The Small Thing That Instantly Improves Each Enneagram Type’s Day

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” ~Robert Brault

When it comes to the important people in our lives, we often focus on making them feel loved through grand gestures reserved for big occasions. We plan surprise parties for birthdays or take our spouse out of town for an anniversary. 

But we could probably make an even bigger impact with small, unexpected acts of kindness on basic, boring days. The Enneagram practically gives you a user’s manual for this, so let’s have a closer look at the little things you can do to instantly improve the day of every Enneagram type. 

Type One: Notice the Thing They Quietly Fixed 

“Thanks for reorganizing the spice shelf. I didn’t realize how cluttered it was until you cleaned it out. Now I can find everything!” 

Somewhere on earth at this very moment, a Type One is diligently cleaning a refrigerator, installing a new scheduling system or reorganizing an office supply cabinet, all without being asked. The improvers of the Enneagram are behind a lot of the organization, efficiency and progress in the world, and while they might seem tireless in their drive to get things right, that’s not the full story. Type Ones exhaust themselves with their never ending to-do lists and their relentless attention to detail.  “I wish I could relax more,” they share in their more vulnerable moments.

With this as the backdrop, when someone notices one of their small, self-motivated improvements—those little fixes that no one else realized needed doing—it is music to their ears. Type Ones don’t seek praise but they do appreciate when their efforts are noticed. 

Tip: If you want to make your Type One’s day, find something they quietly improved and thank them for it before they even point it out.

Type Two:  Offer Unsolicited Praise About the Vibe They Create

“I was telling someone about you today. I told them you’re the reason people enjoy coming into the office, and our team couldn’t function without you.” 

It isn’t even 10:00 a.m. and already your Type Two colleague has brewed your coffee, asked with interest about your child’s soccer tournament and organized a welcome lunch for the new hire. The Givers of the Enneagram focus on the needs of others and offering support is second nature to them. Whether at work, home or in a social setting, these are the people that make the rest of us feel connected and welcome. 

Type Twos like offering support, and in my typing interviews, they sometimes share that being helpful feels like the meaning of life. But they also like appreciation, and that’s why a heartfelt compliment really touches them. You’ll make their day if you appreciate their big heart and not just the practical support they offer. 

Tip: Talk about the emotional environment they create and how they make other people feel. Being seen this way really touches their heart.

Type Three: Notice the Effort Behind Their Success

“I heard that you worked all weekend on that presentation. It really paid off! The CFO was so impressed by how  you anticipated her question. Thanks for going the extra mile.” 

Gold stars, recognition awards and nods of approval are something Type Threes have come to expect. They know how to perform, and they excel at hitting their goals. People admire the performance but rarely notice the exhaustion underneath it. 

“Great job” isn’t the same as “great effort,” and you’ll really make their day if you acknowledge the heavy lifting that went into the success. Despite appearances, Type Threes don’t have an unending supply of energy and when you appreciate their effort, it is like filling up their gas tank.

Tip: Be specific as you acknowledge the effort behind the win. Think of it as skipping the highlight reel and focusing on the behind-the-scenes footage.

Type Four: Share How Their Inner World Impacted You

“I listened to your voice memo four times. You put into words exactly what I was feeling but didn’t really have the vocabulary to express. Thank you for that.”

Type Fours have high emotional fluency and we run to them during an emotional crisis. But while they are great at helping us understand our internal world, they themselves often feel misunderstood. Imagine being a foreign film at a multiplex that only shows blockbuster movies. That’s what it can feel like to be a Type Four, and sometimes they wonder if anyone is even interested in the message they are trying to express. Because they feel misunderstood, it is incredibly nourishing when someone finally appreciates their unique perspective.

Tip: Tell them specifically how their words, creativity or gesture impacted you. Make sure to keep it real because Type Fours are allergic to insincerity. 

Type Five: Pay Attention to Their Topic of Interest

"I know you've thought a lot about the future of the bond market. I'd love to hear your take."

Type Fives are the researchers of the Enneagram who can disappear down rabbit holes and emerge weeks later knowing everything there is to know about Venetian architecture, vaccine safety or the history of monetary policy. But while knowledgeable, they don't share information casually. Connection isn’t easy for them, and they have to feel like you actually want to know.

When you ask a genuine question and listen intently to what they have to say, they feel closer to you, and they'll share in a way they rarely do. If you follow up with "I hadn't thought about it that way," you've made their week.

Tip: Be genuinely curious about something they know a lot about and pay attention to what they have to say. The way to their heart is through their mind.

Type Six: Let Them Know You Are Thinking of Them

"Just wanted to send you a note to let you know I’m thinking about you. I don’t need anything, but I miss you. Let’s chat soon!”

Type Six, the loyalists of the Enneagram, are deeply committed to their relationships, even though you might not see that. But while they are all in, they are secretly afraid you might not be and that’s why a quick message that you are thinking about them has the surprising ability to totally make their day.  Everyone likes to feel remembered but for Type Sixes, it calms their worried minds. Security is what they seek and knowing you care about them makes the world feel like a more stable place.

Tip: Don’t wait for a reason to reach out. The spontaneity of the message is part of what makes their day.

Type Seven:  Say Yes to Their Crazy Idea

"Yes. Let's do it! Saturday works."

Type Sevens are full of ideas: big, small, spontaneous, elaborate, practical, impossible—you name it, they imagine it. It is hard to describe just how energizing it is for the Type Seven mind to consider all the future possibilities. Their planning fixation is part of what makes their world a beautiful place. But because their minds generate possibilities faster than most people can act on them, the graveyard of ideas is something they know well.

This is why it feels so incredible when they float the notion of a spontaneous road trip, a new business idea or getting a reservation at the weird restaurant nobody talks about, and you say “yes, let's do it!” Type Sevens are endlessly energized by possibility, but what lights them up even more is when possibility becomes real. 

Tip: Make their day by being the person who says yes and who means it.

Type Eight: Offer to Help Them Without Being Asked

"I noticed you are managing a lot right now. I've got time this week. What can I take off your plate?"

Type Eight Challengers rarely ask for help. They make decisions, handle the hard calls and absorb the pressure so the rest of us don’t have to. They step into leadership so naturally nobody thinks to ask if they need backup—the unspoken assumption around a Type Eight is that they're fine. The truth is that sometimes they're not, but they will never let you know that.

And this is why when someone notices how much they are carrying and offers real, practical help, it can make a Type Eight’s day. They might not necessarily accept the offer, but they appreciate that someone saw through the armor without needing them to lower it first. 

Tip: Don't ask “are you okay?” because they'll say yes. Offer something specific and practical instead.

Type Nine: Ask Them What They Want and Wait For the Answer

“Everyone else said where they want to go for dinner, but we haven’t heard from you yet. What is your favorite type of food?”

The Type Nine Peacemakers of the Enneagram famously “go along to get along” but this sometimes leaves them out in the cold. How many times have they gone for Chinese food when they really wanted a hamburger? Even if it is hard for them to say directly what they want, they do have preferences and desires.  That’s why you can easily make a Type Nine’s day by creating space for them to be heard.  

Tip:  Ask for their opinion and don’t move on until you’ve heard it. Don’t let them get away with “I don’t care.” They do, they just might need some help realizing it.

The Small Things are Really Big Things

Grand gestures are nice and might be memorable, but they usually come a few times a year while ordinary life is playing out every Tuesday morning. The Enneagram reminds us that different people need different things, and with awareness, we can all make each other’s day a bit better. Most people are carrying unseen emotional needs they rarely have the vocabulary to say out loud, and sometimes the smallest act of understanding is what makes someone feel truly loved.