So, I have a (personality quirk?), I'm not sure what to call it to be honest. I experience one emotion much more complexly than the others. I'm aware most people have a very (shallow?) depth to the pools of their own emotions in totality. And this is even more true for me in all cases but one. Anger. I personally think that everyone has two to three " levels" of each emotion, and of most of them I experience one to two "levels", except anger. I experience anger and any associated feelings much more thoroughly than other people. Something like eight to twelve "levels".

Does anyone have an explanation for why this may be the case?

I'm almost too honest, everyone I know refers to me as brutally honest, unapologetic, and blunt. I don't regard anger as always a negative emotion. Sometimes it is quite positive.

I'ma highly intuitive person, picking up on the slightest facial ticks and specifically discerning vocal pattern discrepancies and what those discrepancies mean. I don't know if this is related just putting it here for consideration. 

I do know that the only thing keeping me from being the most disliked person in my circles is the layers of logic I wrap around that anger to keep it under control.

Feel free to ask more questions if you think they may be related to this... Thing...

Also I have no idea if this is in the correct thread because I don't have a clue what the acronyms stand for. Apologies.

Comments

bunnylogic (not verified) says...

First things first: Congrats! acknowledging the self is core to self-progression.

The description above does sounds very reminicint of a Fi-Te tug of war.

But regardless of type, xxTJ or xxFP, I would recommend getting some space to process. Just what is it that motivates us to be so pissed off?

Sometimes, there may be a "what ever was said/done, that was just thoughtless".
Sometimes there may be more. Perhaps there could be a value somewhere that screams out to be acknowledged.
Regardless of what we find, if there can be identified a root trigger, then it we can name it. We can own it.

Personally I may spend hours rolling through the open wide to sort this stuff out. Perhaps it really wasn't worth getting upset about it and I needed to learn to let it go. Or perhaps if it was important enough for me to get upset about it, then it is important to me somewhere inside. Should I fail to embrace this, it will forever be a hinderance. Should I come to recognize these feelings, they become facets. Facets I can leverage to drive myself towards my goals. This is where the Te wrapper can evolve from being a mere wrapper, to conduits for success. Having a power level over 9000 driving us towards success? Sounds pretty awesome to me.

Also, these identifiable facets, are now more relatable. Every human has quirks. Sharing these quirks can lead to some of the oddest, but strongest team bonds.

As for the whole intuitive or sensory, try a bit of both.
Try treating everything as time agnostic, let the details fall to the wayside, focusing on actuallizing motivations.
Try setting defined goals, and chase down all the details to ensure the most robustly audited plan of action.
Which ever one ends up being the most irritating and tiring, do that less and compensate by doing the other more.

S33K3R says...

I used to be like this. I rarely viewed the anger as a positive thing because while I studied meditation thoroughly I noticed my coherence took a nose dive when I am in any kind of negative emotional pattern. Especially anger. 

To fix my anger addiction (for me it was a strong and persistent addiction) I went through stages of changing various beliefs that I held. I had to acknowledge that I am not happy with my lack of emotional control. I had to acknowledge the negative things it brought into my life as a result of my fogged mind. I had to reflect on the various triggers for that emotion and decide consciously if this thing that is triggering me is in my control. In the end I realized from the various observations that I am most of the time not in control of the triggers and had to adopt a mentality of really not caring. It was hard at first but now I love it. I still feel anger but I have a moment between the trigger and the anger I feel where I can decide if I want to be more angry? Or if I would rather not worry about it because there is nothing I can do. 

Anger can be constructive and bring great change if used in the right context at just the right time. I fear if I am taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions I better be the one in the drivers seat of my more volatile emotions. 

The main reason I was triggered was at how stupid people are in the world. Bad drivers, people I know making dumb decisions and somehow being shocked at the bad results, an over all lack of awareness in people I am surrounded with, society and how collectively dumb we all are lol, wars, politics, the absurdity and hypocrisy of it all, I hated hypocrites. 

All these things still anger me but I am able to let it go and reserve my energy for the more important things in life. Like what I am able to actually change. 

Josh Cook (not verified) says...

