Is It Normal to Have a 'Going Out' Personality and a 'Staying In' Personality?
Be true to yourself. Be consistent. Don’t compromise. Do these principles apply to personality type? What if you sometimes feel that your personality is divided into two distinct halves - the one that loves to go out and socialize, and the one that prefers to stay in and relax?
Is it normal to have a 'going out' personality and a 'staying in' personality?
Yes, it is.
But that doesn’t mean you have two different personalities. You’re just showing different dimensions of your personality type, or ramping up or playing down certain aspects of your personality type to fit the situation you're in.
This is completely normal and healthy. Here's what's happening when you’re out in the world with other people or at home in your private bubble.
When you’re out in the world
No matter how authentic and proud of your unique personality you are, stepping out into the world with other people often involves a bit of performance. You may want to be as consistent as possible, but it's still normal that the person you present will vary somewhat whether you’re going out or staying in.
That could manifest in a few different ways.
#1: You adjust to meet the expectations of your workplace
Possibly to everyone’s detriment, some workplaces expect a certain persona from everyone who works there, regardless of their personality type. Once in a performance review at my part-time job, I was told that I was valued for being kind and calm, but that I should work on being more enthusiastic and expressive, especially when meeting clients. My supervisor told me she was also an Introvert and sometimes she went home exhausted and with her face hurting from smiling so much, because that’s the face she was expected to present.
There can be good and bad in this. I didn’t realize that my understated professionalism sometimes made people feel less welcomed, so I was glad to hear about this perception and work on expressing my feelings a little more. However, it’s not great for anyone if everyone is expected to suppress their real personality. Still, there’s nothing wrong with having a workplace persona, as long as you’re still basically yourself.
#2: You play a role in your various social groups
Sometimes in a social group each friend falls into a certain role: the leader, the funny one, the quiet one, and so on. If that fits your personality and everyone’s needs, that’s fine. But it can also force you to adopt a personality that isn’t fully you. You may feel like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes if the role you’ve been allocated limits expressing your true personality to some degree.
Sometimes you really are being yourself. But your friends will focus on one aspect of your personality and be surprised that there’s a lot more to you than they usually see.
#3: You try to be the person you want to be known as
It’s easy for the lines between what others expect of us and what we expect of ourselves to become blurred. For example, over a period of decades I have gravitated more and more to wearing the color purple to the point where it’s now a part of my identity. It was others that noticed this obsession first, and now it is others who help perpetuate it – to the point where I feel expected to wear something purple whenever there’s a chance that I’ll run into someone I know.
This can be true of our personality as well. We may be known for being the outgoing one, or the quiet listener, or the calm person who keeps to the facts, or the creative one, or whatever. Likely that is partly consistent with our true personality, but only represents part of it.
When you’re staying in
When you’re staying in, enjoying time home alone or with close family in privacy, you’re likely more relaxed and comfortable letting your natural personality shine through. But this lack of pressure can also give you some freedom to explore different sides to your personality.
So, when you’re staying in, one of these two scenarios may be common.
#1: You're more your natural self
In the privacy of your own space, you can feel free to let down your guard and just be your natural self. If you’re an Introvert, you don’t have to spend all your energy trying to act Extraverted. If you’re an Extravert, you don’t always have to be trying to tone it down. You’ll also be free to pursue your interests and passions, with your own style, without worrying about what others will think of you.
#2: But you may let your less dominant traits show too
When we’re out among people, we tend to fall back on what's comfortable for us, and what comes naturally with the least effort. Or, we may feel like we need to be more consistent with what our friends have come to expect of us.
But when we stay in, we can also be comfortable enough to try out different aspects of our personality, without having to align with established expectations.
For example, if you're an Extravert who's always seen as the life of the party, you may surprise yourself by finding that you actually enjoy spending an occasional evening home alone, reading a book, practicing a quiet hobby, or just taking a long bath.
If you’re an Introvert, you may be unusually talkative around those who know you best, because you feel safe to explore that side of yourself with them.
If you’re a Rational personality type, maybe only your children are allowed to see your more playful side. Or an Idealist may also be able to access their practical persona in certain situations.
Different settings bring out different aspects of the same personality type and, when we’re away from the public eye, we can give ourselves permission to explore different sides of our personality, being well-rounded human beings instead of stereotypes. Going out or staying in, the important thing is that you still recognize and appreciate your unique personality, however you choose to express it.
