ENFJs and INFPs: Quite Often, A Match Made in Heaven

Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on December 03, 2020

When ENFJs and INFPs get together, they frequently create relationships that are both harmonious and long-lasting. As Intuitive Feelers (NF), they’re equally dedicated to creating meaningful connections that enrich both parties. They tend to be on the same wavelength, and the bonds they forge often transcend the need for explanation or interpretation.

At the same, the clear differences in their personalities (Extravert vs. Introvert; Judging vs. Perceiving) add depth and texture to the relationship. Each will see the other as possessing important traits that they would like to develop in themselves. These types will enjoy the challenge of seeing things from the other person’s perspective, a trait that’s motivated by their mutual interest in self development. 

When things get serious, ENFJs and INFPs see their romantic relationships as vitally important projects that should not be abandoned at the first sign of trouble. The goal of each is to fall in love for life. When conflicts or difficulties arise, as they will in any relationship, their instinct is to work hard to repair the breach.

Sharing When it Matters  

To some extent, all relationships are built around and inspired by shared interests. But ENFJs and INFPs don’t need to have a long list of hobbies, habits, or beliefs in common to make their relationships blossom and thrive.

For these generous souls, a few mutual interests or perspectives are enough to construct and maintain a strong and healthy love connection. Being highly empathic and compassionate, neither type will resent the other because they have outside interests or varying viewpoints.  

ENFJs and INFPs will relish the commonalities and treasure the time they spend together sharing them. Those mutual interests will form the cornerstone of the relationship, but they won’t be used as an excuse to limit either party’s capacity to explore and develop their individuality.

Organizing the Perfect Relationship

ENFJs are well-known for their perfectionism and preferences for order and organization. They like to have a plan, and they will stick to it as closely as they can.

INFPs, on the other hand, tend to be more mercurial in their organizational habits. They are not consistently messy or disorganized, and will sometimes have bursts of inspiration that leave them determined to reorder their lives. But in many instances, they will allow other interests to take priority over cleaning or reorganizing in many instances.  

But this difference is not usually a cause for strife. INFPs generally prefer to be clean and organized, and their relationships with ENFJs often help them develop better or more consistent habits. Conversely, ENFJs must be careful not to let their interest in cleanliness and orderliness take over their lives, as it may on occasion. Their INFP partner’s more laid-back attitude can help them gain and keep a more balanced perspective, for which they will remain eternally grateful.

Communicating with Love

In any relationship between an ENFJ and an INFP, the former will inevitably carry the conversation most of the time. Not just with respect to the number of words spoken, but also by setting the agenda or determining the direction of the discussion. Their outgoing nature and advanced social skills tend to make them eager conversationalists.

While ENFJs frequently take the lead in social interactions, they are not interested in talking exclusively (or even much at all) about themselves. In fact, ENFJs are intensely curious about the lives and feelings of other people.

Their social openness is motivated by an agenda, and that is to create dynamic conversations that are informative, interesting, and mutually engaging. They delight in learning details about the lives of others, even more than they enjoy sharing the details of their own lives. So they do an excellent job of drawing out Introverts, including their special INFP. 

Like all Introverts, INFPs have a strong desire to talk about their experiences, passions, feelings, disappointments, hopes, and dreams.  When they form loving relationships with ENFJs, they will have plenty of opportunities to do so, during discussions that evolve organically from the productive seeds that ENFJs enthusiastically plant.

Because they are so curious, ENFJs are wonderful listeners who make a concerted effort to turn their conversations into true dialogues. This is highly beneficial and rewarding for the sometimes reclusive INFPs, who want desperately to be acknowledged and understood but may keep to themselves unless others show a genuine and heartfelt interest.

Dealing with Others

The interpersonal dynamic that develops between ENFJs and INFPs serves them well inside the relationship, and also social situations that involve other people.

INFPs can avoid feeling overwhelmed—as they sometimes do when they’re in social situations alone—since their ENFJ partners are more than happy to act as the couple’s primary spokesperson. The INFP can then pick and choose their spots, adding their input wherever they’d like. If the INFP eventually becomes uncomfortable, or feels a bit overstimulated and would like to move on to a quieter environment, their empathic ENFJ partner will usually sense their discomfort and use their social skills to gracefully exit the conversation.

Self-Development as a Lifestyle

One area where ENFJs and INFPs complement each other extraordinarily well is through their shared interest in self-improvement. ENFJs have a powerful need to reach for excellence; they never want to settle for mediocrity, and they are excited by possibilities to help others achieve their dreams or develop their talents as well.

