For me, it's probably perfectionism. I've worked on it a lot in recent years, but I still notice perfectionist tendencies creeping up when I'm working on various projects. I've met quite a few other INFJs online recently and know that most of us (especially women) deal with perfectionism, or have at some point in our lives.

I love learning about the similarities (and differences!) between INFJs, so I'm curious what you'd say is the one issue related to your INFJ personality that you'd most like to solve.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Comments

teagan (not verified) says...

I would say I have the same problem as well when it comes to perfectionism. Especially when it comes to training new people at my job, I've been told I'm "bossy" but i don't see it as being bossy. I know how the job is supposed to be done right so that's how I'm going to show you it, if it's wrong I'm going to tell you. Buuuuutttttttt i will say my perfectionism has turned me into a control freak lol. Could't decide though if it's part perfectionism, part control freak or just lack of trust in people. Maybe all three who knows

Leslie McDaniel says...

I think the control issues and perfectionism are wrapped up together. :) It's like, if I want it perfect, then I need to make sure it's done right, and the only way to do that is to do it myself! Right?!? Ha. Sometimes I leave something I really want to "fix" alone on purpose...just to test my ability to leave something less than perfect. :)

Danielle says...

You just summed up my life in that last sentence, I'm so glad it's not just me!

Natalie F W (not verified) says...

Perfectionism has been a struggle for myself for years. I also cannot tell I have exceeded what was asked of me. I wish that I could not be labeled introvert or extrovert by outsiders. I feel like people are always trying to label me to their personality type. I speak very well in interpersonal situations, but am petrified when I have the spotlight clear to myself. I like to engage with people. I don't like to be center of attention.

Nancy Hoyt (not verified) says...

I wish that I could enter a room and not feel the emotion of people around me.  I can tell by the tone of their voice or their body language that there is some difference going on.  Then I start wondering ... did I say something wrong?  Did I offend them?  What did I do?  Most times, it isn't something I have done but I am so sensitive to any change in people.  So I am not so sure that being intuitive is a blessing or a curse.  I have to work on not overthinking it and worrying about it.  

Leslie McDaniel (not verified) says...

Hi, Nancy. I'm the same way. It is exhausting—especially the "Did I do something wrong? Did I offend them?" part. I try to visualize a shield when I notice that I'm taking on someone else's emotion. I remind myself that it's their emotion, not mine. Doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. Leaving the environment helps, too.

INFJ_here (not verified) says...

Yes!! Exactly this.  You've even expressed it better than I could have myself.  Also another thing for me is that I wish I could improve my communication with certain other people who just don't seem to understand my logic!

Mary W (not verified) says...

I wish others could understand us.  Plus it is tiring to know what is going to happen in some situations and not being able to convience others before hand.  I am sure that made no sense. Sorry.  I am tired of being lonely but need to be alone, it is a catch 22 and no answer for that one.  I wouldn't change being an INFJ, but it is hard on us when we have to deal with other people who are idiots.  :)  

Leslie McDaniel (not verified) says...

Hi, Mary. No, it makes total sense, and it's very normal for INFJs! 

Aino (not verified) says...

For me, it's probably the anxiousness that is caused by INFJ tendencies such as binge eating and perfectionism. There is so much more I could do if wasn't paralysed by anxiety half the time. I'm generally a very grateful being, I hope, which has helped me to be more positive and optimistic even when my mental health isn't at the ideal place, but my personality never allows me to be quite as stress-free as I would like to be. Of course this could be partly because of the hugely empathic nature of INFJs, which I wouldn't change for the world, but that doesn't make it fun. Being an INFJ is awesome, but it also can be hard at times.

Leslie McDaniel (not verified) says...

Hey, Aino. Thanks for sharing. You're right, being an INFJ is awesome, despite the things we can struggle with! You're not alone in those things. :)

Sarah M (not verified) says...

This just easily made my night knowing I'm not alone in any of these negative qualities I wish I could fix over night . Mary and Aino, what you guys also said resonated with me in a very deep way, so thank you! Aino, I always wondered if my binge eating and anxiety also had anything to do with or in common with other INFJ's, but man it's good to hear I'm not the only one that has those moments! I'm a teacher and school is about to start again, so my anxiety is starting to spike currently.. but having this website to go to and be able to read about others that have similar faults and strengths gives me all kinds of needed life again! Thanks everyone :)  #YouAreNotAlone

Leslie McDaniel (not verified) says...

Hi, Sarah! Thank you for sharing, and I love that you were able to feel supported by the others who commented. Since INFJs have an "underdeveloped" extraverted sensing (Se), we can turn to things like overindulgence, overshopping, over___...when we're really stressed. I was a teacher many years ago, so I wish you the best as you start the new year. Yes! You're not alone. :)

TinaD (not verified) says...

I think for me, it's trying to please people. I can't stand for anyone to be upset or for their to be conflict. So I do that, if I make them happy, there can't be conflict thing. It's exhausting, and I feel like I betray myself because I'm just trying to please someone else.

 

vanessaher (not verified) says...

that being stuck in a loop or stuck inside oneself, like a kind of paralysis, i think it is one of the singlemost awful things.  definitely need more tips on how to break that loop and get out of it and into a flow.  it is    s    o   painful.    i feel i am better at smashing it apart but definitely not good at it. need more practice and ideas. but i guess atleast being able to get out of it faster on occasion is a start.

Leslie McDaniel (not verified) says...

Hi, vanessaher. Yes! That is something a lot of INFJs struggle with. We can get so in our heads that we deal with this endless loop of thoughts. I'm happy to hear that you've gotten better at getting out of it. One way that seems to help a lot of INFJs is to talk it out. Literally. Verbalizing your ideas can help bring clarity to them and help you come to decisions and can stop that endless loop of thoughts. What are some of the ways you've been able to "smash it apart"? I'd love to hear!

Anna S (not verified) says...

Thank you all for sharing. Agree with almost every comment! But Mary, what you said about being tired of feeling lonely but having a need for being alone really resonated. This constant battle between trying to get closer to people and getting enough space is exhausting. Anyone that has worked out some helpful strategies? 

Having a little dog companion has cushioned it a bit for me :)

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