You'll quickly recognize this person as a fellow upstanding citizen, a practical sort, and someone you can rely on to get things done properly. While you may disagree on the specifics of things, you share a general interest in pragmatism, process, and correctness. You likely will build rapport by sharing details about your lives, and will feel connected when you discover shared history or commonalities in your life experience.
Are ESTJ and ESTJ personality types compatible? See how ESTJs and ESTJs get along in this guide to ESTJ/ESTJ relationships. If you're an ESTJ in a relationship with an ESTJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.
For a personalized look at your relationship style across 23 facets of personality, plus in-depth advice on maximizing your strengths in relationships, check our our scientifically validated TypeFinder personality assessment.
How ESTJ and ESTJ Get Along
ESTJs and ESTJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ESTJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an ESTJ.
Although there are some common problems that can arise in ESTJ/ESTJ relationships, it's important to remember that there's no such thing as a perfectly compatible pair in personality typing. Whether you get along with someone has more to do with your own self-knowledge and your sensitivity to your friend's needs and preferences—not some magic formula. Learning more about your own type with an in-depth assessment is a great place to start to build the self-awareness that is key to successful relationships.
Communication Between ESTJ and ESTJ
Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between ESTJ and ESTJ personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when ESTJs and ESTJs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.
You're both energetic communicators, and you may find that when you're together, you're both eager to talk. While this can make for some lively discussions, it can also be frustrating because you may end up competing for the floor. It's important that when you're together, you both focus on being good listeners as well as sharing your own thoughts. This is something you can work on together, and it is a worthy task, as developing your listening skills will benefit all your relationships, not just this one.
ESTJ vs. ESTJ Values
Values are intensely personal, and while an ESTJ and an ESTJ can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your ESTJ approach to values compares with your ESTJ counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.
The two of you are life’s natural ‘fixers’ and you share a strong belief in the importance of pragmatism and logic. Both of you tend to feel that getting things done and honoring your commitments is the highest possible goal. You both value look for the practical solution to problems, embrace responsibility, and seek to be competent in all things. You will find that you connect easily when it comes to sticking up for what is right.
Although you and your counterpart have a similar way of understanding things, it would be a mistake to assume that you’ll agree on all important matters. You each tend to trust your own experience of the world and believe that what has worked in the past will lead you to a correct conclusion. If your experiences are wildly different, or you are each loyal to competing traditions, then you may find yourself having a heated debate.
If you find yourself in conflict over what you believe, most of the time, you will each retreat into a logical and objective process of decision-making. While neither of you tend to get especially hurt when one of your beliefs is challenged, you do tend to have a blind spot in considering your personal values and emotional needs. A relationship between two people such as yourselves tends to be very level-headed because neither of you is likely to call attention to feelings. But it sacrifices subtlety and emotional tact. At your worst together, you're all head, and no heart.
That said, you both value honesty and straightforwardness. You’re likely to be clear with each other about who you are and what your ideals are from the start, and to stick to these value systems over the long term. Building trust in this pairing is often very easy, as you appreciate loyalty and will stick with what is ‘right.’ There may not always be fireworks, but you are likely to feel an easy rapport and have plenty of things in common.
As time passes, it can be challenging for two people of this type to move their relationships to a deeper level. To create a deep bond, you also need to achieve compassion, empathy, intimacy and cooperation. Although these may not be goals you'd naturally prioritize, recognizing their importance will be key to making your relationship a success.
ESTJ and ESTJ in Daily Life
Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an ESTJ in a relationship with an ESTJ, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.
You both enjoy people, and your lives probably make plenty of room for friends, family, and social events. You likely both have large circles of friends and many parties and get-togethers to attend. As you get to know each other, you'll probably be excited to introduce one another around your social circles, and you'll enjoy getting to know each others' friends and families as a way of deepening your own bond.
You likely share an energetic approach to life and an appreciation for staying busy. You both tend to feel most alive when you're getting out and experiencing the world around you. In fact, your calendars may be dangerously overbooked, as neither of you is likely to turn down an opportunity to get out and do something interesting. Keeping up with one another can be a challenge, as you both tend to be on the go. If your relationship is a priority, make sure your social schedule reflects that.
Your daily routine together can tend to be overly busy and lacking in time for reflection and introspection. You both like to be out and about, and the idea of spending quiet time alone doesn't often hold a lot of appeal. While this approach to life works well for both of you, be mindful of maintaining a balance. Even the most extraverted person still needs a bit of time to be quiet, think and reflect. And taking some time to focus just on each other will allow you to discover new aspects of your relationship.
You take a similarly orderly approach to life and share an appreciation for schedules, to-do lists, and organizational systems. If you share space, it’s likely to be well organized and tidy. While you may sometimes disagree on exactly how to organize something, you both appreciate the process of creating structure, and will typically enjoy working together to get systems in place.
The two of you want to know who and where you are in the world, and you likely will share a fondness for upholding traditions you can respect and value. While you may not share specific hobbies, you both will be concerned with history and tradition and celebrating important rituals like birthdays and anniversaries.
For both of you, actions speak louder than words. You enjoy experiences and probably share a mutual interest in activities that will stimulate your senses or your body in some way, whether that’s cooking, bungee jumping or arts and crafts. In fact, you may find that doing things together is a great way to bring you closer.
You recall events as snapshots of what actually happened, and have a low tolerance for metaphorical language and esoteric thinking. You both live life in the moment, and are good at thinking on your feet. This mutual taste for ‘doing’ things in the here and now is stimulating for both of you, and helps keep things running smoothly between you. However, during periods of unplanned changes in your life, it's likely that you'll both be a bit hesitant and cranky. Bear in mind that future planning, with all its associated flexibility, is key to both of your long-term happiness.
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