The 16 Personality Types as Toddler Tantrums

Yesterday, a friend of mine who works at a daycare told me about a kid who called her a thousand-year-old hag. For the record, she’s in her twenties. We ended up chatting about how wonderfully terrible children are at hiding what they think or feel, and how sometimes it leads to spectacular tantrums that make you want to pull your hair out.

As adults, we like to think we’re better than that. We compromise, keep our mouths shut, play it cool when someone changes the plan at the last minute. But take away sleep, patience or basic human dignity—say, somewhere around hour 12 of a 16-hour flight—and the adult veneer starts to crack.

Children, of course, don’t have that veneer yet. They’re still developing social skills. They’re still forming their personalities, so this is hardly the time to start handing them a personality type. But it does make me wonder what each Myers-Briggs type’s most unimpressive behavior would look like acted out in a kid’s meltdown. Because if you think you don’t act like a three-year-old from time to time, just ask your loved ones.

INFP — Nobody Understands Me!

Treating something the INFP loves as insignificant is an unforgivable offense.

Say she’s collected a family of pebbles at the beach. The speckled one is the dog, who was lonely until this family adopted him. Then her brother grabs the pebble and throws it into the sea. The INFP starts screaming: HE CAN’T SWIM! She collapses into the wet sand, clutching the surviving family. Her brother says it was just a pebble. She always knew he was cruel, but this? And now everyone wants to get ice cream? How can they even THINK about ice cream at a time like this? She’ll stay here. Somebody has to care.

Someone finds another speckled pebble and suggests it could be the dog instead. Apparently, someone you love can just be REPLACED. She knew that dog for a whole eleven minutes, and she swears to mourn him for the rest of her life.

INTJ — The Tower of Spite

Having his work ruined by someone who ignored his very clear instructions is more than the INTJ can bear.

He’s spent half an hour building a tower out of Jenga blocks and has made it very clear that nobody is to touch it. Naturally, someone touches it. The whole thing comes down. I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH! He kicks the blocks across the floor and announces that he’s not playing anymore. Nor will anyone else. He gathers up the blocks and sits on them. This is why he prefers doing things alone. The next time someone tells him that playing with others is fun, he will be bringing this up.

The boy who knocked it down offers to help him rebuild. Help. From the person who has just demonstrated exactly how helpful he is. The INTJ sits harder on the blocks.

INFJ — The Furious Peacemaker

The INFJ wants everyone to get along, and she’s getting very angry about their refusal to cooperate.

Two children are fighting over a toy, and she has decided to help. She suggests taking turns. Neither agrees. She offers another toy. Nobody wants it. She starts explaining that snatching makes people sad, at which point one child tells her to go away. Well. She was only trying to help. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER! she screams, so both children start to cry. Good. Perhaps now they understand how hurtful they’re being.

By the time the teacher arrives, all three are crying. Five minutes later, the other two are playing together again, and the INFJ is sulking in the corner. No, she doesn’t want to join them. Yes, she wants them to apologize to her.

INTP — But Why?

Being expected to follow a rule that nobody can explain is an excellent way to make the INTP lose his mind.

He can have ice cream after dinner, but he can’t have it now. Why? Because it will spoil his appetite. But why? Because he’ll feel full and won’t finish his dinner. Why? Because there’s only so much room in his tummy, and he needs to leave space for proper food. But why? Because his body needs nutrients to grow. Why? Because that’s how bodies work. But why? He can ask his teacher tomorrow. Why? Because right now it’s time to eat dinner. But why? BECAUSE I SAID SO.

He bursts into tears. Nobody ever explains ANYTHING! Eventually, he’s handed the ice cream. He puts it down. Before anyone goes anywhere, are they admitting that the rule was wrong? Because he would like an answer to that.

ENFP — All of It

Having to choose one thing feels deeply unfair to the ENFP when she wants to do all of it.

She wants to go to the park right now. And bake a cake. And build a rocket out of the recycling. She chooses the park, then remembers the cake. She takes her shoes off. Then remembers the swings. She puts one shoe back on. Could she bake at the park? And bring the rocket? Someone says she needs to choose, which is a horrible thing to say to someone with so many good ideas. By the time she’s finished arguing, it’s dinnertime. She NEVER GETS TO DO ANYTHING.