INFPs are also deeply interested in self-development, too, and feel a responsibility to do something important with their lives. They like to use their creativity as a tool for personal growth and boundary expansion, and if they can help their loved ones follow a similar path it will bring them great satisfaction.

The creativity of the INFP, combined with the pure energy and ambition of the ENFJ, can produce some fascinating and exciting results. Rather than simply taking classes, reading self-help books, or signing up for online courses, INFPs and ENFJs will often collaborate to create their own special self-improvement projects, which may include innovative twists on old ideas.

As parents, for example, INFPs and ENFJs are intensely focused on helping their children reach their potential, which adds even more positive energy to the household. Kids who grow up with INFP and ENFJ parents will never feel neglected, since their moms and dads are always involved in their lives and eager to support them as they strive to achieve their dreams.

INFPs and ENFJs are big on positive affirmation and reinforcement as well, and that approach tends to create bonds with their children that are strong, durable, and long-lasting.

Creating an Enduring Chemistry

In their ongoing quest for personal growth in the psychological, intellectual, emotional, creative, and spiritual spheres, ENFJs and INFPs are like alchemists of the heart and mind. They seek the right chemical formula to create relationships that are congenial yet multilayered and complex, fused by shared perspectives and priorities and energized by fundamental differences that keep both parties learning and growing.  

When ENFJs and INFPs get together, the complex mixture of extraversion, introversion, intuition, feeling, judging, and perceiving they create can work powerful magic. From this intriguing combination, the partnerships that emerge can be memorable, uplifting, and enduring.

If you are either of these personality types, your ideal match could be the other. That is, if you’re looking for someone who will complement you yet challenge you, and who will support you and encourage you to be your best, no matter how grand your dreams or for how long you’ve postponed chasing after them.

Nathan Falde

Nathan Falde has been working as a freelance writer for the past six years. His ghostwritten work and bylined articles have appeared in numerous online outlets, and in 2014-2015 he acted as co-creator for a series of eBooks on the personality types. An INFJ and a native of Wisconsin, Nathan currently lives in Bogota, Colombia with his wife Martha and their son Nicholas.

More from this author...
About the Clinical Reviewer

Steven Melendy, PsyD., is a Clinical Psychologist who received his doctorate from The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. He specializes in using evidence-based approaches in his work with individuals and groups. Steve has worked with diverse populations and in variety of a settings, from community clinics to SF General Hospital. He believes strongly in the importance of self-care, good friendships, and humor whenever possible.


Tumi Nyembe (not verified) says...

Saving this for future reference... 

Linda velia (not verified) says...

Oops, This is a lie that does not fit..

Khawla M.K (not verified) says...

I'm in a 5 year relationship with a ENFJ personality and as explained in the blog we both have two different personality traits and interest but thats the beauty of our relationship. honeslty, reading this blog made me so happy becuase what I have always thought about my significant other is true and that he is the perfect match for me. I've always wanted to be an extravert and to talk to strangers and I could only do it with him and to have someone who listens to you all the time is a blessing, we do complete each other in a way that can't be explained. Thank you so much for this blog, it honeslty made my day !

Maryjalexander says...

This is beautiful to hear. Thank you for sharing. 

Ailish (not verified) says...

All the enfjs I experienced spent the worst time with me. I don't conclude that all infp and enfj don't fit in with my experience with enfj. It's more of a person than a type, but it's certain that there's a pattern in the theory of mbti conformity. And according to the socionics relationship table, infp and enfj are close at first, but the more we meet, the less we like it, the more I agree with most of the enfjs I'll tell you why both of them don't fit well. I think we can communicate well in NF-style conversation at first because quiet and sympathetic infp agrees and enfj listens well to each other. The problem is that eN iF and iN eF start to collide enfj is an extroverted and second-order introverted intuition, so he is too popular and worldly. And he doesn't like himself because he's nf and he's a snob. And because iN is used as EF's assistant, it is used mainly for popularity. For example, eF constantly seeks affection and recognition from people around it and cares about other people's psychology with iN. If it goes too far, it is interpreted as strange that other people rejected it without thinkinglessly.This is where the conflict with infp occurs, for example, infp hides the self-emotion inside, and enfj guesses what infp does with the expression or atmosphere of infp. constantly checking whether it is acceptable or not;

josh1992 (not verified) says...

Sounds like you might be the problem. I've always have had great relationships with ENFJ's. Maybe you're just a weirdo.

