Hi all, I'm a newbie.
I'm fascinated by these questionnaires and profiles. I got INFP. But I see that there are all sorts of nice things like I'm an Empath, a good listener, sympathetic, care for others etc.

My partner would possibly disagree with much of that. She feels that I don't care about or support her enough. I feel that I care so much about her but it's hard to get through or for my support to be recognised. I really care about and empathise with people - I'm sure I do. I get choked up when I see people suffering. I'm interested in listening to people's problems but I'm terrible at giving advice. She doesn't want advice and can get angry if I try to give it. Just listening is fine for me, I don't mind her offloading her problems on me when she comes home from work.

I think a problem that I have, which may be what affects her so much is that I miss things. Sometimes stuff goes over my head unnoticed. Important stuff. And when she has problems which we've discussed, I can later end up caught up in my own life and interests and problems again, as if the discussion never happened. She however, remembers everything.

It's just that if I showed her these lovely INFP traits and some of the other types that come to my type - in addition to HEALER - like:

She'd probably or might disagree. I just find it hard to believe that I'm such a wonderful (if scatty and disorganised) person.

I'm reading Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic's book on CONFIDENCE at the moment and he says that, how others rate of us - on balance - is usually more accurate than our self-rating. For example, overly-confident people will say in studies that they're very popular in their group/class/workplace, but when the others rate them, they tend to say the opposite. Conversely, less confident, humble people tend to be MORE popular.

So, when I do these tests, I'm actually rating myself, which worries me a little.

I'd love to read your thoughts on this, thanks,


lisamarie1108 says...

Hi John,

I am also a newbie!

I am an INFP. I'm definitely going to get the book you mentioned. It sounds really interesting. Really like the
''Conversely, less confident, humble people tend to be MORE popular'' for obvious reasons.

I get upset with my boyfriend sometimes. When I tell him some of my problems e.g ''A girl at work really upset me today'' he will respond with something like ''Well do not talk to her then'' - or ''I am putting on weight'' - ''yes, cut down on all the rubbish''
I am forever telling me to offer sympathy and not solutions.
He thinks I take life far too seriously and worry about silly things. I think he is right and he does calm me. He is a ENFJ.

This probably has not helped at all :-) sorry I am in work so rush reading/writing.


Johnwhiteartist says...

Hi Lisa,
Gosh, I never Make those sorts of comments. I sympathise, but might interject, "Have you spoken to HR about so and so's bullying?" I've learned to try no to do that, because she'll angrily retort, "Don't you not think I already thought of that? I can think for myself!"

I'm also wondering if these profiles get more - or less accurate the more times we repeat them?

We might tweak our selections to get more favourable responses, either consciously or unconsciously.

Or - on the other hand - we might better understand the questions, and thus give more accurate answers.

velvetcactus (not verified) says...

Lisa,this is something all men need to learn about all women- we'll get the solutions on our own, their job is to empathize or just listen. It could be worse though-my ex used to blame me for things that happened that were not in my control then tell me what to do! I ended up not telling him anything at all!

lisamarie1108 says...

Not that you were asking for help! Just thoughts - sorry

lisamarie1108 says...

When I first took the test and found I was a INPF I was so dissapointed with the profile to be honest. I always liked to think of myself as an extrovert I took it again and again and was always a 'nf' but sometimes changed to an E and that pleased me. I think like you say I was tweaking it. After much thought the 'I ' I was so silly to be ashamed of is true. I can be loud in a crowd and show off a bit but struggle keeping eye contact if talking to someone I don't know that well, and I do enjoy closing the doors and being by myself or going to places by myself.
This realisation made me a bit sad and jealous of people that can be more social so maybe it wasn't such a good thing to learn.

Johnwhiteartist says...

Interesting that you could tweak it. I was told years ago that the Myers-Briggs is designed in such a way as to compensate if people get some answers wrong. I suppose it can be manipulated purposefully though.

But do you find that when you're with more likeminded people, it's easier?

1 to 1 is good for me, more than that and I start to get exhausted. But if they're all artists/creatives, I find it much easier and more exhilarating - as opposed to tiring or boring.

Small-talk about life's mundanites isn't my thing, with group situations.

lisamarie1108 says...

Apologies my writing is even worse on phone than it is using computer at work!

lisamarie1108 says...

That is interesting. I think I'm borderline 'I' and 'E'

It's funny that it's only recently that I've noticed that the girls that chat for ages at their desk are actually talking small talk. Something I find hard to do.

If a homeless stranger (as happened this evening) say next to me on a bench and talked to me. I feel more comfortable and take great genuine interest in their tales and like the fact I can listen and emphasis and feel heaps better if not sad afterwards.

Johnwhiteartist says...

Yes, I'm just a bit more E than I - think. In other tests I'm borderline.

I might try the test again. I can't believe that "people come to rely on my rosy optimistic outlook." I've been very negative and fatalistic and realistic much of the time, though that was almost always because of my work situation at the time - so perhaps that shows that I'm not naturally negative, but it happens to me when I'm stuck in the wrong environment and situation.

lisamarie1108 says...

Hopefully you are right.

It's hard getting out of feeling negative, especially if you have negative people around you. More and more I've noticed what a contagious feeling it is. We have somebody here who can turn a happy room into a negative room as soon as she walks into it. They treat her like the Queen Bee. I just try and stay away.

Bard says...

Well, you're not exactly rating yourself on empathy, listening skills, and so on, when you take the various Myers-Briggs tests and variants. You're giving responses that tend to be common to people having a particular constellation among four personality traits, who in turn tend to have such-and-such traits such as listening well, being empathetic, being idealistic, being chronically late ... So I would not be too concerned that you are flattering yourself with your answers. In fact, reading or hearing about some of the strengths and appealing characteristics common among INFPs can be healthy, I think, in that a lot of us tend to take quite a negative view of ourselves. We are as a group well aware of our faults generally, and these lists of INFP traits can balance things out a little by reminding us that there are advantages to being the way they are--and they can give some perspective on some of our faults, too, by suggesting that they are not necessarily terrible character flaws but just tendencies arising from how we are wired.

Johnwhiteartist says...

Hi Bard,
That's good to know. They don't ask: "are you a nice person?"

But having said that, they will ask things like "do you put your needs before others'?" I think. There are questions that do seem to me like ones that if answered in a particular way would make me seem like a bit of a bastard - but maybe it takes certain personality types to recognise that. If I was a Wall Street stockbroker - or banker - perhaps i''d proudly select 'logical' in a question which asks if one should be purely logical in making decisions, or consider the effect on an individual or how it might affect others.

velvetcactus (not verified) says...

They might wish to add "do you put other's needs before yours often?" in order to realize you might be taken advantage of on a regular basis. No one aspires to be a doormat.

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