Compatibility of INFP with ISTP in Relationships

Are INFP and ISTP personality types compatible? See how INFPs and ISTPs get along in this guide to INFP/ISTP relationships. If you're an INFP in a relationship with an ISTP, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.

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How INFP and ISTP Get Along

INFPs and ISTPs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an INFP, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an ISTP.

As an Intuitive Feeling type, you seek deep, meaningful connection in your relationships. You want to truly understand what drives the people you care about and help them to be their best selves. You are drawn to people who seem to be sensitive, thoughtful, and idealistic, and prefer relationships that help you to grow and develop.

Your counterpart is a Sensing Perceiver type, which means their core focus is enjoying the moment. In relationships, this means that they look for people that they have an easy synergy with, and often prioritize one thing: FUN. As an SP type, your counterpart doesn't think too hard about whether they connect with other people on a deep level. They're simply looking for companions to keep them company on this crazy ride called life.

At first glance, it may seem as though the two of you have nothing in common—and in fact, you do have very different ways of seeing the world and thinking about things. The first time you meet this person, unless you discover a shared interest, it may seem that you have nothing to talk about.

You tend to be idealistic, sensitive, and empathetic. You feel things deeply and take your values seriously. You are very much in tune with the state of the world and the feelings of the people in it, and you are always thinking about how to make the world a better place. Because you are so idealistic, you sometimes you get caught up in your imagination and lose track of real life.

In contrast, your counterpart is all about action. They live in the moment, not in their head, and like to get things done. They have little interest in fantasy, and like to stay firmly grounded in reality. They spend very little time wondering how the world could be different; they're too busy enjoying it as it is.

So what might draw you together? Plenty. For one thing, this might be just the relationship you need to get you out of your dreams and idealized visions and into the present moment. If you struggle to stay grounded, this person can bring you down to earth.

Plus, if you stick with it, you might find that you have more fun with this person than anyone else in your life. They tend to be spontaneous, hedonistic, and even a bit of a daredevil, and they may inspire you to take chances that you wouldn't otherwise risk.

Although there are some common problems that can arise in INFP/ISTP relationships, it's important to remember that there's no such thing as a perfectly compatible pair in personality typing. Whether you get along with someone has more to do with your own self-knowledge and your sensitivity to your friend's needs and preferences—not some magic formula. Learning more about your own type with an in-depth assessment is a great place to start to build the self-awareness that is key to successful relationships.

Communication Between INFP and ISTP

Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between INFP and ISTP personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when INFPs and ISTPs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.

You have a different style of communication from this person, and you’ll need to make some accommodations if this relationship is to reach its full potential.

You tend to communicate in an abstract, theoretical way. You focus on making connections and interpreting meaning, exploring the "why" of the thing in question. Much of what you communicate is your idea, theory, or interpretation of what you see, rather than a direct observation. When making plans, you are inclined to spend a lot of time talking about the overall goal or theme of the plan—without having much interest in the details of exactly what will happen or how.

In contrast, your counterpart tends to communicate in a straightforward, concrete way, focusing on facts, details, history, and real-life experiences. They focus on the "what" when discussing something, and convey information that they observed directly or can back up with real-life evidence. When making plans, they tend to focus on the specific steps that will occur. And generally, they're interested in talking about real things, not ideas or theories.

While it may sound like you are speaking different languages, the truth is that although you have different comfort zones when it comes to communication, you are well able to get out of those comfort zones to meet halfway—and you'll both be the better for it. You can help your partner to stretch to look beyond the obvious of things and explore the deeper meaning. And in turn, they can help you to come back down to earth and discuss the details and facts of a situation, not just the big idea.

INFP vs. ISTP Values

Values are intensely personal, and while an INFP and an ISTP can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your INFP approach to values compares with your ISTP counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.

Truth be told, the two of you probably don't have a lot in common when it comes to what you value. While you may share some commonalities in religion, political orientation, or other affiliations, the way you think about the world and what is important is fundamentally different. If you agree on matters of morals and ethics, it's probably for very different reasons.

Your values system is based on a deep empathy and compassion for others. You can't watch the news without feeling the pain of starving children; those commercials with sad kitties at the pound were made for people just like you. Because compassion is such a big part of who you are, it motivates your biggest decisions in life. Your career was probably chosen because it is consistent with your values and the changes you want to make in the world. Your friends are probably people who feel the way you feel about the issues that are dear to your heart.

