As an Intuitive Feeling type, you seek deep, meaningful connection in your relationships. You want to truly understand what drives the people you care about and help them to be their best selves. You are drawn to people who seem to be sensitive, thoughtful, and idealistic, and prefer relationships that help you to grow and develop.
Are ENFJ and INTJ personality types compatible? See how ENFJs and INTJs get along in this guide to ENFJ/INTJ relationships. If you're an ENFJ in a relationship with an INTJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.
How ENFJ and INTJ Get Along
ENFJs and INTJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ENFJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an INTJ.
When interacting with your counterpart, be aware that as an Intuitive Thinking type, they will primarily be looking for an intellectual connection. NT types feel close to someone when they have a meeting of the minds, particularly when they are able to have a discussion that leads them to learn something new or think about things in a different way. NT types aren't devoid of feeling—they're human just like everyone else—but they're very much in their heads, and their relationships tend to start with a mental spark rather than an emotional one.
When first meeting this person, they may seem to you to have an interesting mind. You may be drawn to their way of seeing things and their unconventional opinions. However, there is a strong chance that they will turn you off by being too blunt, too brash, or too critical. Although you like to understand ideas, you don't get any pleasure out of tearing things apart—whereas your counterpart tends to feel that they don't truly understand a concept until they've done their best to destroy it.
You are values-driven, whereas your counterpart is logic-driven. Although you both like to analyze, your interest lies more with morality and ethics—how can this work best for people? On the other hand, your counterpart likes to reason things through objectively—does this make sense? Is it the most efficient, the most even-handed option? You may find that although you are drawn into fascinating conversations with this person, those same conversations tend to end in frustration as you simply cannot agree on what's important.
However, you may benefit from perseverance in this relationship. Your sensitive, sympathetic nature may at times overtake you, leading you to make decisions that feel right but are not really the wisest option. This person, whose approach seems so cold at times, can help you to tune into your powers of objective reasoning and ensure that you are not letting emotions rule your life. In particular, they may help you to learn to be a bit less selfless, and to put yourself first when the need arises.
Conversely, you can help them learn that there are some decisions that simply defy logic. People like your friend are notorious for trying to quantify everything; this is the sort of person who might make a spreadsheet to decide who to marry. Your deep, thoughtful, and yet ultimately personal approach can show them that sometimes the best decisions are the ones that come from the heart.
This person tends to prefer a slower, calmer pace in social interactions and life in general. They may find your energy level exhausting, especially when you are excited about something. Be mindful of their energy level, and don’t take it personally if they need some time to themselves.