8 Things You Learn Living With an ENFP Personality Type01 April 2020 / By Elizabeth Harris Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on April 01, 2020
ENFPs can be infectiously loveable. They’re enthusiastic, highly sociable and emotionally sensitive. At the same time, they’re prone to overthinking. And they have a severe case of lack of follow through, which can present some challenges to roommates and partners.
Living with my ENFP partner, I’ve gradually learnt to embrace the good and the not-so-good, and celebrate the ...let’s call them ‘quirks’ of this unique personality type. I’ve never met anyone who has so much enthusiasm and impulsiveness as my partner, who can swing between absolute over-the-moon exuberance and deep self-doubt.
The highs and the lows of the ENFP personality are what makes them so interesting. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from living with an ENFP (and what I’ve learned about myself in the process).
1. ENFPs are hugely emotionally expressive
ENFPs are people-centered and draw much of their energy from their social interactions. They have an incredible ability to be hyper-alert to the emotions of the people close to them. This natural sensitivity of ENFPs becomes heightened when you live with them.
I’ve never met anyone as emotionally-led as my ENFP partner – he knows when I’m angry before I admit it to myself, he hugs me before I realize I need to cry, and he can sense from across the room when I’m feeling lost or uncertain. He absorbs all these feelings and reflects them back to me, feeling my emotions as deeply as I feel them myself. As an ENTJ, this kind of emotional understanding freaks me out!
Living with an ENFP, you have to get used to the fact that you can’t hide your emotions. That in itself can be quite freeing. However, it also means that all emotions are intensified in your living space. Happiness and stress are magnified to the same extremes. Over time, you learn to respond to these swings in a more measured way, helping you become more attuned to your own emotions in the process.
2. ENFPs thrive on newness
Whether it’s striking up a conversation with a stranger in a bar or deep-diving into a new hobby and sharing their findings with everyone – literally everyone – they know, ENFPs do best when they’re discovering things for the first time. They’re outgoing and spontaneous, following whatever interests them most at that moment.
When you’re living with an ENFP, you get used to this near-obsessive focus on newness. Embracing the energy is a great way for other personality types to open up to new ways of thinking and exploring the world.
At the same time, it can be exhausting if you invest too heavily in the novelty-seeking aspect of an ENFP’s personality. The obsession with newness has a major downside – the excitement rarely lasts and ENFPs quickly move on to the next new thing that captures their imagination. Prepare yourself for the changeability of the ENFP character and recognize that these types rarely follow through on their original plans. Learn to take each day as it comes, celebrating the endless hunt for new ideas.
3. ENFPs are storytellers
Because ENFPs love novel experiences, they tend to amass stories and anecdotes that they readily share with whoever will listen. They have a strong nose for drama, too – my partner can construct stories from seemingly nothing, injecting suspense and humor into the simplest events. Word-mastery is one of my favorite aspects of this personality type.
On the flip side, ENFPs also have a tendency to take over in social settings, sharing story after story without pausing for breath. They could benefit from listening more and do well with a partner or friend who brings these quieter communication skills to the table.
4. ENFPs hate small talk
ENFPs love to make new connections but conversely, they hate small talk. ENFPs have no time for dry conversation, reciting facts or pithy introductions. Rather, they’re eager to launch directly into deep, intense explorations of your ideas and they easily share their opinions in return.
The ENFP I live with is happiest when he’s meeting new people, but he hates the mundane, repetitive introductions that most people find necessary when meeting for the first time. He rejects questions about what he does for a living and where he’s from, pushing the conversation immediately into more personal and intense territory.
ENFPs aren’t afraid to share their feelings and lay bare their ideas without fear of judgement. This level of intensity means you always have someone to talk to when you want to delve deep into an important topic and need some feedback. But fair warning – it takes time to navigate this aspect of the ENFP personality as many find it intimidating at first.
5. ENFPs are always spontaneous
ENFPs refuse to get locked into a routine. They do everything in their power to maintain their freedom and value spontaneity above all else. As a result, they try to be as imaginative as possible in how they spend their time.
One of my favorite things about living with an ENFP is their eagerness to seek out creative activities. Whether it’s visiting an art gallery, going to a jam session or discussing a new book, ENFPs embrace their creative spirit and love to share this with the people around them. Living with an ENFP, you learn to seek out every opportunity your surroundings have to offer. Soon, you’ll find yourself spending the weekends in some hidden place that’s just around the corner that you never knew existed!
6. ENFPs are terrible with details
On the downside, you have to get used to the fact that ENFPs are completely and utterly useless when it comes to details. Explorative personalities tend to focus on the big picture. When it comes to day-to-day tasks like finding their phone, wallet and glasses, ENFPs are completely hopeless.
My partner’s mother loves to tell the story of how he would turn up to school with an empty backpack and be forced to borrow books and pens from his classmates. It wasn’t deliberate – he just never remembered to pack his bag in the mornings. Maybe that’s why ENFPs often struggle in school… just a thought!
From my experience, focus is not a strong point for ENFPs and they don’t listen to simple instructions. For an ENTJ who loves to organize the people around her, this is one of the hardest things to deal with when living with an ENFP. They tend to be forgetful, disorganized and sometimes completely inept. This means they need friends and colleagues who can look out for the little details and put up with their failings. Thankfully, their personality is adorable enough that they can get away with it – most of the time!
7. ENFPs crave external validation
One of the paradoxes of the ENFP personality is their habit of overthinking. Whilst they’re happy to share their ideas in the most unapologetic way, they can also worry what people think of them. This can push their emotional intuition to a point where they imagine problems that aren’t there.
