Okay, there's so many things my husband is Great at ( maintaining relationships, dealing with awkward situations, etc), but I'm having a really hard time with his inability to follow through. I'm not one of those types that makes him guess at what I want (I'm an int/fj female, with a fairly well developed fi), but baby number 4 is due in two weeks, and I'm getting no help. We have a three year old and two 1 year old twins that I can barely keep up with as it is,, and anything handyman that needs done around the house, as well as the bills, laundry, and other household chores. I'm not being able to do much right now, & I will be completely out of commission after baby comes. Is there anything I can do to get my ENFP to help more? My car doesn't even have heat right now, and it's an easy fix, but I can't get him to even do that. I try really hard to be upbeat and positive, because I know he needs it emotionally, but its really hard when I'm constantly disappointed when he says he's going to do something but doesn't do it.

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Guest (not verified) says...

Where the two, sorry its supposed to say " I'm normally in charge of anything automotive as well as anything handyman"

Guest (not verified) says...

Also, he does't seem to realize that he's not helping. When I try to talk to him about it, he honestly thinks he is helping every day- but he can't tell me what he's been helping with, he's more just offended that I could think that, regardless of whether or not it's true. As a logic driven person, I'm having a really hard time with this.

Guest (not verified) says...

You can try to repeat it a lot, keep a list or give an incentive or punishment. Make sure that he doesn't get distracted as that's why he probably hasn't been following through. Also try to make it sound more fun and like a game.

Guest (not verified) says...

Hi there! Maybe ask him how he would like to help. As an ENFP I know I hate to finish things. Anything. I feel though sometimes when I need to help out my family that I am lost. It's all so boring. Chores, ugg. I don't know how much free time he has, but I know most ENFPs love children. Maybe he can take your children to the park, play with them outside, read them stories. That will free up a bit of your time. Also hobbies? Now, I know this is not your job to help him keep happy all the time. But you could possibly suggest he finds a useful hobby that could help you around the house.

I don't know much to help you as a teen! But I feel for you and really want to help. I hope you guys figure this out. :)

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm the ENFP. Having a clear todo-list helped me a lot.
We made it together, so it's not "her" list and the expectations are not implied, but written/expressed. End very important to me was to know that there is an end to the list, meaning that after those things are done, I can do something I choose to do.

Hope it can help

ENFP (not verified) says...

I'm a female ENFP and I struggle with making myself do boring household tasks. You're going to have to pick your battles, so if getting paid help is an option, do it. I would rather work longer hours, take on a second job or cut back on expenses than do chores at home. If there are shortcuts, let him take them (e.g. purchase frozen meals, use paper plates). He will get very lonely if he is stuck at home all the time, so send him out as your envoy to do things that involve interacting with other people, e.g. taking the car in to be repaired, rather than trying to do it himself. Other ideas might be to enlist help from family of friends - your ENFP husband would do a great job at recruiting them and entertaining them while they help. Finally, I would urge you to try to let things go a bit, for your husband it is probably no big deal to let the house get a little disheveled for a while - and it really won't hurt you either, I promise! Focus on the things that really matter and let the rest go.

ENFP female,Guest (not verified) says...

I hope you have solved your difficulties, but it's not difficult. As an ENFP, my husband has the same problem with me. I hate housekeeping, but i'm great at ordering and managing them. There are two things that I wish my husband knew then about me. First, I want to be heard. I want to tell everything first, then I can listen and do. I need to talk and then to finish with my conclusion. It makes me satisfied. I know you have a lot to do, and no extra time to listen to. But it works. When I talk to get the conclusion, if my family listens to me to the end, I do everything to satisfy them(even cleaning the house).
The other thing is about my focus. I can't focus on one part in particular. When I start working on the kitchen, i switch to clean the bed, then go to the closet, dining room,... at once, not completely, that work is boring. Make something amazing for him, or change your behavior. make yourself a mystery:ask him to do something, then don't talk and don't do it by yourself. Go to silence. you can start with his stuff. If you break and do things he never works. I know it. We can put all the work on other people shoulders so friendly and name it"managing the work" :)

Lori Robinson says...

I'm an ENFP female and I really do feel your pain... I have three children and when they were young it was a handful to keep the household in order because I hated chores but, I was really on top of things because it worried me that my children would grow up without "proper home training". That was what made me do the chores to perfection and follow through on all the mundane things that I now let go to the point of being ridiculous. The kids are 23, 21, and 16... so everyone knows what and how things should be done ... but maybe the knowledge that he is a living example of how his children will live in the future will cause him to re-think what the priority should be and how to make that happen... I still use lists when I have to do things that I don't enjoy... I break everything into small achievable chunks that I can check off and feel good about... :) Hope that helps!

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