The other activities can wait until tomorrow, apparently. But tomorrow she wants to go swimming. Now they’re ruining tomorrow as well.

ENTJ — The Little Dictator

Everything would be going perfectly if everyone would just do as they’re told.

The sofa is a pirate ship. One child steers, another looks for treasure, and the ENTJ is captain, obviously. But the lookout keeps sitting down. Someone else wants to be captain. And now two children have abandoned the ship to play dinosaurs. NO! COME BACK! They haven’t found the treasure yet! He grabs one by the sleeve and tries to drag him back onto the sofa. One of the dinosaurs roars at him. He bursts into angry tears. YOU’RE PLAYING IT WRONG! He’s told to let the others play how they want. But he’s the CAPTAIN. They HAVE to listen!

Someone suggests taking turns at being the captain. He pulls the pirate hat down over his ears and starts filling the sofa with teddy bears instead. At least they stay where he puts them.

ENTP — Technically Innocent

The ENTP’s clever solution has been mistaken for bad behavior, and she deeply resents that.

She was told not to draw on the walls. So she drew on the door. The door is not a wall. It opens. She demonstrates, just in case anyone is confused. Apparently, this still counts as being naughty. She explains again, louder, pointing between the door and the wall. It is hardly her fault that nobody thought to mention doors. When the crayons are taken away, she becomes furious. She followed the instructions EXACTLY.

The teacher tells her that everyone makes mistakes. She agrees. Forgetting to mention the door was a rather serious oversight. She holds out her hand for the crayons and waits for the apology.

ENFJ — Everybody Means Everybody

After all the effort the ENFJ has put into bringing everyone together, someone has the nerve to enjoy playing alone.

The tea party is ready. He’s found enough cups and saved a seat for each of his friends. But one child would rather keep playing with the cars. He offers a cookie. Still no. He even offers to let the car have some tea. Nothing. Well, does this child not want to be friends anymore? He announces that nobody wants to play with him. Four children are already sitting at the table, gazing at him and the cookies. 

His friends assure him that they’re having fun. He’s crying too hard to appreciate this. Nobody is allowed to start until everyone is here. Everybody is supposed to be having fun, and he is prepared to make everyone miserable until they are.

ISFJ — Don’t Mind Me

Looking after everybody stops feeling so lovely when nobody cares to look after the ISFJ.

She benevolently hands her sister the biggest strawberry and keeps the little one for herself. Then her sister eats that one too. That’s okay. She doesn’t mind. She turns her chair away from everyone and pulls her sleeves over her hands. Someone asks if she’s upset. She shakes her head, then wipes her eyes on her sleeve. She only gave her sister the BIGGEST ONE. And let her use the pink Sharpie. And waited for her yesterday when nobody else did. But it’s FINE.

Someone puts more strawberries in her bowl. She pushes it away so hard it falls off the table. Now everyone is cross with her. She bursts into proper, gulping sobs. How come SHE’S in trouble? She was the one who SHARED.

ISFP — I Liked It Like That

Being easygoing doesn’t mean the ISFP wants anyone correcting his personal taste.

He’s painting a purple horse: purple legs, purple mane, enormous purple butt. Purple is his favorite color. Someone points out that horses are brown. He presses harder with the brush. They helpfully bring the brown paint. That does it. IT’S MY HORSE. He paints straight through the paper, trying to make it even more purple, then screams because now there’s a hole in his horse. Everything was going perfectly until someone decided he needed advice.

He accepts some fresh paper and starts again. A purple horse, blue grass, and a brown sun. There. He’s used the brown.

ISTJ — That’s Not How We Do It

The ISTJ likes knowing what’s going to happen. Especially when it then actually happens.

It’s Tuesday. Tuesday is pasta day. But someone puts a box of pizza on the table. She points at the little drawing of pasta on the meal chart. They point at the pizza. She points at the pasta again. Her lip starts wobbling. But she asked for pizza yesterday! Yes. YESTERDAY. She pushes her plate away and starts crying. IT’S PASTA DAY! Everyone else starts eating, which makes her cry harder. Now they’re ALL doing it wrong.

Someone sticks a picture of pizza over the pasta on the chart. She sniffs, checks it, and reaches for the biggest slice. Unfortunately, someone has also cooked her some pasta to stop her crying. She stares at the bowl, then points furiously at the chart. IT’S PIZZA DAY!

