10 Qualities that INFJ Personalities are Really Attracted To

Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on June 23, 2021

When it comes to love, INFJs are about as idealistic as you can get. Sensitive, caring and determined, INFJ personalities look for long-lasting and harmonious relationships in which they feel intellectually stimulated, understood, and cared for.

Like other Intuitive Feelers, INFJs enjoy creating meaningful connections with others—but they’re also reserved. These personalities can spend a lot of time in their own heads, making it difficult for them to decipher their own feelings and motivations, let alone anyone else’s.

While analyzing someone’s Myers and Briggs personality type won’t necessarily lead you to find your soulmate, knowing what traits a particular type finds appealing leads to better understanding all round. Keep scrolling to learn 10 qualities INFJ personalities find attractive.

1. Kindness

As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world. They’re usually tuned-in to people who share this same goal and connect with those who contribute in a positive way through a lens of compassion.

2. Empathy

Besides being kind, INFJs also appreciate people who can hold emotional space for them. As INFJs absorb so many of people’s emotions themselves, they value those who understand that the INFJ has her own emotional needs. This can mean listening, knowing when probing questions are unwelcome, or simply respecting an INFJ’s need for solitude. 

Being empathic also involves trying to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. INFJs tend to feel uncomfortable around people who are overly critical, or make hasty judgments.

3. Open communication

There’s a reason why INFJs are sometimes mistaken for Extraverts. When we’re around people we love and trust, we’re chatty. INFJs are best fulfilled when they can have a meaningful conversation with someone.

Still, we also struggle to strike up conversations with strangers. So, we appreciate someone who can take that burden from us and who isn’t afraid of being transparent and sharing their feelings.  

4. Authenticity

Authenticity is a trait that INFJs can usually spot from afar. Like other Intuitive Introverts, INFJs can have a hard time trusting people. It’s no secret that we’re very selective about who we let into our worlds. When trust is broken, we get defensive, and may blame ourselves for not predicting how things would play out. Cue, endless trust issues.

However, when we feel that a connection is genuine, and that the person sitting across from us is authentic, we tend to let our guards down. People who are their true selves, and wear their hearts on their sleeves, make your INFJ more comfortable to open up and be vulnerable.

5. Spontaneity

As Judging types, INFJs aren’t known for being spontaneous. We may have a chaotic mind, but we still need structure in our lives. Not having a plan, even if it’s just a vague idea of one, can easily make an INFJ feel overwhelmed. On top of that, INFJs tend to have a perfectionist nature, which can unleash our inner self-critic and make us enter a spiral of overthinking. 

Though not spontaneous ourselves, we usually admire spontaneity in others. That’s why the ENTP and INFJ combination is often considered a match made in heaven. The fun-loving ENTP can shake up the structured INFJ a bit, and help them get out of their heads.

6. Loyalty

Loyalty is not only a quality that INFJs are attracted to, but also something they expect to find in a future partner. Once again, it all comes down to trust. For an INFJ, loyalty means more than ‘not cheating’. It means someone who supports you and makes an effort to truly understand you. INFJs are selective when it comes to choosing their relationships. If you’re not loyal, they’re not interested. 

7. Honesty

The fact that INFJs are attracted to honesty makes sense when you consider that most INFJs enter a relationship thinking of a long-term thing. They hope to reach a level of comfort with their partners where there’s no space for lies. Now, there are various types of honesty ranging from "avoiding out-and-out lies" to "the truth and nothing but the truth, in actions, words and intention."  INFJs prefer the whole deal—they value someone who can call them on their behavior. These types admire people who can empathically voice their opinions, without ruminating on what others might think of them—something they often struggle to do themselves.  

8. Humor

Many personalities think of humor as an essential ingredient for a happy relationship. In fact, one study suggests there may be a link between humor and perceived attractiveness. For the INFJ in particular, humor is especially attractive when it shows that someone is clever enough not to take themselves too seriously. As intense and focused as INFJs can be, they appreciate someone who can bring a more light-hearted spirit to a relationship, and balance their own stress and worries by poking some fun at life’s mishaps.

9. Passion for knowledge

As big-picture thinkers, INFJs show an intense desire to explore ideas and possibilities. They love the opportunity to have meaningful conversations and dig deep into exciting topics. This doesn’t mean that an INFJ will only be attracted to someone who thinks exactly like them—but they definitely need to be with someone who can match them on that level by sharing a similar passion for knowledge, or a mutual interest in self-growth.

10. Attentiveness

Though quiet and reserved, INFJs value people who can give them care and attention. They might not be vocal about this, but they definitely expect their loved ones to be able to read the non-verbal cues. Attentiveness can also mean giving an INFJ your full attention, without distractions or interruptions. As many INFJs grow up feeling like the odd one out, they expect a certain level of understanding from those closest to them and admire people who bring care and kindness into every interaction.

Andreia Esteves

Andreia is an INFJ who used to think she was the only person in the world terrified of answering the phone. She works as a freelance writer covering all things mental health, and psychology related. When not writing, you’ll find her cozying up with a book, or baking vegan treats. Find her at: https://andreiaesteves.com/

More from this author...
About the Clinical Reviewer

Steven Melendy, PsyD., is a Clinical Psychologist who received his doctorate from The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. He specializes in using evidence-based approaches in his work with individuals and groups. Steve has worked with diverse populations and in variety of a settings, from community clinics to SF General Hospital. He believes strongly in the importance of self-care, good friendships, and humor whenever possible.


Jojo22 (not verified) says...

I can totally relate to the above content.  I took my first test in 2016 and came up as INTJ but somehow it never quite fitted....  I took the online test again as part of a teambuilding session at my new job and came out INFJ.  It all makes sense now:)

Andreia Esteves says...

