Compatibility of ENTJ with ISFP in Relationships

You have a different style of communication from this person, and you’ll need to make some accommodations if this relationship is to reach its full potential. 

You tend to communicate in an abstract, theoretical way. You focus on making connections and interpreting meaning, exploring the "why" of the thing in question. Much of what you communicate is your idea, theory, or interpretation of what you see, rather than a direct observation. When making plans, you are inclined to spend a lot of time talking about the overall goal or theme of the plan—without having much interest in the details of exactly what will happen or how.

In contrast, your counterpart tends to communicate in a straightforward, concrete way, focusing on facts, details, history, and real-life experiences. They focus on the "what" when discussing something, and convey information that they observed directly or can back up with real-life evidence. When making plans, they tend to focus on the specific steps that will occur. And generally, they're interested in talking about real things, not ideas or theories.

While it may sound like you are speaking different languages, the truth is that although you have different comfort zones when it comes to communication, you are well able to get out of those comfort zones to meet halfway—and you'll both be the better for it. You can help your partner to stretch to look beyond the obvious of things and explore the deeper meaning. And in turn, they can help you to come back down to earth and discuss the details and facts of a situation, not just the big idea. 

The two of you have very fundamental differences in what you value. While you tend to be a bit of an agitator, seeking out ways to shake up the system and make things newer, faster, and better, your counterpart is a traditionalist who will likely find your goals unnecessary, if not outright alarming. While you have a lot of potential to learn from one another, there are also a lot of hurdles to overcome if you are to understand each other.

At your core, you value change. You believe that everything can be analyzed, dissected, re-engineered, and improved. You most likely love science, technology, and innovations in business. To you, the future is an exciting place, and you may enjoy fantasizing about what the world will be like in 20, 50, or even a thousand years.

Your counterpart, on the other hand, puts faith in tradition, and trusts what has worked in the past. They appreciate social ties and feel comforted, rather than restricted, by institutions and traditions. Rather than being excited by the unknown, your counterpart finds it taxing to strike out into new territory. For this reason they are inclined to stick with what they know and follow in the footsteps of people and communities they trust.

You tend to have very little interest in tradition, while your counterpart has little interest in change for change's sake. In the worst case scenario, you're likely to feel that your counterpart is a bit dull and unimaginative. For their part, they're likely to see you as impractical, unrealistic, and insensitive to the needs of people who rely on established ways of doing things.

But conflict is not inevitable, and you each have something truly valuable to offer one another. For you, your partner offers a compassionate reality check for your sometimes pie-in-the-sky ideas. Let's face it, although you have some wonderfully innovative ideas, they're often mixed in with a few half-baked duds. This person is uniquely positioned to tell you, gently, when you're reinventing the wheel.

On the flip side, with a bit of trust, you can help your counterpart explore the unknown with a bit more enthusiasm. Your excitement and confidence in times of change can show them that what is new is not always unwelcome, and progress can be (and often is) a good thing.

Organization may be a sticking point between the two of you. While you like to establish structure in schedules, plans, and systems, your counterpart takes a more relaxed approach. You may find that disagreements arise over these fundamental differences.

If you share a physical space, you may disagree over how clean, tidy, and organized it needs to be. You will tend to feel more motivated to keep things in order, while your counterpart will have less of an innate need for organization.

Often, the more organized person in a relationship like yours ends up taking on more responsibilities, simply because they're paying more attention to what needs to be done. This can lead to resentment and imbalance in the relationship. You may feel as if you are the "adult" in the relationship, while your counterpart may feel nagged and harassed.

The best way to approach conflicts in this area is to frame your own desire for organization as just that—something you desire. It is generally unproductive to try to convince your partner that your structured, orderly way of doing things is the "correct" way, but if you approach it as simply stating your own preference, they may be more open to trying to accommodate you. 

Scheduling can also be an area of conflict for the two of you, as they like to leave things open-ended, while you prefer things planned and settled. Again, compromise is the key. The first step is to acknowledge that you have different approaches, and that each style has its benefits. Then, try to make sure your time together includes both scheduled events and free time for spontaneity, so you each get a chance to be at your best.