5 Ways to Meet an INFJ

Category: INFJ

At just 1.5% of the US population, INFJs can be hard to find. Some of us will go our entire lives without running into one! But if you’re bound and determined to encounter this, the rare blue diamond of personality types, here are some ways to increase your chances.

1. Try Some World Travel

A survey of English-speaking Canadians found the population to be nearly 4% INFJ, more than twice the frequency in the United States. Another survey found 2.4% of adults in Korea were INFJs. The highest percentage of all, though, was found in New Zealand, where 5% of the people surveyed were INFJs.

Population distribution of INFJ personality type in different countries

Depending on your budget for INFJ-hunting, though, you may want a cheaper option. Or how about a free one?

2. Visit the Library

In one national survey, INFJs composed 6.5% of librarians, quadrupling your odds of running into an INFJ when you’re lurking among the stacks.

INFJ is a common personality type among librarians

3. Head to Church

INFJs are found in disproportionately high numbers in many religious occupations, including priests, nuns, and religious educators.

INFJs often choose religious occupations such as ministry

Organized religion not your thing? Perhaps you’d prefer to take in some culture instead. Why don't you...

4. Go to a Museum

INFJs are more likely than other types to say that one of their favorite hobbies is appreciating art. Spot them standing in front of an exhibit, deeply lost in contemplation.

Still INFJ-less? Feeling a bit desperate? It might be time to...

5. Seek Counseling

INFJs are found in high percentages among therapists and psychologists. They are also the personality type most likely to cope with stress by talking to a professional--so even if your therapist isn’t an INFJ, you might meet one in the waiting room.

INFJs often choose helping careers such as counselor, psychologist, or social worker

 

 

Sources

The data cited in this article is from the MBTI Manual by Isabel Briggs Myers, Mary H. McCaulley, Naomi L. Quenk, and Allen L. Hammer, and the Atlas of Type Tables by Gerald P. Macdaid, Mary H. McCaulley, and Richard I. Kainz.

Truity

Truity was founded in 2012 to bring you helpful information and assessments to help you understand yourself and use your strengths. We are based in San Francisco, CA.

Comments

Al (not verified) says...

This is a great and accurate list. I'm going to use it sometime...

rmcgowan3 says...

Somewhat shocking to see yourself on the computer screen. This is who I am and am a bit bewildered. I have for so long tried to figure out why I am the way I am and this is it. Now what?

JJJ (not verified) says...

Its very intresting to find someone like me cause i always thought and felt i am very odd/different and often misunderstood and sometimes wish they could understand me.I always ask myself why am i like this and often in complex thoughts.And honestly speaking i will like us to know each other if you dont mind.(maybe be friends) the "what now?" is also a burning question to me also and i understand why you ask that question and also i cannot answer that question cause i know where that question comes from and to be honest its just complex,but of course most people will not understand that question properly.

Guest (not verified) says...

Yes, this also matches me almost exactly! Although knowing and understanding who you are is important, just don't let your personality type define your actions (i.e. try not to be like, doing this doesn't match me being an INFJ, so I'm going to do this instead). If it does, great! If it doesn't, also great! Because even within the INFJs, we are not all the same.

Richard (not verified) says...

I can finally offer an explanation to my friends! This is frighteningly accurate...I even retook the test a couple of times.

Guest (not verified) says...

INFJs are truly the rarest of all types AND the most mysterious. I can't understand them on my own (ESTJ here) that is why I have to read this stuff because I am in love with one. I mean I am CRAAAAAZY about one.

Kaitlan (not verified) says...

It makes sense why you would be, we are incredibly mysterious. Find out what his or her love language is (touch, actions, words, and gifts). Do everything you can to spend time with him or her, and don't small talk. We absolutely hate it. I think the best way to find out if they like you back is whether they linger or not. That's a huge thing. It's also a huge thing if they touch you, we are very hypersensitive to touch. We are also very good at telling whether you are a fake or not, so be completely honest. If we see that you don't match up to our standards we will loose interest. That's my advice for you friend :)

Kiki (not verified) says...

As an INFJ myself, I can completely agree with what Kaitlan says. Like 100%, it actually kinda scared me haha. Good luck to you stranger, and I wish you all the best in your love life :)

isaac713 (not verified) says...

read this: https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality I'm an INFJ and in my case ev. is true.You should know that even if you could put all the INFJs in a room ,still it would be hard for us to feel safe. What you should do is to open yourself and tell him/her what you believe,your first memory,your dreams and the most important thing is to show honest love,for me being an INFJ is horrible, there's nobody like me, but 2 years ago i found this person on the internet and i felt in love even that he lives half the world away,i felt in love because i have never met someone like me, i found this blog on tumblr that he makes,at first the pictures make me feel like i was in a dream,later i discover that he's my age and we have a lot in common,i'm working and saving money to go see him,i have never met him in real life and like i told you 2 years had past but i'm still madly in love .Call me naive if you want to but if he/she likes you, you will always be remembered.

