How INFJs Can Come Across as Indecisive, Even When They're Not

Perseverant when it comes to their ideas and goals, INFJs are exceptionally decisive when it’s something they care about. As Judgers, they enjoy having things settled and are particularly happy when their decisions can change someone’s life for the better.

Still, as an INFJ myself, I can attest that while we may feel decisive on the inside, that’s not always how we’re perceived by the outside world. Extraverted Feeling (Fe) is the second function in the INFJ’s function stack. We use it to interpret all the information we’ve gathered using our primary function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), and to make decisions. It’s just that—in certain situations—we temporarily shut our Extraverted Feeling down. Lots of things happen when we avoid using our Fe, such as keeping our opinions to ourselves, and avoiding conflict at all costs. The result? Everyone thinks we’re massively indecisive! 

Sounds like you? Keep reading to learn why INFJs can come across as indecisive, and some tips to counter this.

 1.    You want to be polite so avoid saying exactly what you think.

INFJs are very much conflict-averse. We loathe disruption, and are quite serious about keeping harmony in our relationships and environments. This means that—as an INFJ—you may often avoid saying exactly what you think for fear of hurting others. What if I say something wrong and they get upset about it? The horror! Cue endless overthinking.

What INFJs might be overlooking is that conflict sometimes serves a purpose. In fact, it may be necessary to establish healthy communication, solve a problem, or, yes, make a decision more assertively.

So, before jumping to conclusions or trying to guess other people’s reactions, step back and reflect. What’s the worst that can happen if someone disagrees with you? Instead of ruminating in an endless cycle, consider how an open and honest dialogue can be beneficial to your decision making and help you get your message across.

2.  You’re worried about the impact of your decisions on others.

The typical INFJ is naturally empathetic and altruistic. You thrive when your actions result in positive change, and that means you can worry a lot about how your decisions may affect others. So, you ponder, plan and sometimes despair. You think, think, and think some more. The result? You’re perceived as indecisive. In reality, you’ve made a clear decision—you’re really just worried about the consequences of your decision. You’re a people-pleaser and you don’t want to disappoint.

A word of advice: start paying attention to your own emotional needs. It’s great that you acknowledge how your actions may negatively impact others (if anything it means you care). But it’s also important to take care of your own wellbeing, and that means putting your opinions out instead of being stuck in a spin cycle of indecision.

3.    Internally, you don't trust the decision you've made and are second-guessing yourself.

INFJs are Intuitive types, which means we have a natural tendency to trust our own judgment and follow our gut. In fact, many INFJs aren’t used to questioning their intuition. So, in a perfect world, an INFJ would be confident enough to make decisions without second-guessing themselves. 

Yet, the reality is a bit different. INFJs have great judgment, but they are also extremely sensitive. The merest hint of criticism can affect us, and lead an INFJ to ignore their gut and dwell in doubt. 

Tip: Remember that, as an INFJ, you're especially vulnerable to criticism, and you're often your own worst critic! If you want to be assertive in your decisions, acknowledge how your own sensitivity may be getting in the way and preventing you from taking action. Trust your gut -- it rarely lets you down!

 4.  You often struggle with perfectionism.

The struggle with perfectionism is real, INFJ. You want to avoid failure at all costs, so you shy away from situations that require you to work on your weaknesses. You put a ridiculous amount of pressure on yourself, and set high standards for others, too. And you feel truly disappointed when your expectations aren’t met.

These perfectionist tendencies can make INFJs come across as indecisive. I get it. You want to feel as prepared as possible before taking action, so you can reduce your chances of failing. What you may not be considering is that failure, and rejection, are part of the process.

If you struggle with perfectionism, it can be helpful to find a strategy for the better processing of your feelings. It can be as simple as jotting down your thoughts and reviewing them later. You can also try the ‘if-then’ technique, where you come up with a specific plan for how you’ll act when you’re tempted to succumb to your perfectionist habits.

 5.    You can get lost in the big picture so easily.

As an INFJ, your dominant function is Introverted Intuition (Ni). This means that your inner world of thoughts and ideas is your preferred place to be. INFJs navigate the world by absorbing information, reflecting on the world around them, and looking for meaning in it.

As helpful as this function is for taking in and exploring information, it may also cause you to become so isolated in your inner thoughts that you struggle to take action in the outside world.

To counter this, try breaking down your goals into smaller, achievable steps. This way, you can focus on accomplishing one thing at a time without losing yourself in your wonderful fertile imagination. 

In conclusion

At their best, INFJs have enough willpower and conviction to follow through with their ideas and make assertive decisions along the way. At their worst, an INFJ will procrastinate, doubt themselves, or become overwhelmed before making a big decision.

This may happen because you care too much about what others think of you, lack confidence in yourself, or are simply being too polite for your own good! If you want to avoid coming across as indecisive, remember that you already have a powerful function in your toolbox: Extraverted Feeling (Fe).

As uncomfortable as it may be, give this function a chance to work for you, and get out of your head for a bit. The results might surprise you!