Anyone else in this situation? I love my wife a ton, and we have both grown so much from being together. At the same time, I often feel so wasted on and stultified by her. At the same time I know she often feels unsafe/destabilized and exhausted by my way of being. I think I just want to connect and co-empathize with others of my tribe who've married and love their polar opposites. Heck, I even wrote a song about this dynamic. I bet you'd like it. Anyone out there?

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P Funk (not verified) says...

I feel ya. 

Some days are spent just navigating between expectation and dissapointment

..but consider this silver lining to being with your opposite: 

Because the relationship is challenging, you've discovered sides of yourself you wouldn't have with a like-minded partner. Perhaps when you met, there was a part of you that sensed these traits could use more developing. People make so many decisions from this unconscious place, maybe that's one of the reasons why you were so attracted to her in the first place. 

So during those frusterating moments with your wife,  in your head you can say to yourself, "I'm a pretty well-rounded bad ass because of you". 

ApricotHaze says...

My husband is likely an INTJ or an ISTJ.  We have long since learned to understand that we're different rather than right/wrong or normal/abnormal or responsible/irresponsible.  For instance, today, the thought flitted through my head that Mexican food might be nice tomorrow immediately followed by the realization that my husband had likely already planned the day out in his head and failed to articulate it to me.

The conversation wound up going something like this--

Me:  So, what's your plan for tomorrow

Him:  I don't really have a plan.  (said very slowly)

Me:  There's always a plan.

Him:  Well, not so much a plan as some ideas (blushing and embarassed smirk)

What then followed was a list of things that would begin when we rise and go until bedtime.  We might squeeze in Mexican if it stills sounds good to me tomorrow--and if I had wanted to go to the zoo, we would have--but those things involve him letting go of the plan.  Thankfully, we've been married long enough that he realizes good things can happen if he lets me take the lead sometimes :).

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