Wow.... this is me right here. And I'm also always right! I can control my anger somewhat(on a level where in not totally gonna flip out and beat the shit outta someone/everyone, even though I want too) but it's killing my relationship of almost 6 yrs with our 4 yr old and I'm dad to her 7 and 11yr old. I think it's beyond help and repair, even though I'm willing, but tjey jabe been out of the house for 7 months anf have been close to coming back but we just can't make it happen because of fighting and my anger. Any advice in things to look into to help it subside???? Please and thanks for your time

Dinadelasoul (not verified) says...

Have you ever heard of intermittent explosive disorder? sounds a lot like what you are describning. wish I could be of more help :/

numenoftheinkblood (not verified) says...

Hi Guest,

You wrote such an interesting and compelling post. Each line, the content and contexts, and the very words you chose appear to unravel your own complex position. Especially, when you wrote, "I do know that the only thing keeping me from being the most disliked person in my circles is the layers of logic I wrap around that anger to keep it under control." This suggests to me that you are on the verge of a breakthrough transition, however uncomfortable it may be at times. This is the type of change in life can empower you to reach a depth of contentment, satisfaction, even a happiness in your life that you may never have known and which many can never conceive because not all are presented with the same preconditions that you experience. In the quest for peace, I wish you well.

In my most humble opinion, the complexity (8 - 12 levels) of your self-described anger, and that you state it as a "personality trait" suggests that this 'anger' has roots in your distant past while it also serves you as a 'protective device' throughout your adult life. 

In my view, anger is not a primary emotion - though it is definitely an un-comfort-able condition when it is not in the mechanisms of 'power and control'. For example, when a person commits an aggressive act, most empathic people don't admire the perpetrator's power and control; they are more likely to think 'wow' someone's been stewing in their own juices for a bit too long. I think the primary emotions underlying anger are excessive frustration or excessive sadness, or both. I think it can also stem from a person's inability or lack of knowledge on how to soothe themselves. This, in part, may explain why, in your view, anger has many levels. For this reason, an analytic approach to deconstruct the anger in terms of 'frustration'/'sadness'/need to soothe might open the way.

According to my thesis, the complexity of your anger deepens in relation to the resonance of the triggered reaction to the stimulus. How relevant and meaningful any trigger is to particular frustration and/or sadness (however unconscious) that strikes your senses. Events, experiences, gestures may tend to 'trigger' an emotional reaction in you rather than simply exist in the world. This would be especially powerful when thoughts, memories, events, experiences resonate with the original frustrations and sadnesses that established the original aporic condition which resulted in anger that was not soothed.

As the underlying issues of frustration and/or sadness (or both) receded from consciousness, the 'anger' state established itself as a defense mechanism (a trait); the 'anger' (mixture of frustration and/or sadness - or both) mutated into a device for power and control to defend the underlying issues from being exposed (even to conscoiusness). However, power and control are nothing without a recognition, acknoweledgement, and respect of and for the mediator.  Hence, you post a most important (human) issue. However, with the same hand, you undermine the validity and relevance of the people you reach out to (with apparent disregard for who or what you are addressing (i.e. " I don't know if this is related just putting it here..." and "I have no idea if this is in the correct thread" and "I don't have a clue what the acronyms stand for.").

I would suggest, with reference to your comment (edited-for-clarity of point): "everyone I know refers to me as brutal__ ______, unapologetic, and blunt" that, although you are aware that the anger serves you in some way, you are also aware that it can (destroy); be an impediment to your growth and well-being. If, as you suggested, the only thing preventing you from being the most disliked person is 'layers of logic', there is a tremendous pressure on both sides; to retain the anger and to get rid of it. After all, logic rests on the strength of what we know to be true. Since truth can be a very evasive and transitory condition - even in the strictest of sciences - logic itself will be undermined by the very anger it is trying to control.

So far, it seems, your logic has prevented you from doing major damage to others with your anger but alas, your logic does little to prevent your on-going anger from leaving you in a state of jeopardy insofar as anger has control of you. If you challenge the anger in your life in order to improve your life, you will feel immediately threatened by the conditions that created the anger in the first place. As natural healing would have it, "like heals like": in that, the anger that protected you, now threatens you.  And in the exchange of dialectical polarities, what was vulnerable becomes strong (in the process of curing the anger). The 'logic' (logos=to think) that preserved your anger, now, logically (thinks) to address the anger. This may seem confusing but no reason to anger. Personally, I hold little value for the role of anger except as a stopping point, a red flag that something needs to be attended to or monitored. Aside from that, anger has little usefulness to anyone. 

