Everyone has different opinions on talking about personality type on a first date. Among my friends, the results are mixed. There are some who say you should absolutely talk about it, it’s unavoidable. For others, it is an absolute no-go area!

In my opinion, the answer is yes … and no. Personality type can be a great tool for learning more about your date and getting the conversation flowing. But it’s also a good idea to handle the subject with care. Personality type can be a very personal topic so it needs to be approached in an open-minded way.

Here are six do’s and don’ts for talking about personality type on a first date. Read on and find out if you agree!

DO use personality type as an ice breaker

Personality type is a pretty awesome ice breaker. Stuck for something to say? Go with Personality Typing! It can be a brilliant conversation starter and a great way to get stuck into some meaty conversation, helping you avoid the awkward first date small talk.

You can avoid the topic getting too personal too quick (unless you’re into that) by just focusing on the positives of your personality type and those of your date. You can start exploring how you react in different situations, the qualities you value in other people and even the areas of your personality that you’d like to work on.

DO get to know your date better

As well as getting the conversation flowing, talking about personality type on a first date is an ideal way to get to know your date better. By skipping past the general chit-chat about what they do for a living and how many siblings they have, you can delve deep into your date’s personality and draw out the truth about what makes them tick.

It’s also helpful for finding out more about the topics that are important to them. You can discuss ambitions, dreams and beliefs by diving into your date’s personality type. This is a pretty quick way to tell whether or not you’re compatible. Personality type can help you find out if you’d like to get to know your date more or if it’s better to keep it at one date and nothing else.

DON’T just talk about yourself!

One of the first date basics is to make sure you’re having a dialogue and not a monologue. There is nothing worse than a date who only talks about themselves and doesn’t stop for breath. If you’ve never had that happen, you’re either very lucky or you might be the one who’s doing it!

The best first dates are ones where conversation is shared equally between two people. This is especially true when it comes to talking about personality type as it can be tempting to launch into a long explanation about your personality type. Make sure you let the other person have their say too! 

If at the end of the date you still don’t know anything more about your date than when you started, something has gone wrong! Every conversation should go two-ways, whether it’s about personality type or anything else.

DON’T judge too much

Whilst personality type is an excellent way to get to know your date better, it’s also a good idea to reserve judgement until you know them better. It can be easy to get turned off by someone who seems to be completely incompatible to your personality type. However, someone’s personality type on paper is not necessarily who they are in real life.

Don’t forget that personality type is a spectrum. A lot of people find that they fit into more than one category of personality type and our experiences shape us too. This means that it’s important to get to know your date before you judge them too harshly on their personality type.

DO avoid telling them they’re wrong!

The other major DON’T in first date chat is telling your date that they’re wrong about their personality type. Unless you’re already friends with the person you’re dating, you probably don’t know them well enough to lecture them on their own personality type!

It’s a slippery slope when you start correcting people on their opinions about their own personality - save that for date 3 at least! If you’re talking about personality type on a first date, listen to what your date has to say and make thoughtful comments but try not to shut down their opinions. No matter how much you think that an INFP is actually an ENTJ, they probably won’t appreciate you shouting them down!

DON’T push them to share if they don’t want to

Of course, it’s important to remember that it’s your date’s choice whether or not they want to share their personality type with you. For some people, it can be a sensitive topic or something that they want to keep private. That is their choice.

As a rule of thumb, if your date doesn’t feel comfortable talking about a topic, you should respect their wishes. Don’t be the person who pressures people into sharing when they don’t want to. Good dating technique starts with respecting your date’s boundaries.

DO plan future dates around personality type

The beauty of learning about personality type on a first date is it’s a great way to get inspiration for the next steps! Once you have a rough idea of the other person’s personality type, preferences, interests and pet peeves, you can figure out what kind of activities they might enjoy for your next date.

If you’re dating a happy-go-lucky ESTP, why not try out an adventurous date like hiking or kayaking? If you know your date is an INFJ they’ll probably prefer a thoughtful, quiet dinner and look around a local bookstore. Use your date’s personality type to get creative with your date ideas and surprise them! Hopefully it will lead to many more successful dates in the future.

Elizabeth Harris
Elizabeth is a freelance writer and ghostwriter. She’s an anthropologist at heart and loves using social theory to get deeper into the topics she writes about. Born in the UK, Elizabeth has lived in Copenhagen, Frankfurt and Dubai before moving most recently to Budapest, Hungary. She’s an ENTJ with ENFJ leanings. Find out more about her work at bethharris.com