I always thought that it was just me in general; why I couldn't make friends and why I didn't get along with people. Then I took a personality test to see if my awkwardness has taken over my personality but then I got INFJ. When I started reading up on it and reading everyone's comments, I realized that I'm not the only one that feels like this. Now I'm feeling a lot less lonely and left out. I guess now I'm fine not having any friends and being the quiet one in class because I'm not the only one that feels like this.

Comments

Taylor6473 (not verified) says...

I'm glad that I figured out in not the only one that feels left out.

Emily (not verified) says...

Tell me about it. I always thought there was something wrong with me. Guess not. It feels so good to know that we're not alone.

kwjanes says...

I had always assumed that since I had a mother who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder that people avoided me because of her. I was shunned by my classmates in grade school. I viewed the world in a much different way than those around me and I knew I didn't fit in a common mold. Much later in life I found out about my personality type and about the traits and outlook that comes with it. I now feel that my being different than the majority of people can actually be a gift and because of the ethics/values I feel are important in my life, I feel it is a priority to try to reach out and help people. I want to make the world a better place. As for feeling that there is something wrong with me, that is no longer the case. Instead I recognize I am unique (that we all are unique. We each bring our own set of gifts to the table ~ so to speak). My hope is that one day you will truly embrace and appreciate who you are and it is OK that not everyone understands people like us.

Fady S (not verified) says...

You're not, I had the same relief when I know I'm not alone

Helena Bell (not verified) says...

Me too. I sometimes wonder how many other people out there think similarily to the way I do . Now I know that all of you exist!

Vania (not verified) says...

Me too..Strangely, we enjoy being alone? And everyone (well not everyone) out there think of us like an alien, but when we socialize, they think that we are too deep, too insightful, too serious, too intense, they finally can't handle us. Yes, we rarely relate to people.
So glad to know that we INFJs are not alone, we can relate to each other here, it is very comforting :)

Guest (not verified) says...

"we are too deep, too insightful, too serious, too intense,"

Wow how this has bothered me for so long, and now I can put it to bed! This is who I am .. Deal with it :)

Guest (not verified) says...

"we are too deep, too insightful, too serious, too intense" This is me also. I have learned how to do small talk, but it doesn't interest me much. I want to know how people really feel and think....

Jaybird (not verified) says...

I am surprised to find so many others... just like me! I don't make friends easily, never have. The few I have had have been extremely close. I find that I enjoy alone time. I prefer being by myself. I wonder now if I have ever had INFJ friends. All have been introverts to one extreme or another. Curious. Do INFJs get along with one another? What do you think?

Do other INFJs find that they can write things they would never put in speech? I do.

It really is too bad that universities don't require a personality test before picking a career. I went to college not knowing what in the world I wanted to do... not knowing where the heck I fit in. They steered me toward marketing. What a mistake. I ended up as an art director where I work alone... all by my lonesome just as I enjoy it. I interact with other employees but always on a one-to-one basis. I sit and work on my computer with the freedom to listen to Yanni and Movie Theme music via Pandora. Some of the music moves me to tears.

Had I taken this Myers-Brigg profile test prior to choosing a career I would have done things differently. I am a former Marine. The Marine Corps and I did not mesh well. I did what I was expected to do, nothing more. Marketing was not my cup of tee either. I really should have been an archivist - a historian - with a Masters of Library degree. Now I am working on my Certification in Genealogy (my hobby turned career).

I took the test again on Truity and was cast as an ISTJ. I don't think so. Doesn't fit me at all. These tests can be over-analyzed to the point where we answer the way we would like to be seen... not as we really are. I believe this is why the test gave me different results. The careers being recommended... police, military... really? Not me. Sorry.

Then I reread through the INFJ profile. It's me. It's me. Sad to say... It's me.

INFJ1961 says...

My dearest friend of over 25 years is an INFJ.

Guest (not verified) says...

