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INFJs and Other Personality Types

Kindred Spirits

People of the following types are more likely than most to share the INFJ's values, interests, and general approach to life. They won't necessarily agree on everything, and there's no guarantee they'll always get along, but they're more likely to feel an easy rapport and have plenty of things in common.

Intriguing Differences

People of the following types are likely to strike the INFJ as similar in character, but with some key differences which may make them seem especially intriguing. The INFJ may find people of these types particularly interesting and attractive to get to know. Relationships between INFJs and these types should have a good balance of commonalities and opportunities to challenge one another.

Potential Complements

INFJs may not feel an immediate connection with people of the following types, but on getting to know each other, they'll likely find they have some important things in common, as well as some things to teach one other. Although people of these types may not attract the INFJ initially, their relationships present a lot of potential to complement and learn from one other.

Challenging Opposites

People of the following types present the most potential for personality clash and conflict with the INFJ, but also the best opportunities for growth. Because people of these types have fundamentally different values and motivations from the INFJ's, initially, it may seem impossible to relate. But because they are so different, their strengths are the INFJ's weaknesses, and if they are able to develop a relationship, they can learn a tremendous amount from each other.

INFJs in Love

In relationships, the INFJ is supportive and guided by a sense of integrity. The INFJ's interest in human development applies to their mates as well, and they are encouraging of their partner's dreams, aspirations, and achievements.

INFJs want to maintain harmony in their relationships and are highly motivated to resolve conflicts. They tend to be creative problem-solvers and look for the emotional core of an issue to create a meeting of the minds. Although they desire cooperation, they are not willing to go along with an idea that does not feel authentic to them. When it comes to their core values and ethics, they are unwilling to compromise.

INFJs want a high degree of intimacy and emotional engagement, and are happiest when they feel they are sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings with their mates. INFJs value a partner who respects their deeply held values and ethics, and one who appreciates their creativity and inspiration.

INFJs as Parents

As parents, INFJs are devoted and loving. They tend to form strong bonds with their children and are very closely tuned in to their emotional states. Counselor parents naturally see the possibilities in their children and encourage them to develop their potential.

Although they support their children in their individual interests, INFJ parents are firm disciplinarians, particularly when it comes to moral or ethical concerns. They are concerned with their children's emotional health and spiritual development, and want to create a nurturing atmosphere that promotes growth and well-being.

INFJ Communication Style

INFJs are reserved about communication, and often keep their most treasured ideas and insights private. They are oriented to values and connection, and will search for meaning in the information they take in. They think deeply and often need time to process and evaluate before they are ready to share their ideas. They seek validation and will take the time to appreciate others and their ideas. They are often talented at making connections to bring people together and integrate ideas, values, and human potential.

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INFJ-Guest (not verified) says...


  • Most likely of all types to cope with stress by seeing a therapist

Not entirely true. If the INFJ can trust a therapist, maybe... But INFJ types typically retreat into themselves and/or solitude when stressed primarily before seeing a therapist.

INFJ (not verified) says...

I felt the same way upon reading that non factual fact. Solitude and art are my therapists. The one time I actually did talk to a therapist, I ended up being the therapist's therapist. 

Mateusz (not verified) says...

True. I always try and solve my problems on my own in my head, at the end of the day Im me and I know whats best for me

Anthony86 (not verified) says...

I'm an INFJ. Years ago, I was somewhat borderline INFJ/P, but now it seems pretty clear. Lately, I've been discouraged, and so I re-took this test thinking I may have changed my values, or that maybe I was mistaken about what's truly important to me this whole time, and even though I thought I tried to not score as an INFJ, alas that's what the test just labeled me yet again.

Marc Beam (not verified) says...

I am INFJ also, but let's all remember it's only a test that identifies patterns. People are individuals. There are lots of exceptions to the rule. None of this needs to fit you Anthony86. And there is no value in making yourself fit a model that works for others if it doesn't work for you. Hugs. 

L.e.a (not verified) says...

Don't be discouraged. I too was discouraged initially. Take heart in knowing where your values lie, and how you can use your quiet strength to your advantage. In knowing your strengths, you can practice at your weaknesses if you like. Don't rage against who you are. Learn to be in flow with it.

Peter M (not verified) says...

I have known for a long time that I am INFJ and really proud of it and only a small percentage of us is even better.

LeAnn (not verified) says...

Decades ago when applying for a new job in my 20's I was told my type was an ENTJ and I also had the benefit of mirroring, which would be an excellent trait during my career.  At the time it didn't make much sense to me and the description didn't really fit what I knew about myself.  Nevertheless, my career marched on and actually worked out pretty well, finally I retired from management consulting.  That was a beautiful day, it was time.

Adjusting to not having to be somewhere to fix other people's issues was like Heaven to me, taking time to think about what I wanted and also to deal with sibling issues that had been long standing.  Never felt I belonged and had a history of being 'too quiet, too sensitive'. 

Through some positive therapy it became evident that at last I could be the personality I'd always been.  Took the test and was shocked to find myself an INFJ, it fit perfectly and the realization was amazing.

