When interacting with your counterpart, be aware that as an Intuitive Thinking type, they will primarily be looking for an intellectual connection. NT types feel close to someone when they have a meeting of the minds, particularly when they are able to have a discussion that leads them to learn something new or think about things in a different way. NT types aren't devoid of feeling—they're human just like everyone else—but they're very much in their heads, and their relationships tend to start with a mental spark rather than an emotional one.
Are ESFJ and INTJ personality types compatible? See how ESFJs and INTJs get along in this guide to ESFJ/INTJ relationships. If you're an ESFJ in a relationship with an INTJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.
For a personalized look at your relationship style across 23 facets of personality, plus in-depth advice on maximizing your strengths in relationships, check our our scientifically validated TypeFinder personality assessment.
How ESFJ and INTJ Get Along
ESFJs and INTJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ESFJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an INTJ.
Your first impression of this person is likely to be that they are unconventional, perhaps even a bit weird. The way they communicate may seem overly vague to you, and you may find them sorely lacking in pragmatism. Although you may be drawn to their creativity or offbeat way of seeing things, you will probably also be wary of what may seem like wacky ideas and obvious disinterest in following the rules.
In turn, they may find you traditional, even a bit stodgy. They likely don't have a lot of interest in the structure and institutions that have shaped your life, and may feel that you are somewhat ordinary and conformist.
So what's likely to bring you together?
Although you're probably suspicious of this person's unbridled free thinking, you may have an aspect of attraction to it as well. They can sound very sure of themselves when presenting an idea that sounds crazy to you—just confident enough to make you think "what if?" And if you're honest, "what if" is not a question you're very apt to ask on your own. Being with this person can get you thinking about possibilities that you wouldn't consider, and open your mind to ideas that may enrich your life.
In turn, you can be a powerful stabilizing force for this person. Your suspicion that their ideas are too wild is often correct, and if you learn to communicate effectively, you can help to bring them down to earth. Even better, you can help them to flesh out their good ideas into realistic, practical plans. If you are able to develop a healthy relationship, they will come to trust you to tactfully shoot down their unworkable ideas while helping them to think through the ones that have potential. When it's working well, your partnership can be an unstoppable force.
This person tends to prefer a slower, calmer pace in social interactions and life in general. They may find your energy level exhausting, especially when you are excited about something. Be mindful of their energy level, and don’t take it personally if they need some time to themselves.