I'm also an INFJ. We are quite rare. I'm 43 and have only ever met, to my knowledge, one other INFJ and I'll tell you.... it's just like sitting down with someone you've known your whole life. I grieved in the worst way when my friend moved away because I knew I'd never meet another person so similar to myself. Thankfully.. I'm beginning to appreciate after 26 years together, that my husband, who is an INFP/TP is also quite similar to me. He's one in a few who I don't feel mismatched with or weird being myself.. I can be authentic with him. Most other people I come across, either tell me.. "Yes.. there's something very unique about you", however, because of how I am.. needing that deep conversation on issues that matter, I really don't find it easy to make friends and am not especially compelled to either. I value my time spent alone.. it's what gives me the fuel to make it through the day, just as humanitarian and social issues the globe over can keep me engaged in thought and analysis for hours. I don't actually grieve not being able to connect with people like others do.. we're a special breed with some really unique and wonderful traits and the world could use a few more of us. Your compulsion toward the Marine Corps may have to do with our pronounced interest in issues concerning 'justice'. I took psychology in university and went to work for Child & Family Services. I knew I was very interested in justice, but like you, the protection side of it and having to really assert yourself in the outside world definitely didn't work well with my personality either. Anyway... it's nice to connect with others who 'get' us.

Guest (not verified) says...

Yes, that is exactly how I feel I am perceived. Weird, huh? Too deep, insightful, serious, intense...I think I scare people, or they don't quite know what to do with me. I can see right through the superficial posturing and the social games people play. I can sense their motives, and often feel I know sooner and better than they do. Blessing or curse?

Guest (not verified) says...

EXACTLY! I feel like people don't know what to do with me... especially in the workplace regarding Managers/bosses I've had. It frustrates me to no end. I never know if my deepness intimidates people or what? And I see straight through so much. Lately does not seem like a blessing rather more of a "curse" especially work wise. I'm so frustrated I could cry.

Guest (not verified) says...

I just sat here and read your comment and identify 100%! Exactly especially regarding work, managers/bosses like you said. I feel like running into a brick wall I am so incredibly frustrated. I am paid well with full benefits, so I feel "stuck". I have the same pattern of issues with bosses even though I am a great employee - dependable, willing to help, take on more tasks, etc. but it just doesn't seem to matter.

I hope you will email me so we can share ideas and vent.

Taylor6473 (not verified) says...

I'm glad I took this test and figured out in not the only one as weird as I am or the only one as shy as me. Thank you for the people who wrote the rest of the comments; now I feel heck of a lot less lonelier.

MichaelK (not verified) says...

I know how you feel! I have been searching for answers to/reasons for my awkwardness for many years. I took this test today and while reading about INFJ, I had a surge of joy and recognition of who I am. I resonate with this profile profoundly and it really helps me to accept myself.
Michael

Guest (not verified) says...

Hey guess what? You're one of the 1%. . .but in a good way -lol! I'm an INFP and although I always knew myself, I was never quite as good at figuring others out, although I knew enough to know I didn't fit and wasn't prepared to change in order to 'fit'. The trick for your type is going to be finding an affinity with others when you are an Idealist AND part of that tiny 1% . . .I wish you all the luck in the world. . . and if you're ever overwhelmed with physical anxiety, try using magnesium salt baths, B vitamin complex (I use 'vitamin code' organic vits - cheap B vitamins (cyanocobalamin) can be made using cyanide - not in lethal amounts obviously, but still not helpful!) and maybe some good quality Krill oil - like Mercola. . . Also, potassium helps, Bananas are the easiest source for that. 2 kiwi fruit before bed works as good as sleep meds if anxiety's keeping you up at night too ... and when you need that little bit extra help - if someones really ground your gears and sent you into that head-space where you might find yourself seriously debating doing an 'Alexander Supertramp' use Bachs rescue remedy, which works on the limbic system. . .read up on the limbic system and how limbic sensitivity leads to strong emotional attachment, therefore intense discomfort/pain from social rejection. Its all pretty interesting stuff and helped me get through my divorce. Good luck + take care of yourself :)

Joe Rea (not verified) says...

