When relating to your counterpart, bear in mind that as an Intuitive Feeling type, they will tend to be highly idealistic about their relationships. They want authentic connections that reflect their true values, and they want to see who you really are as a person. Intuitive Feelers want to go deep, and revealing yourself to them is a worthwhile endeavor—once they feel they know you, they'll be a tireless cheerleader for your dreams and ambitions.
Are ESFJ and INFJ personality types compatible? See how ESFJs and INFJs get along in this guide to ESFJ/INFJ relationships. If you're an ESFJ in a relationship with an INFJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.
For a personalized look at your relationship style across 23 facets of personality, plus in-depth advice on maximizing your strengths in relationships, check our our scientifically validated TypeFinder personality assessment.
How ESFJ and INFJ Get Along
ESFJs and INFJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ESFJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an INFJ.
The two of you have some very fundamental differences in how you see things, and this can make getting along a challenge for both of you. That's not to say you shouldn't be friends; in fact, you might find that spending time with this person introduces you to ways of thinking that help you learn and grow. But this relationship will not be without its frustrations.
Fundamentally, your counterpart is concerned with people, relationships, and values. They are highly idealistic and interested in opportunities to make the world a better place. They empathize easily with others, and often feel their suffering acutely. But they never accept suffering as a fact of life; rather, they believe we all have a responsibility to change, improve, and become better than we are. They can easily imagine a better world, and they enthusiastically embrace change when you see it as a positive move forward.
In contrast, you put a high value on tradition and stability. It's not that you don't care about people or making the world a better place, but you tend to be suspicious of change in general, and you rarely see it as the first solution. You tend to believe that the best way to serve people is by keeping things consistent and predictable, and you often find your counterpart’s supposedly “innovative” ideas unnecessary and disruptive. At your worst together, you'll tend to view this person as flighty, unrealistic, and impractical. They'll see you as dull, stagnant, and unimaginative.
So what's the upside? The same things that irritate you about one another are also opportunities for learning. Sure, you’re always reliable and consistent, but you can tend to overlook real opportunities for change and growth. Your counterpart can help you to see the big picture and imagine things differently. Meanwhile, you can be a strong stabilizing force for their flights of fancy. If you take care not to be too discouraging of their new ideas, you might even find they start to seek out your pragmatic, stalwart advice.
This person tends to prefer a slower, calmer pace in social interactions and life in general. They may find your energy level exhausting, especially when you are excited about something. Be mindful of their energy level, and don’t take it personally if they need some time to themselves.