How to Get Different Personality Types to Like You
It might be easier to relate to, like, and be liked by people with personality traits similar to your own.
But you will need to interact with people of different personality types and traits as well. The experience will likely be more pleasant if you can not only tolerate each other, but figure out ways to enjoy and benefit from each other’s company. Even better if you can help people with different personality types to like you, and find that you like them in turn.
That way, you’ll expand the range of people you call friends, work better with co-workers, and find that people with different personality types are drawn to you, because you show that you ‘get’ them.
Myers and Briggs personality types are based on four different dichotomies, or pairs of opposite traits. Each personality type favors, to a lesser or greater degree, one of two opposites in four categories: Introversion/Extraversion; Sensing/iNtuition; Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving.
Let’s break them down into the four opposing pairs. Then, we will see how by playing to the others’ strengths, accepting them as they are, and finding ways to learn from each others’ different approaches, we can get those with different personality types to like us and make our interactions with them more enjoyable for both of us.
Introverts/Extraverts
To get an Introvert to like you:
Play to their strengths: If you need a listening ear, and some insightful feedback, ask an Introvert. They’ll be flattered that you sought them out. Just be prepared to wait patiently while they carefully form their response.
Accept them as they are: Don’t try to force them to act extraverted or go to large social events. Be willing to make the first move. Introverts can be like dominoes. You just need to nudge them, and they’ll take on their own momentum from there.
Learn from them: Enjoy quiet time with your Introvert by having them share with you the charms of quiet pursuits, such as reading a good book, honing an artistic skill, taking a walk in nature, etc. You’ll become a better listener, learn to enjoy quieter pleasures, and come to appreciate the Introvert’s thoughtful nature.
Play to their strengths: Let them introduce you and play host. Allow them to talk and entertain you. If you get overwhelmed in a crowd, let them take the lead and shield you.
Accept them as they are: Rather than trying to dial them back all the time, you might sometimes opt to push yourself a little out of your comfort zone. Go to a party or other social outing with them. Try to share more in the conversation.
Learn from them: Let the Extravert show you what thrills them about being out and about among people. Don’t worry; they’ll do most of the interacting for you, but it will help you become a bit more outgoing and benefit from the Extravert’s social skills.
Sensors/INtuitives
To get a Sensor to like you:
Play to their strengths: Do something active and fun with them. Go food tasting, take a painting class or a nature hike. Allow them to show you their world, and really savor what you do together.
Accept them as they are: Let them immerse themselves in the experience without always requiring that they engage in deep conversation or look for meaning beyond the moment.
Learn from them: If you’re an Intuitive type, you might find that you enjoy the novelty of being in the moment for its own sake. Stay with the Sensor’s thought processes as you enjoy activities together - you may learn things you could apply to enrich parts of your life.
To get an Intuitive to like you:
Play to their strengths: Intuitives look beyond data to find a deeper meaning and are more interested in abstract conversations than the concrete. Keep them engaged by asking them open questions – “why?” – and encouraging them to share their ideas.
Accept them as they are: Instead of complaining that the Intuitive’s ideas are abstract or impractical, go with it even if it doesn’t seem grounded. Intuitives have their own kind of logic, and they appreciate when you acknowledge its value.
Learn from them: Listen to the Intuitive and let them push you beyond what you see and know. Try to truly appreciate the richness and wisdom of looking beyond what you see with your eyes.
Thinkers/Feelers
To get a Thinker to like you:
Play to their strengths: When you need concrete data, and a logical trail based on the facts, turn to a Thinker. They can help provide some emotional distance when the numbers and policies really must be considered.
Accept them as they are: Rather than viewing Thinkers as heartless, realize they’re just geared toward seeing the black and white of things, and that this viewpoint can meet the needs of certain situations.
Learn from them: Take a leaf out of the Thinker’s book and try to get to the truth of a situation, without letting feelings get in the way. You’re both hardwired to be honest – Thinkers with the objective facts and Feelers with their personal truth – so take time to explore how, by coming together, you can be great at tackling a crisis.
To get a Feeler to like you:
Play to their strengths: Feelers favor feelings over logic and consider the effect of their actions on other people. So be patient and respectful with them, and try to meet them in the middle by naming your emotions even if you are not necessarily feeling them at that moment.
Accept them as they are: Don’t just throw numbers and facts at them and expect them to agree that it’s all there is to consider. Show appreciation for their compassion and ability to look beyond what’s on the page or computer screen. And don’t tell them they’re “too sensitive.” Their strengths may be different, but they’re still strengths, not weaknesses.
Learn from them: Facts and data and logic are important, but so are feelings, human considerations, and creative alternatives. Besides opening up your heart, pay close attention to your body language and consider how much more approachable you appear to others when you present yourself in a more open way. Oh, and give your Feeler a hug every now and then!
Judgers/Perceivers
To get a Judger to like you:
Play to their strengths: When you need to make a decision quickly and with confidence, and to stay on schedule or proceed in an orderly way, a Judger is a definite asset. Let them take charge of something you need to organize and be sure to show your gratitude for their efforts.
Accept them as they are: Just because Judgers are decisive and trust their own viewpoint, doesn’t necessarily mean they’re “judgemental.” Rather than complaining about their tendency to be a bit rigid, show appreciation for their ability to get things done.
Learn from them: How to plan, be organized, turn up on time, schedule and remember things…these are all skills you can learn from the Judger. Remember what you observe of your Judger and put these things into practice.
To get a Perceiver to like you:
Play to their strengths: A Perceiver can help protect you from being too quick to move ahead when the stakes are high. After all, you can’t easily undo a major change, like quitting your job, moving out of your apartment, or leaving a relationship. Ask the Perceiver to teach you how to weigh all the angles first. They will feel heard and valued, and they just might protect you from being too hasty.
Accept them as they are: Perceivers need to take time making important decisions and don’t like to tie themselves down too quickly. If you’re a Judger, you might bristle at how long this process takes, but don’t rush them, even if the choice seems obvious to you. Rather than accuse them of “procrastinating,” realize they may be working from a different set of priorities that can be just as valuable.
Learn from them: There’s a time for being decisive and resolute, and a time for thinking through all the options and angles. The Perceiver in your life can help you see that sometimes the best choice isn’t immediately obvious. Also, they can teach empathy for other points of view.
The Takeaway
Not only are there advantages to getting different personality types to like you, but you can learn a lot from people with opposite traits. And if you show appreciation for their strengths, they’ll likely be more open to doing the same for you.
This can lead to enriching friendships, better working partnerships, and a more well-rounded approach to life for each personality type.
Why not give it a try and see how you’re rewarded for your efforts?