I am 69 years old and never worked at a career I liked. I took the Myers-Briggs several year ago which indicated INFP. I have two master's degrees, one in biology and the later one in professional counseling. I a also passionate about art. Art can be a lonely venture if you are married to a very different personality type that only looks at the practical. I quit counseling 3 years ago because of discouragement and self-doubt. I re-took the MBTI today and was surprised and joyous about my type being INFJ, which "gave me permission" to return to counseling (I still have my license). Is there anyone "out there" who also seem to be on the border of INFP AND INFJ? Please tell me about yourself, your struggles, successes.

Ben S (not verified) says...

I'm 62 and always felt out of place in business and the sciences despite my INTJ test result. Only recently have I determined that INFJ seems a much better fit. Despite the realization that I need to shift out of my current line of work, I'm coming up against a daunting re-training scenario. Counseling education is probably out of the question due to the time, cost, and other requirements, but coaching may just do it for me. Any comments would be welcomed.

Guest (not verified) says...

I am an INFJ and consistently hit a brick wall regarding my work life with every job I have. It's like Managers don't know what to do with me. I come off as very extroverted but am insightful, intuitive, and very deep. I feel like (no arrogance here) I intimidate people because I am comfortable with myself and who I am.

Very frustrated right now.

Guest (not verified) says...

Me too! You just summed up exactly how I feel. It propels me into depression because I do not know what to do?

Guest (not verified) says...

I am an INFJ and consistently hit a brick wall regarding my work life with every job I have. It's like Managers don't know what to do with me. I come off as very extroverted but am insightful, intuitive, and very deep. I feel like (no arrogance here) I intimidate people because I am comfortable with myself and who I am.

Very frustrated right now.

Melissa T (not verified) says...

It is certainly nice to see other INFJs. I'm slowly but surely working my way through reading all the material I can possibly find. It can be so lonely. I'm so grateful when I actually connect with a fellow human being. I seem to be well liked and people all around me but few resonate with me. I've spent so many years pretending to be something else. I'm actually trying to teach myself how to be a healthy INFJ. Which means working with my creative side. I have focused on my Thinking so people will take me more seriously that my creative side is totally flat. Good luck all, lots of love.

Daniel G. (not verified) says...

I know! I was surprised to hear that only 1% of all males match this personality? That is amazing! It is also a lonely life. I normally have lots of co-workers and I get along with people great, but other than my immediate family, I have almost nobody that I connected with on a deep level of understanding.

I'm active duty military navy. Ever since I enlisted, I had trouble adjusting. I am not as dedicated as my other shipmates are, I'm not as hard-working, I'm not as assertive as my other shipmates. I tend to stay behind the scenes and stay quiet most of the time. Before I took this test, I just counted down the days until my enlistment would be up. But now I realize that I have been working in a field that is the POLAR OPPOSITE of my personality!

I am so happy now, knowing that I'm not just messed up or weird! Once I get back to the civilian life, I plan to pursue a quiet career in Computer Programming. I really love working with computers and developing algorithms and thinking of new ways to break down complex problems into simple ones.

FirecrackerVine says...

I would be honored to meet an INFJ male. It is a paradox that the INFJ empathy trait does not make one feel connected or in harmony with others.

I am a designer, an artist and illustrator. I have achieved at a high level academically and professionally but never economically. My Dad was worried I was going to (waste) my life watching the world go by. I am good at BEING and THINKING. My Dad was a fighter pilot - one of the first to pass the sound barrier in the 1950s and active role player in 2 major historical military events - he was an extraordinary DOER. I never fit well in my family. You can imagine I was so happy to find out about MBTI when I was 35 years old.