Dee Isham (not verified) says...

Hi there,

I think it's beautiful that you're crazy about an INFJ. I had to respond to your post because I am an INFJ also and was married to an ESFJ. You probably noticed "was" in the last sentence. I found out the revealing information about ESFJ's & INFJ's after our difficult marriage of 32 years finally dissolved after draining most of the life out of both of us and our kids. I don't want to discourage you in your growing relationship, but the pairing of these types can be challenging. (I noticed that these two types are noted as "Challenging Opposites.") I understand that there is much more to people than the way they are defined by their type, but apparently there are some significant, fundamental differences that make a truly fulfilling relationship a long shot.

My hope is that you can be completely open with each other about your deeply personal differences in approaching life. Learn from each other the valuable things the other person possesses that you may not, and wholly give yourselves to nurturing and supporting each other's needs. Much hope and support goes out to you both!

Guest (not verified) says...

Another good one that's not listed is musicians. I don't have perfect data on it, but I do know that INFJ is "one of the four most common personality types among musicians," which is way more common than what it is in the total population (rarest of all). I'm actually an INFJ musician myself, with the hope of using my music like a megaphone to shine light upon injustices that need more attention and can only be changed if many people come together and work towards a common goal.

Silvia (not verified) says...

I love this,ive taken it a couple of times.I wish I learnt about personality types sooner because I would have understood myself better an dealt with a lot of situations better.

I love reading the results and since I took it, its made me understand and ACCEPT myself.

I am who I am,will try to do better but will definitely put myself first.

Career wise,makes so much sense,I know I'm smart but I just can't stand office jobs.lol. I absolutely love interior design, music and have written and composed songs but the whole....first impressions and socialising doesn't come easy to us

This is the first place I've met INFJs.Its been kinda lonely.lol

Ashante

Guest (not verified) says...

"It's been kinda lonely"

-the ultimate INFJ motto lol :)

fryryr (not verified) says...

I'm an ENFP and I have met couple of INFJs. Usually what happens between me and the INFJ guys is one-sided love... from my side. :D

In the long rung I think INFJs would be an ideal personality for my partner - maybe even the only personality type I think I could do well with. The problem is just that even though I get along with them _great_, there are not that many INFJs around me. The few I know are my best friends and they do not have sexual interest towards me, and I think one is because of cultural differences and long distance (different countries) and the other one might just be because of age, or something else, I don't know. We still get along great, and this is definitely the personality type that I get along best.

I know this sounds kind of stupid but I want to find an INFJ partner. But the question is: HOW?

Guest (not verified) says...

It's very hard for me to believe that the love was one-sided
Infjs in general are pretty terrible at expressing themselves because they are so focused on other people so if you spend more time, he will open up eventually

Guest (not verified) says...

Hi, you have an interesting comment. Just curious, describe what your dream guy INFJ would look like. Also, where you live is key because you mentioned they live in different countries. Last, what age range would you like the guy to be? Thanks.

Guest (not verified) says...

Hi

INFJ here. to me, its so simple to get to know this type. just literally sit down with them (phone off, completely present) and just ask them questions about themselves. basically give them a forum to spill out all their analyses and emotions, even if they might not be able to articulate them yet and just listen. listen to them talk about why they think what they think and feel what they feel and what are their greatest struggles and etc etc etc. they spend a lot of time understanding and being emotionally present for others, when really they need someone to be present for them and be interested in getting to know them for who they are. Also be genuine in your intent and your relationship. We can read between the lines and really admire sincerity. Keep on doing that, and in little ways, let them know that you heard and paid attention and remembered what they said to you and you will definitely pique their interest

Let me know how it goes and good luck

Guest (not verified) says...

Yes! I would so love to do that. But preferrably to someone who was very warm and receiving and genuine and not very judgemental, and honest. Not sure about every INFJ. But at least for me.

Devoe (not verified) says...

I'm an ENFP guy. I find I have an uncanny nack at finding INFJ females. I too fell for one at work, I'd sit in her office and we'd chat about deep things. An hour would just lapse, but it was like nothing else existed at the time. I think they are my ideal type. INTJ are suppose to be to, but I find they try to dominate and tell me what to do, instead of working together. For me, when I'm in the presence of INFJ, I feel like the fly that cannot resist the blue light...they pull me in. Although I've been told, they find it easy to talk to ENFP, and we have a nack at making it easier for them to open up to us. My two cents lol cheers!