Through other classes locally, a numerology reading etc. it's been well established this is my true personality type.  Looking back at my childhood was the most revealing, very creative and wanting to save the world.  Still feel that way!

Also realized that my career forced me to be more outgoing but I always did the best when working on my own, fixing problems and implementing solutions.  When I left San Diego my agency supervisor later wanted to know when I would be moving back.  He then told me he wished he had 'a hundred more like' me, the ultimate compliment, for sure!

Finally, after all I've been though it is a wonderful life of peace, happiness and looking forward to creative expression.  Certainly I have a lot of experience to draw from and in some way help others.  We'll see which direction that goes, so many choices!

Lenae (not verified) says...

We are a serious bunch!  I relate to all of you and I feel your pain as it is also like my own.  I am an INFJ, though like many I think I was more of an INFP in my earlier years.  Like Dvan and Shannon W. I am also a Cancer zodiac sign.  I truly wish we could all find a way to have more INFJ's in our lives.  I don't think I have ever met one in person though to be accurate, I didn't really know what to look for until recently.  I am 56 years young and though I seem to have come to a comfortable place in my life, where I have come to terms with my strengths and weaknesses, I still struggle with accepting the inhumanity in our world and wish I could help change it.  I feel powerless to make a difference.  The past three or four years have been especially hard for me as an American citizen INFJ, because I care deeply about maintaining our Democracy, and upholding the Constitution, and going beyond the Constitution to make our government more just and inclusive to everyone.  My empathetic nature, and my desire for truth and justice for all, makes living in a world of blatant self-promotion and constant lies and misinformation and corrupt politics, unbearable and very depressing.  Watching people blindly follow a bad path is very hard to accept.  I think that no matter which side a person falls on in regard to his/her political and moral beliefs, seeing the divisiveness play out in our country has to be frustrating for everyone.  We (INFJs) don't feel well in confrontational situations, and I have gained at least 20 pounds as I have reached out to food for comfort during this time of national crisis.  I wish I could say that I had been able to use this stress to activate my talents and as an activist to find a way to help overcome this situation.  I hope that I am not offending anyone as I have tried to express this frustration.  I am not trying to vilify those who sit on a different side of the conflict.  I just wish we could come together, understand the underlying beliefs that make us so firm in our convictions, and realize that we all want some of the same things, and find a compromise to bring us together.  All you very intelligent and talented and authentic INFJ's out there, if you can, find a way to inspire the world, if only your small part of it.  Let people see the beauty of your heart and the wisdom of your insight.  I have Celiac disease and other food intolerances, and though I work very diligently to avoid gluten and milk, I sometimes get exposed and feel very confused and sick.  This makes being productive and effective especially difficult at times.  So try as I might, I am less able to rise to the occasion and affect change.  Most of the time, I am working hard just to stay healthy enough to be a good wife and mother and caretaker.  So if you are lucky enough to be of sound mind and body, please be one of the ones who leaves the comfort of our nests, and risks conftontation, and makes a difference.  And thanks for posting here.  It was really good to see that there are others who face the same challenges.  One other thing, I am happily married for 32 years now.  I was fortunate enough to find a guy who loves me the way I am and I know that was a miracle.  He is always upbeat and fun and he grounds me when my frustration and emotions take me in a bad direction, he pulls me back to a more calm and healthy reality.  I hope you all find that kind of person who can give you the support and love you need.  I hadn't considered that being an INFJ guy could make finding a partner so difficult until I read some of the posts.  Be patient, there is someone out there who will love you just the way you are.  But, please don't think they have to be just like you.  For me it has been great having a partner who is very different and who views the world from a very different perspective.  We learn a lot from each other.  Pick someone positive who can make you laugh.  That is really good for the soul.  My husband does "Get Me" when it seems that noone else does.  What a gift that is for someone who wants to be accepted and understood more than anything else.  It's worth any sacrifice you have to make.  My sacrifice was following his career (moving often) and not being able to pursue my own career path.  I may not be a career success, but I have a really good relationship, and a peaceful home, and a great son.  It has been worth it.  The right person is key.  If our values, morals, and ideals were not in line, our marriage wouldn't work so well.  The right person is out there.  Hope you find that person for you.  If not, you are better off on your own with good friends.  Good luck.  And never give up hoping for and opening up to new possibilities.  Be well my INFJ sisters and brothers.

Bonnie P. (not verified) says...

Hi Lenae, thank you for your writing.  I resonated with so much of what you wrote and I am delighted to find a group of INFJ's.  I happen to be what's been called an "omnivert" because I test equal in introvert and extrovert.  Before I knew about the M-B's test a therapist suggested that I was an introvert masquerading as an extrovert.  It changed my life.  I finally understood why I would retreat from large gatherings and feel so easily overwhelmed and depleted.