Living with an ENFP, I’ve noticed that they have a strong need for external approval to help support their own self-confidence. ENFPs often seek out praise and affection from the people closest to them to soothe their insecurities. This observation has led me to reflect on where we seek recognition from. Many of us base our self-worth on external sources – compliments, social media likes, praise from colleagues – but we could all benefit from looking a bit more to ourselves for approval and caring less what people on the outside think.
8. ENFPs know how to love
If you’re lucky enough to find the right ENFP, you will quickly realize that they love to love. Seriously, their affection knows no bounds. Every morning includes a daily declaration of their love. They breathe affection and tenderness and channel their natural exuberance into celebrating their closest relationships. When you are accepted into that close circle, you get to see the full depth of their loving personality.
Living with an ENFP can take work but if you’re ready to ride the wave of their emotions and learn from the good and bad aspects of their personality, you’ll find that they’re pretty darn irresistible. It’s a wild ride!
Kathy Skala (not verified) says...
I have ever read a more perfe.ct description of myself!!
Elizabeth Harris says...
Haha I love that! I'm glad to hear my observations are accurate! Thanks!
Ash (not verified) says...
Yann (not verified) says...
Over time i came to develop yhe habit of managing my things in a way rhat helps me daily. Like whenever i ride my mptorcycle, i habe a dedicated pocket for my phone, my bike related keys, home keys, tissue for my glasses, ear plugs and neck warmer. I organoze my backpack in a similar way. Actually i need to know where my thigs are, so overtime i became sort of organized.
Yann (not verified) says...
Aaaand i forgot to spellcheck. Lol
casey jae (not verified) says...
Could you do ENFP vs ENFJ???
This is really helpful, as an ENFJ / borderline ENFP I'd love to know the subtleties
Elizabeth Harris says...
Hey, thanks so much for your comment! That's a great idea! Stay tuned...
CP (not verified) says...
ENFP and ENFJ are really different if you break apart the cognitive functions. Both empaths but in completely different ways as their functions are inverse.
Zatybetty (not verified) says...
It was awesome to know about yourself!!! I never bored learning about myself. And love being ENFP!!
Casi (not verified) says...
This helped me better understand myself. I often find I make apologies for my "quirks" instead of owning them. This is that external validation I was looking for . Kinda teared up a bit. Thank you. Im not the only one of my kind. Yay!!!
Paige49 (not verified) says...
Same same and I also teared up lol
Bella (not verified) says...
So very very very accuracte, thank you!
Stephanie Loves (not verified) says...
Love this! So much truth. Especially the part about novelty and storytelling. I felt called out. ? Also, I don't fall in love real easy. But, the few times that I have, It was big and hard. When we love...you will know it and we commit to it. I've been married to my Hotteh for 22 years and together for 25. The struggles in education, I think it depends. I love school (wrapping up a doctorate). So I think it depends on if ENFPs want to grow and mature. I've learn to love my personality type. I couldn't imagine being anything else. I mean, we hang out with unicorns and ride streets of rainbows for crying out loud. ?❤️
Queen (not verified) says...
Lol we do ride unicorns and jump rainbows.?? I agree with u and the education , I really love learning going back cause I want the Dr in front of my name too . I love learning. I read to learn barely ever for entertainment. . ?
CP (not verified) says...
ENFPs aren't known for struggling in school - they can do due to tardiness or distraction and boredom, but tend to self educate into adulthood and seek opportunities for growth. ENFPs are the most likely type to have a genius level IQ, despite their playful and childlike behaviour at times.
Enfo male (not verified) says...
That was spot on, but as an Entj you already know that!;) Thanks!
Jimbo (not verified) says...
I'm an ENFP male. Reading this is so spot on! I was trying to make sense of some of my actions and responses to a friend. I was starting to overthink ??? and found this article that acknowledged and affirmed my personality traits. If I could just stop ✋? overthinking... life would be grand! Thank you ?? for writing ✍? this!
CP (not verified) says...
I contest the assertion that ENFPs overthink. Thinking a lot is simply the natural territory of the ENFP. ENFPs are extremely intelligent and take in masses of information and this is processed out loud in large part - which people aren't accustomed to listening to. For a Ti user, this would appear to be "over" thinking.
Kristin A (not verified) says...
As an enfp married to an entj, I really loved this list. I have always felt like my husband understands me better than anyone, despite not being very emotional himself, and I really appreciate your thoughtful and concise analysis of our type. I know I've also learned so much from my husband that I would never have figured out on my own. Mutual love and respect can go a long way. Thanks for posting!
Noa (not verified) says...
Wow, I just felt like I read an accurate description of myself haha. Live with an ENTJ and ESFJ, so details always go over my head oops
Christina G. (not verified) says...
I really liked this description. It actually helped me piece together a certain situation in which I am struggling. I am certainly an ENFP, and love to love people. But it can also cause me to maintain toxic relationships. I am married now, but we had a foster son who had RAD and ODD (we found this out after he left). He drained ALL my love that I had to give. I sacrificed everything inside of me to love this child - but I ignored or pushed aside the fact that he was mentally and emotionally manipulating and abusing me. I am now having to deal with the emotional fallout.
Being an ENFP is definitely a gift, but also a curse.
Swedy (not verified) says...
OMG SO TRUE!! Haha it's totally like me! Thanks for writing this insightful article! Greatly appreciate it! :)