ENTP and INFJ Personalities: A Match Made in Heaven?

Have you ever met someone and felt like they absolutely, totally get you? That this person makes you feel alive and excited just by saying hello? If you’re an INFJ who’s met an ENTP, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Many people say that ENTP and INFJ types are made for each other. 

But ….aren’t ENTP personality types fun-loving, gregarious Extraverts? And INFJ personalities are sensitive Introverts who hate small talk? How is this match possible? Is this unlikely pair really a match made in heaven or do their opposing traits ultimately create more rancor than romance? 

Let’s take a look.

Intuitives attract…but who can get a word in edgewise?

As two intuitives together, ENTPs and INFJs can do what they both love best—engaging in deep, meaningful conversations. Both types think and view the world in abstract, and talking about ideas and possibilities, instead of just facts, details and events, is like catnip to these two. They just can’t get enough. 

As an INFJ who’s dated an ENTP, I’d spend evenings talking with my partner about psychology, history, politics, and religion and it was thrilling. Nerdy, yes, but thrilling.

Everyone knows that ENTPs love to talk and share their ideas. Perhaps more than any other type, INFJs are brilliant at listening and engaging with those ideas, as well as keeping the ENTP on track. This can make their conversations, and their relationship, an exciting meeting of the minds. When they’re talking to each other, you can almost literally see the sparks flying!

Problems arise when the ENTP wants their INFJ introverted partner to open up more than they feel able to do. The INFJ, on the other hand, might struggle to get a word in edgewise in conversations with the enthusiastic ENTP.  While sharing ideas is a great quality of the ENTP, it might be a bit too much of a good thing for the quieter, more inward-looking INFJ. 

There’s mutual trust ...but a conflicting emotional style

INFJs like people they can trust deeply and who can really see all their layers. And, although they have a harder time opening up themselves, ENTPs love to look at things in-depth while their confidence provides reassuring moral support. In other words, these types can really see and support each other. 

INFJs also love to make people feel better and are authentic, insightful people who can see past a facade—another way they help ENTPs to be themselves. This generates the kind of trust that makes them want to live in the woods if it means they can be together.

The pressure point comes from their conflicting emotional style. INFJs are one of Keirsey’s Idealist types. They value human connection, trust their intuition and value compassion over material things. The INFJ is interested in the way things affect people, and has the emotional intelligence to deal with those events.

Known as the Inventor, ENTPs are one of Keirsey’s Rational types. They trust logic and practicality and are focused on problem-solving and systems analysis. Conflicts can arise when the ENTP thinks their INFJ partner is too emotional and impractical, and the INFJ feels the ENTP is cold and distant.

Couples that play together, stay together…but one of them needs space

Outgoing ENTPs can encourage the introverted INFJ to be more social. Conversely, the INFJ can help the ENTP to slow down and take some time to reflect. They may need to set boundaries about how much time they spend socialising versus spending quiet time alone, but they are always helping each other grow. Ultimately, the ENTP’s spontaneity can make life so fun and exciting for INFJs, it feels like magic.

Where things get explosive is the need for recharge time. As Extraverts, ENTPs are energized by spending time with people, and INFJs recharge with time alone. This pairing may have some interesting arguments about how to spend their time, especially when either or both of them are under stress. It can be difficult for ENTPs to recognise that INFJs aren’t necessarily shy. They actually enjoy being alone!

They make smart decisions together...but clash over routines

The INFJ likes to make plans and establish a routine, keep things organised and finish what they start. They tend to be serious and goal-oriented, while the ENTP is usually happy to let them take the reins while they take a more relaxed approach to life. They may be different in their P and J preferences, but in this case, opposites attract. These types are capable of making some really smart decisions together, striking a nice balance between getting a decision made and sleeping on it to make sure the decision is the right one.

But then, the INFJ is all about honoring commitments, while the ENTP can become bored with routine. Problems can develop if the INFJ becomes too controlling and set in their ways, or the ENTP changes plans at the last minute or fails to recognise schedules. The ENTP can seem unmotivated or even lazy to the hard-working INFJ, while the ENTP can see their INFJ partner as uptight, restrictive and just no fun. 

Fun is a vital relationship component for the freewheeling ENTP, so if these types can’t find ways to play and relax together, the relationship could soon hit the rocks.

The final word

Despite their differences, INFJ and ENTP personality types can give each other one of the most important things in a relationship—feeling understood. Because they both like to think about and discuss ideas, they feel connected to each other and understood in themselves, yet still have endless possibilities for learning, discussion and personal development.

No relationship comes without obstacles and challenges to overcome, but if an INFJ and ENTP are lucky enough to meet, they will likely find someone who is a mind mate, a soul mate, and someone who will help them be the best they can be.