As an omnivert, I have the ability to speak to larger groups and extend myself into situations that require a more extroverted nature.  My deep desire, which you all understand, is to change the world.  I've imagined "an army" of compassion trainers working in the public school system (eventually the Exeter's of the world as well where it is most needed) doing what I do as a therapist but at the root level: catching parents early, as well as teachers and administrators, to change the culture of school as well as the culture of home life.

I am tired of working as a therapist doing trauma work and teaching skill sets to one traumatized person at a time when the need is so great.  We have wonderful programs that exist to develop compassion and heal trauma: NVC (Non-violent Communication), RC (Re-evaluation Counseling which is learning to be peer counselors), AIT and EFT, Meyers/Briggs,  The Bahai Virtues Project, Brene Brown's work, etc.  This knowledge practiced needs to be fundamental to every child's experience supported by the adults in their lives so it can "gel".  We need to also help young parents pre-natally to understand how much their emotions are affecting the experience of their unborn child.  In Bali, Indonesia people are taught through the generations to not disturb a sleeping pregnant woman, men are not allowed to get angry at their pregnant wives.  Theirs is a gentle loving culture. 

This past year, in what I can carve out as free time, I have written a large outline for school change, started some policy writing and have a connection with a State Senator from Hawaii who wants to bring ideas to the legislature.  While I have 35 years of experience in my field I have little political experience and need help understanding the system.  I am writing this because your writing Lenae inspired me and I am operating by putting one foot in front of the other in my activities as Spirit moves me.  Having just become aware of this remarkable group of INFJ's I am extending myself to you brilliant folks who might find my work valuable to support in any way that can be imagined.  The vision is bigger than I can handle alone.  I liken it to the emancipation of slaves; "Harriet" was recently so inspiring.  I need my group of "abolitionists".  Anyone care to join?  Warm regards, Bonnie

PS Shifting to a culture of compassion at the fundamental level of each person’s heart will help Americans wake up from the dream of a consumer lifestyle.  If you want to see change in the environment, in poverty, in prison reform, in any “ism”, let’s work together at this deep level.  If you feel so inspired, send this to friends and acquaintances you feel may be interested to offer their expertise and support.  Peace


Diane Ebden (not verified) says...

Hi Lenae, thank you so much for your lovely post!  I too am a Cancerian - isn't it weird how so many of us INFJs are?!  I am still looking for that special guy so well done you on finding one(!) but I have a fabulous group of friends here in England.  I really got so much out of your post, how typically INFJ-ish of you to write such a meaningful piece!  Best wishes, Diane 

Strawberrypop (not verified) says...

To all the INFJs out there who feel it's impossible, yes. You can have a good relationship that lasts. That's not a blanket statement that you WILL, but it is possible.

I'm an INFJ, married to an ISFJ. He's like kozy shack rice pudding. As vanilla as it gets, but genuine and deeply comforting. I'm some kind of weird dessert you'd get at a fancy restaurant where you have to crack open a chocolate egg and then something fizzes. But I taste good, I guess?

I think that as INFJs we sometimes get hung up on finding someone who is just like us, but that isn't necessarily what works best for us. My husband's stability and groundedness as an ISFJ are things that I thought I would have troubles with, but it's just the opposite. He's my kite string. He gives me just enough connection to reality that I can really soar. And he knows when to reel me in for a cozy night at home away from the storm before I get overwhelmed. At the same time, he is drawn to my imagination and my sensitivity. I open up new ways of thinking for him, and fill his life with things that he didn't even know he needed, like Tolstoy novels and Korean hot sauce. 

Obviously, this is just what works for me. But you might consider looking less for a kindred spirit, and more for someone willing to be rock and your safe place, while admiring you as an amazing, strange, wonderful person that brings light and color to their world.

Joju (not verified) says...

So interesting, I too am happily married to an ISFJ for over 32 years (we went to school together). I feel that the opposite is true to being the unhappiest in relationships - we seem to be happier than most people I know. 

Jake Lima (not verified) says...

I have taken the test multiple times and recieved the type ENFJ. My introvert to extrovert has been around 49-51% but I have feel like connect more with the INFJ. I wish i had clearity on this

Temitope Ogunnaike (not verified) says...

To a large extent, it is accurate for my person

Temitope Ogunnaike (not verified) says...

I think it is somehow true of my trait. It is accurate to a large extent

Gábor Szurdoki (not verified) says...

I did this test a lot of times but never made sense. Now, reading INFJ tells basically everything about me. Such a great step in self-understanding. Thank you.

Susy (not verified) says...

I'd like to share my experiences, since I felt so different at different ages. When very young I was shy but very energetic, barely able to contain my imagination until I could write down the stories I made up. I was an easy target for a manipulative step-parent, in that my distress at his put-downs and gaslighting was hilarious to him. I fought for my values the whole way and never forgot how it felt to be a powerless kid, which made me much more empathetic and protective of kids (and animals). As a young adult I embraced escapism and suffered with depression. Being socially isolated and in a controlling religion didn't help. But I lived alone and took care of myself, until at age 25 I met my now-husband, an ISFP. His music, reserved nature and easygoing personality matched mine so well. For all our differences, we both have strong ethical and creative values. He's taught me a lot about not getting so wrapped up in my head and philosophies that I forget life, about handling my stress, about accepting myself as I am, something that religion didn't encourage. Now after 15 years of marriage, I feel we've both grown up a lot. We've forgiven each other and compromised so many times over the years, now it's automatic to meet in the middle and help each other, no matter the "fairness" or what others think. Our kids are happy and sharp-witted, do good in school, an INFP and a ESFP (such a handful, that one). I am curious what the future holds for us, but one thing I know is I'm not hiding who I really am with anyone any more.

