INFJ - Female

I have a huge interest in human nature and it's the main reason I am here. I have dealt with my emotions for almost over a decade.

I feel that I have intense sadness at times. I would curl myself in a corner and let the episode pass. The normal triggers are either depressive flashbacks or I am hurt by someone. And there is a correlation with stress and thoughts driven to hit myself.

I have some physical pains such as heart aches during an episode and also abdominal pains from previous self starvations. I am really jumpy and alert to attack in defence. I used to have suicidal thoughts but brushed it off as curiosity and it has lead to homicidal thoughts but has decreased greatly by self sustaining myself.

I have never taken action - except starvation (and hitting myself against something upon stress) - due to religious reasons/values. I have stopped starvation but only eat basic meals.

I previously reached out to parents but they mocked me making me feel worse, I still haven't forgiven them these past years. I reached out to teachers when having social issues and isolation but the problem remained until I fought against a ridiculous girl at which point made me pugnacious because of the social relief it brought. I feel like people don't want to bother with me and I've left it as that and walked off on my own. I will not cry in front of people because I hate pity but when I felt sick from starvation everyone seemed so falsely caring...

Previous experiences include:

- extreme loneliness at a young age (I have never made a real friend till I was 16 and made fun of even for my loneliness when I sat alone excluded from games)
- assaulted by older and same aged children as my society (ethnic minority) has disciplinary actions by hitting children upon which kids thought it was OK for them to do the same, I was pretty vulnerable. And sometimes the adults would hit children for no real reason. I left the place and the new generation seemed to improved.
- sexually taken advantaged and finding no one to talk to

which is why I'm considering therapy as suggested by the INFJ page. I'm so private I don't have the courage to share and found no relief from it. I like to share through text, I feel comfortable with it being an anonymous individual but also have some relationship. Despite the past decade I'm still having episodes, and I feel like I should know if in my case I should go for therapy, which I see as something that won't work because of teachers and parents hurting me and I'm stuck like this.

Comments

captainjackharper says...

Hello, I applaud you for expressing your feelings. This is all new to me and I am not qualified to analyze but I sympathize with how you feel. Although the details of what you experienced are obviously different from mine, I understand how you feel. This is the second time I tested as an INFJ and after reading your writing I feel it is accurate. I wish you much happiness and a great journey. If I can offer any advise, it would be to surround yourself with others who are caring and supportive. Never waste your time with those who degrade or harm you either physically or verbally. I am here because I have not been successful in finding a match, a best friend. I decided there must be a way to accomplish this. So here I am! I am open to all discussions to this end. Sincerely, Jack.

tahmida.chowdhury says...

Hi,

I've read your message, thank you for commenting I have just got a referral from my GP. Being a private nature it was difficult to talk face-to-face. And I've strangely considered being around caring people for the past few days. It has come with some pros and cons, I do not like pity merely for a condition and find such generously to be empty, although I find most INFJs to be genuine with people.

I suppose it's our great deal of empathy that gives us a wide perspective of different lives accurately. Pretty common among the INFJ. However, loneliness has taken a great amount of my time as everyone else commonly. I have been successful with 2 friends both IN types for a year (although one is moving next year) and an INTP match for a confusing long amount of time with re-matching.

I would recommend you do not match yourself with another INFJ, as I have experienced the dramatic effects of this. Despite spending our days advising each other and talking about our lives he seemed to be rather stubborn and continued his depressive manner to the point he broke the relationship unable to control his emotions. He lacked experience with his own emotions whereas I have a bit of INTP and INFP mixes due to self improvement and upbringing.

I would strongly recommend friendship between INFJ and other people you are comfortable with. I prefer to be around IN types.I also prefer to be informal online. :3

Abyss_gray (not verified) says...

Hi Tammy21,

I'm an INTP, a bit rare I read. I recall being 2 other personality types some time ago. I am 33 female, going through an awful high conflict divorce as I married a Machiavellian. This year I was diagnosed with PTSD by two different Psychiatrist, adding another disorder to my list. One thing I love, therapy, Psychiatry, though to find a connection with someone treating you is very very difficult especially when they retire or have to move. It's daunting, exhausting, for me as an Introvert I seclude myself even more so. At the same time I seek and crave the connection I once had with my "go to person". I've know many people, well, the majority of people I've know would rather eat dirty than go to therapy or see a "shrink". I grew up in a chaotic, abusive, unloving environment thus leading to depression, later diagnosed with Bipolar2, ADHD, Anxiety. My health, well it's just ludicrous. From Lupus to Urticaria, Septate Uterus, I can write a book. These things DO NOT define me.I do not have friends really, and my marriage has left me without the desire to see myself involved in another romantic relationship. I'm not a hardcore astrological believer but I am a Gemini as well, my past 2 relationships involved Leo's whom are not my compatible mates. I will tell you and should you seek professional help that is up to you, they will also tell you. What "disorder" "illness" you have beyond your control does NOT DEFINE who you are. You will BE underappreciated, unloved, unnoticed by some people. But, you may also reciprocate these same actions towards others without acknowledging them. That's life. That is THE WILL TO POWER. Sometimes it does not get better until worsens.

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