I am an ENFP female. My guy  ( not yet) is an INTJ. We both are typical. He is younger than 25.  We are basically the same age. My guy is EXTREMELY comfortable around me. I am , apparently, his comfort person. I love him dearly. And I know for a fact that he loves me and cares about me. However, he always mentions how there is a possibility of him meeting other girls. I am so scared that we are not on the same page. We have known each other for 3 months now. I usually take a lot of time trusting someone. To this person, I have been vulnerable. He has cried in fornt of me at the thought of us not kissing each other or making love to each other again. As old school as I am, I assumed that when the lovemaking came, we  were expressing our love and devotion for each other. But, I guess this wasn't the case. But, I do not want to give up on us. He knows I grow jealous of other girls laying romantic claims on him. But, I am not really jealous. If he chooses to be with someone else, I will back off happily. But, I do not understand all the lovemaking and all the confessions of undying love for each other. I mean it. I don't think he does. I am going to put it out in black and white for him tonight and propose to him. Should I go ahead with it? Would you appreaciate it if the girl made the first move? 







Avery says...

I’m an INTJ female, so it is possible my experience differs somewhat from the male, but here’s my perspective. You’ve known each other three months? In the sceme of things, it seems like you two probably have a lot of learning to do, about yourselves and about each other. If he’s mentioning other girls, either he’s a jerk, or he’s having legitimate concerns about the viability of your relationship. Either way, that’s not the foundation of a marriage. As an INTJ, it is somewhat unlikely that he would take offense to you waiving tradition and proposing to him, but if you are doing so out of fear, then the many other considerations that go into a commitment of that proportion, compatability, finances, plans for the future, etc. are likely not going to be fleshed out properly. Would you rather risk losing him now because one or both of you are unhappy/unsatisfied, or are you going to rush tying the knot and maybe end up having to go through a lengthy legal separation, the outcome of which is far less likely to end on friendly terms? At the end of the day, only you two understand your relationship fully enough to make these decisions in an informed manner. I hope that helps.

Elle says...

INTJ female here as well. I would say, no, don't propose. It doesn't sound like you both are on the same page right now, and if he's not currently thinking along those lines and planning for that future himself with you, your answer is very likely to be a disappointing no. It may also ruin your relationship completely. As the person above stated, I doubt the concept of the female proposing would be an issue. But, again, this would only be if he were already considering marriage being a possibility himself.

As INTJs, we like to be as sure as possible of the steps we take before taking them. I don't mean to be harsh, but if he's not fully committed to you yet and discussing others, he's not to that point yet. It could be disasterous to challenge his undecided feelings about you both with something as serious as marriage. 

withonor (not verified) says...

As an INTJ male, I'll try to offer some insight. I know the post is old, but someone will probably as a similar questions and this might help them.


Without knowing the language, context  and manner in which he says he might meet other girls, I give you both scenarios. First, it could be playful and just to antagonize you. I said this to an ex of seven years fairly often because it always got a reaction, either a giggle or a scornful look depending on her mood (kind of like a test to see where she was at) and she'd smack me everytime. The flipside of that is that he is still unsure. It takes a long time for an INTJ to full let you in fully into their circle. The fact that you're being intimitate means you probably have at least one foot in already. I have to trust some almost completely and have at least some confidence that the relationship has a potential future before I get to that level.


The best indication that an INTJ loves you is that they spend time with you and keep coming back. That's our ultimate compliment, even though it seems very basic to most people. It's very rare, especially for me, to find any other human comforting. I am perfectly happy being alone all the time and find human interaction exhausting most of the time. In the past I have literally gone months without interacting with another person (I love self check outs). Your brief description sounds a lot like my ex of seven years who I found spending time with to almost be, if not more, as enjoyable as time alone. Ultimately I couldn't give her what she needed. We're good at the physical part of expressing love, terrible at the verbalizing part. She needed to hear it, which isn't natural for me and me faithfully coming home to her everyday was my expression and that wasn't enough. In the honeymoon phase you might hear it a lot, but over time we natural revert back to what's comfortable. This is something you will need to cope with depending on how specifically rigid he will be about the logic in saying, "I love you."


As for the marriage part, I don't think I'll ever get married. It doesn't make sense to me at all. Why do I need a piece of paper to tell me that I love and am commited to another person. Half of marriages fail anyway, nothing about it adds up. I think marriage is just to give an insecure partner a little bit of security, which seems like total non-sense.

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