No one can control everything all of the time. In fact, there are so many things in life and work that are outside your control. 

But for ENTJs, that simple fact can be hard to admit. 

Of all the personalities, ENTJs are the most likely to try and control every aspect of their lives. They want to be in charge, and they often struggle with delegating authority or allowing others to make decisions on their behalf.

But the reality is that some things in life simply can’t be controlled or even predicted – and this is where ENTJs can really benefit from loosening their grip on the reins. By getting comfortable with the idea of uncertainty, and allowing themselves to take a step back and observe their situations rather than trying to control them, ENTJs can open up a whole world of possibilities and newfound happiness that they never would have experienced if they kept trying to control everything.

Here’s why you need to practice letting go to help you find peace and happiness in your life.

1. It pays to get more comfortable with unknowns

Unknowns are scary for everyone. But good things happen when you embrace them - things like adventure, personal growth, and satisfying your curiosity. Learning how to get comfortable with the unknown is a powerful tool ENTJs can use in order to open themselves up to new possibilities.

To find happiness and reduce the stress surrounding the unknowns, it can be helpful to turn that fear into trust. That means trusting yourself and your abilities.

One of the strategies I use a lot to deal with stress is to trust in "future me." If I know I have a challenging situation coming up, I remind myself that "future me" will be able to deal with it. She’s just as capable as I am, so I know she’s got my back.

This strategy can help you to deal with unknowns and focus your energy on the present moment instead. If you know that "future you" has it covered, you can bring yourself back to this moment right now, rather than worrying about the many unknown unknowns on the horizon.

ENTJs are naturally skilled at problem-solving and strategising, so trust yourself that future you will be able to handle whatever comes your way.

2. It focuses your energy on your own challenges and possibilities

In your head, you know that you can’t dominate and control every aspect of your external world. No matter what you do, there will be people, environments and scenarios that throw up curve balls you can’t expect. Putting this knowledge into practice is the tough part. If you can learn that the only thing you have control over is yourself and your attitude, you can focus your energy on nurturing your outlook and your responses to challenges to make them more productive, positive and ultimately healthy. 

For example, say you’re moving across the country to start a new job. There are a lot of things you can’t control in that scenario, like whether the role will be right for you, whether you’ll make friends in the new city, and whether or not you’ll like your new place. 

But the secret to happiness is letting go of the control of those factors and having patience in the process – while you can do your best to plan and prepare, you can’t possibly know what will happen before you make the move. What you can control is how you view this new chapter of your life. Go with an open mind, a positive outlook, and a proactive approach to the challenges it throws up to help you cope with, and even enjoy, the process of letting go of control.

3. It builds trust in your relationships

ENTJs tend to seek control over everything, and that includes partners, friends and family members. While this controlling aspect of their personality is rarely deliberate and is often a sign of love, it can be tough for other people to deal with. Imagine being on the receiving end of someone who continually digs in their heels and tries to control every conversation – it’s not a pleasant experience.

This tends to get worse when ENTJs are stressed. An overwhelmed ENTJ will try to control everything to extremes, like nagging their partner about not stacking the dishwasher in a particular way or not trusting them to do simple tasks like paying the bills.

Part of letting go of control is the process of building your trust in the people around you. You are with your partner for a reason, you have raised your children well, and you’ve hired the right employees for the job – now trust them to be able to do their job or their responsibilities right.

When you give up control and trust other people, you’ll quickly find that your relationships get stronger, easier, and less combative. You’ll also ease your stress because you’re actually letting other people take some of the burden!

Build trust in your relationships to help you learn to let go and find happiness along the way.

4. You will learn more about yourself - and your triggers

When you start the process of letting go of control, you have the chance to learn more about yourself and how you live your life. If you can acknowledge that you can sometimes be too confident and too controlling – of people and situations – you can start to work on relinquishing that control and living your life more positively.

You can also work on identifying your triggers to help make the process of coping easier. For example, notice tension building in your body around certain scenarios or events. 

Take note of classic anxiety responses including:

  • Sleeplessness
  • Nausea
  • Stomach cramps
  • Dizziness
  • Muscle tension

If your body is physically reacting to the loss of control at certain times or in certain spaces, like at work, when you’re traveling, or at family events, this is a good indication that you need to work on developing interventions and techniques for dealing with these situations in particular. 

When you sit with those emotions and find ways to work through them, you’ll find that you can start to move past your control issues and find more happiness and peace. 

Ready to start letting go of control?

While letting go of control is never easy for ENTJs, if you want to live a more productive, healthy and happy life, it’s an essential process to go through. Start with small steps to help you give up more control, trust others, and place your confidence in your future self to help you feel calmer and more at peace.

Elizabeth Harris
Elizabeth is a freelance writer and ghostwriter. She’s an anthropologist at heart and loves using social theory to get deeper into the topics she writes about. Born in the UK, Elizabeth has lived in Copenhagen, Frankfurt and Dubai before moving most recently to Budapest, Hungary. She’s an ENTJ with ENFJ leanings. Find out more about her work at