Because Fives fear being overwhelmed by their own and others’ needs, they have a more independent and reserved parenting style. They may be walking childcare encyclopedias, but they're going to be pretty hands-off.

Growth tip: Type Five parents should practice removing their thinking cap long enough to enjoy the moment! Embrace the joy of living in the present with your child and find ways to foster meaningful connections.

Type Six: The Protective Parent

Sixes express their style through a focus on safety and security. They confront their fear of being unable to defend themselves or their loved ones by being prepared for potential dangers. From baby gates to CPR classes, these parents are vigilant about creating a stable environment for their children.

Growth tip: Six parents should practice applying the same nurturing and boundary-setting to themselves, as they tend to forget self-care amid the chaos of parenting. Looking after yourself is key to staying in a calm state, even as your kids test the boundaries.

Type Seven: The Impassioned Parent

Sevens have a zest for life and seek adventure, making them busy and enthusiastic parents. They look for ways to avoid too much downtime. Since they are repressing their fear of experiencing emotional pain, they actively avoid it by staying in constant motion. Although Sevens struggle with focus and discipline, their home will have a revolving door and they are the cheerleaders in their child’s life.

Growth tip: These parents should remember that kids need a balance with quiet, unstructured, and—yes—boredom time, too. Encourage your children to enjoy the stillness so they can build tolerance for life's not-so-fun experiences.

Type Eight: The Powerful Parent

Eights want to feel strong and powerful and they fear being powerless. As a result, they will focus on controlling others and their environment, and they will stand up for what they believe in —for example, they will never tolerate someone bullying their child. Assertive and protective, Eights are the type of parent who is always advocating for their children’s rights.

Growth tip: Type Eight parents need to remember that unleashing big emotions can quickly overwhelm the family. Learning to listen and relate to sensitive kids is a skill to cultivate.

Type Nine: The Pajama Parent

Nines go with the flow and prioritize maintaining harmony. Since they fear pushing others away, they often let others set the agenda and keep their own opinions to a minimum. As parents, Nines may be more passive, putting the needs and desires of their kids over their own. They provide a comfortable and happy home for their family.

Growth tip: Keeping conflict to a minimum is great, but Nines should learn to create boundaries, be assertive, and instill respect and responsibility in their children. Otherwise, resentment can build. Nines don’t need to become martyrs to parent successfully.