The feeling you have will not go away. I hope you find achievement in the natural struggle to believe you are important to this world; you are. I am 60 years old and I have noticed my favorite INFJ contributions have not been in my field but as a CATALYST. In design meetings, family gatherings I have inserted observations or topics that enliven conversations and make better outcomes. That is not a measurable skill and often subtle and missed but, wow, it is valuable.

I was married 30 years to an ISTJ (Harvard Business School grad I met while he was in the Archaeology Department and I in the Graduate School of Design, Urban Design. At first the marriage was good. We were elected Harvard Resident Tutors for one of the houses for undergraduates for several years and it was socially stimulating. I never noticed he was so extremely introverted and overcritical.

When we moved out of that communal living space and into a condo my warm feelings for him faded. My solution? I focused on my job designing waterfront parks and hoped his behavior was influenced by stress at his MBA job as a management consultant. After 2.5 years, he was burnt out in the extroverted role he had to play and decided for a career change. He wanted to work for NASA in Washington, DC. I should have ended the marriage there. Instead I moved. I began several freelance jobs/careers, had 2 children and renovated a Victorian home.

Our relationship never improved. My INTJ spouse seemed only to respond positively to noting his brilliance and efficiency. He mostly snarled about his stupid co-workers who talked too much at meetings. Over 20 years he was promoted to the top of the Senior Executive Service. I began to feel like a Luddite because the design process is not efficient. He never had praise for others, myself included. In my marriage he resembled those Harry Potter villains - Dementors.

He did not like the family-centric at home social life I created within the small town near DC. I multi-tasked as a gallery curator in a café, became a published children's book illustrator, a part-time advertising consultant, and freelance landscape architect often used in Historic Preservation projects for the county. In spite of my thriving socially, this INTJ husband began to actively hate me. When my daughter hit 5th grade in 2000 until I left in 2009, my husband and she would criticize and humiliate me daily- my cooking, working, my behavior at my kids' sports games, etc.

In 2009, I spent many months away from my husband and family to take care of Mom and my Dad who was dying of colon cancer. I got to reflect on the marriage and observe my siblings' marriages. After Dad died, I told Mom about my nightmare of a marriage and she helped me divorce him. She had noticed my confidence had gone and I had the habit of apologizing for everything and blaming myself.

My son visited me and Mom this week, now almost 21, he is a Junior at the University and he told me he was glad I got out.

sophie.hammond17 says...

I have the same problem! I understand people well and get along with them, but I sometimes have trouble truly connecting with them.

I had similar issues to your military career with my classes in the sciences. I hope Computer Programming works out for you! :)

eliluvlakers says...

As an INFJ, I connect with people who are already on my level. Such as: other INFJ's or people who make me interested in them like INTP's.. There is always someone out there that will give you hope don't lack faith. I know how it feels to be lonely emotionally but physically you may have it pretty well. Think positive. I know we are perfectionists but that isn't always a positive quality.

K10Mo (not verified) says...

I found out that I'm an INFJ about 2 years ago and it's been a very much needed and appreciated validation of my personality. What I always felt were undesirable quirks that I had to try to hide turned out to ineluctable parts of my makeup and contribute to who I am as a whole. Since then, I understand why I feel very strained in large social settings and instead of forcing a different personality or feeling inadequate when I find myself the odd-girl-out with my group of very extroverted girlfriends, I just let it be because I know that they just need a different frequency and type of social interaction than I do. We get along well despite our differences because we tend to balance each other out. I would highly recommend any INFJ, as well as other more introverted personalities, to read the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain.

Guest (not verified) says...

The INFJ description and many of these comments really resonate with me. It really is a relief to know that my awkwardness and how long it takes me to make meaningful connections with people (and how few there seem to be) is not some flaw of mine, but just a part of who I am. These were a great comfort to read ~ And I recently asked around and found out that two of my dearest friends happen to be INFJs, too! I am so happy I came across this, and I love this INFJ solidarity ^ - ^

Guest (not verified) says...