In contrast, your counterpart is deeply practical and logical. It's not that they don't care about others; they just don't spend quite as much time and energy caring as you do. And when they are concerned with other people, they typically feel that a pragmatic solution is the best one. They might spend an afternoon helping a needy friend fix a broken window, or donate money to a local school. But typically their instinct to help is out of a sense of dutiful social responsibility, rather than the empathetic heartache that's more familiar to you. And usually, once they've helped, they move on with their day. Caring for others is unlikely to be as central to their lives as it is to yours.

You may find yourself deeply hurt by your counterpart's approach when discussing values that are important to you. You are deeply idealistic and easily imagine how the world could be a better place. They, on the other hand, don't visualize quite so easily, and they often don't see a big problem with how the world is now. They tend to be suspicious of new ideas and blunt in their communication, which in practice means that they'll often unceremoniously shoot down your suggestions with "That would never work in the real world" or "What planet are you on?!"

On the other hand, because you are so different, you have the opportunity to introduce one another to new ways of thinking. Your counterpart tends to value tradition and the wisdom of experience much more than you do, and they can help you to see the merit in looking to the old ways. And if you're willing to stick with them, you have the ability to help them become softer, gentler, and more emotionally in tune.

INFP and ISTP in Daily Life

Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an INFP in a relationship with an ISTP, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.

You take a similarly unstructured approach to life and are fairly relaxed about schedules, plans and household systems. If you share space, it’s likely that neither of you will be motivated to take on household responsibilities. You both prefer to play first and work later, and there may need to be some discussion about getting the chores done.

Since neither of you want things to be fully planned and predictable, you’re rarely overwhelmed by disorganization. You both enjoy leaving room for creativity, and enjoy setting a pace together that will allow you to do things on the fly.

Finding harmony in your life together may take some effort because you see and communicate different things. While you look for patterns and metaphors in every interaction, your counterpart takes things at face value. For them, daily life is for living through their body and their senses. For you, it’s a springboard for testing out ideas.

In your mind, life exists to feed your curiosity and help you learn new things. Discovering new ideas is a lifelong pursuit and you take it very seriously. You tend to read widely, take classes for fun and pursue activities that allow you to explore the ‘yet to be discovered.’

The reverse is true for your counterpart. They are one of life’s ‘doers’ and they believe that actions speak louder than words. They tend to choose activities that will stimulate their senses or their body in some way—whether that’s cooking, bungee jumping or arts and crafts. There are plenty of hobbies here that you could both be interested in, but it can cause rifts between couples who can’t agree on what they want to do in their spare time.

Routines can be another area of conflict. While you dream of adventure to keep things interesting, your counterpart has a low tolerance for shaking things up for the sake of it. Instead of seeing this as a source of conflict, understand that you have much to offer each other here. You can focus on the big picture and offer up the angles and possibilities that give your partner a broader understanding of the world. They can focus on the details, on the present moment, and remind you what is important right now. As long as you’re communicating effectively, it’s a wonderful win-win.

You both get overstimulated by too much activity and both enjoy spending quiet time alone. You and your partner might often find yourself at home with takeout and Netflix, or even in the same room without actually talking to each other, and you’re both okay with that. You likely both have small but intimate circles of friends and there may be no great urgency to work your way into each other’s friendship circles as a way of deepening your own bond. Personal boundaries are important to you, and you respect each other’s personal space by default.

You likely share a slower pace of life and appreciate the need for down time to balance out the busyness. Neither of you feels a burning desire to attend party after relentless party, and it’s likely that you’re on the same page regarding the booking of your social calendar. The problem is that when you do make plans, it can be dangerously easy for you to talk each other out of them. Hiding away is not healthy or practical. If your relationship is a priority, one of you must bite the bullet and motivate the other to follow through.

Despite both being introverts, one partner may need more down time than the other, or you may have different social needs. It’s a balancing act to sync your calendars and maintain a balance between your respective needs. Communication is key, although that too can be challenging as you both tend to shy away from confrontation because it’s overstimulating. Acknowledge when you’re bottling up feelings. Making a conscious effort to focus on conversations that take your both out of your comfort zones is the key to discovering new aspects of your relationship.