Mat (not verified) says...

I've taken a few different versions of the test and until recently had always thought I was INFP. It never really resonated well with me, I felt like I couldn't really relate properly to the kinds of barriers, strengths etc typically associated to INFPs. I'm enjoy the arts but am not overly creative. I get highly invested in a project that im interested in and developing sytems and procedures for work and typically my happier times I've tried to incorporate my work persona at home.


Depression has really changed my perception of the world but I feel like at my core I'm more of an INFJ that has fallen into unhealthy patterns and 'conditioned' in some ways. I have this deep intuition with people and find that I can figure people out quite quickly where people can have a harder time doing the same with me. If I feel like I can't express my feelings on particular topics I tend to stress out and "act out" engaging in sensory type experiences, whether it's drinking heavily/taking substances or something more positive such as focusing heavily on exercise. I'm prone to burning myself out and investing too much time into my work which doesn't really satisfy my need to "be more". 

Reading over articles on personality is proving to be a pretty good personal growth tool for me as I struggle with feelings of unsatisfaction/outgrowing some friendships. It can be lonely sometimes but I'm getting better and beginning to thrive more on my own. I'm also beginning to understand why I've typically been able to get the most out of people at work and why I've been relied on so much

Misty Dawn (not verified) says...

Many people want so badly to feel special (even though they already are and just can't see it) that they will tailor their answers to what they think an INFJ would say instead of what they as an individual really prefer. Another thing to consider when it comes to inconsistent results is how the questions are answered. I'd be willing to bet that the majority of people answer MBTI survey questions based on what they would DO as opposed to what they would PREFER. Personality tests should ALWAYS be answered with what your first instinct would be in the given scenario...NOT what you would actually DO, whether you like the answer or not.

Behavior is moreso based on conditioning and our experiences and is far less a reflection of our core personalities, especially as we get older and work to integrate our own unique selves into a diverse society of other individuals.

People are more likely to have gotten an accurate result if the test was taken as a child rather than waiting to take it until adulthood. As children we are inherently self-aware, whereas as we age we become more emotionally and behaviorally complicated, making it much more difficult to really know our core preferences for what they truly are since we spend so much of our lives learning how to balance our quirks with appropriate social behavior.

Empress says...

I am a very shy person sometimes i don't like when im around a lot of people in a small space because i feel trapped and I feel like im being closed in. Althrough I like being around a lot of people sometimes it can get to be too much to handle. I think i work best with other people that are like quiet and calm because ive always been happy to meet new people I just was not really that outgoing person. Like if i like someone I not just going go up to them and tell them that i like them because im a shy person when i first meet someone i'm shy because I don't know what that person likes to do what their favorite fruit , color , food, or sport is so like we may be different as soon as we meet and  I may not know it. I don't really talk to alot of people in school cause most of the time i like to be alone and do my own thing. I've always been like this ever since i was a child and still i like that. My sister doesn't like being around a lot of people too i get it from my mom alot. We have a lot of things in common she's a quiet person im a quiet person. When i go out in public and if i see someone i know i don't want to be noticed by that person because I don't like being seen by people that I know from school because it makes me nervous. It's not like im scared to be seen in the outside world i just don't like being in the center of attention all the time.If im doing homework for school I will most likley want to do it in a quiet place because i can focus on it more better. I love doing  thigns in a quiet environment because it makes me feel safe and relaxed. I can't work in a loud place because it makes me feel nervous and scared.But Im a very cool , calm person to work with if you work good with me and communicate and we share ideas with each other then we can work together.


Jack (not verified) says...

It figures infj makes the lowest average salary of all types. A lot to give but in real life misunderstood, not valued, struggling. This comes back to the type of society most infj live in. Western warrior society that values toughness.  Infj is honest and kind qualities that rock other people's boats and cause derision.

Fatima (not verified) says...

I believe we are fluid in our development and enlightenment journey. When I was young I took the test and it came as INFJ.. I guess to some extent I wasn’t aware fully of who I was or how to fit in or make sense of the world around me.. I didn’t give it much of importance 

through many life experiences that had its fair share of pain, joy and lessons I fluctuated between INTJ/INTP from that result made sense to a certain level 

recently I decided to go deeper in the theory with CAR model using personality hacker book; that was a GEM! 

