Compatibility of ENFJ with INFJ in Relationships

Are ENFJ and INFJ personality types compatible? See how ENFJs and INFJs get along in this guide to ENFJ/INFJ relationships. If you're an ENFJ in a relationship with an INFJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.

For a personalized look at your relationship style across 23 facets of personality, plus in-depth advice on maximizing your strengths in relationships, check our our scientifically validated TypeFinder personality assessment.

How ENFJ and INFJ Get Along

ENFJs and INFJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ENFJ, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an INFJ.

As an Intuitive Feeling type, you seek deep, meaningful connection in your relationships. You want to truly understand what drives the people you care about and help them to be their best selves. You are drawn to people who seem to be sensitive, thoughtful, and idealistic, and prefer relationships that help you to grow and develop.

When relating to your counterpart, bear in mind that as an Intuitive Feeling type, they will tend to be highly idealistic about their relationships. They want authentic connections that reflect their true values, and they want to see who you really are as a person. Intuitive Feelers want to go deep, and revealing yourself to them is a worthwhile endeavor—once they feel they know you, they'll be a tireless cheerleader for your dreams and ambitions.

This person tends to prefer a slower, calmer pace in social interactions and life in general. They may find your energy level exhausting, especially when you are excited about something. Be mindful of their energy level, and don’t take it personally if they need some time to themselves.

This relationship has great potential for a close and caring connection. You're likely to find many commonalities in how you think about things and approach your life. You both have a compassionate and idealistic nature, and even if you disagree on some things, you'll likely feel that when it comes to the important stuff, you're on the same page.

You share a dedication to your ideals and a commitment to helping others. Although you may follow different paths, fundamentally, your goals are the same: to make the world a better place. This shared ethic gives you the opportunity for a deep and lasting bond.

Conflict is unlikely between the two of you, because you are both inclined to imagine yourselves in the other person's shoes. When difficulties come up, you'll tend to approach them with compassion and empathy. You can often see another point of view, even if you don't agree with it, and you'll tend to try to accept your differences and get back to a harmonious equilibrium.

Although there are some common problems that can arise in ENFJ/INFJ relationships, it's important to remember that there's no such thing as a perfectly compatible pair in personality typing. Whether you get along with someone has more to do with your own self-knowledge and your sensitivity to your friend's needs and preferences—not some magic formula. Learning more about your own type with an in-depth assessment is a great place to start to build the self-awareness that is key to successful relationships.

Communication Between ENFJ and INFJ

Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between ENFJ and INFJ personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when ENFJs and INFJs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.

You and your counterpart share an abstract style of communication. Your conversations will tend to focus on your impressions, ideas, opinions, and theories. You may find yourselves discussing philosophy, the arts, the latest advances in science, or your ideas about how to make the world a better place.

You are likely to find one another interesting and stimulating to talk to. Neither of you is terribly interesting in recounting events in tedious detail or sharing dry facts without any context, and since both of you probably have the experience of getting stuck in such mundane exchanges with other people, talking to one another should be a refreshing break.

Although you share a similar general style of communicating, there is still potential for misunderstandings between the two of you. When working on projects together, you may find that you tend to discuss the overall goals, but neglect to hammer out the details. You are both inclined to talk more about the general idea, and less about the facts and practicalities. When working together to create a plan, make sure you attend to any details that need to be decided, and don't just assume you're on the same page.

When communicating with this person, you'll probably find that you tend to do more of the talking. You're naturally more inclined to express yourself, and you tend to translate your thoughts into speech more easily than your counterpart.

Your partner may be happy for you to take the floor; many Introverts prefer friends who can carry the conversation, so they don't feel pressured to come up with lots of things to say. However, watch out that you don't steamroll your friend. Everyone likes to be listened to, and Introverts especially appreciate it when someone takes the time and attention to listen carefully to what they are saying.

To be sure you're hearing out your friend, give them plenty of time to think through their ideas before sharing. You may need to learn to tolerate some silence in your conversation as they get their thoughts together. Don't be tempted to fill every lull in the conversation with chatter! The best of your Introverted friends will come out when you give them time and space to share. Slow down, listen carefully, and ask thoughtful questions to draw out your friend.

