How do INFJs Give and Receive Love?

Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on August 25, 2022
Categories: Love Languages, INFJ

When it comes to romantic relationships, understanding how you give and receive love matters. As a rule, you exhibit a common pattern for how you show love and appreciation to your partner, and how you receive love from your significant other in return. You may be familiar with the 5 Love Languages developed by marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman. However, Truity’s research shows the way we give and receive love doesn’t stop at five preferences – you may have one of seven modern love styles that describe what sort of interactions make you feel most cherished and loved. 

What does that mean for INFJs? Read on to discover which style of showing love is likely to resonate with you the most. 

How the INFJ gives and receives love

INFJs are aloof until a person earns their trust. However, once a romantic interest gains a spot in the INFJ’s close circle, the INFJ’s walls begin to crumble. Although INFJs are among the most enigmatic, private personality types, they tend to reveal much more to their romantic partners than anyone else. Whether this is out of necessity or true devotion, the INFJ needs someone they can rely on to listen, give feedback, and rest an exhausted shoulder on now and again. 

Because of the INFJ’s desire to open up to their significant other as much as possible (they still hold back when they feel they can’t help it), it’s possible that many INFJs will show and receive love in similar ways.  

INFJ and the Emotional love style - a shoulder to cry on

People with the Emotional love style desire a relationship where both partners can share anything with each other and bond emotionally to build a strong relationship – which pretty much describes an INFJ!

To people on the outside, INFJs are not vulnerable, sensitive creatures. Appearing strong, standoffish and mysterious to those they don’t know causes many to assume the INFJ isn’t as emotional as they are. But those close to INFJs realize they’re sensitive and caring. INFJs have extraverted Feeling, which means when they’re around other people their hearts rule their decisions and actions.

If you’re an INFJ with the Emotional love style, you have a deep desire to connect with your romantic partner’s feelings and make sure they get through the tough times with your help. It’s really important to you that your partner is present for the highs and lows of your moods and feelings, and that you are them for them in return. 

This love style also means you prefer to maintain an emotional connection with your partner, which takes precedence over a physical connection. In turn, you also expect to feel emotionally supported by your partner and crave their love and guidance when going through a challenging event. Your need to be vulnerable and accept your partner’s vulnerability makes it clear feelings are at the heart of your love.

INFJs and the Intellectual love style – the mental match

While many INFJs will identify with the Emotional love style, some of you may also be looking for your mental match. INFJs tend to value intellectual conversations and seek creative people to nourish their artistic side. With that in mind, it isn’t unusual for INFJs to prefer an Intellectual love style.

INFJs with an Intellectual love style prefer to connect with their significant others through the mind. Valuing opinion, intelligence and thoughtful discussions over other forms of bonding, these types value a meeting of the minds above all else. Mutual respect for each other’s thoughts and opinions is critical, and an INFJ with this love style wants to share every philosophical and analytical viewpoint they can with their partner, even if the pair sometimes agrees to disagree.

Can INFJs have any of the other love styles?

Of course! As with any person, every INFJ is an individual, and they may prefer to give, receive and show love in lots of different ways. Factors like childhood, family composition, and personal and relationship history may also affect your love language, all of which means an INFJ can have any of the seven love styles. These are Emotional, Intellectual, Activity, Appreciation,  Physical, Financial and Practical

From what we know about the INFJ personality, my instinct is that INFJs are more likely to prefer the Activity, Appreciation or Physical love styles above Financial or Practical. INFJs value human connection over material items, so the Financial love style is likely to be the least common for these types. And although INFJs do have a pragmatic side, a Practical ‘doing’ love style may not fulfill these emotional personalities.

Appreciation, on the other hand, is a common love style for INFJs. We like to know that we are making a difference in someone’s life, even if it’s on a small scale, so hearing about what we’ve done right in our relationship, as well as our personal accomplishments, is a relatable love style that many INFJs will score high on. For example, when I took Truity’s “7 Love Styles Test” my primary love style was Emotional. I also scored high on the Appreciation and Intellectual love styles, while my lowest scores were Financial and Practical love styles, both of which came in at zero. Like many INFJs, I thrive on connections and appreciative actions from my partner, and I want to reciprocate them, which is why my results came out the way they did. 

The takeaway

Of Truity’s seven love styles, I expect INFJs to score highest on Emotional. That’s because INFJs live with emotions at the forefront of their actions, thoughts and perceptions when they’re with others, so it’s easy to see why the Emotional love style fits the most. However, people with the same personality type aren’t identical, and some INFJs may have a different love style. You might also have two different styles – one for the things you bring to a relationship, and one that describes what you might need from a partner in order to feel loved. If you’re not sure, take the seven love styles test to find out!

Cianna Garrison

Cianna Garrison holds a B.A. in English from Arizona State University and works as a freelance writer. She fell in love with psychology and personality type theory back in 2011. Since then, she has enjoyed continually learning about the 16 personality types. As an INFJ, she lives for the creative arts, and even when she isn’t working, she’s probably still writing.

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About the Clinical Reviewer

Steven Melendy, PsyD., is a Clinical Psychologist who received his doctorate from The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. He specializes in using evidence-based approaches in his work with individuals and groups. Steve has worked with diverse populations and in variety of a settings, from community clinics to SF General Hospital. He believes strongly in the importance of self-care, good friendships, and humor whenever possible.

Comments

Catherine (not verified) says...

I haven't gone on this before, and I don't have this experience now.

Cianna Garrison says...

Hi Catherine,

 

It's important to note that an INFJ is an individual and can experience any love style preference. I pointed out the most obvious, common ways an INFJ may be, but that doesn't mean you can't have different preferences.

 

Take care!

Best,

Cianna

Rwshanahan says...

Nailed it! I took this test at 18. Now 35 years later... I am still the exact same person.  

Cianna Garrison says...

Hi Rwshanahan! 

 

Thanks for reading and giving your input. Happy to meet a fellow INFJ. Take care!

 

Best,

Cianna

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THE FINE PRINT:

Myers-Briggs® and MBTI® are registered trademarks of the MBTI Trust, Inc., which has no affiliation with this site. Truity offers a free personality test based on Myers and Briggs' types, but does not offer the official MBTI® assessment. For more information on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator® assessment, please go here.

The Five Love Languages® is a registered trademark of The Moody Bible Institute of Chicago, which has no affiliation with this site. You can find more information about the five love languages here.

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