Hi! I'm an INFP with two close ENFJ friends. We've been extremely close for over a decade, but lately I've started noticing a few things that I need help with.

As an INFP, I need my alone time, or I get snippy and exhausted. My ENFJs are always wanting to talk and talk non-stop, and while I'm interested lately I've been so tired that I can't really keep up - I just need to sit and listen and think for a while, and I don't know how to let them see this. I start out smiling and answering, but trying not to facilitate further conversation as I run out of energy. I try to send them signals, and eventually end up making my replies shorter and more uninterested to let them know that I'm just not up for it as I get mentally exhausted, but they don't get the message. I'm worried about hurting their feelings, but at the same time the way that they end up treating me like I'm moody and fragile is really rather hurtful.

I'm not very good with talking about feelings and emotions, so how do I let them see this? Please help me!


AnnieENFJ (not verified) says...

Hi there INFP!
I'm an ENFJ and my best friend in the whole world is an INFP. Our friendship is full of similarities, but our differences sharpen one another.
One of our biggest problems is the same one you seem to be having! I always end up having so much energy, that I end up tiring her out to the point that she can get a bit irritable (and when she gets irritable, I get upset that she is upset and we just spiral down). We eventually sat down and talked through it, which was a lot easier than I thought.
I recommend bringing it up at a time when they haven't tired you out yet and also in a very calm manner. Since you're bringing it up, maybe explain it in a way that's like "this is how you can best help me, how can I best tell you that I'm tired." ENFJ's generally want their friends to be the happiest possible and if they seem upset, it's probably mostly because they're upset that that they may have upset you.
Does that help?

Guest (not verified) says...

Thanks, I'll give it a shot ^_^

Kheledon (not verified) says...

An ENFJ is a natural "actor/performer/rock star" type. What good is a performer (to anyone) without an audience. If these are healthy ENFJs, then, following your rejection of their desire to perform for you, they are likely to just find another audience. If you don't mind that, great. If you do, you might decide to give the ENFJ a little more of your appreciative energy (the ENFJ loves the applause). Once you've given some applause and appreciation, the ENFJ will probably be fine and will need to quietly relax himself (or herself), as performing is very hard work.

eaglerising2 says...

Honesty is the best policy. You need to tell your friend up front how you feel and why. You are being dishonest to your friend and yourself by not doing that. Your friend isn't going honor and respect your rights until you honor and respect your own.

Markus (not verified) says...

Yeah this behavior is definitly a problem from time to time :D
As soon as i noticed this kind of "drinking energy from Introverts" behavior, I started to tell all my close friends this: "If you tired of listening to me and your not interested in conversation anymore just say "shut up", I will understand that. And I think thats the case with most ENFJs: We really want to know whats up with you and would value our own desire to talk under your desire to rest, if we notice. But we are also very passionate and enthusiastic and so we tend to oversee stuff like that. Let us know ;)

Guest (not verified) says...

hello INFP lovelies,
ENFJ here. Sometimes we get rambunctious and don't know when to calm down or shut up. But here is the thing, we want, more than anything, to support you as a friend. Sometimes you need to interrupt the chatter to tell us what you really need. Sometimes we get sensitive too, so be honest, but gentle when you tell us. We will be more than willing to come up with a solution that works for both of us.

All the best! With love, ENFJ

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