6 Ways to Cope With the Valentine's Day Blues, According to Experts
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Netflix is streaming romcoms like there’s no tomorrow, every restaurant in town is booked, and every store is brimming with roses, heart-shaped chocolates and cutesy stuffed animals.
There’s just one problem: this year, you don’t have a Valentine.
February 14th is a challenge for many people, including those who are single, recently heartbroken or in a complicated relationship. And as much as you try to tell yourself that “it’s just another day,” the constant reminders of romance put a spotlight on your love life, or lack thereof. It's normal to feel self-critical, ashamed and maybe a little lonely.
Whatever you do, don’t text that ex you swore you’d never, ever get back together with! Here are some expert tips to help you cope with – and maybe even enjoy – a solo Valentine's Day this year.
1. Let yourself feel sad
We get it – feeling down isn't much fun. But it’s actually totally normal to feel sad around Valentine’s Day.
“Valentine’s Day is associated with a tremendous amount of cultural pressure around romance,” says Dr. Cortney S. Warren, PhD, ABPP, board certified clinical psychologist and author of Letting Go of Your Ex. “For single people, it’s common to experience feelings of isolation, sadness, anxiety and social pressure to celebrate.”
So, instead of beating yourself up or trying to dodge your feelings during Valentine's Day, it's essential to give yourself permission to recognize those emotions. Take a moment to practice some self-regulation and remind yourself that there are many others in the same boat as you.
2. Be kind to yourself
Naming your emotions is one thing, but wallowing in them is another. As you feel all your feelings, our experts say it’s crucial to channel self compassion instead of self criticism. For instance, you can try speaking to yourself in a kind, understanding and encouraging way, like you would to a friend.
One technique is to practice positive affirmations to boost your confidence. Warren advises writing lists of what you like about yourself, leaving post-it notes with positive mantras around your bedroom, and focusing on the things in life that you’re grateful for. This can help prevent you from stewing in your own misery when the goal is to shift into a kinder, more positive mindset.
3. Brighten someone else’s day by giving back
When you’re feeling low, it’s all too easy to sink into a habit of work, Netflix, sleep, repeat. But Harvard research shows that getting involved in your local community is one of the best ways to boost happiness. According to the multi-year study, people who regularly donate their time and money to charitable causes are 42 percent happier than those who don’t.
“Any form of giving and practicing gratitude is proven to lift spirits,” explains relationship psychotherapist Mary Clegg, who notes that volunteering is especially beneficial because you can “find like minded people and form a tribe.”
So, if you’re wondering how to keep yourself distracted over Valentine’s Day, consider getting in touch with a charitable organization that’s close to your heart and see what volunteering opportunities there are.
4. Get back in the game
Sometimes, the Valentine’s Day blues are a signal that you’re craving a romantic connection. Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve dated anyone, or you feel nervous about the idea of going on a first date with a stranger you met online. In that case, this month could be the perfect time to get back out there, Clegg says.
Sure, downloading a dating app or going up to someone in a bar can be heart-pounding stuff, but as Clegg says, it’s vital to “remember that everyone is anxious or nervous about new encounters.”
In fact, she recommends that you “fake it till you make it!” Pretend to be the confident person you aspire to be, enjoy the moment, and see what happens.
It also helps a lot to know what you’re hoping to get out of dating. So, spend some time reflecting on your dating goals, your deal breakers and primary love styles. Doing this will help you approach your next date with intentionality and purpose.
5. Plan an alternate date night…
While some people might be keen to get back in the game, for those who have recently gone through a break up, the idea of dating anyone new can be unbearable.
But that’s not to say that you need to avoid Valentine’s Day altogether. Instead, why not make it your own, unique celebration?
As Warren notes, this could mean “making a plan to do something with a friend, taking yourself on a nice vacation, or, in the vocal words of Miley Cyrus, buying yourself flowers!”
Ultimately, the idea is to turn February 14th into a day “that reminds you that you absolutely do not need to have a date or be in a romantic partnership to be whole, healed, and fulfilled in life,” Warren says.
6…Or keep busy!
If the idea of Valentine’s day alone triggers the waterworks, it’s also perfectly okay to ignore the day altogether, too. Sometimes, emotions are too raw and too strong to overcome, and keeping busy is the best course of action.
If this sounds like you, you can “act as though it’s just another day of the year,” says Warren. “Or, tell yourself that it’s actually a highly commercial holiday crafted to get the public to spend money.”
In fact, according to data from the National Retail Federation, people in the United States spent $23.9 billion on Valentine’s Day gifts in 2022 – just think of all the money you’ll save by not taking part!
Remember, being single is not a reflection on your self worth
Valentine’s Day can be rough, but you will get through it. “Whether you have a partner or are single does not reflect your true value as a human being,” Warren says. It's important to remember that you are whole and complete just as you are, regardless of your relationship status.
So, whether you’re opting for Netflix and rosé instead of a cinema date and roses, remember to acknowledge your feelings, love yourself wholeheartedly, and give yourself some TLC – it will be February 15th before you know it.