Deborah Ward

Deborah Ward is a writer and an INFJ. She has a passion for writing articles, blog posts and books that inspire, motivate and encourage people to build self-confidence and live up to their potential. She has written two books on mindfulness, Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with Mindfulness and Overcoming Fear with Mindfulness. Her latest book, Sense and Sensitivity, is based on her Psychology Today blog of the same name. It's about highly sensitive people and is out now. Deborah lives in Hampshire, England, where she enjoys watching documentaries, running and taking long walks in the country, especially ones that finish at a cosy pub.

Comments

LK (not verified) says...

As an INFJ, I have struggled with many ENTPs in my life. I actually don't feel like I've connected well with them while they seem to love my personality type. I had a boss who was ENTP and he wanted to debate everything, which isn't good in a leadership position. I often felt I had to take the lead in policy making, but yet I wasn't getting paid the higher salary. My partner (ISTJ) also seems to have many ENTP friends, and they all love talking with me. But after awhile, I am utterly exhausted. I feel like I can out-argue them, provide counter-points they didn't even think about, and they get excited. I like that I can debate with them and they don't get offended by my ideas. But they want to continue the discussion forever as they work out stuff. I seriously can't imagine a romantic relationship with them. I also feel many ENTPs I have met lack general empathy. So I don't see the real benefit I get from them besides a good dialogue (that just isn't enough to sustain a relationship for me).

PlantJay (not verified) says...

As an INFJ, I came to the comments to say the same thing :)

Wellerz (not verified) says...

Careful there haha as a fellow INFJ I'm very good at reading between the lines of your comment... Your covert narcissist tendencies are showing ;)

Wellerz (not verified) says...

PS ENTPs are awesome!

JayNo (not verified) says...

Interesting insight... I'm married to an ENTP and you're right; they can definitely come across as being unempathtic but I think it's more because they are more thinkers rather than feelers and value logic more than emotions so when they talk, they don't really think about what they are saying in terms of emotions--  I like to call it "word vomit". But I don't think they're cold, naturally-- otherwise they couldn't keep friendships and they are HUGE in that department. Also, if you're extremely introverted and they're extremely extroverted-- that could be a deal breaker. Luckily, I'm married to someone who has a balance in this department-- he's almost an introvert on the scale and this helps us have a healthy middle ground. Everything in this match is pretty accurate for us. We are pretty crazy about each other lol. 

Wellerz (not verified) says...

ENTPs are rarely "hugely" extroverted. They are the most introverted of the extroverts and in a lot of cases can come across more introverted than an INFJ.

NT (not verified) says...

People don't understand introversion and extroversion. Somehow people think being extroverted means you're loud and want to party when it's just a point of view. Introverted people exist inside themselves like a turtle living in a shell. This is why INFJ's have issues with ENTP's. An ENTP is able to go inside themself with introverted thinking and see the external world for what it is which is why when there's a misunderstanding betwen and INFJ and and ENTP, it's always the ENTP's fault for not remembering INFJ's aren't rational and can't get out of their own head.

Thomas_INFJ (not verified) says...

I have noticed over the years that this "ideal" compatibility largely comes down to how healthy and growth driven the INFJ is. ENTPs need somebody who is willing to grow with them and take personal responsibility for themselves. Many immature or unhealthy INFJs are simply not willing to do this. ENTPs are sometimes blunt and harsh but they are generally willing to tone things down and change if their behaviour hurts someone they care about. A "fixed" mindset INFJ is not. This is where the problem tends to lie.

Forever stuck in the "victim mentality" these types of INFJs will never accept any wrongdoing on their part and will always shift blame to the other partner. I'm not necessarily even referring to ENTPs here but to any other type they are partnered with. I have always felt that most INFJs will struggle with long-term relationships far more than any other type. ENTPs generally do not have this problem. Their problem is that they feel stifled and bored with their partners and therefore run for the hills to embrace their freedom. ENTPs fall in love with the complex mind of the INFJ. We are a never ending labyrinth for them and so they do not get bored. This is why, at our best, we are perfect for them. But, we need to allow them to be free in the same way we need to be allowed to be alone.

The lesson to take home if you're an INFJ is that you need to start owning your shit. Stop viewing yourself as a perpetual victim of the world (no matter how bad things have been for you) and start working and changing yourselves. The world is not going to "accept you for who you are" and your romantic partners will not stick with you if they feel they are constantly walking on eggshells with you.

One of the reasons the ENTP is the ideal match for us is because ENTPs generally already have this mindset down by the time they reach adulthood. Everything you need for yourselves can be found in the ENTP. Similarly, everything the ENTP needs can be found in you (if you are healthy that is).

When the INFJ starts to take ownership for their own faults and makes a strong and decisive commitment to change, that's when they are ready for the ENTP. At this point the pair is simply unstoppable and both parties will have the understanding and relationship they desire. I've seen this happen many times and it even happened to me.

Until then, the INFJ will continue to feel "misundertood" and that the world is "against them". They will feel torn, being split between feeling “special” and “entitled” for greatness on the one hand yet feeling “worthless” and “ugly” on the inside. Don't let this be you forever. 

