Are ISFJ and INFJ personality types compatible? See how ISFJs and INFJs get along in this guide to ISFJ/INFJ relationships. If you're an ISFJ in a relationship with an INFJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.

How ISFJ and INFJ Get Along

ISFJs and INFJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ISFJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an INFJ.

When relating to your counterpart, bear in mind that as an Intuitive Feeling type, they will tend to be highly idealistic about their relationships. They want authentic connections that reflect their true values, and they want to see who you really are as a person. Intuitive Feelers want to go deep, and revealing yourself to them is a worthwhile endeavor—once they feel they know you, they'll be a tireless cheerleader for your dreams and ambitions.

The two of you have some very fundamental differences in how you see things, and this can make getting along a challenge for both of you. That's not to say you shouldn't be friends; in fact, you might find that spending time with this person introduces you to ways of thinking that help you learn and grow. But this relationship will not be without its frustrations.

Fundamentally, your counterpart is concerned with people, relationships, and values. They are highly idealistic and interested in opportunities to make the world a better place. They empathize easily with others, and often feel their suffering acutely. But they never accept suffering as a fact of life; rather, they believe we all have a responsibility to change, improve, and become better than we are. They can easily imagine a better world, and they enthusiastically embrace change when you see it as a positive move forward.

In contrast, you put a high value on tradition and stability. It's not that you don't care about people or making the world a better place, but you tend to be suspicious of change in general, and you rarely see it as the first solution. You tend to believe that the best way to serve people is by keeping things consistent and predictable, and you often find your counterpart’s supposedly “innovative” ideas unnecessary and disruptive. At your worst together, you'll tend to view this person as flighty, unrealistic, and impractical. They'll see you as dull, stagnant, and unimaginative.

So what's the upside? The same things that irritate you about one another are also opportunities for learning. Sure, you’re always reliable and consistent, but you can tend to overlook real opportunities for change and growth. Your counterpart can help you to see the big picture and imagine things differently. Meanwhile, you can be a strong stabilizing force for their flights of fancy. If you take care not to be too discouraging of their new ideas, you might even find they start to seek out your pragmatic, stalwart advice.

Communication Between ISFJ and INFJ

Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between ISFJ and INFJ personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when ISFJs and INFJs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.

You have a different style of communication from this person, and you’ll need to make some accommodations if this relationship is to reach its full potential. 

You tend to communicate in a straightforward, concrete way, focusing on facts, details, history, and real-life experiences. You focus on the "what" when discussing something, and convey information that you observed directly or can back up with real-life evidence. When making plans, you tend to focus on the specific steps that will occur. And generally, you're interested in talking about real things, not ideas or theories.

In contrast, your counterpart tends to communicate in an abstract, theoretical way. They focus on making connections and interpreting meaning, the "why" of the thing in question. Much of what they communicate is their idea, theory, or interpretation of what they see, rather than a direct observation. When making plans, they are inclined to spend a lot of time talking about the overall goal or theme of the plan without having much interest in the details. 

While it may sound like you are speaking different languages, the truth is that although you have different comfort zones when it comes to communication, you are well able to get out of those comfort zones to meet halfway—and you'll both be the better for it. Your partner can help you stretch to look beyond the obvious of things and explore the deeper meaning. And in turn, you can help them to come back down to earth and discuss the details and facts of a situation, not just the big idea. 

ISFJ vs. INFJ Values

Values are intensely personal, and while an ISFJ and an INFJ can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your ISFJ approach to values compares with your INFJ counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.

Both of you share a deep empathy and compassion for others and probably make plenty of time in your lives to be of service to your family, friends and communities. You both enjoy jobs that allow you to help people, in health care, social services, education or the like, or you both may spend time volunteering for causes that are important to you. However your sympathy plays out, you’ll both agree that the thoughtful helping of others is an important value for you.

Where you differ is how your values are directed. You are a deeply practical and logical person. You show your concern by offering pragmatic solutions, delivered in the here and now, such as giving a helping hand to a friend in need. You offer support that can be useful immediately—that’s today instead of someday—which is the exact opposite of the future-focus your partner prefers. While you certainly care for others, you are unlikely to feel another’s problems as if they were their own.

