Are ISTJ and INTJ personality types compatible? See how ISTJs and INTJs get along in this guide to ISTJ/INTJ relationships. If you're an ISTJ in a relationship with an INTJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.

How ISTJ and INTJ Get Along

ISTJs and INTJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ISTJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an INTJ.

When interacting with your counterpart, be aware that as an Intuitive Thinking type, they will primarily be looking for an intellectual connection. NT types feel close to someone when they have a meeting of the minds, particularly when they are able to have a discussion that leads them to learn something new or think about things in a different way. NT types aren't devoid of feeling—they're human just like everyone else—but they're very much in their heads, and their relationships tend to start with a mental spark rather than an emotional one.

Your first impression of this person is likely to be that they are unconventional, perhaps even a bit weird. The way they communicate may seem overly vague to you, and you may find them sorely lacking in pragmatism. Although you may be drawn to their creativity or offbeat way of seeing things, you will probably also be wary of what may seem like wacky ideas and obvious disinterest in following the rules. 

In turn, they may find you traditional, even a bit stodgy. They likely don't have a lot of interest in the structure and institutions that have shaped your life, and may feel that you are somewhat ordinary and conformist.

So what's likely to bring you together?

Although you're probably suspicious of this person's unbridled free thinking, you may have an aspect of attraction to it as well. They can sound very sure of themselves when presenting an idea that sounds crazy to you—just confident enough to make you think "what if?" And if you're honest, "what if" is not a question you're very apt to ask on your own. Being with this person can get you thinking about possibilities that you wouldn't consider, and open your mind to ideas that may enrich your life. 

In turn, you can be a powerful stabilizing force for this person. Your suspicion that their ideas are too wild is often correct, and if you learn to communicate effectively, you can help to bring them down to earth. Even better, you can help them to flesh out their good ideas into realistic, practical plans. If you are able to develop a healthy relationship, they will come to trust you to tactfully shoot down their unworkable ideas while helping them to think through the ones that have potential. When it's working well, your partnership can be an unstoppable force. 

Communication Between ISTJ and INTJ

Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between ISTJ and INTJ personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when ISTJs and INTJs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.

You have a different style of communication from this person, and you’ll need to make some accommodations if this relationship is to reach its full potential. 

You tend to communicate in a straightforward, concrete way, focusing on facts, details, history, and real-life experiences. You focus on the "what" when discussing something, and convey information that you observed directly or can back up with real-life evidence. When making plans, you tend to focus on the specific steps that will occur. And generally, you're interested in talking about real things, not ideas or theories.

In contrast, your counterpart tends to communicate in an abstract, theoretical way. They focus on making connections and interpreting meaning, the "why" of the thing in question. Much of what they communicate is their idea, theory, or interpretation of what they see, rather than a direct observation. When making plans, they are inclined to spend a lot of time talking about the overall goal or theme of the plan without having much interest in the details. 

While it may sound like you are speaking different languages, the truth is that although you have different comfort zones when it comes to communication, you are well able to get out of those comfort zones to meet halfway—and you'll both be the better for it. Your partner can help you stretch to look beyond the obvious of things and explore the deeper meaning. And in turn, you can help them to come back down to earth and discuss the details and facts of a situation, not just the big idea. 

ISTJ vs. INTJ Values

Values are intensely personal, and while an ISTJ and an INTJ can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your ISTJ approach to values compares with your INTJ counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.

The two of you have some fundamental differences in what you value. Although both of you value logic and reason, looking at things from an objective viewpoint, you tend to disagree on the goal of your analysis. Your counterpart fundamentally is an innovator, while you are more focused on maintaining the status quo.

You are a traditionalist who likely will find your counterpart’s innovations unnecessary, if not outright ridiculous. You like to put faith in the past, and trust what has worked for many generations before you. You appreciate rules and feel comforted, rather than restricted, by institutions and traditions. Rather than being excited by the unknown, you are wary of striking out into new territory. For this reason, you are inclined to stick with what you know and follow established procedures and processes.

On the other hand, your counterpart seeks out ways to shake up the system and make things newer, faster, and better. They believe that everything can be analyzed, dissected, re-engineered, and improved. They most likely love science, technology, and innovations in business. To them, the future is an exciting place, and they may enjoy fantasizing about what the world will be like in 20, 50, or even a thousand years.

But conflict is not inevitable, and you each have something truly valuable to offer one another. For you, your partner can help you see where change really is needed, and how to learn to embrace it. Their excitement and confidence in times of uncertainty can show you that what is new is not always unwelcome, and progress can be (and often is) a good thing.

On the flip side, you can offer your partner a stern reality check for their sometimes pie-in-the-sky ideas. Let's face it, although your counterpart has some wonderfully innovative ideas, they're often mixed in with a few half-baked duds. You are uniquely positioned to help them figure out which is which.

ISTJ and INTJ in Daily Life

Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an ISTJ in a relationship with an INTJ, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.

You take a similarly orderly approach to life and share an appreciation for schedules, to-do lists, and organizational systems. If you share space, it’s likely to be well organized and tidy. While you may sometimes disagree on exactly how to organize something, you both appreciate the process of creating structure, and will typically enjoy working together to get systems in place. 

Finding harmony in your life together may take some effort because you see and communicate different things. While you experience the world with your body and your senses, your counterpart looks behind the scenes and figures out the patterns between disconnected pieces of information. For you, daily life is for living. For them, it’s a springboard for testing out ideas and imagining how things might play out.

In your mind, actions speak louder than words. You are one of life’s ‘doers’ and you like to take concrete action. You tend to choose activities that will stimulate your senses or your body in some way whether that’s cooking, bungee jumping or arts and crafts. People call you down-to-earth since you’re very matter-of-fact.

The reverse is true for your counterpart. They are less focused on facts and personal experience, and more focused on feeding their intellectual curiosity and learning new things. For them, discovering new ideas is a lifelong pursuit and they tend to read widely, take classes for fun and explore the ‘yet to be discovered’. There are plenty of hobbies here that you could both be interested in, but it can cause rifts between couples who can’t come to an agreement on what they want to do in their spare time.

Routines can be another area of conflict. While you certainly have a sense of adventure, you have a low tolerance for shaking things up for the sake of it. You counterpart, by contrast, may dream of adventure to keep things exciting. You have much to offer each other here, as you can remind your partner what is important in the moment, and they can offer up angles and possibilities that give you a broader understanding of the world.

You both get overstimulated by too much activity and both enjoy spending quiet time alone. You and your partner might often find yourself at home with takeout and Netflix, or even in the same room without actually talking to each other, and you’re both okay with that. You likely both have small but intimate circles of friends and there may be no great urgency to work your way into each other’s friendship circles as a way of deepening your own bond. Personal boundaries are important to you, and you respect each other’s personal space by default.

You likely share a slower pace of life and appreciate the need for down time to balance out the busyness. Neither of you feels a burning desire to attend party after relentless party, and it’s likely that you’re on the same page regarding the booking of your social calendar. The problem is that when you do make plans, it can be dangerously easy for you to talk each other out of them. Hiding away is not healthy or practical. If your relationship is a priority, one of you must bite the bullet and motivate the other to follow through.

Despite both being introverts, one partner may need more down time than the other, or you may have different social needs. It’s a balancing act to sync your calendars and maintain a balance between your respective needs. Communication is key, although that too can be challenging as you both tend to shy away from confrontation because it’s overstimulating. Acknowledge when you’re bottling up feelings. Making a conscious effort to focus on conversations that take your both out of your comfort zones is the key to discovering new aspects of your relationship.