It is always enlightening to know who you are. Your identity influences all your actions and feelings. There is nothing awkward about taking time to form friendships, as INFJs have to get a sense of the situation to make a decision, and at the same time uphold their own ideals.

V (not verified) says...

Yea. And the irony strikes that we're all "here", separated by electricity. I have fallen under TJ and FJ (apparently I'm split) which suited me very well - given that FJs are prone to emotions, TJs' ability to shut it off when required is extremely useful.

But as an FJ/TJ, it is stressful to look into the world and have to live with it. If I may so boldly say, I'm sure the majority of FJs here actually look forward to a world for themselves of their own kind (although other personality types may also see it this way). But FJs I would feel is because they do not like the chaos, the immorality, lack of values and principles that they are surrounded by. For example, I believe that if say, 1 of 20 people, were to donate just a dollar a day, it is more than enough to feed the needy; that is of course needless to say that if it was 20 of 20 it would be better.

My psychiatrist/therapist/counsellor (whatever you wanna call them) asked me this very important question. Do you feel LONELY? And as a TJ also, I asked them their intention of the question, as there was a difference between being alone and feeling lonely, to which they said it was the latter. And it really gets to us FJs that we being the minority just somehow automatically makes us feel lonely almost all the time; hence the irony of the first sentence.

But as the tip from this website pointed out, if we're to find others like us, we gotta find where others like us frequent to. And that way I believe, is where we won't feel so lonely anymore - I know I have found such places already...

FirecrackerVine says...

I am curious of the places you have found that INTJs hang out! I found I strike a resonance with the APPLE Store workers every time I go in over the course of 5 years. It is striking. However, I would be interested in other places that hang out.

Guest (not verified) says...

Well put - I'm also on the TJ/FJ cusp and am extremely lonely, I think, because I see everything as an outsider with great insight (that I can't talk about with anyone); petty social interaction is exhausting and frustrating; and I also refuse to go with the flow when I know it's the wrong direction for me. Where have you found like-minded people?

Karri (not verified) says...

Just to validate you on that point.. "being the minority just somehow automatically makes us feel lonely most of the time". I'm sure most INFJ's feel this way.. even in a crowded room. The only time I think that I haven't felt like that, was coming across another INFJ, talking and realizing just how much it feels like interacting with someone you've known your whole life. The awkwardness we feel when it comes to small talk, quickly falls by the way side when you talk with someone as eager to delve deeply into important issues as you are. Usually if I interact with people at the depth I like, the people drawn to reciprocating are deep thinkers who also feel strongly about the matter being discussed. I also relate to what you say about wishing the world were our own... virtually all socioeconomic issues/wars/challenges with cultural differences... everything that makes relating compassionately to the 'other' instead of oppositionaly, would completely disappear because we value and adapt to all perspectives, are empathetic and diplomatic in how we engage people. We're so relational despite our introversion. INFJ forums.. seem to be a good place to find others like ourselves... I'm happy you've found alternatives to this also.

FirecrackerVine says...

RE: F-T balance.

At the age of 35 I found the MBTI concept and took the MBTI test.

Before showing me the results of the test my therapist asked me which function did I think I scored high?

I said I believed I was way too feeling so I had to have a high F score and low T score. After all, all my family were or became engineers and I new the T function when I saw it.

She said, "Wrong, you are balanced, there."

What lesson did I learn? Your environment makes a difference! My family was made up of all ST types!

Turns out I am extremely N. My concrete family never commented on my theorizing but went crazy when the feeling function came out.

I am definitely an F type from birth with T type training I got from my family! I have been described as a balanced artist. I became a landscape architect because I do conceptual thinking which is a BIG part of design thinking. And then I took an urban design masters degree and created street furniture, urban parks, later I was a freelance architectural illustrator for major competitions, children's book illustrator and now I am beginning a new stage in sports illustration for LSU baseball which I hope will do well in this slow economy. LSU baseball fans are passionate and smart.

plunkgoestheplatypus says...

