A lot of shit has been going on these past few years. (I'm 16,5)
Things seem to constantly be changing pace back and fourth. One second a friend is trying to kill herself, then suddenly my entire friend group groups up and starts attacking me, and I get ejected out of the entire thing. Friends get depressed, one friend gets raped, friends are having trouble staying friends with each other etc. Sometimes it feels like I finally found my place, and then the next day nobody's talking to each other and it feels like everything is falling apart.
As for my love life, they're either too clingy, too far away, too stupid to satisfy my ENTP needs, too experienced etc. There's always something wrong. And the thing is, I get really fucking emotional in the evening compared to mornings. Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and regret writing this, just as I regret every flirt I commit in the evenings, by the time morning strikes. I once had a solid little long distance thing going with a girl, but after being struck by like 2/3 panic attacks I just fucking blocked her, because I couldn't take it.
And all these bottled up things have been constantly bothering me, and left me really on the fence about my mental health. Because of my natural carefree attitude I sometimes feel like I am completely content, then 5 hours later when the evening strikes, I listen to old songs and lay paralyzed from bad memories.
For the record, I don't think I have any lasting depression or greater thing behind this, but what I've been considering is just talking to a professional about it, but I simply cannot bring myself to do this.
1. INTP mom makes me extremely uncomfortable when she's trying to be nice and caring and all that, because she's fucking horrible at it. I wish she would just stop caring tbh, because it doesn't work for her.
2. I don't want it to be known for the people around me. My father, my friends etc. I just feel like it would change things so much and complicate things for me. This especially goes for my depressed ENFJ friend who I care about immensely and don't want to feel like she's a burden to me. I've been working on trying to get her to trust me and be able to rely on me more, and I feel like this stuff would ruin a lot of it.
In conclusion, I really don't think I'll be seeing any professional any time soon. What i really want out of this post is to just see what kind of response it gets. I kinda just wanted to vent here, if you will. Any response is appreciated.