So happy to hear it resonated with you :)

Riedz (not verified) says...

Yes i feel u bro ,us as Advocate person When were in emotional pressure ,we will the others ,its like we can switch to be Esfj or Intp sometimes because im Good with science im also A good Logically thinkers and Strategies plan ,but when everything is good ,back to original time to Observe and get down to check everything and everyones🤣

Lucinda Lane (not verified) says...

Omg! I don't like answering the phone either. I have an anxiety attack every time the ? rings.

Andreia Esteves says...

Right? It's just so stressful for me. ?

Emilyy (not verified) says...

Why does this feels like you're exactly talking about me.. Like you're stalking me from the inside at this point. I mean INFJs sure keep it in so I thought it waas just me untill I took the test. This way I know I'm not alone but I was also shocked that INFJs are the rarest personaliy type(?) so it makes sense that I thought I was weird/unique ^^ so actually I want to ask, is being clingy an INFJ thing? Like lots of skinship?

Andreia Esteves says...

Thanks so much for your lovely words, Emily, you made my day! :)

I wouldn't go as far as to say that INFJs are clingy, but we're very loyal, which means we can struggle to set boundaries (even in potentially toxic relationships). You can read more about INFJs, and how we interact with other personality types, here

Christina M (not verified) says...

Thank you so much for writing this blog, I love it ?! I recognize myself at 100%, incredible.

Andreia Esteves says...

Thanks so much for your lovely comment, Christina :)

Rose Nightly (not verified) says...

I agree fully. I am an INFJ personality, and I've found that I'm attracted to intelligence, maturity, kindness, and determination. I've always been confused on why I wasn't attracted to looks and beauty like everyone else I knew. I hope that this helps people know that it's important what a persons true nature is rather their looks. Also this describes us perfectly, it's a bit scary?

Andreia Esteves says...

Thanks for your kind words, Rose :)

Jena (not verified) says...

Same here. I like those qualities as well.

Elijah.. (not verified) says...

I am an INFJ, almost typical. Contrary to the above comments, I answer phone calls pretty much soon. I suppose my feeling dominates, because I'm afraid my loved ones might need me urgently. 

Andreia Esteves says...

Well, that definitely makes sense.

Thanks for your comment, Elijah :)

Loise (not verified) says...

I am shocked. This is totally amazing. Thank you for making it. :)

Andreia Esteves says...

Thanks so much, Loise! That's so kind of you :)

Another INFJ (not verified) says...

I just discovered I'm probably an INFJ...Talking about phone phobia, more than 30 years ago I worked as a real estate agent...my hands are getting sweaty right now just thinking about all those phone calls I had to make and receive. I quit after a couple of years and became a teacher. Best decision of my life! Thanks for the reassurance it's not just me being weird.

Andreia Esteves says...

Glad to hear it resonated with you :)

I can only imagine how stressfull that job must've been ?

Jena (not verified) says...

Yes I like all those qualities . I am all about peoples inner selfs not their outer selfs. I did like people who are about looks not getting to know somebody on a deeper and personal level. I very dislike player type of guys. Those guys are just the worst. My dream guy is Shawn Mendez . Who's like most of those qualities but also mature. Just a lot of guys are immature mentally and emotionally  . Like a lot of them. 

Fidy (not verified) says...

It took me five minutes to write my first sentence. My english is bad but I wanted to contribute. I'm from Madagascar and I always felt I didn't belong anywhere and that nobody will ever understand my struggles. I only love the series where the heroes are irreprocheable. Once the "hero" cheat, I'm done with that serie and this personality trait is sometimes seen as a burden by myself. I only have few friends and I'm so tired of being alone. I really hope there was a website in french where I could have long conversatons. Can you help me please?

Ketki Patil (not verified) says...

This 100% describes me. I'm an INFJ and I know that I'm a perfectionist, very serious, hard on myself when things don't go according to plan but also kind, selfless and authentic. I would also want someone who's kind, helpful, selfless and authentic but someone who's humorous and doesn't take life so seriously. It would balance me out. 

I'm still looking for him! 

But this post was great. Validated me a lot. 

Lavin Panchgavkar (not verified) says...

I always struggled to find out what type of person i am, how to describe myself not to others but to myself, after overthinking for days i decided to take MITB personality test and i came out to be INFJ, so when i started to search about this type further and started gathering information, i found this blog and now i am 127% sure that i am INFJ, i always liked loyalty and i always wanted to be a perfectionist. I can relate to every single point written there and this blog literally helped me to understand myself even more.

So Thankyou.

Gulgielmo (not verified) says...

I'm stunned by how precisely the INFJ personality type describes me. I mean 100% to the point that its spooky. In a matter of minutes I understood why a 30 year relationship had been doomed from the start. Thats all it took it described me so succintly that for once the intensity of thought in my head relaxed. For a minute. Ive taken the exam short and long versions five times since and its always the same. I believe the rarity is accurate because Ive found it so very difficult to find others that I could relate to. Actually listen to each other and trust criticism because its coming from empathy. I dont understand casual unkindness. tearing people down. I might differ from other INFJs IDK because while Im kind Im always alone because Im prone to returning verbal cruelties and chronic unkindness with violence. I cant be cruel with my words but always have been confident in a fight. Does anyone understand this? And lastly you said something that made me cry. Something I never ever heard anyone else say. Something Ive always thought of as my unique secret. Im terrified of answering the phone. Of hearing it ringing. Of talking with someone on it. 

mary956 (not verified) says...

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe it. This article is gold and it is me, and INFJ, to a tee. Amazing.


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