Kaitlan (not verified) says...

I actually know another INFJ in my classes and I've been going to school with her for the past 5 years!!!! I discovered the test this year as an 8th grader and after a lot of research I knew that she was one too. I asked her to take the test, she did, and is an INFJ!' I am so happy!!!

Guest (not verified) says...

Bahahaha I am moving to New Zealand... I have only met three INFJs in my entire lifetime... and I'm pretty darn sure the INFJ is my soulmate.

INFJ 1986 Gal (not verified) says...

It's very interesting reading all your comments so far. I feel exactly the same and spoke to a hypnotherapist after a bout of mild anxiety to discover she was also an INFJ. I then looked into my 'type' and discovered a lot about myself and felt an overwhelming comfort when I realised it is ok to need to be on my own to 'recharge' it doesn't mean I don't like people or do not want to be around them because I do enjoy deep and meaningful conversations and people.

I work in an office environment and do find it difficult from the small talk some days and picking up on people mood changes and frustrations it does get difficult, if anyone has any tips on how to block this kind of noise out I would love to hear it?

A few technique that I find useful is focusing on my breathing (7/11 breathing) it helps you to focus on something other than your surroundings whilst stimulating your parasympathetic nervous system and is supposed to make you feel more relaxed in these situations. Look it up if you like it helps me :-)

Joyce905 (not verified) says...

There are a lot of pranayama breathing techniques that are helpful. Sometimes it's nice to switch them up as well for different results. I've read a little about the 7/11 breathing specifically since reading your comment and I'm not sure why some therapists have chosen to focus on that one like they discovered it recently or it's somehow a new technique. Anyway, I personally love the technique and it is helpful. http://www.yogapoint.com/info/pranayama.htm
I also listen to light, acoustic or coffee house type music at a low volume. It drowns out some of the background noise, gossip, talking, giggling that can be distracting. I don't know if you are allow a diffuser but I also find that a light citrus or lavender scent helps calm and ground me.

Joyce905 (not verified) says...

Finally after nearly 50 years the light comes on. After taking the test and discovering that I am an INFJ it seems like someone followed me around and checked off all the boxes and built me as a personality type. This describes me to a tee.
I'm also a Gemini which to most just means a time when I was born but I feel that adds to my sensitivity. I am very much ruled by the phases of the moon which I recently started paying some attention to. I have a very difficult time in large crowds because other people's emotions seem to overlap and stick to me. I often have had difficulty in the past realizing that those emotions were separate from my own. Over the last 10 years or so I have learned how to identify and separate e-splatter from what I am feeling. I have to isolate a lot. I've lost a lot of friends doing that but I feel better on my own especially since my husband died. I always felt that he understood me even when I couldn't understand myself. We could sit in comfortable silence for hours at a time. I really miss that. Sometimes I feel like I will never connect with anyone in that way again.
It's fine for me most of the time. I have actually had to force myself to socialize and I occasionally get a bit lonely. Other than that I'm pretty content being the oddball in the group or more so, outside of the group.
There are days when you just have to laugh at yourself and realize nobody gets out alive so you gotta make the most of what you have now even if that means sitting on your porch alone reading a book or playing a video game.

Guest (not verified) says...

Joyce905 Thanks for sharing your beautiful experience. To feel such an connection and understanding with just a look or presence is so amazing. My girl friend and I can look at each other from 20 meters away, we just get it. INFJ /INFP.

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm an INFJ the library and church are the last places you'd find me.

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm an INFJ and the church and the library are the first places you'd find me. I do have to get out to the grocery every once in a while and sometimes my family goes shopping for me if I can't face the crowds at that particular time of day.

Alastair (not verified) says...

I'm a borderline ENF/TP guy and am still seeking my INFJ or INTJ but we seem to walk in different circles. However just sitting down one to one with an INFJ and feeling listened to is one of the most exhilarating things in life - to be able to just open up and share everything...there is nothing more refreshing. Plus they just seem so knowledgeable about life and so in need of someone to tell what to do! Love it!!

Jesse Richardson (not verified) says...

Alastair, as an INFJ, this gave me a good laugh. In my previous job as a Social Worker, my customers tended to treat me as a counselor and would go on talking for the entire hour without much input on my behalf. When they left the office, I noticed how refreshed and different their "energy" felt. All I did was lend them an attentive ear to talk to and provided suggestions along the way. Not much to it, but it seemed to help them beyond words. I guess they weren't use to someone listening to them so attentively and without judgment.

