Long story short, I fell in love with an INTJ female in our grad program (I'm an ENTJ) - she basically only wants to sleep with me, and verbally stated that "I'm not looking to date." It hurt like hell, but I came to accept that she's not looking to date ME. To be fair, she just got out of a marriage/relationship that lasted 5 - 10 years, has 2 kids with the guy, and her former man cheated on her.

Despite all this, I still have doubts about her words of not wanting to date or at the very least she doesn't have feelings for me because of the signs below:

Positive signs:

1. She's always moody/jealous when she sees me with other girls.

2. I catch her staring at me when I'm not looking - it happens often (even our professor began to take notice hehe..).
3. She "sticks" around to see if I'm going to walk with another girl AFTER EVERYONE HAS ALREADY LEFT THE CLASS. She REALLY did NOT like it when I began to show affection to another girl in class. She also became angry and controlling after I began to (tried and failed) move on to that other girl.
4. Tries to listen to my phone conversations when it's late at night (we sometimes have to stay late - 8 - 9pm for class = she's worried it might be a girl on the line).
5. Gave me the puppy eyes when I told her I wasn't going to see her again for 3 months (the I'm going to miss you look).

Negative signs:

1. She flat out told me she's doesn't want to date.
2. When I showed a just a bit of romantic affection (I said goodnight to her) she reacted slightly surprised and her friend wasn't happy.

Analysis:

I spoke to another intellectual type of woman and she thinks it's: 1) wants me to be her side dick, but ONLY she can have me, 2) commitment issues, or 3) she's testing the waters becuase she is free now to mingle (she's 31, I'm 28).

Ultimately, after all the research I've done about INTJs, I'm suspecting that it's not that she doesn't have feelings for me, but rather she wants to come to that conclusion when she feels ready. Investing in someone for 5 - 10 years, having 2 kids with them, and only to be cheated is something that will take a while to get over. By acknowledging her feelings for me, it will also bring up the pain from her previous relationship - something which she has not gotten over yet which is why she said she's not looking to date.

It should be noted that there is a difference between jealousy of sexual interest vs jealousy of romantic interest. Only #s 3 and 5 truly gave me confidence that her behaviors are of romantic jealousy - it's because I've and many other people would have performed the same type of behavior with people they like.

Lastly, the only thing I can do is keep approaching other girls in the mean time and see how she reacts when she sees me in Aug of 2019. She knows that I have feelings for her which is why she said "I'm not looking to date" - I wish I never said goodnight to her as that seemed to screw everything up, but live and learn kid. 

Thoughts?

 

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