A young couple sitting at a table outside talking.

Do Extraverts really crave the spotlight all the time or are we just believing everything we see in movies? Can they actually chat forever without pausing for breath? Do they honestly have friends in every bar or is that just a stereotype?

The truth is, Extraverts are about as misunderstood as Introverts. And while Introverts have long been screaming into the void about the many misconceptions people have about them, it's time to admit they're guilty of having a few misconceptions of their own.

From this Extravert to all Introverts out there, here are 7 things you might think extraverts like but are actually huge turn offs.

1. Constant chatter and meaningless small talk

While Extraverts love to meet new people and spark random conversations, that doesn’t mean they necessarily like small talk. Sure, some Extraverts like nothing more than to chit chat with a complete stranger, but not all Extraverts feel the same. And we hate it when people assume we do!

When the Extravert wants to go deeper, they'll throw out signals. Pay attention—this is an opportunity to do your introvert thing and ask thought-provoking questions and engage in more substantial discussions.

Extravert doesn’t equal uninteresting. Venture beyond small talk and you might find that you have a lot more in common than you think.

2. Doing our own thing

When you're in a relationship with a partner of the opposite type, it's natural to look for advice about how to deal with your very obvious energy differences. And a lot of that advice says, don't force your extraverted partner into spending their evenings at home all the time. They need to go out and socialize, so let them go to events, parties and social gatherings without you.

Well, this may be okay every now and then, but I guarantee your extraverted partner misses having you there with them.

While it can be good to do hobbies separately, you need to make sure there’s a balance in your relationship. Sometimes you need to do things that are outside your comfort zone so you can be there for your extraverted partner—and they should do the same for you. That might mean finding compromises like going to a smaller gathering instead of a huge party so you can both go together.

3. Socializing with your friends

Extraverts can get along with anyone, so of course they'll want to hang out with your circle of friends. Right? Actually, not always.

While we may come across as social butterflies, Extraverts don't want to be around people all the time (hello, introverted Extraverts). Or we might want to be around “our” people—the friends we have gathered over the years who we can call on no matter what.

Even for Extraverts, it can be overwhelming to constantly be in new social situations or surrounded by people we don't know very well. That's especially true if those people are Introverts, and they're relying on us to break the ice and keep the conversation going.

It's not that Extraverts don't like your friends. But sometimes, we'd like to build new friendship groups with you, together.

4. Hogging the spotlight

Many Introverts assume that the Extraverts in their life like getting all the attention, and that they want all eyes on them, all the time. But that’s a harmful assumption. Just because Extraverts feel more comfortable in the spotlight than you do doesn't mean they always want to be there.

In fact, being in the spotlight can be overwhelming for some Extraverts, especially if it's unexpected or undeserved. It's a lot of pressure for us to be the ones speaking up, leading the conversation, or taking charge of a situation. Sometimes we just want to be able to relax and listen.

5. Being always on the go

Extraverts love fast-paced and energetic environments but they need downtime too. The balance that Introverts need between socializing and recharging is the same balance Extraverts need between people time and processing time. The only difference is our scales are calibrated differently.

So, when you're planning your next date night or weekend getaway, don't assume that your extraverted partner wants to go, go, go all the time. Quieter activities like going to the movies, browsing a book shop or doing a quiz night make us happy, too.

6. Being labeled "Extraverts"

Is introversion your defining trait? For some people, the answer will be yes. But for most, it's just one aspect of their personality. And the same goes for Extraverts.

Just as you don't want to be labeled as shy or antisocial all the time, we don't want to be pegged as loud and outgoing 24/7. We have more layers to our personalities than that. Don't assume that our extraversion is all there is to us.

Also, please don't use what you think you know about extraversion to second-guess our needs. Introverts don't like it when people assume they need to be alone all the time. We're all individuals, and you might be surprised by how much we like the same things as you.

7. Putting fun before feelings

Extraverts are usually described as outgoing, energetic, resilient and fun-loving. But behind our confident exterior, we have emotions just like everyone else. And they can get hurt.

It's easy to write us off as being "too tough" or even "too superficial" to be bothered by rude comments or unkind actions, but that's not the case at all. Extraverts may seem confident and self-assured on the outside, but it doesn't mean we don't feel pain when someone hurts our feelings or dismisses us.

Remember that Extraverts are just as sensitive and vulnerable as Introverts. In every type of relationship, we both have to work together to show each other empathy and understanding. Because at the end of the day, our personality types don't define us as individuals—our actions and relationships do. Great things happen when we look beyond stereotypes to truly figure each other out.

Elizabeth Harris
Elizabeth is a freelance writer and ghostwriter. She’s an anthropologist at heart and loves using social theory to get deeper into the topics she writes about. Born in the UK, Elizabeth has lived in Copenhagen, Frankfurt and Dubai before moving most recently to Budapest, Hungary. She’s an ENTJ with ENFJ leanings. Find out more about her work at bethharris.com