What pops into your head when you think of your perfect partner? Do you envision certain physical features or personality traits? Or is it more important that they share similar beliefs and values?
Whether we’re conscious of it or not, most of us have a “type” often stemming from our childhood experiences.
As children, we become accustomed to certain patterns of behavior in our close relationships. And as adults, we often desire partners who allow us to continue those patterns, or — if we recognize the patterns as unhealthy — we may seek partners who reflect something different from what’s familiar.
One system of personality that uniquely explores our inner motivations and behaviors that stem from childhood is the Enneagram — a system of personality typing that describes patterns in how people interpret the world.
Each of the nine Enneagram personality types has a motivation that is centered around a certain emotion — Eights, Nines, and Ones center around anger, Twos, Threes, and Fours center around sadness or shame, and Fives, Sixes, and Sevens center around fear.
Some Enneagram types experience strong emotions while other types avoid or repress these emotions. Your basic Enneagram type is impacted by biological factors as well as your environmental influences growing up — such as family dynamics and parental relationships.
Using the Enneagram for Relationship Bliss
The Enneagram is an incredible tool for greater self-awareness. It also allows for a deeper understanding of your partner and provides insights into how you can more effectively communicate, support each other and make decisions.
If you’re wondering what Enneagram type you’re most compatible with, we’ve developed the Enneagram True Compatibility test — which you can take for free. Based on the widely accepted principles of the Enneagram personality system and further informed by +88,000 Enneagram test-takers who shared their relationship successes, fails, and patterns, the test identifies your ideal match based on a self-assessment of your key attraction factors.
Keep in mind: the Enneagram cannot determine which type is the “best fit” for any one person. With an open mind and the willingness to grow individually and as a couple, any type pairing can be a match made in heaven.
Tips for Relationship Bliss with Each Enneagram Type
After you take the Enneagram True Compatibility test, read on for some tips for relationship success, based on your match’s Enneagram type. To learn more about the Enneagram types and relationships, check out our Enneagram and Love survey of more than 88,000 Truity test-takers.
If your match is an Enneagram 1…
- Remind them that they are loved. Because they are so self-critical, Ones need to be frequently reminded that they are valued and good enough as they are.
- Be kind with criticism. Perfectionists are especially sensitive to criticism, so make sure to point out their mistakes constructively and gently.
- Practice what you preach. Integrity is a core value of an Enneagram One and something they expect in return from their partners.
If your match is an Enneagram 2…
- Be affectionate. Twos need a partner who demonstrates affection and reassures them of their love. Your Two needs to hear you say, “I love you for you.”
- Let them think out loud. Givers process their emotions best when they can talk out how they are feeling. In moments of frustration, they need to talk through what is bothering them to get to a solution that meets their needs.
- Dig deep. Twos don’t prioritize their feelings, so if you suspect something is wrong, keep digging until they get to the root of the issue.
If your match is an Enneagram 3…
- Express praise and appreciation. Threes are constantly seeking approval from others and they really like it when you verbalize it.
- Encourage them to express their feelings. Achievers focus on doing more than feeling, and they often need to be encouraged to identify and describe how they feel.
- Respect their time and space. Work will always be a large part of a Three’s life, and they work best with partners who understand this and allow them the time and space to focus on their projects.
If your match is an Enneagram 4…
- Embrace their intensity. Fours know they are different from most people. This is not something that needs to be corrected or fixed, but rather admired and appreciated.
- Be reliable. Fours need stability and trust in their relationships. They fear pushing people away and need partners who they can depend on.
- Acknowledge their feelings. Fours often need to be reminded that their feelings are valid and that they are loveable and valuable as they are.
If your match is an Enneagram 5…
- Be direct. Fives struggle to understand what their partner wants or needs in a relationship. Be clear about what you want without being critical or demanding.
- Appreciate their time. Time and energy are valuable resources to a Five. Let them know how much you enjoy it when they spend time with you.
- Encourage them to talk about their feelings. Investigators don’t spend a lot of time exploring their emotions. They do well with partners who can patiently ease them into conversations about how they feel.
If your match is an Enneagram 6…
- Follow through on your promises. Trust is the most important value for Enneagram Sixes. With all the time they spend thinking up a flurry of hypothetical scenarios, knowing someone has their back is extraordinarily comforting.
- Be yourself. Skeptics aren’t easily fooled by others. To earn their trust, it’s important to be genuine and honest with your Six.
- Be patient. Sixes like to ask questions about things they don’t immediately understand, especially when potential risks are involved. Give them the time and space to research and get their questions answered before making a decision.
If your match is an Enneagram 7…
- Allow them to express their ideas freely. Enthusiasts connect with others through the lighthearted exchange of ideas. They don’t expect other people to agree with their opinions, but they need the freedom to share them.
- Expect them to be their own person. Sevens have a lot of energy and will always have interests and friendships outside of their relationship. They need a partner who gives them space to be themselves and honors their independence.
- Treat them as equals. Because of their cheerful and playful nature, some may view Sevens as immature or naive. This is not the case. Sevens are more than capable of taking care of themselves and others, so treat them like adults.
If your match is an Enneagram 8…
- Be direct. Eights appreciate communication that is honest and straightforward. They work best in relationships with people who aren’t afraid to say exactly what they think.
- Share the love. While Eights are tough on the outside, they still need plenty of love and affection.
- Be your own person. Eights look for an equal partnership and don’t fit well with people they see as overly needy.
If your match is an Enneagram 9…
- Appreciate their honesty. Nines’ fear of confrontation makes it hard for them to speak their truth. Encourage them to speak up and honor their decisions.
- Give them space. Nines need plenty of alone time to recharge and process how they feel about things — especially if a big decision is involved.
- Be direct but patient. Peacemakers appreciate clear communication about what is expected of them, but they also need time to work at their own pace.