Your counterpart has a similar value system, but theirs is more deeply idealistic. They can easily imagine how the world could be a better place and enjoy empowering others to explore possibilities, whether they act on these ideas or not. They are not content to simply accept the injustices and cruelties of this world; they want to see right into the souls of others and make the world a better, gentler place. They are so passionate about what they believe.

For your partner, then, the instinct to serve is born of an empathetic heartache, rather than the sense of dutiful social responsibility that's more familiar to you. There is no reason why the two approaches cannot exist side by side, although you may find your partner’s approach too fanciful and soft-headed compared to your pragmatic ideas. While you’ll appreciate your partner’s tender heart, you may worry that they are striving to meet a potential that’s impossible to attain.

There’s an opportunity here to introduce one another to new ways of thinking. You both excel in sticking to values that are important to you, but you can help you partner understand the practical reality of these values. On the flip side, your partner can bring a sense of romanticism to your value system, helping you gain a passion for big ideas. The challenge for you is to not get too annoyed if your partner tends to ignore tradition and the wisdom of lived experience, preferring to use pie-in-the-sky imagination to forge a better way.

ISFJ and INFJ in Daily Life

Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an ISFJ in a relationship with an INFJ, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.

You take a similarly orderly approach to life and share an appreciation for schedules, to-do lists, and organizational systems. If you share space, it’s likely to be well organized and tidy. While you may sometimes disagree on exactly how to organize something, you both appreciate the process of creating structure, and will typically enjoy working together to get systems in place. 

Finding harmony in your life together may take some effort because you see and communicate different things. While you experience the world with your body and your senses, your counterpart looks behind the scenes and figures out the patterns between disconnected pieces of information. For you, daily life is for living. For them, it’s a springboard for testing out ideas and imagining how things might play out.

In your mind, actions speak louder than words. You are one of life’s ‘doers’ and you like to take concrete action. You tend to choose activities that will stimulate your senses or your body in some way whether that’s cooking, bungee jumping or arts and crafts. People call you down-to-earth since you’re very matter-of-fact.

The reverse is true for your counterpart. They are less focused on facts and personal experience, and more focused on feeding their intellectual curiosity and learning new things. For them, discovering new ideas is a lifelong pursuit and they tend to read widely, take classes for fun and explore the ‘yet to be discovered’. There are plenty of hobbies here that you could both be interested in, but it can cause rifts between couples who can’t come to an agreement on what they want to do in their spare time.

Routines can be another area of conflict. While you certainly have a sense of adventure, you have a low tolerance for shaking things up for the sake of it. You counterpart, by contrast, may dream of adventure to keep things exciting. You have much to offer each other here, as you can remind your partner what is important in the moment, and they can offer up angles and possibilities that give you a broader understanding of the world.

You both get overstimulated by too much activity and both enjoy spending quiet time alone. You and your partner might often find yourself at home with takeout and Netflix, or even in the same room without actually talking to each other, and you’re both okay with that. You likely both have small but intimate circles of friends and there may be no great urgency to work your way into each other’s friendship circles as a way of deepening your own bond. Personal boundaries are important to you, and you respect each other’s personal space by default.

You likely share a slower pace of life and appreciate the need for down time to balance out the busyness. Neither of you feels a burning desire to attend party after relentless party, and it’s likely that you’re on the same page regarding the booking of your social calendar. The problem is that when you do make plans, it can be dangerously easy for you to talk each other out of them. Hiding away is not healthy or practical. If your relationship is a priority, one of you must bite the bullet and motivate the other to follow through.

Despite both being introverts, one partner may need more down time than the other, or you may have different social needs. It’s a balancing act to sync your calendars and maintain a balance between your respective needs. Communication is key, although that too can be challenging as you both tend to shy away from confrontation because it’s overstimulating. Acknowledge when you’re bottling up feelings. Making a conscious effort to focus on conversations that take your both out of your comfort zones is the key to discovering new aspects of your relationship.