I am always saying something I think is funny. Either it doesn't sound funny at all, or nobody reacts and I say 15 times and feel like an idiot.

astroqueen says...

Hi, I have the same problem. A very good friend of mine told me I had to "dumb it down a little" (unfortunate phrase) but it has stuck in my head. In a group discussion I listen intently, follow all concepts discussed, intuit everyone's reactions, apply any prior knowledge that I may have on the subject and then comprehend the event as a whole and comment accordingly. Aparrantly other people don't do this ?????? Then I find myself having to explain my ever so witty quip !!!!

plunkgoestheplatypus says...

Yeah, it should be that you only have someone say "What?" when you're wittily insulting them, but for me it happens ALL the time

k. marie (not verified) says...

That totally is what happens to me! Somehow my parents and sister get my humor the most. I'm 49 and have been married 30 years. I usually need to explain to my sweet husband my witty jokes. They go right over his head. In group settings other people just look at me and don't get it. Yet among my immediate family, we will laugh so hard our bellies hurt. My husband is an ESTP(I think).

FirecrackerVine says...

Excellent description of the mental process of an INFJ.

samleighscs says...

I recently found out that I am an INFJ from my councellor when I was trying to cope with not having anyone to relate to me, bullies at school because I "think too much and hang out with the weird kids" like my autistic cousin. I have been looking up everything I can find on my type, and so many things are eerily similar with how much they get me, the real me that no one else understands. I always wondered if there was something wrong with me, since my parents know almost everything that I have ever done/felt and they still didn't understand who I am/ what I feel on a daily basis. My thinking has always been totally left field to what my dad considers rational thinking, and my family isn't exactly the finest example of a healthy one to compare myself to, but I don't exactly have a choice in the matter anyway. I always thought it was the weirdest thing when I watched a movie and felt like my chest had been opened to the outside world, all my nerve endings splayed outward and flowing slightly in the breeze. Always using metaphors and sort of poetic ways of speaking that even I don't always understand where they come from. Seeing someone getting hurt, whether physically/emotionally, I felt almost exactly like I was the one getting hurt. Sometimes I needed to stay home for a party/dance when my friends wanted me to tag along, because I had spent so much time with them already. Thinking about my life and pondering on how to better myself, my life, others in my life, humanity on a whole. Coming to grips with my mortality at a very young age, being a lot more "grown up" than other kids my age. Even though I used to try to keep myself as impartial, as unbiased as possible, I was such a wreck when it came to my hormones acting up at the start of teenage years, and I'm still in the middle of it at 16. I just wish that I could find some people that understand me and want to be friends with someone like me, also to find my soulmate. I know, its probably stupid to think that I will someday find someone that just gets me and likes all the same things I do and I just "happen" upon them like an ugly duckling finding the swans. I just know that I feel so lonely all the time and I can't share my feelings and thoughts with anyone without them being confused/repulsed/angry/avoidant of me evermore. I wish that I could talk to God and ask him what He wants me to do with my life, since I know that I can do so many different things that would all be helpful in one aspect or another to everyone. I know that I could just do a 9/5 job and get enough money to get the things I want, but I feel the need to do something meaningful with my life, i'm just not sure which thing to go with. I wish that I knew what would happen after I die, and if Jesus is proud of me. I want to please everyone and am a perfectionist, which leads to a lot of hurt and dissapointment in my life. Thank you to everyone that reads this and I am glad that I can pour out my heart on this website, even if no one cares/says anything about it.

Melissa T (not verified) says...

You have found your people here. Your post is a page from my teenage years exactly. I wish that there was a magic answer to make it better but there isn't. Our type is so rare and out of the main stream that we are always the odd one. The teenage years are unmerciful for most people so don't make any decisions about what life will be like on the teen years.

It does get better as other people mature. Most of my friends in my 20's were at least 10 years older than me. The people that accepted me the best were twice my age. I came to appreciate myself a lot more, but I did get my feelings hurt a lot.