Ailish (not verified) says...

enfj is altruistic, extroverted and intimate with e. So he immediately practices altruism. But I don't express infp often because of its quiet and timid personality. Then some adult soldiers misunderstand that infp is selfish.What? I don't know how grateful I am. Then, the ef-type enfj gets hurt easily and closes the door of the mind little by little. When I'm kind, the enfj type fits me endlessly, but there are two aspects that are relentless in being who thinks it hurts me. Also, the enfj type is wide-minded and sees the infp type working. Then let's talk about planning things and say it nicely. But infp has all of them. The infp type is also emotional and explodes as if it were angry. However, infp, as stubborn as a frog in a well, is infinitely behind the logic of enfj, but is still not wrong and angry. It makes enfj close the walls of his mind.

Asher (not verified) says...

My infp mom and enfj dad spent their whole lives fighting, and enfj dad accused her of being selfish. They are still barely surviving.

Raina (not verified) says...

I'm having a very disadvantageous situation with him (enfj). He is displeased with me and complains that I don't clean the house. I try to fit him, but I keep failing every time.

Aaron Nia (not verified) says...

Note. I am an Italian and Google Translation Tool translates strangely. I apologize for the inconvenience caused by a few corrective uploads.



What...? My wife is Infp, my sister is Estj, my mother is infj, I live with her, and I leave my house and raise my children separately. And I am a divorced man who took care of children outside the house. My wife was so whining, self-satisfied, and I was always sorry that I couldn't find an opportunity to educate my children properly. Because of her indifferent wife, she always gave me advice on how to earn tuition and living expenses and what to do with your future, but she didn't listen and her love for her disappeared. When I found out that she was actually selfish and self-satisfied, I couldn't understand why I loved her or why enfjs loved infp on the Internet.
 The personality of infp values judgment by internal emotions and sympathizes with internal emotions, but at the bottom, selfish emotions are mixed and self-centered empathy is packaged only as "sympathy for others." Was it a satisfactory expression to be beautiful even if well-represented writings contradict each other? I spent countless hells in this relationship and left the house to rent a separate house. I don't know how much money I spent to get out of this relationship and find a new haven. It's relaxing and comfortable to raise a child alone now. Your Writer is a liar. An analyst gave me an article of a treasure-like. I didn't know this before and thank the person who wrote in the link.

(I want to make it easier for people to see. I'm sorry and sorry. I wish there was a function to delete the text. I'm so emotional right now that I think I've been rambling. I just want my experience to be read easily by people. Inducing people's discomfort makes my emotions crowded. So I want to provide a comfortable environment.)

Maria Dylan (not verified) says...

Your writing is very easy to read! =) As far as I can see, I think that's a trait of an unhealthy INFP. Not all the INFPs are like that and any unhealthy personality type can cause negative experiences. We can't judge people by MBTI only and I think the article is about "healthy" INFPs and ENFJs.

Lisa Lewis (not verified) says...

My husband is an INFP and I am an ENFJ. We will be married 30 years in July this year. These descriptions fit us perfectly!

Rohana (not verified) says...

Very well-written!! The relationship between my husband (ENFJ) and me (INFP) couldn't be described in a better way than this!

Maria Giovanni (not verified) says...

This was both beautiful and true. Thank you for this article - it was poetry.

Maiden in silk (not verified) says...

This is so eerily accurate. Thank you for making this...

Eric Billy (not verified) says...

이 터무니없는 거짓말을 언제까지 믿겠습니까? 그들이 Socionics에서 나쁜 관계이고 좋은 관계라면 왜 Socionics에서 나쁜 관계로 묘사됩니까?

Eric Billy (not verified) says...

How long will you believe this outrageous lie? If they are a bad relationship in Socionics and they are a good relationship, why are they described as bad in Socionics?

Isabella (not verified) says...

I ( infp ) wanted to find an enfj for a long time, little did I know he was the guy that tried time and time again to ask me out or just to get to know me. We have been together 3 years and are expecting twins together. Life feels so perfect and we truly compliment each other. 
I can be too introverted for my own good, but he brings new genuine people into my life and I help him tone it down a bit and not over party. 
when I feel too afraid to speak up for myself, he is there to support me. When life beats him up i am here to comfort and nourish him. No matter how many mistakes I make, he is always patient with me and right by my side, and I the same. We are each other’s best friends, and our relationship only grows better because neither of us will ever stop trying to one anyone. I love him so so much:

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