I am an INFJ.. the NT at certain life part made sense as I was blocking some painful areas.. my F T result almost equal 8-7 respectively. And the book goes in depth explaining how you go around those exercises and types 

the CAR model enables u to know ur functions, and thought process along with the traits that you show if your N function is developed or underdeveloped

recently with lots of reflection and means to strengthen thought processes, I feel more at ease navigating my emotions ... when I look back at the T result I used to fee confused as I also got some F aspects in decision making and other life experiences


great summary of INFJ type; please check personality hacker it helps you go beyond the types and develop your inner thought processes and sometimes that level of work is subconscious we just do it without thinking much about it 



Liblairian (not verified) says...

I just recently took the test (last time I took it was in middle school, and I can’t remember what I was.) I was curious to take it as an adult when I have a more firm grasp of who I am and what I believe. I think it seems fairly accurate. 

Podcast: The Truth with Bill (not verified) says...

Friends (INFJ's), we are biological vehicles that contain a soul. That soul is eternal, it is a fraction of the Divine. We live life after life until our soul has progressed to the INFJ field, this will be our last or close to our last bioligical life here in this physical realm. It is important that you know who and what you are so you can add to the Collective Consiousness, pushing each bioligical life forward. when our work is done there will be others in line as there were others before us. It is the purpose of this Realm and "life". Close your eyes and say to yourself, "Within this body I am free," three times, you will feel it and know.

LeAnn (not verified) says...

Through several sources over the years I've been told my soul has been here on the planet a great deal.  At one point the numerologist asked me why I keep coming back as she definitely doesn't want to after this current life. 

For me it's the animals and nature plus the discovery of a soul contract with a cat.  My animal communicator has told me a lot about that and she sees us still together in the year 2300 so it doesn't look like I'm done but given the situation on this planet it might just be another planet, different life form by then.

Given that time really only exists here, that in reality could happen a lot faster, all things considered. I want to be an advisor on the other side as they have helped me so much during this life, I am so grateful for their guidance!

Thank you for your comments and the mantra, very  helpful.



Daisy1 (not verified) says...

I was a valedictorian of my graduating class at my university. So it is true that INFJs are pretty good in school.

RevKev (not verified) says...

Just stumled on this blog and it is odd to see bits of myself in so many of your posts. Always lived mostly inside my head. Started out heading toward visual arts, went into business, kind of faked that for 14-15, but didn't have that animal instinct for profit. Now working in the clergy for 12 years. Find myself oddly energized by helping others see and realize their potential in God and as individuals.  Sometimes can't get away from the crowds quickly enough though...can get cynical with some who whine and drone. My empathy has limits. I have genuine compassion for the downtrodden, the addicted, the mentally/emotionally wounded, but not the patience to remian in the space of care with them endlessly. Have decided my best use of time is investing in those with the real spark of potential who listen, learn, grow and change, even if slowly. Married to a more "sensing," extroverted woman for almost 30 years now. After many challenges, it's taken almost this long for both of us to realize that I'm not intentionally trying to frustrate her, but just operate extremely differently. I can be a horrible procrastinator, especially with the creative things that energize me like drawing, writing, creating things. Otherwise, get my job done, but always in the 11th hour. Diagnosed with ADD in my 50's and seeing some improvement in focus in my work with meds...not a panacea though. Lastly, can slip into depression for no apparent reason, plus anxietiety, so learning to verbalize that and have my go-to people (my team) that helps keep me upright and forward-moving. Extremely enegerized by quiet, reflective times with soothing music and serene atmmosphere. Don't make it happen enough! Tyranny of the urgent, you know!  Lastly, really struggle to write though. Draft a 2,500 word manuscript every Sunday.         

Misty Dawn (not verified) says...

I just wanted to say that your post resonated with me more than most others have. I can completely relate to not being able to verbalize my own needs. It's easy to think to yourself "I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME STOP FREAKING OUT INSIDE!!!", but how on Earth do you say that to people and have them actually understand what you are even talking about!? 

"Tyrrany of the urgent..", man that is too true. I always feel rushed...I HATE feeling rushed. I too struggle with reading, as I tend to get stuck on a line or thought from the text and fall into my head as I analyze it and make mental associations about it, instead of focusing on what I'm actually reading. Lots of re-reading of paragraphs...very frustrating; I too enjoy writing very much though.

reikirach (not verified) says...

Hi RevKev,

Thanks for your reply to my post, I only just saw it for some reason most of the responses were going to my junk email folder.... 

I can relate to pretty much all of what you say as well, it's eerily accurate this INFJ stuff isn't it hehe

I can procrastinate too, in fact I'm doing it right now lol...I always get stuck in the details of what I want to do because I want to make sure I'm the best I can be before I actually start and then never get started...(frustrating)!!! 

The challenges in my relationship are very difficult with me being so emotionally charged and him being almost unemotional altogether lol, but we are working on it and I hope we can get through them as well. I totally get the operating extremely differently, I think I call it being on completely different planets in different universes hahaha.... It has been recommended that I take an anti depressant for anxiety and to help balance my emotions and although I'm not really keen on it, I'm thinking it may help me get a little more focused too...I seem to have trouble with staying focused as well. 