In my 30's I finally discovered that volunteer work eased a lot of the overwhelming hunger to make life better for others and have some meaning in my own life. I became a volunteer mediator to help people resolve conflicts. I found this extremely fulfilling.

Now I am in my 40's and people seem to think that I am pretty amazing. LOL. So all those things that were so painful and raw in my teens have finally matured and now I have some control. I am sought out for my unique abilities personally and professionally. People tell me that they like being around me because I am so calming and soothing. I think that it is the empathy. I "get" them so they are comforted by it.

I have found my niche in working at a university. I love being around very educated people. There are a lot of Intuitives in higher education so I get my intellectual needs met.

I am often lonely and I struggle with perfectionism as well. I have come to accept these things as side-effects of all the positives that I have.

Faith and prayer are extremely helpful so never give those up. You have a lot to give the world. They need us. You have a purpose and if you can maintain the integrity of who you are and not be lured into being some other "type", you will fulfill your purpose.

Best wishes.

sophie.hammond17 says...

Thanks, Melissa! You gave me hope. :)

Guest (not verified) says...

Amen x1000!!! It's like I just read a description of myself!

sophie.hammond17 says...

As an INFJ teenager myself I have a lot of similar problems, especially the usdue of a stable 9-5 vs. a career which truly gives meaning to my life.

Jay1979 (not verified) says...

Same here. I am a good athlete, yet hung out with the "unpopular" kids. I hovered somewhere in the middle (average) in high school. Felt more at home around freshmen or people I didn't see as "above" me - just a mindset thing. Mortality at a young age - wanting to do something great with my life - not relating to people - scaring people off with deep thoughts and discussions. The list goes on - and it continues to this day (I'm 36).

Nobody thinks my viewpoints are "rational". Even a small thing like going to the grocery. I wanted this one item and they didn't have it, so knowing I'd have to come back the next day I decided to just buy the one item I really needed quickly, and wait until the next day to get the rest. I was on the phone with my mom and she thought that was ridiculous, I should get everything I could while I'm there. That may or may not apply, but those "types" of things happen all the time to me. lol. Even spurring people to anger.

Just wanted to say I relate.

Jay

kennedy (not verified) says...

I have read your story and grasped all the contents.Am 41 and has been struggling to understand myself for so many years untill recently when i took the test.Two times it turned out as INFJ and was amazed.In my high school years,it was not easy for me to have friends,i used to see my elder brother have lots of friends visiting him at home and thought i could do the same.I realized it was not working for me.I could have a friend but seemingly the bond would not go far.At one time i thought i was weird and maybe something was not right with me.Quietenes has been my second name and that is how i was described in high school.At the university am seen to be very serious,strict and not really understood.At my work place where i head a department am taken as a very difficult and complex personality,i never go out with colleagues and never attend parties with workmates because it doesn't work for me.At some point in life friend's to my mum would always ask her why i look different from my siblings and some of them would fear coming to chat with my mum when i was at home.Being alone in a quiet place listening to music and reflecting on life gives me the perfect view of life.Being in a loud and big gathering makes me uncomfortable by all standards.The personality test is the ice breaker that has made me understand who i am.I don't easily make friends but do lots of scrutiny before getting close and am always very cautious when talking to strangers or people i don't know well.I share your tribulations and believe that through sharing, we can build one another.Do not see yourself as odd and complex,but be yourself and accept the person you are.Thanks.

Andrew (Southampton England) (not verified) says...

I have felt like an outsider for most of my life and have struggled to find my purpose or other's who share my ideals.
I am now in my thirties and am getting by, but I struggle to find people who understand me and I feel unengaged in my job.
I have friends and people who like me, but I like my own space and get frustrated with people who are too self centered and show no respect to others.
At work they do not understand why I always negotiate peace and don't like conflict,
ironic having previously served in the armed forces.
But my motivation was to serve and protect others.
People cannot understand that I am not driven by material gain, or how I can give away the little money I have.