I believe in every INFJ out there, don't dismiss what I am saying. I was there once but I decided to commit to change.

Yours truly,

Thomas (Another INFJ)

G2 (not verified) says...

Thank you for genuine help. I'm currently torn between that split...it's like a whirlpool...I was lost here..not able to understand...thank you for your guidance.

Louise INFJ (not verified) says...

Thank you, I can verify this! It made me see things more clearly about me and a male ENTP-friend I have. He is very blunt and harsh when he (quite truthfully, because I am an "unhealthy INFJ") points out my faulths, but he has toned down the criticism when he noticed my emotional response, and he has several times shown an unusual amount of patientience and tolerance when it comes to some of my faults. According to common friends, he really is unusually tolerant toward me, as he normally does not allow people to explain themselwes or give them new chances after having done similar things as I have. This all goes very well with what you say above.

I can identifiy a difference between the dynamics with an ENTP and an ENFP; while the ENFP balances the INFJ, and have a tolerance that are - I feel - more emotionally secured, the ENTP stimulates the INFJ, and his tolerance is much more... conditional: the INFJ feels she can trust the tolerance of the ENFP to last, but that the tolerance of the ENTP is not eternal, but comes with the condition to chance. The ENTP, while they do have as strong feelings and almost as strong intuition as INFJ, does not allow themselwes to be ruled by them, and when they have gone against their principles enough to show tolerance in a situation they normally would'nt, simply because they care, then they expect a similar effort from the other party. 

Thomas_INFJ (not verified) says...

This is why I often say ENFPs make great friends for INFJs but poor lovers. The ENFP will often become an enabler for the unhealthier aspects of an INFJ. An ENTP will not enable anything. Not in a million years. This is actually good for an INFJ.

I wouldn't necessarily say an ENTPs tolerance is "conditional". It is conditional only if you refuse to engage with them logically. As long as you can rationally explain your point of view the ENTP is the actually the most tolerant of all the MBTI types. They are extremely non-judgmental and forgiving. The problem is most INFJs prioritise their feelings before facts when dealing with life's problems. Big mistake. ENTPs are actually incredibly caring and empathetic (I'd say genuinely moreso than ENFPs). When they hide their emotions behind a wall they are actually being extremely selfless in that they don't want to ruin anyone elses experience. They often put the happiness of others before themselves. People often mistake this for "coldness".

"The ENTP, while they do have as strong feelings and almost as strong intuition as INFJ, does not allow themselwes to be ruled by them, and when they have gone against their principles enough to show tolerance in a situation they normally would'nt, simply because they care, then they expect a similar effort from the other party."

Of course. Why shouldn't they expect similar effort? That's called healthy give and take. We INFJs are actually far worse when it comes to our expectations of other people. We are hypocrites in that we demand near-perfecion of everyone else yet can not hold ourselves to that same standard. Something we all need to address.
 

NT (not verified) says...

Sounds like all an INFJ needs for this to work is to be self actualized. ENTPs go through this process and become either button pushers seeking positive growth ready to challenge and change the world around them or manipulative trolls. If you're an INFJ who has a manipulative troll ENTP, you can actually force them to change for the better and if they don't immediately leave them, but if you have an ENTP who doesn't maniplulate you and you're not self actualized you're going to lose the only partner who genuinely cares about you. 

Kanza (not verified) says...

This is the advice i needed. Honestly I'm sick of texts saying that INFJs are misunderstood and don't belong. I want to try to belong. I want to grow up. Your words made me think a lot. Thank you!

NT (not verified) says...

Honestly this probably only works out if the INFJ is female but you're 100% correct. 

Blackreef123 (not verified) says...

I fell madly in love with an INFJ man, we became friends and kept in contact for a year. There was obvious signs of chemistry and those feelings became so intense that it made me question my love for my 3 year long partner, an INFP. I love my INFP partner and I know that realistically nothing will come of a relationship with the other man but I have never felt my heart beat out of my chest and feel so understood by someone. I'm not a hopeless romantic but a realist, but he made me feel so deeply because we connected so deeply. - - - an ENTP female

NT (not verified) says...

If I was your partner I'd want you to leave me immediately. You said you fell madly in love with an INFJ man, kept in contact for a year then questioned your 3 year long relationship with your partner. That's not healthy rational ENTP behaviour and you broke any kind of trust you had with your partner whether he knows or not. ENTP women def differ from ENTP men. An ENTP male just wouldn't do this or would have rationalized this action and not feel guilty about it like you do.  

Share your thoughts

THE FINE PRINT: Myers-Briggs® and MBTI® are registered trademarks of the MBTI Trust, Inc., which has no affiliation with this site. Truity offers a free personality test based on Myers and Briggs' types, but does not offer the official MBTI® assessment. For more information on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator® assessment, please go here.

Truity up to date