Anyway thank you for commenting :) 


reikirach (not verified) says...

Hi all, I am an INFJ well that's what the Myers Briggs test tells me I am....I have also been labeled as an Empath and my psychologist thinks I may have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) ouch!!! I have been through some traumatic times in my life yes and felt misunderstood my entire life (still do) and I have constantly searched to find out why I feel so different to everyone else. I would call myself a universally spiritual person and have found a lot of solace in some of the spiritual principals, however the so called 'spiritual' community still has a lot of ego attached to it, and there are alot of fake people out there trying to be something they're not, preaching and teaching alot of stuff that really isn't any different to preaching religion or politics. I believe we all find what we need, we intuitively gravitate towards what feels right for us whether that be religion, spirituality or certain practices that help us get through what we need to get through and I do not judge any of them if it feels right for you... providing you are discerning enough to be able to look at things with an honest evaluation and not just escaping to a comfort zone of not having to be responsible for yourself and your actions. 

I can see how the psych profession could think I have BPD because I can relate to the majority of the criteria but one thing I don't subscribe to is the being out of touch with reality, I have a heightened sense of intuition which always proves to be true in the end and is often denied by the person in question at the time. This causes me alot of anxiety and has me questioning myself all the time. Society always tries to label us, and we ourselves search for a label of some sorts in order to understand ourselves. I also do this, and it's not wrong or right, it's a good thing to look deep to find and accept who we are. But recently having lost my best friend, I have done some very deep soul searching and it's becoming very clear, that regardless of the labels we are given or attach to ourselves, we are perfectly ok just the way we are. 

I have trouble regulating my emotions (hence the BPD diagnosis) and I'm very hyper sensitive when I'm in a relationship which does make it difficult for me and the person I'm with. However, in hindsight, alot of what I get sensitive about is because I KNOW what's going on, I can feel it, see it, sense it and often the other person is in denial of what I'm bringing to the surface. I then get told I'm wrong, and I don't know what I'm talking about, only to find out in hindsight that I was right!!! but the damage is already done, I've been forced to deal with emotions and question my self about everything. I too feel like I want to be far away from everyone most of the time, because the energies around me can get overwhelming & yet I'm very good with people when I'm ready to be. I'm actually a completely different person as an adult to what I was when I was a child, I was very outgoing and chatty and always looked for friends to play with, but life has taught me that I can't trust anyone and get constantly disappointed so I have become very isolated and protective of myself, does that mean I wasn't born as an INFJ? Did society turn me into one?  Do I think I can change? I don't know, do I want to? No!  I don't want to change who I am, but I do want to learn how to regulate my emotions a little because I don't want to accept that this is the suffering I have to endure the rest of my life because the other people around me are certainly not going to accommodate for my over sensitivity. 

I came here to write this, because I relate to all of your stories and I wanted to share mine with people that understood and I guess in a way I want to find a tribe of people who can relate without judgement. I actually want to make a difference and help people who are like me, like us!! these sites absolutely help so I want to go beyond that and learn strategies and provide a safe place for people to grow and learn but still remain true to themselves. Not having to change who they are, but if they want to have an option to learn how to learn coping skills etc for those overwhelming moments we feel. 

I'm going to start a facebook group for this, and I was just wanting some feedback to see if this is something that people like yourselves would find helpful? 


Misty Dawn (not verified) says...

TBH, based on your writing patterns, thought processes and communication style, not to mention the amount of information you have shared, you come across WAAAY more as an INFP than an INFJ. I don't know you personally obviously, so there's no way I could know that for sure, but your mannerisms are incongruent with what one would typically think of as an INFJ, and your chatty energetic nature as a child lends one to think you are more on the Perceiving side of things than the Judging side, as does your deep attachment to the emotions involved with events from your past and the way you express your frustrations about them. I hope you don't take my observation as criticism, you seem like you are likely a really cool person to know.

I only speak up because I have found that, for me personally, not holding clinging too tightly to one MBTI type result just because I like the sound of it, at least at first, has made it easier to understand myself and many of my quirks and shortcomings. For example, it doesn't really help me much in application to recognize that my personality type is likely a large part of why I have an unbelieveably difficult time with punctuality and keeping my house tidy (ironically, I absolutely HATE clutter but can never seem to escape it); it does however help with the guilt for me to know that my flaws are a part of who I am as a person, and that I don't have to be ashamed of them; we must continue to work on curbing negative habits and strive to maintain a growth oriented mindset so that we may overcome the challenges each of our unique personalities presents in our lives.

Drew A (not verified) says...

I've taken many tests and INFJ looks conclusive, but on certain tests I come out ISTP. I also often feel that ISTP fits me in a secondary way, more than any other type. Then I discovered what seems to be an explanation. The ISTP is the only other introverted MBTI type with the same cognitive functions. They just manifest in different order. INFJ = Ni-Fe-Ti-Se. ISTP = Ti-Se-Ni-Fe. It's almost like I could flip a switch and be ISTP.

Carla26 (not verified) says...

