The Empath: An In-Depth Look at Emotional Sponges

Do you find yourself relating to the feelings of others in such a deep way that you experience those emotions yourself? Can you assess a situation from another’s point of view as if you, yourself, were in that situation? Do people tell you that you’re over-emotional or too sensitive? 

If you answer "yes" to these questions, you’re probably an empath.

The best definition of empath is a simple one: someone who takes in the emotions of others and experiences them as their own.

Empaths have an abundance of empathy and can understand the feelings of others. But that’s not the whole story. The empath goes beyond understanding another’s emotions and experiences them. In other words, an empath will soak up the emotions of others like a sponge, to the point where they’re not sure which emotions are their own and which belong to someone else. 

Being an empath can be challenging, but the joys they experience far outweigh the difficulties if they learn how to take care of themselves. Let’s talk about what makes someone an empath, the challenges as well as the rewards, and what you can do to manage all the emotions that come with it.

We’ll start with some common traits experienced by all empaths.

Three traits of the empath personality

1: Compassion

The empath’s big, compassionate heart wants to nurture others in need, and this is their greatest gift to the world. They are excellent listeners and can zero in on another’s emotional state with laser focus. They experience a deep connectedness with those around them and cannot look away from those in distress. In fact, the empath will do everything in their power to make sure others are happy and safe, often at their own expense.

2: Intuition

The empath exercises a “knowing” that is uncanny, and is often so tuned in to the feelings of others that they know when something is “off.” They can pick up cues that others miss, which means it’s very hard to manipulate an empath. They are human lie detectors.

3: Sensitivity

Empaths are highly sensitive to their environments. They are super-responders to what they see, hear, smell and feel, and they may startle easily. Scientists also believe that empaths have a more sensitive nervous system than other people. Brain cells called mirror neurons are thought to be the cause.  These brain cells are more sensitive in the empath and enable a deep resonance with the feelings of others.

Is an empath the same as a highly sensitive person?

If it sounds like we’re describing a highly sensitive person (HSP), that’s because we are – sort of. Both HSPs and empaths are highly responsive to environmental stimuli like sights, sounds, smells and texture. Hectic schedules can take their toll, and both HSPs and empaths may need long periods of quiet time to wind down after a busy day. 

However, empaths take this sensitivity further and absorb the emotions of others. HSPs may not have the visceral emotional experience that defines the empath. 

It makes sense that all empaths are HSPs, but not all HSPs go to the depth of emotional response common for the empath.

5 signs you’re an empath

So how do you know if you are an empath? While all empaths are individuals, here are five indicators of the empath personality.

#1: You can put yourself in another’s shoes

You can see a situation from another’s point of view and feel the emotions they are experiencing. You can see their perspective when others can’t.

#2: Other people’s feelings and behavior affect you deeply

Because you experience the emotions of others as your own, people often tell you you’re too sensitive, or emotionally unstable. 

#3: Your empathy has a healing effect on people

People see you as a compassionate and attentive listener, and they seek you out when they struggle. Your friends are comforted in your presence.

#4: You can read people like a book

Because your intuition is so finely tuned, you can detect the true intentions in people. Some folks consider you psychic.

#5: Your love for others is wholehearted

Just as you feel the pain of others on a deeper level, so too you feel love more intensely. An empath’s love and compassion is a great asset.

What’s hard about being an empath?

Because they constantly deal with not only their own feelings, but those of everyone else, empaths can quickly become bogged down by emotional fatigue. It’s overwhelming dealing with  all the emotions they pick up from other people. 

For this reason, close relationships can easily be “too much,” especially when living together. The closer an empath gets to someone, the more they absorb their emotions.

Sometimes the feelings they absorb from others can lead them down the wrong track. This happens when an empath lacks self-awareness and absorbs so much negativity that they become toxic and will unintentionally mistreat others.  For example, if you take on the anger of another without knowing it, you may experience that anger and direct it towards someone else.

Emotional overwhelm can cause big problems physically and mentally and will compromise the empath’s overall health if left unchecked.

So what can you do about these challenges?

We can sum up the solution to these challenges with one word—boundaries. Let’s look at three areas you can explore to take care of yourself by setting and practicing boundaries.   

#1: Determine what’s yours

This is the most important, and hardest, thing to do for the empath.  With all the emotional energy you take in, it can become quite messy and difficult to distinguish what you are feeling and what you have absorbed from someone else. An empath can be happy one minute, and sad or fearful the next without knowing why.  This can wreak havoc on your well-being and confidence unless you sort it out.

To identify feelings that don’t belong to you, it’s helpful to establish your emotional baseline before being with other people. Simply tune in to how you are feeling and name it.  Are you happy, centered, anxious, fearful or something else?

Now compare that to what you feel when someone comes into the room. Is there a shift? If there is, ask yourself if this new feeling belongs to you, or someone else. If the new feeling is yours, then process your experience. If it belongs to the one who just walked in, you’ll want to let that go.

#2: Make self-care a priority

The first and most important thing to learn about self-care is how to say “no.” This may sound like a simple solution, but for the empath it’s a hard thing to do because your first instinct is to help.  If you need to reduce your social interactions or set time limits on visits, then learn to say so directly.  “Directly” doesn’t equal rude or uncaring, and it’s the best way to set a clear boundary. 

After you say no to an invitation or request, do whatever feels good to you to stabilize your nervous system. Refresh in nature, take up journaling, or treat yourself to a bubble bath. Also, empaths need more sleep than others to restore their bodies and minds. Learn to listen to your body and practice the compassion towards yourself that you give to others.

#3: Find your tribe

Being an empath can be isolating, and you can’t make it as an island. We all need others, but the empath especially needs a small group of trusted confidants that will hold space for them while they process their experiences. These kindred spirits will help you set boundaries because they care for you and know what you are capable of. You will find your tribe in the few people with whom you are comfortable, nourished and heard.

Also, don’t be afraid to make a good therapist part of your tribe.  A mental health professional can help you determine whether a need to stay safe in your childhood has contributed to all the complex emotions and experiences you are having now.

What’s great about being an empath?

Empaths experience an insatiable longing for the beauty around them, and they can “see” people for who they truly are. They can genuinely connect with people from all walks of life, giving them a window into the world that few have. Their passions come from an emotional awareness that is truly profound, and they can experience a bliss that is accessible especially to them.

Empaths often choose art, music, writing or other pursuits that allow them to express the visions and feelings they carry inside. This is one way empaths release all the emotional energy they suck up from others, and their creative process is deeply fulfilling. 

The empath is a sorely needed light in the world today. Their compassion and creativity are blessings in the lives they touch, and they make the world a better place.