I found it spooky how accurate the INFJ description reflected my personality and ideals.
Knowing I am not alone helps, but sometimes no matter how many people I surround myself with, I still feel alone.
Do I seek out others like me?
Do I seek a more rewarding career that matches my ideals?
Do I remain content with what I have?

Who knows what the future has in store, but finally I know I am not really alone, we INFJs may be sparsely distributed but there are others out there. Somewhere.

Patches0847 says...

Interesting comments.After taking the test, they could not classify me in three of the four areas saying that I was borderline in those sections I was given seven choices and told to read the descriptions to see which one I felt was closest to my personality. I chose INFJ and started reading. I must have chosen the right one. There are so many similarities, it's eirie. I've always told people I'm a hermit because I enjoy my privacy (loneliness?) I don't let people get to know me and always thought it was a fear of getting too close and losing them. I'm a genealogist, a past educational counselor and an as artist and quilter. I work now in an area that I'm not really happy about and have thought about going back to counseling. I've entertained the idea of becoming a professional genealogist since I have a degree in Social Science (History and Geography). I refuse to compromise my principals and will not just go along with anyone including authority if it goes against my beliefs.
Thanks for reading my ramblings. Are there any others out there that were borderline in three areas and not classified by the test?

Jaybird (not verified) says...

Interesting that you mention becoming a professional genealogist. I come from a graphic design background... only worked for me since I work alone with the freedom to listen to New Age (Yanni, Movie Theme music) while working.

A few years ago I decided it was time for a career change. I love genealogy! I think this is one career that suits the INFJ completely. I am presently undergoing my CG portfolio... nearly have completed. Your background in History should prove helpful, but is not required. I too am a lover of history. With genealogy history comes alive!

This Summer I took my family on a trip to CW battlefields where one of my ancestors fought. What an emotional experience to see the sites that he saw, to visit the very area where he set foot and slept, to see the land where he bravely rode his horse in battle. Brought tears to my eyes.

Thanks for your comment. I know now why I am a professional genealogist.

Guest (not verified) says...

I first realized that I was different than mostly everyone around me when a woman asked me if I was from Europe. I told her that I was born and raised in Florida. She said I had a certain refinement. That I was quiet, calm, and reserved. This woman didn't know me, she was just observing me. All my life I've wondered where I fit in. There seems to be a harshness that I can see and feel that no one else is bothered by. Now that I work for a hospice as a type of Counselor, I've finally found a good fit. I do need an amazing amount of down time and "hide out" from the rest of the world when I'm off. God only knows how I will ever meet a wonderful man one day. I'm not interested in going out and "wasting" my valuable resting time. I tried the gym, but it is like squeaking chalk on a chalk board to my senses.

Guest (not verified) says...

Has anyone ever wondered why counselling is a recommended career for INFJs? I've always been curious, because being as empathic as we are, wouldn't we pick up on the emotions of the clients to the point that it's difficult to cope? I've always wondered about this, does anyone know, or has experience this situation?

Guest (not verified) says...

That is a great question. I don't have the answer, but I do share your experience. I can't be in a room full of people without feeling like I'm being bombarded by their emotions. It's all there, in body language, posture, facial expressions. I find I am easily affected by the emotions of others. My impression is that counselors learn to keep their own reactions and issues separate - that it's an acquired skill, developed over time. Maybe at a certain point you realize it isn't possible to carry the world, and take a step back.

Guest (not verified) says...

So wonderful to find a place with like minds. I was 61 before I found out I was INFJ. All those years of feeling different and misunderstood. I have never met another IFJ, and there have been times in my life I felt like I must have come from another planet. With age comes wisdom and gratitude for my personality. I am an artist and all the peace and contentment I need is right in my own mind. It can be a lonely life until we discover what we are about. Now I finally understand myself after years of searching!

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