ISTP — I Was Doing It

Nothing ruins an ISTP’s afternoon faster than help he did not ask for.

He’s trying to reattach a wheel to his toy truck. He’s tried pushing it, twisting it, hitting it against the floor. He’s currently trying to push it again. His mom offers a helpful suggestion. Then another. Then she reaches over and clicks it into place. There. Fixed. The ISTP stares at the turning wheel. His eyes well up. I WAS DOING IT. He snatches the truck back. She points out that it works now. Yes. That is what makes this so unbearable. He was one second away from doing that himself, and now he can never prove it.

He starts pulling the wheel off again. The solution works perfectly, but it has the serious mechanical fault of being someone else’s.

ESFJ — And What Do We Say?

Nothing offends the ESFJ quite like doing something thoughtful and getting bad manners in return.

She decorated gingerbread men for everyone. One friend gets the cookie with the most M&Ms because she knows he likes them. He eats it without saying thank you. She waits expectantly, but he reaches for his toy car and carries on with his day. Excuse me. AND WHAT DO WE SAY? He says vroom. She snatches up the plate and declares that he is never having another cookie. She has spent all morning being kind, and see where it’s got her.

He returns, says thank you, and asks for another. She graciously selects the biggest one, then holds it just out of reach until he says please. The lessons need to be learned.

ESFP — The Party Is Not Over

Asking the ESFP to leave while people are still having fun is a deeply personal insult.

At a wedding, he’s abandoned his shoes, acquired three glow sticks, and persuaded a bridesmaid to copy his worm dance. Then his coat appears. Absolutely not. His song is coming on. Every song is his song. He throws himself onto the dance floor and howls that he NEVER HAS ANY FUN. The bridesmaid steps around him. He rolls after her, furious that the evening is continuing without him. He isn’t tired. He is simply crying because everyone is ruining his life.

He negotiates one last dance. Then another, because he spent most of the first one telling everyone he was leaving and didn’t get to enjoy it properly. So that one doesn’t count. 

ESTJ — That’s Cheating

Making exceptions to perfectly clear rules is more than the ESTJ is prepared to tolerate.

They’re playing hide-and-seek, and the boy counting has his eyes open. She marches out from behind the curtain to tell him CLOSE YOUR EYES! He points at her, delighted that he’s found someone. THAT DOESN’T COUNT! Someone explains that he’s only little. She stamps her foot. He can still CLOSE HIS EYES. She tries to cover them with her hands. He ducks away, laughing. She starts crying. It isn’t funny. Everyone has to come out. They’re starting AGAIN.

This time, she stands right in front of him to check that his eyes stay shut and he counts all the way to ten. He opens them and immediately finds her. She bursts into tears again. She wasn’t READY.

ESTP — Watch This

Having an adventure canceled over something that hasn’t even happened yet strikes the ESTP as deeply unfair.

At the skatepark, he’s conquered the smallest ramp and is heading for the big one when his dad stops him. He isn’t ready for the big ramp. Excuse me? He has been skateboarding since Tuesday. It is Saturday. How much experience does a person need? Someone mentions falling. But he hasn’t fallen, has he? That is actual evidence. Their concerns are entirely imaginary. He pulls away, furious that he’s being held back by people who haven’t even seen how good he is yet.

His big sister offers to film another jump on the little ramp. He agrees, provided they make it look really high. By the time they’ve opened the camera, he’s on the big ramp.

The Child Within 

You might have recognized yourself in a few of these tantrums and had a good laugh at how petty we can be. I know I did. We all act like kids sometimes. Get us tired or stressed enough, and suddenly we’re refusing help, sulking, and wondering why we’re surrounded by idiots. You can see how someone ended up writing a book with that title.

Growing up doesn’t mean we’ve outgrown every ridiculous impulse, and there’s no shame in recognizing that. There might be a bit of shame in NOT recognizing it. A little awareness helps, as does being able to laugh at yourself.

Knowing how petty we can be might also make us more understanding when someone else acts out. Picture them as a little kid who’s just been told that they can’t paint horses purple, or who gave away the biggest strawberry and is still waiting for someone to notice. It’s easier to find understanding and compassion when you remember you’ve been acting childishly too. Possibly quite recently.