I find it rather peculiar to have different test results at different ages. 

The way we are inside hardly changes so much that we switch types, honestly. I took this test a lot of times over the years and i got other than INFJ when i tried to choose another option in the questions because i was trying to be more flexible in real life. Of course, that didn't fit, because i always plan and think deeply every move i make, that's just who i am to the core. Cannot override this.

So..yeah. Just my 2 cents.

Seterah (not verified) says...

How lovely to discover this site.  I feel like I am not the only one for the first time ever.  We are unfathmomable to many because we hold integrity very highly and try to keep our integrity even if it means we lose out in situations, however I have been burnt so many times in many situations with less scrupulous people.  I even know on one level that this is how it will pan out, by that I mean I know that they are just  'looking out for number one' but I feel that I don't want to be constrained by the values of the world.  I am just not going to allow this fear based and cynical mainstream behaviour to force me into their mould....but I get it perfectly well, people think you are stupid when you are kind and frankly, brave and intelligent.


Guest (not verified) says...

I have always tested INFJ and my only daughter is an INFJ while my 3 sons are all INFP’s. I find I can get along with anyone so long as conversations do not turn to religion (as most people are so fixated, morals, and one’s sense of humor. For the most part these guidlines hold true but as with some exceptions due to extremes, its a good guide. I dislike anyone who’s sense of humor includes anything that causes harm to another. Anyone who finds it funny to hurt someones feelings or seeing someone get hurt OR setting someone up for harm or potential harm, is in my opinion not funny but rather cruel and sadistic. I also do not understand people who compartmentalize to the degree of missing the whole picture. Example is simple terms: A toddler is angered and lashes out at another toddler and slaps them... The second toddler slaps them back... The first toddler is angered and doesnt see why the 2nd toddler hit them ( the big picture is gone and all the 1st now sees is that the 2nd slapped them out of the blue- it is not related to the fact that the 1st slapped them first) These people are dangerous, self justified, lost, and actually consumed in their need to eacape all accountability in their desires to act as they wish with regard to noone else and their desire to escape consequences. However, my biggest concern for our world is that it is filled with people wearing masks, and always hiding their real beliefs, who they really are, and actually are convinced that is normal! People scare me if I think too deeply on how deceptive and socially swayed they are. Why cant others simply be themselves? C’est La Vie! At least with an INFJ you know what you are dealing with and what to expect! Thats what I expect of the few I call friend.

Sandro (not verified) says...

Hola queridos amigos INFJ, les habla otro INFJ, les invito humildemente a nuestra comunidad en habla hispana o español, para poder compartir informacion util y agradable para nosotros, tengan un excelente dia.

Jeff Isabelle (not verified) says...

My major thoughts are that I have not had many good relationships with compatible women.    I was always more interested in doing things like music, skiing or fast cars as a loner type. Then suddenly someone may show a little interest. Then the depth of knowledge would scare that person away usually. Now that I speak with people all over the world its far more fun and interesting. It took me a few years. As it took a few years for me to become more comfortable in speaking about being INFJ as I worked in science and engineering, now I only speak about it in forums like this one to lend support. I just have fun and do it politely when it appropriate. It's also a fun thing in some scenarios. 

Himalaya (not verified) says...

It has taken me to survive into my 60s to discover why I always felt 'different' and definitely a little weird sometimes! Discovering my personality type was a relief and helped me understand myself in relation to others. I have learned being is an INFJ is about listening to better help others and not trying to take responsibility for their life paths so I use words such as 'have you thought about it this way' or 'I wonder if ...' Rather than give advice perhaps it is more beneficial to encourage people to think things through for themselves to better help them make their own decisions and take responsibility for their own lives. Telling people what they should do means we are trying to control and take responsibility for another's life path and none of us have the right to do that. If we perceive they may be making the 'wrong' decision because we can see the adverse effects of that decision then keeping quiet and being supportive is all we can do. We are all part architects of our own destiny and it is perhaps dangerous to become an influence on the destiny of another.

After an extremely challenging life I am content to discover my personality type and although I understand now how and why 2 malign influences affected me so deeply I would rather be kind, compassionate and caring and if there is a price I have paid for that then so be it. Enjoy being who you are. There is not enough kindness in the world for any of you to lose yours. Kindness and compassion perhaps are the human qualities we can bring to those we connect with to balance a little the unkindness we see all around us. Perhaps that is our role and if it is who could be unhappy with that?!

A Kumaran (not verified) says...

Unbelievably accurate about my life and inclinations...  I had taken Briggs-Myers test about 20 years ago, and I got an INFJ at that time, and I wished I had paid attention to the suggestions earlier - about life, career and relationships.

Now, I have only become more defined INFJ (in terms of scores), but I can agree with and relate to every one of the traits given here, and the suggestions for lifestyle, careers, and general outlook towards life.  

Fantastic resource!

JMJeffords (not verified) says...