ENFJ vs. INFJ Values

Values are intensely personal, and while an ENFJ and an INFJ can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your ENFJ approach to values compares with your INFJ counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.

You are likely to feel a strong connection with this person based on your fundamental similarities in values. You are both idealistic, humanistic people with a deep concern for other people. Neither of you is content to simply accept the injustices and cruelties of the world around you; you feel things deeply, and want to make the world a better, gentler place.

You are both highly empathetic and probably make plenty time in your lives to help others. You may have jobs that allow you to be of service, in education, health care, social services, or the like. Or, you may spend time volunteering for causes that are important to you. However you manifest it, it's clear from your lives that your ideals are important, and you'll tend to have an easy understanding of this priority for one another.

Your idealism is a wonderful commonality, but it's also a potential fracture point. If you agree on the details of right and wrong, you may almost appear to be thinking with one mind. If you don't, you may find it difficult to "agree to disagree" as you are both so passionate about what you believe. Although you're very similar people, your relationship can actually be quite explosive if you come across an area in which you disagree about what is right. You both hold your values very dear, and you want the people close to you to understand where you are coming from. If the two of you can't agree on an idea that's close to your heart, you'll both find that extremely upsetting.

Conflict between the two of you is doubly difficult—both of you prize harmony in your relationships and so any disagreement is going to be torture for the both of you. Luckily, you have powers of empathy that many people can only dream of, and you both tend to be creative in coming up with solutions to personal problems. Deep down, you both want closeness and connection, and because you have so much in common, your relationship is likely extremely important to both of you. Let your desire to connect be your guide—and use your empathy superpowers—and you'll find your way back from any issues that may arise.

ENFJ and INFJ in Daily Life

Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an ENFJ in a relationship with an INFJ, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.

The two of you are likely to share a general intellectual curiosity and interest in learning new things. Both of you tend to appreciate the value of culture, the sciences, and the arts, and while you may not share specific hobbies, you'll probably have interests that you can at least mutually appreciate.

For both of you, discovering new ideas is a lifelong pursuit. You'll probably share a mutual interest in reading, going to museums and cultural events, taking classes for fun, and other activities that allow you to learn and improve your minds. In fact, you may find that learning new things together is a great way to bring you closer.

You also share a low tolerance for the mundane. You both find day-to-day routine somewhat toxic, and you may find that your lives together involve frequent attempts to "shake things up." You may dream of traveling around the world together or quitting your jobs to start a new business. This mutual taste for adventure is stimulating for both of you, and helps keep things exciting between you. However, during the inevitable dull periods of your life together, it's likely that you'll both be a bit cranky. Bear in mind that keeping things novel and fresh is key to both of your happiness.

You take a similarly orderly approach to life and share an appreciation for schedules, to-do lists, and organizational systems. If you share space, it’s likely to be well organized and tidy. While you may sometimes disagree on exactly how to organize something, you both appreciate the process of creating structure, and will typically enjoy working together to get systems in place. 

Communicating your needs is crucial, as you both have a different tolerance for social stimulation. You are energized by activity and probably make plenty of room for friends, family, and social events. By contrast, your counterpart needs plenty of down time to re-energize and may not always be up for parties. They won’t appreciate you invading their alone-time or repeatedly overbooking the social calendar.

Communication is another challenge, since you prefer to deal with issues immediately while your counterpart may try to sweep problems under the rug. You know how to speak your mind and defend your position, and it can be frustrating for you if you’re constantly having to drag a conversation out of your partner. On the flip side, your partner needs time to think something through before having an important conversation, and may not appreciate you being pushy and naggy.

None of these differences is insurmountable and with a little compromise you can easily meet each other’s needs. Being an introvert is not a get-out-of­-jail-free card, and your job is to simultaneously respect your partner’s need for solitude while making sure they know when their participation is important to you. Compromise is a two-way street, and in return your partner must be fine with you going out and finding the social stimulation you desire, without resenting you for leaving them alone.

Ready to take your relationships to the next level? Discover how your needs, motivations, and perspectives drive you in relationships—and how to avoid common pitfalls—with our scientifically validated TypeFinder personality assessment.

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