INFJs want to have their worldly thoughts heard in the worst kind of way, but find it difficult in such a noisy, distracted society. It makes me happy to hear there are still people like yourself who see the value in being around INFJs. I often have a deep yearning to discuss my thoughts and ideas with someone who "gets it," but have had troubles finding those types of people in the past.

As for finding an INFJ to call your own, some of this article's content is accurate, but dated from my perspective. I take my family to Barnes & Noble almost every weekend; libraries feel old and musty, whereas book stores feel alive and invigorating. As for church, I practice A Course in Miracles and have no use for antiquated mass-religions. I get why people are drawn to organized religion, but I am not. Because INFJs are not exactly socialites, you would probably find it easier to hunt them down by career choices rather than hang-out destinations.

Best of luck on your search and may you someday prove to be a wonderful face to talk to for your INFJ partner!

Elien (not verified) says...

Hi, as an INFJ-er, I totally agree with the part that we aren't socialites. I mean, you will not find me in a church ( because what I have experienced, the churches in my country are not churches I want to follow), or in a library ( from time to time I'm going there, but I prefer bookshops) because I just love to sit behind my laptop. The internet has opened a new way of live ( you can find every website on the internet, and you don't need to get out at all). I'm one of those people who are pushed by their family to go outside the house and go being social. I sometimes go to museums, but that mostly happened at schooltrips ( and sadly I'm not at school anymore). I'm not talking with anyone in the waiting room for my therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist ( in my country that's something we don't do at all. In Belgium we are all hiding away so no one can see us. And the psychologists are also making it sure that clients don't meet each other... to much professional confidentiality I guess). But if INFJ are so good in wanting a cabin in the woods, away from all those hordes of people, wouldn't a park/wood be a good place to meet other INFJ? I mean, I'm totally for going into the woods and get lost somewhere. 

I have only met one INFJ'er after I took the test. I have asked my sibblings to do it as well, my cousins, my friends, my mother, and it seems like I'm very unique ( but I knew that already). During a class now, I also took the same test, it's job coaching, and there I finally met some other INFJ. But I don't think we will be great friends, I mean, the age-difference is to big, and she doesn't even watch Game of Thrones :( 

Nowadays I'm more looking for my soulmate as well, because I just have the feeling he will be a INFJ... that's the most important thing for me, the sharing of the same thinking, the understanding. Someone who gets me... without me always trying to tell him where after he still doesn't get it at all. All my exes are probably a total different personality type, cause with them, we always parted because of miscommunication. They never got me, you know. I do love my family, but ... only for my little sister ( who I will help with taking the test) ... no one seems to really understand me. They love me, I love them, but understanding my core... no. And if you have people telling you over and over that nothing is perfect, that you need to be realistic, that you seem selfish,... it's just annoying. I'm caring the whole weight of the world on my shoulders it seems and no one understands why so isn't helping me at all. Just sharing that weight would be great...  

But clearly the worst part for me is this: I totally found my crush, to be an INFJ, three times guessing, he is totally not real but a book/showcharacter. So I'm watching every Game of Thrones episode, waiting till Jon Snow comes into the screen. Wait till Madame Tussauds makes a statue of him, if it gets stolen, I'll probably have it hidden in my bedroom for not feeling so lonely. ;) 

So, I'm probably going on a trip to New-Zealand or Canada ( I want to visit it anyways). 

 

 

 

 

Guest (not verified) says...

Hi, Im a borderline INFJ/INTJ but more on the INFJ side. In my opinion, if you wanted to meet someone like me I agree with the other ladies that commented to you and Barnes and Nobles would be the place to find her. I would be that person who was in the finance section or looking at self-help books. You would also find me at the coffee shop during non busy hours chatting with one or two close friends (usually who share our commonalites)  and no more than that since we tend to like small groups to have deeper discussions, or we could just be by ourselves reading a book/on our laptop. And if we do happen to be there during busier hours, our preferred seat would be tucked away in the corner.  As for me, one of the most fulfilling thing/value is volunteering. I felt passionate volunteering at the food bank, a soup kitchen and planting trees. The only thing is if I didnt feel like it met my expectation of being fulfilled, I will not show up to volunteer again. It's not that we are being flaky but it does take alot for us to be in social situtations, so if we are there it is because we feel completely passionate about it and are not just there to be there. Also my sister is an INTJ. We both are big into personal growth so if you wanted to find someone like her, the best bet would be to go to a seminar of some sort that she feels strongly about. You will see that she is completely engaged and truely getting the most out of the class. I hope this short discription will help you spot your future INFJ/INTJ mate if you haven't already. Of course this is just my take on my perspective since not all INFJ/INTJ are the same. Best of luck. 

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