This INFJ thing is a tough gig -Ive been writing words  worth value since probably since middle school -lived in the big city back in the day as a kid and then moved to subburbs in 74 teachers didnt appreciate my poem on "street walkers" in 7th grade lol.Im to observant.Add in a parent with schizophrenia -alcoholism -homelessness and walah theres your memior.Im a very good listener and Im very good at "counseling" people with problems -but agonize making decisions when it may impact others -sometimes at my own self interest.Stupid.There is so much pain out there -so many searching for answers-reccognition of exsistance -many acting out -now that I am just about an old man perhaps it is time to put away my hopes of changing things and head to the country with some books (wifi for kindle lol) my music and my piece of mind that I tried to do my best (Union Activist-member/Politics/my kids/ and call it a day.

Otávio Aversani (not verified) says...

I'm 25 yo and did it twice... both f tryals match INFJ. That's really interesting too look back and see that since I was a child I fitted those attributes of personality. great! 

Dark Horse (not verified) says...

I arrived late, but Hey, I feel you!

Thank you for sharing, so much learning still to do.

INFJoke (not verified) says...

You guys need to chill out. You're acting like INFJ is something to be proud of and some of you even seem to think you have some kind of super power with these ridiculous holier than thou attitudes. I even saw someone saying they pray for people in their spare time? Give me a break.

Cut the crap, who wants to be a sensitive little snowflake who's an outcast from society? I don't, I wish I was any other type. I hate feeling alone, I hate finding out that everything I ever thought was true to me is just bs made up stuff I concluded and people are actually not as genuine and good as I though them to be, I hate that I'm not participatory in things that interest others with more extrovert mindsets, I hate that I feel like such an insignificant, meaningless dot in the universe striving to find truth in anything and everything, I hate how pathetic I am with women because I don't even try because I know nobody "understands me".

Why do I feel the need to respect other people so much? I've turned into a cynical person now. Alone, I struggle to socialise with people properly because I've forgotten how. I at least used to be able to pretend like I was normal, now I don't even have the energy to put up a front with people and coming up with deep meaningful musings about conversational topics isn't exactly most people's cup of tea, just comes off weird. I want to be normal, not with you bunch of delusionalists, there's nothing special about us. Look at the job prospects 34k below the average salary? That's just fantastic.

Alkey says...

Are you a narcissist? Do you feel or understand love or empathy? You are a dark one and they are dangerous. Maybe you should stop hiding and embrace yourself. It's not sane behavior to want to be someone else. Just saying. We don't think we are special but we do have special gifts. You sound like Stalin, he was a dark INFJ.

YoungofHeartOldofSpirit (not verified) says...

Why turn your self hatred towards us? Why mock fellow INFJs with similar struggles and spurn a community that could actually relate to you and support and advise you in whatever you are going through?

My best guess is that your shadow self is currently in charge. 

I hope you come to peace with your self soon and heal enough to see your differences as strengths. 

Life is far too short to spend it wishing you were living someone elses.

p.s. The ability to see wounds others carry and be able to help heal them is absolutely a super power. It comes with the burden of enormous trust. It could easily be abused and used as a weapon. I am sure at least in a minority of cases it is. Cult leaders can be INFJs too. But if you can heal enough to have healthy boundaries your ability to make a positive difference in the lives of others is almost limitless.

Mike 0167 (not verified) says...

I found this site tonight.  It's like I just found my long lost family.

I (almost) had myself convinced that there was no one else like me.  And I have accepted that long ago.

It doesn't bother me - I know I am different.  Always have been.  The doctor that delivered me saw it.

For the first time, I don't know what to think right now.

Hedwig (not verified) says...

Hello my fellow big hearted and often misunderstood INFJs! Thank you for sharing all your stories, it makes me feel less alone and comforted. My whole life I have felt so misunderstood and judged for being me. I find it weird that people feel that my aloofness, directness, independence and high morals/standards are negative traits but at the same time, they always gravitate to me for help, comfort and reassurance. It gets tiring really that I actually prefer being alone most times. I feel that I have always given so much but I can't even get the most basic respect and courtesy back. It is so weird how society treats those who don't fit the mold. And after 30+ years, it is only now that I have truly realized that the key is self-love. We are capable of so much and have such big hearts and capacity to care and love. But we must also look out for ourselves because a lot of people are drawn to our light and drain it without consideration to us. It's hard to not be jaded and to be open and trusting after 30+ years of this. But it is important to put our needs first, so we can continue to be at our best to help others and the world. :)

Guest (not verified) says...

Instead of falling into a box, read and do the exercise from here:


It will tell you more about WHY you do things and then you can even CHANGE and become more extroverted etc. ... and fulfilled ! do it ! 

Tiny lament (not verified) says...

I am a INFJ advocate type. I keep dreaming about being able to help many of societies downtrodden. I am just a simple SAHM. I often wonder why doesn’t everyone care about the world. Everyone just lives in their little box and does not want to be bothered having deep thoughts. We need to see the world as our family. Not something separate. Oh well. Maybe just being able to (hopefully) teach my own kids to be mindful of the world at large and being active in their community is my life’s work.

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