I see an internal conflict that seeks a better, mature resolution. The 'brutal, unapologetic, and blunt' faces off with the sensitive, aware "highly intuitive person" who, at the very end of their post writes, "Apologies."  

I would like to argue that being intuitive does not necessarily apply to "picking up on the slightest facial ticks and specifically discerning vocal pattern discrepancies and what those discrepancies mean". I would like to strongly suggest that the sensitivities you described reflect the hyper-vigilance of someone who, on whatever level, was traumatized. When a person (especially, a child) is not adequately protected and soothed, they (unconsciously) become responsible for keeping their entire family together even when that family may be doing them some harm (whether consciously or unconsciouly). The child becomes acutely aware of every nuance of change in an effort (or futile attempt) to control the dynamics within the family - which deprives them of becoming aware of the dynamics within their self as an individual. They are never safe. They do not know how to soothe themselves but become so-called "addictive personalities" which applies to much more than drugs, gambling, or sex. They feel a profound emptiness within that they cannot even describe - except as 'being dead' or 'not a person'. They are not alone in the world because the world is within them. And it is always "too much" for a single person to bear. Being alone can feel safe but being alone triggers the same sense of isolation that caused the problem in the first place. In this case, it is advantageous, to a degree, to being disliked because being loved can feel threatening. 

Finally, I would argue strongly, with reference to "picking up on the slightest facial ticks and specifically discerning vocal pattern discrepancies and what those discrepancies mean" as descriptive of being intuitive. I argue that you do not know "what those discrepancies mean" unless you have the courage to ask the person/s whose gestures or expressions you perceived And accept their answer. If I am correct, you have been in a hyper-vigilant state for some time, being triggered by the slightest changes in your environment, unaware of what those changes are but anxious and defensive toward the dangers that resonate from the echoes of a child's mind.

An angry disposition is no fun. However, it is fertile ground for growth. Changes of this nature do not happen in a day. If it is any consolation, dissolving anger can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life, even if it takes a lifetime to achieve it. And, in many cases, the process of resolving anger issues makes life very rewarding and interesting in and of itself; much better than being angry. Because anger has its associates too, like resentment, envy, and self-devaluation.

If therapy is undesirable or unavailable, I would like to suggest an experiment with no name-calling or rationalizing. In this experiment, the next time (and thereafter, if so inclined) or whenever you feel any sign of anger, sit down in your mind and, without naming anything (good/bad; right/wrong; deep/shallow; etc.) allow yourself to focus on the feeling (however mixed up or indescribable) that is within your being. Take a deep, slow breath and let  yourself experience whatever you are feeling and consciously tell whatever feeling you are having: "I accept this feeling and I accept myself completely." As a further step, you can explore where, in your body, your mind perceives this feeling and then, let your awareness sit with the feeling in that part of your body. This process develops the 'third-person' perception and opens space for self-evaluation. And whenever we are self-perceiving, we become aware of how full of life (not empty) we are. Remember, no naming; just being. I think it will all come clear to you in your own time as you are clearly, a sensitive, intelligent, creative person. Life is an intrinsically healing process. The "Thing" you mentioned is a human being. Be fine as you are.

 

Riada (not verified) says...

Thank you for your invaluable comment. May I ask you if your advise comes from your personal experience or as a result of professional practice? 

ETNJ Here! (not verified) says...

Try finding a more appealing way to express and describe your anger! My family calls me colourfully emotional instead of "ANGER QUEEN". It's ok, I feel anger the same way that you do. I share most of my feeling with my family and life partner - not friends because I find that it helps to be more neutral and really, your friends are probably a little bit more likely to judge you on it. Another option is to seek out your own creative intervention. When I'm angry, I'll often sit at the piano or pick up a paintbrush.. I'll admit that's more of an INTJ thing, but it works better than you'd think!

MeToo (not verified) says...

