Does Emotional Intelligence Depend on Gender?

We've all heard that old phrase claiming men are from Mars and women are from Venus. As stereotypes would have it, females tend to be innately emotional, empathetic and caring, while their male counterparts struggle with understanding and expressing their feelings. 

If you believe these stereotypes, then it would be natural to assume that women are more emotionally intelligent than men – that they somehow get the language of feelings more easily. But, actually, a whole body of research shows things aren't so clear-cut. 

Emotional intelligence: a definition

Before we dive into the gender comparisons of emotional intelligence, let's first cement our definition. Emotional intelligence, or EQ, encompasses a range of competencies that enable us to manage our emotions and glean others' emotional states.

While EQ is often thought of as a singular concept, it comprises multiple aptitudes, such as the ability to interpret facial expressions and manage tricky emotions like worry and sadness. 

At Truity, we've conducted extensive research on emotional intelligence and developed a test that assesses EQ based on these five key competencies. Here's a brief overview of each:

• Self-awareness: The capacity to tune into one's emotional experiences and understand one's feelings, strengths, weaknesses, values, and motivations.
• Other awareness: The skill of perceiving and discerning the moods, thoughts, and feelings of others by interpreting non-verbal cues like body language and facial expressions. Those who excel in other awareness often possess the ability to grasp subtle nuances in conversations.
• Emotional control: The capability to regulate one's moods and effectively bounce back from negative emotions. Individuals with strong emotional control can consciously choose their emotional responses instead of being controlled by their feelings.
• Empathy: The ability to understand and relate to the emotional experiences of others. People with high levels of empathy demonstrate compassion and a willingness to help those around them.
• Wellbeing: An individual's overall state of psychological health reflects a positive outlook on life, strong relationships with friends and family, and a sense of purpose.

Different genders, different strengths

As you can see, EQ is an array of skills rather than just one. While many people believe women fare better at these capabilities than men, the research shows otherwise. In fact, men and women exhibit strength in different aspects of emotional intelligence. 

Time and time again, studies across the globe and over the decades have found that females tend to score higher than males on EQ skills like empathy and other awareness. On the other hand, males usually score higher on emotional control and wellbeing. 

The gist? While women are statistically better at understanding and discussing feelings, men tend to excel at controlling their emotions and are more likely to feel comfortable demonstrating assertiveness.

Of course, these studies show general trends and don't apply to every man and woman out there. But they do touch upon an interesting point about gender and emotional intelligence: even though many people believe women are more emotionally intelligent than men, it's more of a case of men and women being better at different aspects of EQ. 

The reasons behind the EQ difference

Given these differences, it could be easy to assume that men and women are, in fact, from different planets – but not so fast. Groundbreaking new research shows that the distinctions between men and women aren't neurobiological. Rather, they're to do with social constructs. 

Over three months, the University of Michigan assessed the emotions of 142 men and women. The results? The researchers found that both genders' emotional stability and fluctuations are "clearly, consistently and unmistakably more similar than they are different."

Dr Robert Blum, a professor of public health and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, concluded that the results show men and women experience the same emotions biologically; it's just that: "males are socialized to hide their emotions while it is far more legitimate for females to share them."

Now, this has some pretty interesting connotations for gender and EQ. Instead of innate differences, it seems women and men are taught to focus on honing different traits because they are seen as more desirable for each gender – assertiveness, for example, is a 'typical' male characteristic, whilst empathy is seen as feminine.

As Dr Shawn Andrews, leadership and EQ coach, aptly put it: "Boys are socialized very early on to be competitive, confident, assertive, decisive and even aggressive. Boys are taught about hierarchy, and that winning is the most important thing. Girls receive very different messages in their childhoods. Girls are socialized to be nurturing, care about others, show emotions, get along and be empathetic. Girls learn that the process is more important than winning and that relationships are key."

Are men's and women's EQs so different after all? 

From looking at the different EQ competencies and comparing them with the 'desirable' traits expected in each gender, we can quickly see how and why males and females tend to find affinity with different aspects of EQ over others. 

However, EQ isn't a fixed characteristic. It's a skill that can be learned and improved with practice – whatever gender identity you relate to. 

If you're interested in assessing your EQ, you'll be glad to know that tests like Truity's emotional intelligence test offer a convenient and straightforward way to gain insight. By taking our test, you'll be able to identify the specific competencies you excel in and those that could do with a little improvement. Armed with this knowledge, you can then make conscious efforts to enhance your EQ skills.

The future of gender and EQ

EQ is a relatively new term in the history world – coined in 1990 and only really entering mainstream vocabulary in the last fifteen years. Recently, especially, there's been a lot of emphasis on developing EQ in the world of work. 

The World Economic Forum, for example, published research stating EQ will be one of the most critical workplace skills in the next fifty years, and countless studies also show that individuals with high EQs are more likely to be successful at work, have good mental health and happier personal lives than those who don't. 

Hopefully, all of this focus on EQ and its benefits will, over time, engineer a new dialogue around genders, emotions and stereotypes. After all, everyone should be encouraged to develop skills like assertiveness, empathy and self-regulation. It's the key to unlocking resilience, living a rewarding life and developing meaningful, fulfilling relationships – whatever your gender identity.