Stragely enough, my personality used to be very similar.  I am very easy going until I am pissed off.  Once I feel anger, it's almost like I get thirsty for more, until the point that I become enraged, and it doesn't happen slow once the chain reaction starts.  In order to control the anger, I have learned how to channel my energy in to relaxing hobbies like wood working, metal work, and exercise.   Just whatever it takes to busy my mind and it goes away just as fast as it came on.  If the source of my frustration ignores the fact that I am angry, I become even more angry until it is acknowledged.  Once the other person understands that I am pissed, I normally calm down and communicate calmly what it is that is bothering me.  That's when the brutally honest part is at its peak.  I'm not being brutally honest in an effort to offend you, but I am being brutally honest in hopes of finding a logical solution to our disagreement.  For some personality types, this will cause them to shut down.  But for other personality types, this will open their eyes to perspectives of a situation, that they probably have never thought about.  For instance, my soon to be brother-inlaw is a police officer.   One day, he decided to give my 9 year old son a pair of real handcuffs to bring home.  Once I found out about this, I was pissed!  My wife, her sister, and my brother-inlaw could understand the issue that I had with this.  I was angry to the point that I could have beaten the crap out of my brother-inlaw, without remorse.  However, I got myself to calm down enough to explain.  I am a prior corrections officer.  I understood that prior to handling cuffs, we had to attend classes and take tests in order to be trained on how to handle the use of them.  With the training that I have had, along with knowing that my brother-inlaw should have had the same training, I was pissed because my 9 year old had no way of knowing the dangers of improperly handling cuffs, down to the point of them having a potential to be deadly if misused.  Once I broke it all down for my wife, she totally understood my analysis of the situation and figured out the safest decision, would have been to return the cuffs to my brother-inlaw and explain to him why this was not cool.  She even showed her sister the qualification paperwork necessary for handling real cuffs.  I was good with that.  But I often get pissed when dealing with the non-analytical types because they do not see the big picture as often, if at all.  You just have to find a way to channel the anger.

Ted Myrrh (not verified) says...

Anger is a secondary emotion, something more vulnerable is usually underneath such as fear or sadness.  My guess if you've been wounded in the past, you may have residual unworked through trauma that causes you to see everything through a lense of the past.  IT may involve some boundary issues as well. Who are you angry at?  why are you angry?  who's responsible for your feelings?  people who stay angry or express inappropriate levels of anger i would say they need to get to the core issues with an experienced counselor.  If you are a male you may be hiding vulnerable parts that society doesnt give you permission to validate or feel so anger can be a way to emote without being vulnerable and giving you a false sense of power.  I would also wonder if you have a "Good/Bad" split which leaves you feeling like everything is unjust or unfair.  Resolving the fact that everyone has good and bad behavior and forgiving and giving up the Ideal may give you more of a sense of GRACE with people and yourself.  MY GUESS IS THAT YOU NEED TO GRIEVE......and let go of some things and feel more fully vulnerable emotions with someone SAFE who will accept you and demonstrate grace while you explore your weaker vulnerable self.  Confessing your faults to someone may also help with resolving the good/bad split.  being honest about your "badness" will help you learn to let go of your ideal self and receive forgiveness and grace so that you can give forgiveness and grace to others and hard to accept situations.  "a fool gives full vent to his anger" the bible says.  Self control is a fruit of the holy spirit.  Knowing God is knowing peace.  www.areyouagoodperson.org  this website may help with resolving good and bad split.  facing yourself honestly and finding forgiveness and acceptance is the road to releasing others from the justice and judgements and to allow the flow for grace and forgiveness.  Intellectualizing can be a defense mechanism...if your heart has been wounded something else to explore how you use logic to keep from feeling appropriate emotions and directing them in the right place.   I recommend the books  "Boundaries"  by Cloud and Townsend  "Changes that heal" and "hiding from love" by either henry cloud and john townsend or both together.  these are reputable christian counselors with best selling books. 

bffofasociopath (not verified) says...

your symptoms sound like sociopathy. not psychopathy, but sociopathy. although those symptoms exist at different levels based on a spectrum.

are you able to feel remorse or guilt? if unsure, please do more research on sociopathy. this could very well be the case.

society needs to be aware that the sociopath label is blown out of proportion so much that this label is only associated with whatever the media feeds us about sociopaths (i.e., school shooters, serial killers, etc.). what most don't realize due to ignorance and lack of intuition is that sociopathy is frequently present in our society and exists in 1 out of 25 men.

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